Van Helsing Parody!

Yes,ladies and gentleman it is another parody...but not with the help of Nick..(sorry that story is taking long...I just need Nick to help out)...This time the parody is about the movie itself(Van Helsing). Enjoy!

Movie begins,the screen shows...WHAT THE?

(Shows video of Two Girls and a Cup)

Audience:Ewww...

cubanagurl: What in the world? Who did this?

(Dracula is in video room,laughing,dead body is on floor)

cubanagurl: *glares at Dracula*

Dracula: o.0 Alright...here's the movie,geez,I can't have any fun...

MOVIE STARTS! NO INTERRUPTIONS! IF YOU ARE SO SCARED THAT YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS,THEN DON'T WATCH IT (or read it in this case...lolz)


(Black and white,thunder rumbles. A mob is outside with chainsawsand one of them is a midgit running with Freddy Krueger knives)

Gravedigger: Yo,what up with the dramatic music? Get some tune on,DJ.

Midgit: Yeah,ya heard him,play the cool music..

Random Villager: Shut up Mini-Me...

Midgit: Aw hell naw! I aint gonna stand here and be called ''Mini-me'' you prejudiced bastard! *gets out a machine gun,and kills the villager*

Gravedigger: Gaw,damn it! Where in the hell is that freaken Castle?

(Big arrow points forward,saying,'To Castle Frankenstein)

Midgit: Right there! Now lets move it!

In Castle Frankenstein:

Victor:Its alive...ITS ALIVE!

Igor: We know that,doctor. That's why the damn thing is moving!

(Noises rage on outside. Victor looks outside to see the mob with a radio. 'Can't Touch This' is playing)

Victor:Oh,how murderous they look! You know,MC Hammer actually make them look badass,right Igor? Igor?

Igor:*dancing around the room*

(At one point of the song,Dracula comes in singing)

Dracula: STOP! Dracula Time! I love saying that!

(Victor jumps at the singing voice of the Count's)

Victor: Oh...its just you,Count. Is that a new outfit?

Dracula: Yes...do you like it? I got it from Michael Jackson...*sarcasm* NOO you idiot! Its not a new outfit! (Seriously,Drac's outfit looks like Michael Jackson's,in one video..I am not making fun of Michael Jackson...He's awesome!)

Victor: Well,sorry! I just thought it was new. Its all clean and stuff...

Dracula:*a wtf look* It's called having a washer machine,imbecile...

Victor: I am not an imbecile! Anyways, why are you here,Count?

(Dracula looks around at inventions,and sees Fangoria:Playboy Edition on of the cabinets)

Dracula: No way...You have this edition of Fangoria? *grabs the magazine tightly*

Victor: Yup...and no you cannot borrow it!

Dracula: *grunts,as Victor looks away,he hides it in his jacket* Oh and I am here because...uh...I..uh need to borrow your creation *says this as innocently as he can*

Victor: Nope,not happening.

Dracula: *growls* Do you ever wonder why I comforted you when you got your flu shot,when I made pizza with you?

Victor:*nods,smiles like a lil kid* Cuz you are my buddy!

Dracula:*Feels the urge to puke allover Victor's face. he looked grossed out at Victor* NO YOU IDIOT! You are sooo stupid! You'll never understand anything,will you? I only earned your trust so that I can steal your creation!

Victor: And...*gulps nervously* what purpose would that be?

Dracula:*laughes evily* To make my children live!

Victor: huh? Wouldn't you just get a woman that can have live children?

Dracula: *sighes* Ahh...Victor...Victor...You see,I cannot do this...because I am...A VAMPIRE!

Victor: *gasps* Edward Cullen is going to kill me! Get away sparkly! AWAY! *Stands on a table like a lunatic, grabs a binkie*

Dracula:o.0 What? I am not Edward...uhh

Twilight Fans: CULLEN!

Dracula: Who freaken cares? i don't even like that pixie boy! He's a disgrace to all of us vampires!(sorry Twilight fans) And I don't sparkle...the ladies love me just by my ultimate *booms in a microphone* MACHO-NESS!

Fangirls: *sighes dreamily*

cubanagurl: JUST GET ALONG WITH THE MOVIE,PLEASE?

Dracula: Fine! And yes, Victor,I will steal your creation,make my babies live,and SEDUCE ANNA! o.0 Woops...I wasn't supposed to say that *puts his To-Do list away*...

Victor: Noooo...Help me Igor!

Igor: Sorry,doctor...you are caring,thoughtful...but he pays me

Victor:...Oh yeah...with what?

Igor: CHOCOLATE! And he even got me a Golden Ticket! *starts singing that Golden Ticket song*

Dracula:*slaps hand on forehead* idiots...*Goes to Victor and kills him*

Frankenstein Monster: *gets out of bed thingy and throws handsome Dracula in the fire* HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

Igor:? oh I remember what happened...I must have put that Britney Spears CD in there...

Frankenstein Monster:*graps Victor's corpse,and runs out of the castle*

Igor: FRANKENSTEIN! *thinks a moment* Wait,why in the world am I exclaiming his name?*shrugs,and leaves*

Gravedigger:This way!

(The villagers run behind Gravedigger,while the midgit carries the radio. It plays: 'Don't cha',by Pussycat Dolls)

Frankenstein:*goes in windmill,filled with abinsinthe,vodka,mojitos,martinis,margaritas,etc..* I am not a girl...not yet a woman!

Mob: What the- *gasps* what's that?

(Midgit turns song to The Wicked Witch of the West theme,seeing that the vampires are here)

Mob: RUUUNNNNNNN! The evil sparklies!

Dracula in Hell-beast form: GARRR! FOR THE LAST TIME I-UH I MEAN 'WE' ARE NOT SPARKLY!

Frankenstein: I must confess,of my lonliness...its killing me nowwww don't you know I still believe! *as he sings this he falls in the windmill*

The Brides: NOOOOOOO HE'SSS GONEE! 1-Our children 2- WE LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS! *sobs,whines*

Dracula:*Wishes he can kill himself cuz he cannot stand the annoying brides* Shut up! You are so annoying! I believe he might be still alive,but for now...lets handle something else...

Marishka: our marriage?

Verona: My hair?

Dracula: ohhh geez...NO! Think family...want...to...kill...us...

Aleera: That slut!

Verona: Yah the slut Kim Kardashian!

Marishka: Yuppers

Aleera:No the slut with the corset...

Dracula: Yes...that slut...wait ...No she's not a slut,she's cool...

The Brides: WHAT?

Dracula:*looks guilty* I mean...compared to the other members of the family,she's actually cool...*dreams about Anna for a split sec*...but she is still a bitch! *thinks about how sexy she is...*

The Brides:*sighes* Let's go home master...we are tired...

Dracula:Since when?

Aleera: You know that hair appointment we had?

Dracula: uh...no...but you would tell me now,wouldn't you? *getting more frustrated*

Verona: Yes...welll we scheduled a hair appointment tomorrow,and we wanted enough day sleep to get there earlier..

Dracula: *rolls his eyes* Fine...but don't beg me to cut my hair...It is sexy enough...and it does turn someone on...

Marishka: Who?

Dracula: No one...I didn't say anything...let us go *says this rapidly and flies away*

Meanwhile...in Vaseria Forest

(Velkan and Anna are hunting in the forest...they then see lights from ahead)

Anna:What the...is that the villagers?

Velkan: *shrugs,picks his nose*

Anna: *slaps Velkan's hand* What did mother tell you about picking your nose?

Velkan: Don't do it...or you get more bacteria in your nose *says it in a kid's tone*

Anna:*rolls her eyes* I always knew you were the special one...

(The villagers are now clear with torches,and screaming ''vampires'')

Anna: I knew it. Everytime I ask them to do something,they can't do it. They always end up seeing vampires and screaming damn bloody murder! Geez!

Midgit:*runs to Anna* RUNNNN VAMPIRES,ANNA VAMPIRES!

Anna:*watches Midgit run away in terror...sighes* I need a beer...

To be Continued

Thanks for reading this...I hope you enjoyed it! There will be more chapters! and more comedy will come soon! Review...or uh.. no cookies for you! lolz luvs ya-cubanagurl