Matthew sat on the top of the stairs and listened to his brother and his parents cheerfully speaking to one another. He looked through the posts holding up the stairs and saw that they each had a bright happy smile on his face. His dad talked about his new raise, his mother talked about people at work, and Alfred went on and on about the recent play-off games that he was excited for. By the way they looked at their son Matthew could tell they were proud of his brother. He was the most successful so far between the two brothers. They didn't even mind that their son was dating another man. Matthew never came up. He was as invisible as rain on a sunny day. Not even a mention of his name was spoken. A tear fell from his face as he watched the happy scene in front of him something that he was not, and would never, be a part of.
For a while he just looked on. He felt really broken, and really empty. Almost like nothing would ever be right. He stood on the top of the stair case not moving an inch. His father began to talk about how proud he was of Alfred success. It felt like everything was going downhill. Until, he felt his phone vibrate from inside of his pocket. He looked at it and smiled at the message there. 'Come to your window, I have a surprise.' He got up as fast as he could and ran to his room. Matthew could not get to his window fast enough. He opened it up and his favorite person was standing on the ground with a single rose in his hand. He smiled and looked down at him.
"Hey Francis"
No matter how hard he tried, it felt like he was so far away. Whenever he would try to reach out his grip would fall like sand. Still, the young Canadian tried and tried. He felt like all hope was being lost. For Matthew, this was all he knew. He knew sadness, loneliness, and betrayal. In his darkest moments all he could do was give up all hope and lay down his defenses.
That was all until he went to high school and he met Francis Bonnefoy. They weren't the greatest of friends, and Francis hardly ever spoke to the kid. Yet in a strange way Francis gave him hope. He was funny, and always getting into trouble with his friends. He seemed to enjoy his life more than anyone Matthew had ever met. He never saw Francis get mad or depressed. That was what Matthew liked about the French man the most.
When Matthew was a sophomore his brother forced him to join the student council. It was his "Grow up and get tough" rule. Of course Matthew was in no position to turn down his brothers orders. So he joined the student council and became the vice president. He didn't get voted because he was popular; simply no one wanted to work with the German transfer student Ludwig Beilshmidt. Matthew was also terrified of him. When he was voted on the student council he could no longer spend his days thinking about Francis, he had to take up the responsibility and it was a lot more then he thought it was.
Suddenly everything disappeared from his sights again. He was too busy for the student council to even pay attention with the French man tried to hold a conversation with him. Eventually they just stopped talking completely. Matthew would look over at him in class every now and then. Sometimes they would pass each other in the hallways. Ultimately however there was nothing left for their relationship. It was gone before it had even started. Francis didn't seem to mind, and at first glance neither did the Canadian. Inside of Matthew, however, was a deep emotional storm brewing that sent him crying to his room every night.
Alfred was too busy to notice his younger brother's withdrawal. He was the captain of the football team, and treasurer of the student council, and the Prom king that their sophomore year. It felt like no one had time for Matthew anymore, not even his own parents. Most of the time he wouldn't mind, however, he was their son, and felt obligated to some attention. The fear of asking always took him over. He stayed in his room most of the time. He watched movies and read. When it came time to eat, whether it was breakfast, lunch, or dinner, he only ate small bites in small portions.
This was his life. His utterly intolerable life. In his darkest hours he felt like no one would ever care for him, no one would ever want him. This continued... at least until junior year, when Francis made Student Body President and Matthew was elected as the vice president once again.
