Misguided Silver Lining
A/N: I don't own Twilight, but all story ideas are original
Prologue
"I'm sorry it's too late" The quiet voice echoed, pain radiating through every word.
"It can't be too late, she's stronger then this." A voice of desperation met with fear chased the statement. "She needs her new start, she deserves her silver lining."
"This isn't how she should get it." The first voice responded with reason.
"I know that but what other choice do I have?"
"It needs to be her choice, not the choice of a monsters."
"So what can I do?"
"You need to give her the chance, you need to change this?"
"How?"
"You know how Jasper, the question is not whether she is strong enough, but whether you are?"
The room went silent as he placed his hands around her wrist, every hope and prayer was on him, he let his lips trace the small dent below her hand where her veins came to the surface; before he let his instincts take over.
He tore himself away, praying he wasn't too late.
Her breathing was the only thing that broke the silence, every eye upon her until her eyes opened.
Chapter One – Fork in the Road
Song: Misguided Ghosts – Paramore: Brand New Eyes
Love that once hung on the wall, used to mean something but now it means nothing.
Today was the day I said goodbye, leaving behind the past I had known and loved to the present of brown cardboard moving boxes filled with everything I own. A choice, believe me, that was not mine but one that was made for me. If I had my choice I would be staying put in Phoenix and forgetting the last couple of months ever happened. But that couldn't happen; life didn't have a rewind button.
For the next couple of hours the entire contents of my life were piled into a truck set for a small town named Forks, Washington State. In other words a complete separation from the life I knew to a spec on the map town where I would have to spend the next couple of years until I could escape the mundane and go to the land of my dreams, Italy or my Australia, France, Canada? Anywhere but the same country as my family.
I sat in the back seat of Phil's car as I watched the house I grew up in slowly fade away in the distance. As that house faded away so did Isabella, all that was left was a lifeless empty shell. Maybe I was being melodramatic, but when all that you know is suddenly ripped away in a matter of weeks, I think my reaction wasn't too left field.
I couldn't help remember the day mom came home, smile as wide as the ocean as she declared proudly. "I've started internet dating." And from there it all went down hill. She met Phil, a small troll like man, blindly I encouraged her wanting the best for her, but in doing that I didn't realise I would have to let go of everything I knew and loved. Phil won her heart through a series of instant messages, phone calls and skype sessions. I wanted to vomit at the love struck look my mother got in her eyes every time she spoke of him. Four weeks later, over email of all things, Phil proposed.
Yep, I know, email proposal, the epitome of romance!...kill me.
The crazier part, my mom said yes.
Let that sink in, four week, never met, email of proposal and she said yes.
People think Disney Princesses have problems….
Their love was patient; their love was kind there love made my mother lose her mind.
What was even worse then that, yes I know what your thinking, how could it possibly get worse?
Cue the eye rolls people!
She married him on the first day they physically met. Oh yeah, I'm not kidding, believe me I wish I was.
So this is what landed me here, in a car going to Forks, leaving behind the heat of Phoenix for the cold and rain, if felt like the new area replicated my personal feelings for the place. My eyes faded to the chair in front as I placed my iPod in my ears and closed my eyes trying to forget everything and everyone around me. I hated my new life, I didn't really know what specifically started the down fall, all I knew was I had fallen.
Was Phil really problem? Or was it more the sudden change? Naturally people have difficulties with change, the world rejects the new at first but after awhile warms up to it. Was that really all it was, or was there something under his smile that only I could see. I couldn't help but get antsy every time he opened his peculiarly shaped mouth. On the outside Phil really did look harmless, ugly, but harmless, but I couldn't help my heckles rising every time he came into the room. It felt like he was always watching me as if I was prey he just couldn't reach, I think that is what scared me the most. But my best friend although agreeing with me that Phil did have a creepy way of doing things still thought this reaction of mine was just to the change.
I suppose it was because there was never a father; it was just mom and I.
We had done so much together and we were so close. I never imagined mom would let anyone into our little perfect family and if she ever did I imagined it would have been slow and very much with my approval. And originally nothing did change, mom and I were still super close when she first "met" Phil, we still did everything normally, it was going slow and life was good.
Then things started to dramatically change.
Mom stopped talking to me as much, all she would do was go to work, come home, eat and talk to him. To say the least I started to fall deep into a dark hole and no one noticed because really the only major person I had in my life was my mom and suddenly she was gone. I wasn't depressed, well I don't think I was, but I definitely wasn't myself. My bright bubbly personality started to dwindle away like embers of a fire in the wind. My friends started to treat me differently because they had no idea what to do for me so I slowly faded away at school too. My school performance started to drop and I began to want to spend more time alone. I lost the will to fight for it too, my common phrase of the day was, 'who cares anyway.'
I tried to do all I could to try and make the "family" façade work but to do that I had to be someone I wasn't and that I couldn't do. So the life of my mother and her new husband became perfect as mine spiralled out of control. Maybe Mom did try to reach out but by then it was too late for me to see it and before I knew it, Phil was permanently in my life. When he came home, I was a shadow on the wall that was too easily ignored and that was exactly how mom and Phil wanted it. In moving they were making it official that they were making their lives together and the past of mom and I was non-existent, therefore I become non-existent. Even if that wasn't how the world would have seen it, that is what it felt like.
A happy marriage with a plus one; a unwanted plus one.
I let the loud music playing in my ears consume me, so my thoughts wouldn't return to the bad memories that were now my life. I rested my head against the cold glass and slowly traced my finger across the glass making a small pattern in the fog from my breath. Before I could comprehend the time, Forks with its small town and quaint infrastructure spread out before my eyes, it was only about three in the afternoon but it already seemed to be night with the cover of clouds and rain. People walked around with their arms tightly around them from the cold as puffs of smoke displayed they were still breathing. The town wasn't as small as I was expecting, it was smaller, there were no brands or chain stores, and everything was family owned. The only thing that didn't have a last name attached to the title was the school where I would be attending. Mom turned to me as if obliged asking if I was excited and I simply let my shoulders rise and fall not knowing how I felt about anything.
A cold chill ran down my spine the car turned and entered into the driveway of the new place my "family" would call home. It was an old two-story white painted timber panel house with the classic blue window trims. A small light illuminated the front door, which was situated on a small deck, below were a couple of over grown hedges and a large tree to the left of the house. A forest took up the rest of the space to the left and behind the house; at least I'd have somewhere to hide.
When the Truck stopped I quietly opened my door and made my way to the cabin of the truck. I grabbed the closest boxes that were labelled mine and went into the house that Phil opened. Dust motes floated around as I turned the lights on illuminating the front room and through to the living kitchen area. It was small, cold and felt empty even though most of our furniture was already moved in. It didn't smell right, it didn't look right, it wasn't home.
I rolled my eyes and made my way up the stairs to my new bedroom, it was a tiny bit larger then my normal room but didn't have the memories that my room contained. My bed was against the wall facing a bay window, my desk was at the side under the second window and my closet was beside my door. I dropped the box and went and fell on my bed hoping by some miracle it would consume me and I wouldn't have to face another day of misery. I tried to let my eyes close, hoping to sleep but instead I was interrupted, 'You need to go and get the rest of the boxes and bring them into the house now.' Phil commanded, with the look from his eyes I went out and did exactly as he said.
Phil hadn't physically hit me, but he had given me a verbal beating more times than I'd like to remember, he knew how to emotionally manipulate and connive and I couldn't match him. A couple of times we butted heads and I came out much worse, I used to be the queen of the debating scene but I felt like a defenceless little kid against him. So I did what he said with a hope nothing more would escalate.
By the time I had finished all the unpacking Phil and mom were both blissfully sleeping and I was left to take care of myself. I wished I could have fallen asleep but after doing all the work my body was sufficiently awake. I slowly opened each of the boxes and placed all of my possession in the places they fitted best. Without wanting to I fell asleep at my desk as I went through the old photos I had taken of the life I had before.
As the sun rose in the cloud covered sky my room was fully unpacked and in looked almost like my room back home. My desk was already messy covered with my laptop computer, old school books, my beloved camera still hooked up to my computer and the sketching books I would draw my emotions away into. On my bookshelf sat all my classic books all sorted by author and title along with some trashy teen novels. Beside my bed was a small table with a lamp and clock on it and on the other side was a chest of draws that were filled with my clothes and on top were photos of my friends and the girl I used to be along with a bunch of dried roses. My old rocking chair sat in the bay window and looked out onto the forest that surrounded three sides of our house. I decided the four walls that were called my room were closing in on me, so I quietly went down stairs to escape the claustrophobia that was beginning to seep into me.
I went to the fridge and began making breakfast for myself and the rest of my "family" as was tradition in current months. Just as the bread popped out of the toaster Renee my mother came down the stairs, her hair in an absolute shambles. "Morning Mom," I said in a hopeless tone knowing it would be ignored and it was. Phil followed and I once again greeted him but like my mother had before him I was ignored again. I served up the breakfast and sat in silence as my parents engaged in an x-rated conversation, after I was finished I picked up the plates and took them to the sink where I had to hold in the vomit that arose in my mouth from the disgust I held for my mom and her decisions.
They were still newlyweds as everyone said, I didn't think it was an excuse like everyone else did, so I left to save my poor ears. Phil and my mom were very direct and very passionate to say the least, so when they started to talk to one another about future plans I quickly left the room.
I went outside the house to get some fresh air with my camera clutched in my hands, escaping away from the murky stale air inside. The place was so green and lush I couldn't believe my eyes, back home in Phoenix our only garden were Cactus's, so to actually have green trees and bushes around was so weird and alien. If only the clouds would break so the sun could add some light. A cold breeze caught my dark brown hair and made it dance in the wind and sent a shiver through my whole body. Venturing deeper into the forest I began taking photos of all the different flora and fauna, trying to find a small connection to this place.
I didn't know how deep into the forest I had gotten until I could have sworn I heard a twig break behind me, I turned in absolute fear expecting a bear or some sort of animal. But there was absolutely nothing, which I think was scarier. As I continued to try and find my way out I could hear strange wind patterns rushing through some of the trees. It was all a little weird, especially when a branch snapped off and landed a couple of meters away from me. I don't know why, but I didn't feel alone. I must honestly be going crazy or maybe I was already crazy and this was the symptom. Even though I didn't feel entirely safe, I couldn't help but want to return every day to the forest.
And I did for the next three days before I had to start school. Every day walking deeper and deeper, always hearing the weird whooshes of air pockets and twigs snapping but I got more and more comfortable with it as I walked on. But what my days in the forest really revealed to me was that my mom and Phil didn't really care what I did with my time or even where I was. They were always coming and going, which really didn't bother me too much, I just hated being alone and it was very clear to my here in Forks, that is exactly what I would be; alone.
Sitting out in the forest just inside the tree line sketching the tree in front of me I heard mom come down for breakfast which I had waiting on the table. Checking my watch I knew I needed to head to school, I wish I could just stay in my forest forever. As I entered the kitchen, Mom actually looked up at me and asked if I was ready for school, which ofcause I was, but it was really the first I had heard from her in days. Ever since she married Phil her voice changed, she didn't sound like my mom and she certainly didn't smell like her either as I walked past her through the kitchen.
I took the steps to at a time and I was quickly greeted with my room. It didn't smell like home so I burnt my favourite candles smothering my room in the smell of strawberries and raspberries making me feel a little better. I took out a pair of jeans and an black knit jumper and my brownish / red leather jacket and headed to the bathroom. As I let the heat of the water run over my body trying to wash away the fear of having to start at a new school and the fear my life was really changing in a way I didn't want it to.
After I had all of my clothes on I went to the mirror to inspect how I looked. My deep brown eyes looked dead to me and missed the normal spark they used to have, my skin had taken on a new colour of pale with my new surroundings and my lips were a slight red from me biting them in concentration and fear, my hair wasn't going to do anything but just sit how it always would do I ran a quick brush through it and left it alone. I went back into my bedroom and placed six brand new books into my school bag which had faded with age and headed down stairs. I picked up my phone and keys on my way out the door and said a quick goodbye to my parents who couldn't have, at that point, cared less.
My old truck sat beside the entry into the forest, Phil drove it here with mom when they came to deliver all the furniture, I think it was also to stop me from running away too. I slammed the door shut hoping most of the cold air could be kept out as I started the engine and turned up the heat. But nothing could keep colds sharp fingers out and I could still see my breath as I drove down the windy wet roads. Forks was the wettest and dare I say one of the coldest places in the whole of the US! I still wasn't sure if I loved or hated it, sure the forest was amazing but this cold was ridiculous.
But I think was made me feel the coldest was that I felt like a cheap imitation as I headed to school, I wasn't going to be the Bella I wanted to be, even though I tried, I didn't know how to get back to being the girl everyone knew and loved. I just hoped I could duck under the radar and hide, praying and counting down the days before I could escape this small town and this life I was living for a new start. A clean slate, it was my silver lining to all of this and I would do everything I could to get it.
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