"I think, no..
I know…
I've fallen in love with Kagami Taiga…"
Realization,
coming to understand something clearly and distinctly;
realization, recognition, discernment, savvy, understanding, apprehension.
The cognitive condition of someone who understands;
Veritaphobia,
fear of knowing, telling and revealing the truth.
Fear,
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.,
whether the threat is real or imagined;
The feeling or condition of being afraid;
A specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: a fear of heights;
Concern;
solicitude: a fear for someone's safety;
Reverential awe;
Something that causes fright or apprehension;
It's almost unreal how one single realization can invoke so much fear, stress and anxiety in a person, basically just a whole bunch of things you don't want to be related to a feeling like love, however they're rarely not related to the feeling. Love is always described as this amazing thing, however most of the time that is nothing more but a lie. Being in love is probably the shittiest feeling yet, because if it's a friend you've fallen for, it feels as if you have betrayed them by falling for them. The fear that this might ruin it all, unsure if your feelings are one-sided, it's basically mental torture until either of you end it and open the book you'd rather bury deeper than your future grave.
The worst has to be though, that the moment you confess, neither path is pain-free. If they say 'yes', you will most likely worry whether it's really not one-sided, or if your bad traits don't overshadow your good traits. Are they just having a bad day or did you do something wrong? And of course in the worst case you'll get crazy jealous over everyone that gets to be near them. However, if they say no, you'll have to force yourself to get over those feelings. You'll have to deal with this empty and nauseating feeling every time you meet up with them, and it makes you wonder if it wouldn't be better to just stop seeing them for a while, but that'd only make that fear of your feelings ruining a great friendship come closer to becoming the truth.
Long story short;
You fall in love with your friend, you're mentally fucked for as long as it lasts.
Their meeting was nothing short of surprising. Plus rude, yeah.. that's where Kagami is to blame. Kise can still recall the way his hand stung after stopping that ball from hitting him straight in the face, that redhead better be happy his reflexes aren't something to frown at or he'd have sued his ass, probably. The blond had agreed to join him for basketball a bit, but it wasn't much of a game with Kise immediately putting down a statement that let Kagami know he was way out of his league. To the copycat, this guy was nothing but a loud-mouthed brat thinking he could just do whatever he wants, toss around words like 'going to beat the Generation of Miracles'. It'd have been a lot more interesting if, back then, he actually had the skill to do just that, but he didn't.
In the end though, the memory of their first meeting faded from something so negative and him looking down on Kagami, to the complete opposite. He had had the guts to challenge him at the time, even though he knew Kise was most likely stronger, or so he assumed but this was Kagami he was talking about. Maybe he was just being rude after all. But what keeps ghosting through the blond his mind isn't all that, none of that, rather it's two little words the redhead has uttered that were meant to challenge him, but now they only got his mind to turn into one big mess.
"Pretty boy."
Of course he understood it wasn't meant as a compliment, but he could dream, right? If only that had been their last meeting, his mind would've never started remembering every single thing the other had once said to him, taking it as compliments or getting flustered over it. No, this guy had nearly forced himself into Kise's heart, to a point where it had come to this.
The blond sat at the edge of his bed, one hand buried in his hair and locking it between his fingers as his other hand held onto his cellphone, thumb hovering over the 'ok' button as he read the message over and over, a glance at the recipient; 'Kagamicchi'. He couldn't breathe, could swear his heart hadn't been beating for the past five minutes. In the end, his nerves won the mental battle and with a loud click of his tongue and a firm frown on his face, Kise pressed the 'cancel' button to the point where you'd expect it to ram itself right through the device any minute. This was all so unfair, of all people it had to be Kagami! Had it been anyone else this would have been at least a little less nerve wrecking, if this would end up bad he'd not be able to just distance himself from the other. Matches together was only a little part of the problem, the fact he and Kuroko were together more often than not would make it difficult to meet up with his old teammate without this awkward ambiance between all of them.
The phone was tossed onto his pillow, Kise soon letting himself fall back onto the bed with a sigh. "No way in hell am I telling him." Not now, maybe not ever, he'd take this whole thing to his grave if he'd have too. Day by day he noticed this feeling getting stronger, and day by day he tried to figure out when it all started to head into this fucked up direction, why Kagami was different from anyone else to make him feel this way.
A loud, high-pitched ring came from the cellphone he had been holding not too long ago. He reached for it and unlocked it, checking the text message he got and feeling his eyes widen ever so slightly. Once more his breath got stuck in his throat, heart skipping a beat before racing a mile a minute, eyes going over the few words over and over as a warm smile found its way onto his lips, softening his once so worried expression. This had to be one of those things that made Kagami different, that made him this special to Kise in more ways than one.
'You okay? Usually you're bombarding me with how your day went by now.'
Kagami was the one who, even though he often complained about the amount of texts, would listen to the blond telling him about his day, all the ups and downs and actually exchanging the good and bad of his day as well. No matter what it was, Kagami would listen to him and if he was bothered by something the redhead was always able to cheer him up or calm him down soon enough. "It's unfair, Kagamicchi. You're basically perfect. If only I could say that." He had tried a few times, maybe even more than that, but in the end he always changed his mind and cancelled the message. Rolling onto his stomach and reading the message once more, Kise got to typing a reply to make sure the other knew he was alright.
'I'm fine, Kagamicchi! You're just impatient for my stories~ (ω)'
It wasn't that long until he got a reply again, and thus ensued their daily exchange of texts, Kise wishing this was something that'd never come to an end, even more so a reason to not risk ruining this closeness and comfort.
'As if! I'm just not used to my phone not having over a hundred messages when I get home.'
'Hmmm, what if I just had classes 'till late? (^・ω・^ )'
'You barely have any classes Tuesday, also do you have to send those with every message?'
So it had come to this point, he wondered if Kagami knew his schedule by head now based on when he starts sending texts. Kise himself had actually never paid much mind as to whether the redhead was still in class or not when he would start spamming his phone, had he actually ever got Kagami in trouble for that?
'Nawww, I know you love them~ *・゜゚・*(^O^)/*・゜゚・*'
'…'
'So, your day?'
"You're so mean!"
After he went through all the trouble, which was quite exaggerated, to come and see Kuroko and whoever would be his other team members, all he got in return was this? Not that he really expected all that much as this was Kuroko after all, but even so, him denying they were 'the best of friends' in middle school somehow still hurt to hear, if only just a little. Of course he was being a bit over the top though. The blond brought his right arm up and wiped across his eyes with the sleeve of his uniform, whether he was really crying or not was something for him to know and others.. not. Though he was sure the blue haired boy could see right through him when it came to his emotions.
He could hear one of the other guys recite a paragraph of the article from the monthly basketball magazine, feeling a bit flattered by how he was described in said article. Of course the fact that he didn't start basketball until his second year of middle school came as nothing less but a surprise to the others, and as much as he likes to brag every now and then, this time he felt as if they were thinking a little too highly of him. "That article exaggerated quite a bit." He spoke with a slight stumble at the first word, impulsively running a hand through the blond locks at the back of his head as he continued. "I'm glad to be called part of the Generation of Miracles, but I'm the worst of the bunch." Did he really believe that? He sure did, but as negative as it sounds to be the 'worst of the bunch', it only means there's more room for improvement, right?
"They bullied me and Kurokocchi for it all the time." Recalling the times he was being scolded for simple mistakes, surely a lot of them were more than embarrassing. Like the time were he had control over the ball for too long and forgot to pass it elsewhere, not only did Akashi point him at how he was doing compared to the rest, even Kuroko seemed to be mad at him for not passing the ball, not to mention Aomine calling him an idiot… not that it wasn't a stupid mistake though. "That never happened to me." Was the response he got to this, of course no expression visible on the shorter male's face as he just kept his eyes locked on Kise as if to make his expressionless face even worse. "What? It was just me?" Somewhat upsetting, but it was true that Kuroko, even though his average score was always the lowest, never got called out for that because he was 'different' or 'special'. Kise would admit at some times it annoyed him how he was the only one getting scolded and had no one to share any of the blame with him. Though luckily for him he could turn that into motivation and determination to get better and not make the same mistakes next time, after all dwelling on the past was never much of his thing.
And then something caught his attention. An orange blur from the corner of his eye, coming closer at a rapid speed and without even thinking for a second, reflexes took over and lifted his arm to stop whatever was coming at him. The feeling of the ball colliding with his hand, it was something far from comfortable, and might just be the reason why he had never attempted to catch one of Kuroko's high-speed passes in game. "Ow! What was that for?" Whoever threw that, he wouldn't be on good terms with them now, for sure. A red mop of hair, two different tones of red even, eye color matching his hair. His skin was a lot more tanned than anyone else's in this gym, especially compared to his own or Kuroko's. The number '11' stood out as well, not to mention the expression on the guy's face was nothing short to irritating him right now. Kise, being as curious as he is, was about to ask for a name he could link to the image before him. However, the other team members spared him the trouble of doing so as they proceeded to yell at the redhead, whose name was apparently Kagami, he'd find out the full name sooner or later.
Holding the ball in his right hand, the blond was waiting for some kind of explanation of why he had a ball flying at him at full speed, not a thing he could appreciate or consider a compliment. "Sorry for interrupting your little reunion." Oh he'd better be sorry, there's nothing more rude than to throw a basketball at someone in the middle of conversation. Or, at least in this situation nothing was more rude.
"Don't tell me you came all the way here just to greet us. Why don't you play with me a little, pretty boy?"
Was this guy serious? Either they hadn't enlightened him on the Generation of Miracles yet, or he was just a little too confident in himself thinking he could just challenge one of them like this. Sure, Kise wasn't the strongest out of them all, but he sure wasn't someone to be considered weak compared to the others. "What? I don't know if I'm ready." Of course he was playing with him now, someone like this wasn't much of a challenge to be ready for anyway. A kid with his head way too high up in the clouds, probably not someone he'd have to put much effort in to shut him up. "But, I just…" He was pretending to be thinking about it, considering to take up on the redhead's challenge though his mind was made up the moment that (rude) guy had stopped talking. "Fine, let's do it. I have to thank you for that display~" How many minutes should he consider this to take? Two, possibly three? Definitely nothing beyond that, it shouldn't even take more than two minutes to show this kid he had challenged someone way out of his league.
Their first meeting wasn't one he'd describe as 'nice'.
So then why did it all turn out this way?
A practice match, it was nothing more than a warm up for the real challenges to come during the Inter-High, yet he was so excited it was nearly creeping him out. Every now and then the blond managed to get some shut-eye, but it wouldn't last long and rarely turned into a few minutes of sleep. It was times like these he was happy he knew his way with make-up to cover up the bags he would surely have by the time he'd have to get ready for school.
Another turn, feeling his back at the edge of the bed as he was now on his right side, looking at the wall his bed was placed against. The amount of moving was ridiculous, especially considering this was a king sized bed he was laying on. Usually he'd wake up in the same exact spot where he had fallen asleep, but now he was here, there and everywhere, even finding himself partially hanging over the edge of the bed. The pillows had already found their way onto the floor, and no doubt the sheets would soon follow the way they were shoved aside once every half hour or so. Was he really this excited over some little practice match? Of course he wanted to play a match with Kuroko, see if the team could use his type of playing efficiently. But at the same time he was curious as to how far that rude guy, Kagami, from before could go before he'd admit defeat. Curiosity had never driven him to a point of insomnia, not until now. Somehow, it almost seemed like a bad omen of some kind. "Ah geesh, just fall asleep already!" The model whined loudly, though if it only was that simple.
Soon enough the sun had shown its face, rays of light peeking through the blinds. It was at this moment Kise realized just how much sleep he had gotten, which was closer to 'none' rather than 'a little bit'. With an annoyed groan he got up, sitting at the edge of the bed for a bit and picking up the pillows he had shoved off of the bed in frustration a few hours ago. If he was lucky, he could get some naps in during breaks and maybe English class, it was his best subject so the damage would most likely be at a minimum. A long yawn escaped his lips, and he felt a slight stinging at the corners of his mouth where the skin was being stretched. It took him about another two minutes before a hand was dragged through the blond mop of hair, the other rubbing his right eye before getting up from the bed. Arms above his head, Kise stretched himself out, feeling his spine snap into place as he let out a relieved sigh at feeling his muscles relax, feet slowly dragging him to the bathroom where the daily routine started. A shower, fixing his hair, then obviously get something to cover up those bags and not to forget, his (trademark) earring.
As simple as that morning routine sounds, with a perfectionist like Kise it still takes at least an hour before he will even consider going out the door. Luckily all that went a lot easier than trying to get some sleep, and he even got it all done rather fast compared to other days. Grabbing the clothes he had already taken out the night before, golden eyes fell onto the uniform peeking out of his sports bag, a tingling feeling in his stomach again as a smile crept onto his lips. He really kept himself up all night over this, huh? It's been a while since he had been this excited over a match, after all the moment they were at a level where their opponents would just give up upon facing them, and mostly Aomine in that regard, basketball stopped being something challenging. Or rather, matches and games were becoming boring, and the only thing that kept him excited over basketball compared to previous sports, were the one-on-one games he'd play with Aomine. Whatever was the reason he was excited now, it would likely prove nothing good.
- Want to go out on a date? (*3^)/-
Do you wish to delete your message without saving?
Yes.
- Maji Burger? My treat~ (though I take kisses as repayment ) –
Do you wish to delete your message without saving?
Yes.
- Kagamicchi! We should go try that new ride at the amusement park together~! (^O^) –
Do you wish to delete your message without saving?
Yes.
No matter what he wrote, nothing seemed right. That, and there was no way he could send any message like that without his nerves going anywhere and everywhere. He'd suffocate from being unable to breathe before he'd even get a reply, not to forget a possible heart failure the way it was going a mile a minute once more. How can a person be so damn nervous over something that seems so easy? Every time he'd tell himself this time he'd do it, this time he'd definitely send it. And every single time it ends in the blond just deleting all his words and eventually tossing the phone through the room. This was all Kagami's fault, no doubt about that. How else could he have fallen for someone like Kagami if not for the guy having put some weird spell on him?
- I love you –
Without even bothering to delete his words, the teen threw the phone at the door to his room, a loud thud when it hit said door, followed by a more quiet one as it fell to the floor, screen still a bright white with a few black letters filling not even 5% of the white canvas. "Ugh… Kagamicchi, I hate you."
But I love you…
And once again a familiar ring, a very specific one that caused the blond model to pick his phone back up in less than a second, deleting the message he was writing before and checking the text that had been sent to him from no one other than 'Kagamicchi' himself.
'You're late.'
And as usual a smile appeared on Kise's face, a quiet sigh before he went to lay on his bed and just go about the daily routine again. Next time he'd definitely send it, next time for sure. Though, in all honesty he knew very well that he wouldn't, that it'd just be shoved onto the next day, and the day after that, and so on. He knew he'd back out, but could only hope it'd build up his courage so that one day, he'd actually be able to say what he wants to say… or 'type' in this case.
'You're impatient~ (ノ・ェ・)ノ'
** End Chapter 1 **
