Pandora's Box Opened

Disclaimer I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

Sully sat dejectedly on the hard bench tears cascading down his filthy cheeks unchecked. "Why did this have to happen now?"

He had gained so much lately and was the happiest he had been in his entire life. His mind was screaming at the spirits, "Why?" "You gave me hope and snatched it away once again because I was happy. What have I ever done to deserve this all over again?"

"Every time I have a feeling of happiness it's just stolen away and I am left alone again."His thoughts tormenting him.

This was going to be harder as death was not going to be the cause this time it was his own stupidity. Sully had not divulged this deep hidden secret to Michaela as he was so ashamed. It had been a life time ago; he had buried it in a secure file drawer somewhere in the recess of his memory. Never once expecting the spring to be suddenly unlocked and it all hurtle out and engulf him like some macabre jack in the box; as it did the other night on the railway station in front of his new family.

Having turned at the enquiring revelation of Brian before boarding their train home he witnessed his worst nightmare materialising before his eyes. A group of uniformed military personnel was marching towards him with a determination that he recognised immediately. His heart froze hoping against hope that his worst night mare wasn't about to be realized.

Standing there before him and above all the people he most loved in the entire world spilling out his most despised secret was humiliating. He had been dragged from Michaela's grasp with her screaming his name and professing his innocence was all too much for him to comprehend. No, this time he was ripped from her and the uncertain future was unimaginable. He was facing a fate that he didn't know; but having found love again, he had jeopardised it all and he was due a punishment that he was certain would separate them for life. He felt sure his fate would be to rot in some military hell hole of a jail till he died.

Closing his eyes he could see her distressed face; arm flinging out towards him yelling over the hissing steam and revving engine. "Sully!"

Sully had been unceremoniously dragged, struggling down the platform from them surrounded by armed guards like some common criminal. His most private and humiliating secret was now out in the open, his family informed in the most abhorrent way. How was he ever to be able to explain his reasons for what he had done? He had struggled to get back to them to explain but it had been useless.

Thinking, "what is she going to think of me now when so many people died for their country in that horrendous war?"

His thoughts transported him to another place and time long ago. He had been lying in the same position for hours. Cramped muscles were common in such circumstances; something he'd become accustomed to. The past three days had been drawn out and monotonous. The hot sun beating down on him made him feel uncomfortable but he couldn't afford to give himself away. He was here under orders and it was his duty to carry them out to a tee. Never question an order from a superior officer. He was in enemy territory only yards away from their post. Though they were slack; truthfully he should not have been able to infiltrate this close to their encampment.

He had managed to get as close to the camp as he felt safe to do. He was an expert at concealing himself and was patient as well. He had a lot of time to ponder his life up to and including this moment. Sully remained vigilant an eye on the proceedings and activity in the site below from his position on the low lying ridge that he now occupied concealed by brush.

He had been small when his entire family had left him orphaned. He and Daniel had wandered out west, seeking their fortunes. This thought brought a smile on his camouflaged face. Why, they had been invincible as young boys always are. Nothing bad was going to befall them. Then he had met the young woman Abigail Bray and they had fallen in love and married against her father's wishes. Living peacefully they had been ecstatic when finally they discovered they would become parents. All their joys and hopes were focussed on the arrival of this blessed and cherished child. The pregnancy had been uncomplicated and sitting with her at night feeling the baby move was a dream soon to be realized. His world could not have been more content as it was then. Suddenly it was all ripped from his grasp at the last moment and the feeling of devastation he would never overcome. There was nothing he or anyone else could do to save Abigail and Hanna, his stillborn daughter.

So distraught he'd been that he had run away and joined the army in an effort to be taken by some stay bullet and putting him out of his misery. It would be a blessed relief. He had an uncanny ability to be recognised as an expert marksman and had accelerated through the ranks and be promoted to becoming a sniper. Then gradually witnessing all the death and destruction around he lost the immediate will to die but functioned like a man with no soul, believing this was going to be the way his life would remain forever. He was totally devoid of any will to live.

That was how it had been until that fateful day when the target came into view away from the tents just shaving in the soft morning sunlight; he got away a clean shot. The man had fallen and it wasn't until his wife and children appeared on the scene that Sully realized he had been duped into committing an act that tore his heart to sheds once again. He had robbed children of their father and a wife of her husband; this hadn't been an act of war. How had this awful thing occurred? He was not one to misunderstand an order but the evidence was staring at his face.

He was fortunate to be able to get away before being detected but the scene had replayed in his mind over and over again like some horrid rerun. Every time he closed his eyes he was looking down the scope of his rifle the target shaving out in the morning sun preparing for the coming day; lining up the sight on his chest and then squeezing the trigger. The man was falling like a stone and then the scene suddenly became pandemonium as his wife and children appeared, the wife throwing herself on her dead husband's prostrate body wailing. Her voice filtered on the morning breeze up to where he was lying on the low ridge. This wasn't any army personnel, this was a civilian. Sully knew this wasn't any mistake, this had been deliberate and he was to blame. His shame was complete.

Sickened by what he had done he decided to leave the army and get away from the night mare he had just created for himself. He would just travel towards the only home he had had, not caring wether he arrived or perished on the way.

…..

Suddenly he was back in the grimy, dank, dark cell. His body was covered in a cold sweat that absorbed the refuse odour of his surrounds. His clothes had been replaced by army prison attire. Debris and muck littered the dirty floor so he had drawn his padlocked feet up onto the edge of the bench. Trying to make himself as small as he possibly could he'd curled into the foetal position, mentally removing himself from his current, desperate situation.

He looked through the filthy bars at the uniformed prison guard seated at a table. This was a stark reminder he was in a prison.

He was the most loathed type of prisoner in an army goal, labelled as a *deserter* scum who ran away instead of standing by their comrades in battle. Only cowards deserted in the face of battle with the enemy.

His tears had not abated dripping unchecked off the tip of his chin; he felt hopelessly lost.