The thought occurs to me to give up. It occurs about every 10 minutes or so, but as I trudge through 470 miles of forest from Kansas City to the Niobrara River with little faith and exhausted legs, it's almost peaceful enough to make me forget about what's happening in the city. I've been walking for almost three weeks looking for sane people. I walk around perimeters of towns and they have been proven to have no life except for those who have lost their minds. The people have become monsters for no obvious reason other than it looks as if hell has frozen over. They are savage and kill any living creature they can find. The thing that surprises me is that they don't kill each other. They travel in groups most of the time but there is the odd lone wolf. When people started turning into murderous blood-thirsty animals, the people who were still mentally human made the theory of a zombie apocalypse. And it made sense, except these monsters weren't dead. They were very much alive. There was no physical change such as decaying or incapability of walking normally in the people. That led me to think that maybe everyone just went crazy but my theory was proven wrong when I had to ask myself why I wasn't crazy yet. And that scared me because I could turn into one of them any minute. But there was a feeling in my gut that if I had survived this long, I would make it to the end.
After a few months of my great expedition to find human life which failed tremendously, I took my map and decided I was going to walk into the state of Nebraska, all the way up to the Niobrara River, where I would live in the wilderness, by myself, away from all of the crazy people. My plan is to live in an old family cabin that was built before my time and stay there for a few years and then maybe walk back to the city to see if the murderous rage that has possessed everyone I knew has blown over and things are back to normal. Maybe I could find my dad again. Because as of right now, I am no longer anyone's sister or daughter. I'm on my own in this. I can no longer be the weak or sad little girl I once was. I have to be strong, for my own sake.
I look up at an old American Sycamore tree that shades me from the grey sky and I take a deep breath. Everything seems to be grey now. The sun shines sometimes but it only comes out often enough to keep the grass alive. I thought a 468 mile hike to Nebraska would give me closure, but in all honesty, the ghost of my past followed me all the way to where I stand now and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to lose it. It's beginning to get dark and I need a place to sleep. I exhale and look down at me feet. A grey stone, about the size of my palm rests in the fallen leaves of the tree. I kick the rock forward and I watch it roll across the ground until it abruptly stops when it hits something. Whatever it hit quickly snaps, causing the sound of metal rubbing up against metal. I raise an eyebrow and approach it slowly. I reach my mystery object and i crouch down and brush the leaves off of it. It's a bear trap. "What the hell," i say to myself. I stand up quickly and look around. We don't have bears in Nebraska or Kansas so what the hell is this thing doing here? I begin to look around me. For all I know I could be surrounded by traps. I retrace my steps back to the place I stopped and I pick up a fallen branch. Maybe there's someone out here, trying to protect themselves. I pick my bag up. This is the best lead I've had in almost a year. I have to keep going.
I've been waving my tree branch across the ground in front of me for almost five hours now and I've found ten more bear traps. In the first hour I only found one but as I carried on, I began to find them more frequently. Someone is trying to hide. They are putting up a line of defence to protect themselves. I refuse to believe it is anything else. I need this hope. My branch hits another trap and it snaps shut. It is then that I look up and see a small light in the distance. According to my map, there is no town for another hundred miles. I walk in the direction of the light for about 10 minutes, finding thirteen more bear traps until I start to be cautious. What if it's a big camp of the crazies and I'm setting myself up for death? I stop and look behind me. I can't go back, I could find people that aren't insane. The only thing that bothers me is that I won't be able to tell until I talk to one. If they are crazy, they will charge at me if they see me, and if they aren't crazy, they'll still charge at me because they'll think I'm one of the crazies. I hide behind trees and slowly move closer towards the light. The bear traps continue to snap and I start to get afraid that someone is going to hear them. I get close enough to see where the light is coming from. There's a light beaming down from the top of a 15 foot tall pole. I move in closer and I see a fence in front of me. It's about ten feet tall and the top of it is covered in barbed wire. I sigh and move closer to the fence. A sign reads CAMP CHITAQUA. I look through the fence and I see men with guns walking around in silence. There are cabins in rows and a couple larger buildings. I haven't quite figured out yet if this is a good or bad sign. I take a deep breath and as quietly as I can, I take my pack off and unzip it. I grab my gun and and a pair of heavy duty bolt cutters. I place my gun in the back of my pants and I begin to cut the fence in a right angle. As I cut the fence I accidentally snap a branch. The sound ripples through the woods. I gasp and a guard stops and looks over in my direction. I quickly swing my body behind a nearby tree and I hold my hand over my mouth. I hear nothing for a while and then I slowly look over my shoulder. The guard is gone. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I ditch my pack by the tree I was hiding behind and I crawl through the fence. I grab my gun and I place it up to my chest as I hide behind a tree. I glance over my shoulder and I see a man walk out of a cabin to my right. This is my chance. I move quickly through the shadows the trees provide me and I make it to the mans cabin. I look around. No one is looking my way. I straighten myself and casually walk into the unlocked cabin without being noticed. I look around inside. And I'm about to open the door to another room when I hear footsteps walking up the stairs to the cabin. I run into the room and I close the door behind me just as the man opens the front door. I breathe quickly as I panick. I feel a drop of sweat crawl down my back. I can hear him getting closer. It's pitch black in the room. I turn and point my gun right to where his temple would be if he walked in right now. I hear the door handle turn and the man turns on the light and I press the gun to his head. He freezes but he looks more pissed off than frightened. Sweat drips from my forehead.
"What are you? Are you human," I demand.
"As far as I know," he says in a deep voice and a straight face.
"What is this place and what happened to everyone."
He shifts his eyes over to me and press the gun harder into his head. He quickly looks away. "Who are you," he asks angrily.
"Wouldn't you like to know," I say harshly.
"I don't want to hurt you," he says warningly. "No, I don't want to hurt you."
He scoffs a little and gives a snarky nod with a straight face. Then he grabs my arm and twists it in less than a second and I drop my gun. He slams me to the ground. Then he gets on top of me and pins me down. He grabs my gun and points it at my chest as I am still recovering from my body slam. I cough and look up at him. He has green eyes and short light brown hair. I am out of breath and out of options.
"I told you; I didn't want to hurt you."
I yank on the ladder he has handcuffed one of my arms to. I give the man a death stare as he cleans his gun in front of me.
"What's your name," he asks me calmly.
I squint my eyes at him. "Where am I," I ask.
He raises his eyebrows and looks around. "My cabin," he says like I'm an idiot.
I roll my eyes. "Listen, I've been walking for the past three weeks. I haven't seen another sane person in almost a year. And then I get here and you go all UFC on me and chain me up to a ladder. If I add all that up together, it makes a pretty shitty day, don't you think? So maybe you could cut me a little slack."
He stops cleaning his gun and he looks me in the eye. "You know what, you're the one who waltzed in here like an idiot and held a gun up to my head instead of just saying 'hey I'm not a Croat so could you let me in?'. Why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you right here and now?"
I stare blankly at him for a second. "What the hell is a Croat," I ask.
He slowly shakes his head. "Wow you really are out of it. Are you sure you didn't hit your head on your little hike?" I squint at him. "Ha ha that's very funny."
He stares at me and then quickly nods. "A Croat, uh, Croatoan," he says. I raise my eyebrows, still not understanding. He sighs.
"The virus, Croatoan. Makes everyone go kill crazy."
My eyes widen. "It's a virus?"
He nods. "You've got a lot to learn."
"Well I am handcuffed to a ladder, so why don't we make the most of it and you fill me in."
He debates it for a second and then he nods. "Okay, fine. Croatoan. It's a blood-borne virus. Demonic in origin. It's efficient, it's incurable, and it's scary as hell. Turns people into monsters. Started hitting the major cities about two years ago. World really went in the crapper after that."
My mind stumbles a little. "Demonic?"
"Ya as in demon."
I bite the inside of my cheek. "You're crazy," I say.
"True story actually. Demons are real." He looks up at the clock. "Well this has been fun, but I've gotta run."
I widen my eyes. "Where are you going," I ask.
"Ive got to run an errand."
"Whoa. You're just gonna leave me here?"
"Yes. Ive got a camp full of twitchy trauma survivors out there with an apocalypse hanging over their head. The last thing they need to know is that someone got past all the bear traps and broke in. Which you will inform me on how you managed that when I get back . But, yeah, you stay locked down."
What if he's a psychopath? What have I gotten myself into. He's going to keep me locked up in here and he's going to cut me up or use me as a sex slave.
"Okay. All right. Fine. But you don't have to cuff me. Oh, come on. You don't trust me," I ask.
He frowns at me. "No. Absolutely not." He opens the door and is about to leave. "I never did get your name," he says.
I smile sarcastically. "Oh, I'm sorry, my name is go screw yourself," I say as sarcasm cotes my words.
He nods. "Alright then." He closes the door behind him and I'm left alone. "Dick."
I dig my nail into the little pit I've made in the floor from prying out the wood of the floorboard. I've finally pulled off enough wood to grab the nail. I wrap my thumb and index finger around it and I use all my strength to pull it out of the ground. Once I have it, I stick it in my handcuff and I unlock myself. It's late afternoon now and I figure that some of the people out there might be willing to tell me where the hell I am and what the hell happened to everyone. I walk out of the cabin just as a jeep pulls up. Four soldiers jump out. One of them is the green eyed man who locked me in his cabin.
"Shit," I say to myself and just as I'm about to turn around, I see the man toss a soldier a beer and they drink and the green eyed man who's cabin I was stuck in draws his gun and points it at that soldier. My eyes widen and I begin to run. "Hey. Hey! Watch out," I yell, but it's too late.
The green eyed man shoots the soldier and the others turn around and look at me in confusion. The green eyed man turns around and sees me.
"Damn it," he says.
I turn and run but I can hear him catch up to me. He jumps on me and knocks me to the ground. He gets up and grabs my arm.
"Get up," he says angrily. He yanks me up to my feet and makes me walk back to his cabin.
The man opens the door and shoves me inside and then slams the door behind him.
"What the hell was that," he yells at me.
"What the hell was that? You just shot a guy in cold blood," I yell.
"We were in an open quarantine zone. Got ambushed by some Croats on the way out."
I frown and breathe heavily.
"Croats. Croatoans. One of them infected Yeager."
"How do you know?"
He squints at me for a second. "'Cause after a few years of this, I know. I started seeing symptoms about a half an hour ago. Wasn't gonna be long before he flipped. I didn't see the point in troubling a good man with bad news."
I shake my head. "'Troubling a good man'? You just blew him away in front of your own people. Don't you think that freaked them out a little bit?"
His face gets more serious. "It's 2014. Plugging some Croat, it's called commonplace."
I cross my arms. He sighs and rubs his hand over his face.
"Okay look, I don't think you're much of a threat so it's almost dinner in the dinning hall and I guess if you're here you might as well stay," he says. He holds his hand out. "My name is Dean Winchester and I would love to know yours." I glance at him.
"I'm Blake. Blake Hudson."
He nods. "Alright, Blake. That's a very pretty name. Why don't you say we go introduce you to the camp?" I nod and he opens the door for me and I walk back outside.
I stand beside Dean in front of everyone. There has to be about 400 people here. They all talk and laugh and some stare at me. Dean gets there attention and he begins.
"Good morning everyone. Uh, we have a new member to the camp. This is Blake Hudson everyone. She's from uh, uh," he looks over at me.
"Kansas," I say.
He raises his eyebrows. "Hm, very nice," he says to me. "She's from Kansas. Please welcome her and make her feel at home."
He nods to the crowd and they clap as I follow him. A man with shaggy hair and bright blue eyes walks up to us.
"Blake, I would like you to meet Castiel," Dean says with a reluctancy in his voice.
I smile and he smiles back. "It's a pleasure," Castiel says. He grabs my hand and kisses it. Dean clears his throat. Castiel doesn't even acknowledge him.
"It's Blake right," Castiel asks. I nod and smile. "It's a beautiful name. It means 'dark meadow'," he says. I smile and laugh a little.
"Okay, thank you Cas. Moving on." Castiel smiles as Dean guides me past him. Another man walks up to me.
"Hello Blake." He shakes my hand. "My name is Chuck and I will be assigning you your cabin and giving you your clothes and toiletries and such." I nod. He acknowledges Dean with his eyes and a slight nod of his head. "Thank you, it's nice to meet you," I say with a smile.
I catch Dean watching me from the corner of his eye. I hold my chin up and I see him look away and grin.
Dean leads me towards the lady giving out the food. He hands me a plate and I walk up to the lady. She smiles at me.
"It's nice to see a fresh face."
I smile, faltered. "Thank you. It's nice to actually see a face."
She smiles and hands me a piece of bread and a bowl of some type of stew. "Thank you," I say and then I wait for Dean.
I follow him to a table where I sit down across from Castiel and Dean sits beside me. Chuck sits down beside Castiel.
"Dean, you got a sec," Chuck asks. Dean nods as he shoves stew into his mouth. "So, uh, listen, we're pretty good on canned goods for now, but we're down to next to nothing on perishables and—and hygiene supplies. People are not gonna be happy about this. So, what do you think we should do?"
Dean hesitates for a second. "I'll get some guys to go out. We will see what we can find."
Chuck sighs in relief. "Great." I rip off pieces of bread and place them in my mouth.
Castiel shoves a spoonful of stew in his mouth and looks up at me and smiles. "So where did you come from, Blake?"
"Um, I grew up in Kansas."
Castiel nods in fascination. "And how did you end up here?"
"Um I walked," I say.
His eyes widen. "You walked?"
I nod.
"All the way from Kansas?"
I smile. "Yep," I say.
He huffs. "Holy shit. You must be exhausted!"
I laugh. "A little bit."
He shakes his head in awe. "All by yourself too," he says.
I stare at him. I bite the inside of my lip. I didn't start by myself. I blink a few times. "Yeah, yeah. By myself."
Castiel smiles and nods and so does Chuck. Dean just rolls his eyes at them. Castiel sees it.
"Sorry that Dean is the one you had to meet first. He's not much fun anymore," Castiel starts.
He leans closer to me and I lean in as well. He blocks Deans view of his mouth with his hand and he whispers, "He has a pretty big stick up his ass."
Dean stares at Cas annoyed. "You whisper with a blow horn, Cas," he says.
I laugh a little and Castiel winks at me. Dean looks at the two of us in disapproval.
"Okay so, here are your clothes. You get two pairs of shorts and three pairs of pants, a jacket, two long sleeved shirts, a wool sweater, and three t-shirts. And then you can let Cindy, the one who makes us our clothes to help you with your undergarments and whatnot," Chuck says. He places my clothes in a basket. "And here is a pillow, a set of sheets and a wool blanket." He places those in my basket. "And here is a bar of soap, a towel, toothbrush and toothpaste, and a knife." I nod.
"Thanks Chuck." He nods.
I open the door to my very own cabin. It has a table with two chairs, and one cabinet. There are two closed doors. One is to my bedroom and the other is one with a toilet and a tiny sink. I start in the bedroom and I make my bed with the sheets. There is a tiny wooden cabinet with a mirror on top, where I place all of my new clothes. I hear a knock on the door. I open it. It's Dean. He's holding my pack.
"May I come in?"
I nod. "Yeah, come on in."
He steps in. "I'm guessing this is yours?"
I nod. He hands it to me.
"I'm going to need you to unpack so I can see if you have anything we could possibly use around here." He glances around and stands uncomfortably, like he doesn't want to be here at all. His face is expressionless and he has a natural mad look in his eyes.
I untie my bag and pull out a tarp. "This thing has seen better days," I say.
He stands impatiently and watches me unpack. I pull out a water purifier, a change of clothes, compressed bags of non perishable food items, a map, a compass, a watch, a wad of cash, a pocket knife, and some hair ties. I flip my bag over and shake it to make sure there's nothing left in it, but a small square picture floats to the ground and Dean grabs it before I can.
"Uh, that's nothing, it's um..."
He glances at it and hands it back with a look on his face that says 'I don't really care'. Or maybe that's just how he always looks.
"I didn't come here to chat," he says coldly.
I straighten up. He licks his bottom lip and bites it for a second. He taps his hand on the table as he stares at me for a second and then he stands up. He raises his eyebrows and stares awkwardly. We stare at each other in an awkward silence and then he looks down.
"Alright uh, I'm gonna go."
"Bye," I say sourly.
He doesn't acknowledge it. He walks out the door and closes it a little harder than necessary. I raise my eyebrows. "What the hell is his problem," I say to myself.
I grab the picture that fell earlier and I examine it. It's a photo of my family and I. I flip it over. The back of the card reads "1998, Grand Canyon". Seeing photos of them makes everything inside me hurt. It makes me want to scream or cry or punch something but I put the photo down without incident. I'm too young to have so many ghosts. All my memories of them are now my enemies because every time I think about what happened to them, I can't stand myself. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. And it makes me so mad knowing that maybe if I had taken a different step one day or said something different or chosen a different path, they would all still be here. And I can't stand myself or the circumstances or the everlasting aftershock. I need to take a walk. I need to breathe the air. I need to get out of my mind for a while. So I grab my boots and I open the door. Some cabins still have their lights on.
I walk all the way to the dinning hall. As I walk up the steps, I can hear voices. I open the door and I see a group of people, including Castiel, Chuck, Dean and a woman. They all look at me.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-," I start.
"No, please, come in," Castiel says with a smile.
I smile, unsure and then I slowly walk in. Dean turns away and begins talking again. I stand beside Castiel.
"What's up," he whispers to me.
"Nothing, I just wanted to go for a walk... Um, what are you guys talking about," I ask.
"Mission," he says.
"What kind of mission?"
"Food, supplies, etcetera."
I nod. I can't deny I'm interested. I could fight for what's left of us and maybe redeem myself for the ones I couldn't save. It's a good idea.
"What do you have to do to get in on it," I ask.
Castiel looks at me and smiles. Dean stops talking and he looks at us.
"Am I boring you," he asks Castiel and I.
Castiel nods but I have things I want to ask.
"I want in," I blurt out.
Dean stares at me as if he thinks I'm kidding. "No, no way," he says.
"You know, she survived a year by herself, outside the walls without dying. Plus she knows the terrain, I mean the girl did walk it for christ sakes. I think she'd be good to have on the team," Castiel says.
I smile at him and then at Dean.
Dean just frowns. "No."
"Why not," I ask.
"Because I don't know if you know how to use a gun, I don't know how good your combat skills are and I don't think you know what you are getting yourself into. And because I said so."
