I was afraid. Of course I was afraid. My legs were damaged, the flesh above my collarbone was sliced, and my throat had been carved open ever so slightly. He was cruel to me, yes, but he could be kind as well. As if he were two people inhabiting one body.
Sangwoo One was cruel and bloodthirsty and enjoyed nothing more than punishing me on a whim. He was disgusting and vile; he was not the man I had become so wildly obsessed with. Sangwoo Two was a far kinder being. He cleaned up the messes that Sangwoo One had created on my canvas of a body. From him, I received kisses and meals and intimate relations. I loved him, even though he was just as mad as the other Sangwoo. Perhaps it was because he never beat me like Sangwoo One did.
I never knew which Sangwoo would greet me each morning. I never knew which one would walk through the door, expecting dinner to be on time. I never knew which one would bathe me, or bring me fresh clothes, or tuck the sheets over the both of us at the end of the day. That might have been the scariest part of living with him; it was unpredictable as to which I would encounter whenever I was to make a mistake.
"Yoonbum," he whispered softly into my ear. I trembled at how relaxed his voice was. It was another trait that the Sangwoos had in common.
With a shaky voice, and a refusal to meet eyes with him, I replied. "Yes, Sangwoo?"
It was the nighttime. I had been having trouble sleeping that evening, and I suppose that he had taken notice of this. The mattress shifted as he rolled onto his side, propping up his head with a hand.
"You aren't asleep yet. Is there something on your mind?"
I didn't know how to respond. If I said no, that might spark Sangwoo One to come out and inflict pain upon me; if I said yes, more questions would prompt me that might make Sangwoo One appear as well. The room remained silent for a moment or two, until I finally mustered up the courage to reply.
"Y-Yes."
"Care to explain?"
Another hard question. I gulped.
"There's no need to be shy about it," said Sangwoo sweetly. He caressed my head, pulling my bangs away from my forehead to get a better view of my face, I suppose. Lips pressed against my forehead, lingering for three seconds before departing. Sangwoo Two smiled at me gently.
"It's just that-
I didn't know what to say. There wasn't anything I was thinking about in particular, but now he was expecting an answer and I would appear empty handed. Words floated into my head.
"- I love you."
Sangwoo wasn't surprised. He never was. I watched him crack a slight smile as he emitted a dark chuckle. My muscles tensed at the sound of his voice echoing off the walls of the small room.
"How many times are you going to tell me that?" he asked jokingly. His joke didn't appear humorous to me. It made me quake with fear; I didn't dare show him that however.
"I want you so badly," I continued. It wasn't a lie. There was a reason I was in this predicament, and my attraction to him was the entirety of it. He was handsome and Sangwoo Two was kind and caring towards everyone. I had masturbated to the thought of him on more than one occasion, so to say that I was being deceitful would be an outrageous claim. To sooth my lust for him, I had had the audacity to break into his apartment, landing me where I was now.
"I know you do," he said. I moved closer to him to where I could nestle my body against his.
My lips opened, uttering the words, "Take me."
Sangwoo's expression changed. His eyebrows formed a furrowed look, directed at me. My heart started beating faster as he pushed me away.
"Aren't you getting a little too greedy?" he asked. Sangwoo sat up, crossing his legs and hunching his back to get a good look at me.
"S-Sangwoo," I crawled towards him. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him. He was all I had ever thought about until I had become his prisoner, and even after that, he was always on my mind. I loved Sangwoo. He and my freedom were passions that contradicted one another.
My head extended out so that our lips were mere inches apart. His breath stunk of cigarettes, but it didn't matter to me. One of my hands was resting in the middle of his folded legs, pressing in the gap between the back of his calves and his crotch. Oh, his crotch. But I shouldn't have been thinking about that quite yet. I leaned in and kissed him. His lips were soft and plump and I wanted nothing more than to hold them between my teeth and pull. So, I did.
"Yoonbum, you sly devil," Sangwoo incited. I blushed, but continued feeding my licentious hunger. My tongue entered his mouth, dipping in and out, in and out. I could feel myself becoming hard. Oh, how I loved this wicked, wicked man.
His hands came around, cradling my bottom in his palms. Nails sunk in on either side; of course he couldn't survive without a little pain being exacted. That hand that had been resting between calves and crotch began inching forward towards his crotch. It wasn't as if I had never felt it. On a few occasions, I had been permitted to touch his penis; it even went as far as putting it in my mouth. But every time felt like a new experience. Oh, if only it had been on better circumstances.
Sangwoo pushed me back onto the bed. He began tearing off my clothing, almost eagerly. Soon enough, I was naked, lying in an ever-growing pool of sweat and precum. I got off easily around him. My legs were lifted and my arms were forced back behind my head. My heart was pounding now. We had never done it before. I wanted to do it. I wanted it.
His pants were undone just enough for his penis to extend outwards fully. The sight of it made my body tremble. I bit my bottom lip, squeezing my eyes tightly shut as it entered me. It hurt a lot. I was too small and he was too big. It was not an exaggeration when I say that it ripped me apart. With every thrust, his unprotected penis became coated with a dark deposit of blood droplets. I assume he found pleasure in this; the sick bastard.
I screamed and cried. It hurt, but it was no different than when he would cut me open or slap me around. This was just a different injury on a different part of my body. Sangwoo would see no difference and continue his merry way.
"Do you like this?" he asked me. His grip on my hands released so that he could take up my foot and bring it to his jaw. He began to kiss the soft underside of it. I whimpered as he rammed his cock into me again. I guess he didn't like that answer. He bit me hard. A shriek escaped from between my lips.
Sangwoo continued to hurt me throughout our session of sex. It was confusing, to say the least, about what Sangwoo I was in intimate contact with. It was like a Third Sangwoo. The First would hit me, and slapped me, and bit me, and made it hurt. The Second would kiss my limbs and tease at my nipples and be gentle when having his way with me. But this was some kind of in-between. Sangwoo Three liked to keep our coitus on a thin line between pleasure and pain. He would say he loved me as he beat me. He would tell me what a dirty slut I was while he nibbled at my earlobe. He confused me greatly, but I couldn't bring myself to mind.
I was afraid of all the Sangwoos. Sangwoo One was a sadistic man who enjoyed the inflicting of pain primarily. Sangwoo Two was a kinder host, but would always lead back to Sangwoo One just as quickly as he had appeared. Sangwoo Three, well, I only came to know him through sexual encounters. He was just as hurtful to me, but he hid it through his endearing false pretenses of love. One thing that I could know for sure was that none of them were safe for me to be around. But oh, how I loved them, and oh, oh, how I loved him.
