Chaos On Coruscant
Summary: Beware of crazy antics, complete randomness, and utter chaos that lies within. Ahsoka has OCD, Obi-Wan is afraid of the color pink, Anakin is a candyoholic and so much more…
Author's Note: First things first, this is a humor/parody fic that is not meant to be taken seriously. It will replace Fragments of Loyalty and, possibly, The Random Menace, though not likely the latter. The chapters alternate between the Clone Wars and the Galactic Civil War with characters that are in both the prequel trilogy and the original trilogy.
Each chapter will have a setting that is mentioned at the very beginning of the chapter, the key is as follows; CW means the Clone Wars and GCW means the Galactic Civil War. I hope that you enjoy this parody fic that is not meant to be taken seriously and reviews are much appreciated, even if the first few chapters aren't that funny.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, George Lucas does and I never will. Anything else that is used in this story that is, or similar to, real life events or products, past or present, is not mine and I do NOT own them. I will only say this once and I will not repeat this in later chapters.
Chapter 1
Randomly Flying Objects
CW
Anakin Skywalker was sleeping, dreaming about a fantasy world made completely of candy; waterfalls of chocolate, fields of skittles, trees dotted with M&M leaves and big lollipops that can be mistaken for tree-flowers. He was in heaven and he loved being surrounded by so much candy, that is until his alarm starting blaring loudly in his ear.
"Ah, shut that dang thing off," Anakin protested loudly, unwillingly to wake up and he immediately rolled onto his side before covering his ears with his pillow.
"Come on, Master, wake up. It's almost 0900 hours," Anakin's Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, said cheerfully, pulling the pillow off of Anakin's face and Anakin glowered angrily before burying his face into his second pillow, even as Ahsoka used the Force to wave open the shutters of his room, sending rays of blinding sunlight into Anakin's eyes.
"Ah come on," Anakin complained sitting up and glaring at his Padawan. "You know better than to wake me up this early."
"It's not that early, master," Ahsoka protested.
"When you're an evening person, this is early. Gee, at least get me some coffee and some candy so that I can wake up," Anakin muttered throwing his covers off and swinging his legs off of his bed.
"Oh my Stars, don't do that! You're going to disorganize your floor," Ahsoka fretted, picking Anakin's sheets and blankets off of the floor and starting to fold them systematically and very slowly.
"Will you just forget about those and got get me some candy?"
"No way, master. If I just leave them on the floor then the entire room will look shambly."
Anakin raised an eyebrow as he stood up. "Shambly? Is that even a word?" he asked curiously.
"It is now, master, I just created it," Ahsoka said, continuing to fold the sheets and blankets. After she folded the sheets and blankets, she placed them on the bed and gazed around, the fluorescent lights illuminated the room and allowed her to see the chaotic mess that was around her.
She frowned before starting to pick up stray datapads and holovids and stacking them on Anakin's desk, going from one place to another and picking up random things before putting them in their place.
"What are you doing?" Anakin protested.
"Your mess is a mess," Ahsoka replied.
"It's not a mess, it's an organized chaos."
"Those words contradict each other, Master," Ahsoka pointed out as she continued to organize Anakin's room and Anakin sighed before making his way out of the room and into the kitchen area of the apartment he shared with his Padawan in the Jedi Temple.
When he reached the kitchen, he immediately started looking through the stores for the candy he hide within. He found bags upon bags of candy and picked up a back of Hershey's kisses before opening them up and starting to eat them as he walked around the kitchen, looking for something to wash the chocolate down.
Ahsoka came out of his bedroom as Anakin picked up a bottle of wine and took a small sip out of it. Ahsoka narrowed her eyes. "Man, this room is a mess too," she exclaimed and started to organize the living area and the kitchen of the apartment.
"Do you mind?" Anakin asked stepping back as his Togruta Padawan rushed past him to place some dishes near the automatic dish cleaner in the sink. She ignored him and ran past him before grabbing a mop and some cleaning soap and started to mop the floor.
"Gee, couldn't you have waited until I left?" Anakin complained stepping around Ahsoka to get onto the carpeted floor of the apartment.
"It's too dirty to put off, Master," Ahsoka replied continuing to mop the floor.
Anakin rolled his eyes skyward and sighed before making his way out of the apartment, leaving his Padawan to continue to clean their apartment.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was lying in a meditative trance when a knock sounded at his door and his eyes flickered open. He sighed before pushing himself to his feet and making his way to the door before pressing the door release button, to reveal Anakin standing in the doorway with a bag of skittles in his hands.
"I thought you only had Kisses in your room," he asked raising an eyebrow.
Anakin shrugged. "I stole these from the Temple's kitchens," he replied. "So do you want to go spar or something?"
"Where's your Padawan?'
Anakin grimaced. "Cleaning our apartment," he replied.
"You should try and keep your apartment cleaner and then you wouldn't have to worry about Ahsoka cleaning it every waking minute," Obi-Wan pointed out.
"Master, even when the apartment is spotless she still finds a speck of dirt and insists on cleaning the entire area," Anakin replied with a shrug.
Obi-Wan sighed. "OCD. Luminara has it and Qui-Gon did as well, it was rather annoying to live with," he said.
"I beat it was. Come on, Master. Let's go so that I can kick your butt in a lightsaber duel."
Obi-Wan snorted. "You haven't been able to beat me yet, Padawan," he said.
Anakin laughed good-humoredly before leading the way toward the training room and Obi-Wan, with a small chuckle, followed him.
Mace Windu quietly walked through the cafeteria of the Jedi Temple, picking up the small containers of salt and unscrewing the lids partially before placing them down again. There were about twenty or so tables in the cafeteria but Mace has been up since 1 A.M working on this prank and he was almost done.
He made his way to the last table and picked up the salt container before unscrewing the lid partially and placing the container back on the table. The Korun Jedi Master smiled, which was a rare occurrence for him, and made his way quietly out of the cafeteria.
As he walked, he spotted Barriss Offee, Luminara's Padawan, walking toward the cafeteria, yawning and taking a sip of her caf as she walked. "Hello Master Windu," the Mirilian greeted him as she made her way past him.
"Good morning, Padawan Offee," Mace replied, his face once again as expressionless as it usually is. He chuckled slightly the instant he got out of earshot of the Padawan before he skipped away through the hallways of the Jedi Temple.
As he made his way past one of the refreshers, a loud explosions jarred his ears and sent him flying into the nearby wall. When the smoke cleared, Mace noticed that the entire refresher was gone and there was this huge gaping hole where the refresher once stood with Yoda, laughing, standing in the middle of it, getting ready to lit another firecracker.
"What the Force are you doing, Master Yoda?" Mace exclaimed.
Yoda grinned. "Hee, hee, hee, hee," he said tossing the firecracker through the hole in the wall and watching it, laughing gleefully, as it exploded and sparks of fire rained down on the city-planet below.
Supreme Chancellor Palpatine was bored, bored out of his mind, so bored that he couldn't even think of a word to describe how bored he was. The Chancellor was sitting idly in his chair with his legs resting on the desk in front of him and his eyes locked on the ceiling above his head as he counted the tiles of the ceiling.
"Six….seven…what comes after seven? One…two…three…four…" Palpatine mumbled. A loud crash sounded and shattered shards of glass came flying in, followed by a large toilet and a spray of water, came through the shattered window.
"Ah!" Palpatine screamed falling over his chair in an attempt to get away from the water as it splashed against him. The water sloshed around the floor and Palpatine climbed onto his desk, hugging his knees and starting to rock back and forth as he avoided looking at the water.
He keyed on his comlink. "Pestage, get in here!" He ordered sharply and hoarsely.
The door slide open and Sate Pestage came in, gazing at the toilet with dumbfounded amazement. "What in the world…?" he began.
"No time for that. Get me the heck out of here!" Palpatine screamed so loudly that he jarred Pestage's ears.
"Gee, can you be any louder?" Pestage growled.
"Oh yes I can be louder!" Palpatine screamed even louder than before.
"Shut the heck up!" Pestage yelled back.
"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Palpatine screamed back at him.
"If it wasn't for me, you'd be falling on your butt just like the butthead you are."
"Gee, butthead. That is so unoriginal," Palpatine muttered sarcastically.
"Really? Really? Look in the mirror, that's unoriginal," Pestage muttered.
Palpatine was about to reply when a loud explosion coming from the direction of the Jedi Temple sounded and a kitchen sink came sailing through the shattered window before slamming into Palpatine's head. The Supreme Chancellor was unconscious before his body hit the water that surrounded him.
"Nighty, nighty," Pestage said happily before he jogged away from the Supreme Chancellor's office.
Padmé Naberrie Amidala Skywalker was happy; even if she did have a freakishly long name. She had just received her shipment of sixteen cases of Dove chocolates and she was in heaven. "Ah, this chocolate is so good," she sighed as she leaned against the back of her couch in her apartment.
"What are you talking about, Mistress Padmé?" See Threepio, Anakin's annoying protocol droid, said waddling over to join the Nabooian Senator as she took another bite of the sweet chocolate.
"Nothing, leave me alone, Threepio," Padmé snapped.
"Gee, something has Mistress Padmé in a pensive mood today, huh?" Threepio said looking at the lamp as if expecting the lamp to reply.
"Who are you talking to?" Padmé asked.
"Charlie," Threepio replied.
"Who's Charlie?"
"The lamp."
"Gee, I always knew he was annoying. I never knew he was crazy too. He must take after my husband," Padmé murmured.
A loud "I heard that!' sounded from the direction of the Jedi Temple followed by a loud explosion and Padmé saw a stove fly across the sky before entering Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's office.
And a loud "not again!" sounded.
"Gee, what's going on in this place?" Padmé muttered before calling Anakin's comlink and, when her husband picked up, she said, "Ani, stop being so destructive."
"It wasn't my fault, it was Yoda's."
"Yeah, yeah, right. Don't lie to…" Padmé broke off as another explosion sounded and another sink went flying into Supreme Chancellor's office.
And a loud "that was my refresher sink," sounded from the Jedi Temple and Padmé recognized Mace's voice.
A high, Force-echoed, screech of "leave me alone!" sounded from Palpatine's office.
"Ani, did you blow up another refresher?"
"It wasn't me!" Anakin protested.
"It really wasn't him!" Obi-Wan's voice sounded in the background.
Padmé sighed and started eating more chocolate with Anakin still on the comm and before long all sixteen cases of chocolate were gone. "ANAKIN, I NEED MORE CHOCOLATE!" Padmé screamed.
Count Dooku wasn't in a good mood and he had a feeling it was because of the most recent lose of his Separatist forces. "Gee, can't anyone do anything right?" He muttered as he paced back and forth on the bridge of the Invisible Hand.
"Master, you wanted to see me?" Asajj Ventress asked making her way onto the bridge to join Dooku. Grievous followed her but he tripped and rolled the rest of the way, crashing into Ventress and sending them both sailing into a crew pit, on top of a bunch of droids.
"What did we do?" One of the droids that they landed on protested.
"Oh shut up, you stupid piece of metal," Ventress growled slicing the droid in half with her lightsaber.
"Stop that. Those droids cost money you know," Dooku protested.
"Better a droid than you," Ventress growled. Grievous pushed himself, finally, to his feet only to trip over them again and crashed into Ventress. Ventress glared at Grievous as she pushed him off her. "I outta slice you in half."
"Gee, you need anger management," Grievous muttered.
"You two are idiots, I'm out of here," Ventress muttered walking off.
Dooku blinked. "I didn't say anything," he protested but Ventress had already disappeared down a hallway leading away from the bridge.
A/n what do you think?
Blaze: that was chapter 1 and I hoped that you liked it and yes I know it didn't take place solely on Coruscant but I just had to bring the bad guys into it.
Darth: that's cool
Blaze: when I change the timeframe of when the story takes place, I will tell you which timeframe it is in, usually at the end of the previous chapter. The next chapter is during the GCW.
Darth: cool
Blaze: so please review and I'll post the next chapter as soon as I possibly can but I doubt it will be anytime soon.
