Captain of the Prides :D This is my story for the fourth round. My emotion was: anger. [forbidden: anger/angry]
ROUND 4-LETTING GO
The air was bitter and strong and it pounded on the office windows feverishly. The portraits were straining their ears as much as they could as they knew the upcoming discussion would be very important...
"What did you want to see me about?" Severus Snape asked. He was seated in the Headmaster's office, facing Dumbledore.
The Headmaster could see how much of a mess he was in. Severus's sunken eyes had dark circles and his hair was thick with dirt and oil. He was poorly shaved and looked ill, as if he was suffering from a cold. Dumbledore sighed, knowing this was to be expected. When he had found out that Lily had died, he hadn't known how to break it to Severus. It had been Severus's own fault in a way, but it had been difficult to tell him. It had been heart-wrenching, watching the man's face pale and crumple.
"Severus, do you remember the services you offered to me?"
Severus sat up straighter, sweeping a strand of hair away from his face. "I offered to spy," he said, voice faltering.
"I was thinking, lately, Severus, about what would happen if you were caught. You do know that the Dark Lord is an accomplished Legilimens; it would take little to no effort for him to invade into your mind and find out everything. Your life would be at risk unless you knew how to protect your thoughts."
"I know a little bit of Occlumency. I started learning it a few months or so ago."
Dumbledore nodded, looking pleased. "That's good, then you'll learn quickly. I think I could teach it to you..."
"You would?" Severus looked very surprised.
"Of course, it is no problem. However know that for those who are not naturals, it is a little difficult..."
"Thank you." Severus hardly heard the end bit. He wasn't smiling, but he was staring at Dumbledore properly now, his eyes full of gratitude.
"We can start our lessons next week, Monday, after classes. Every day. Is that acceptable to you?"
Severus nodded, but then he slumped again, looking outside the window.
"Severus? Are you ill?" Dumbledore asked worriedly. The man didn't seem too well.
"I'm fine," Severus replied firmly, fire sparking in his eyes. "Just tired."
"You look-"
"I'm alright."
Dumbledore didn't press him further.
He knew very well that Severus Snape had a major weakness; his temper.
XXX
The first lesson was a disaster.
Dumbledore knew Severus could do it; he just had a problem. What it was, he couldn't put his finger on it.
When Severus first arrived in his office, they took out their wands and warmed up a bit, to clear the air.
Dumbledore explained that what Severus had to do was simple: try to block him.
And so it began.
Dumbledore used the incantation and delved deep in Severus's mind. It was difficult as Severus was about to throw him out completely but then, Dumbledore accidentally came across a memory of Severus and the infamous Marauders.
Immediately Severus's defenses grew erratic. Dumbledore could feel the rage and hatred before he was thrown out.
Severus looked furious, his eyes glinting. He seemed to be breathing fire.
"Severus?"
"I'll kill them!"
"Severus-"
"If only I could see them again-"
"Severus, please calm down," Dumbledore raised his voice.
Severus didn't say anything. He looked like he wanted to break something, but simply abruptly left the office, still breathing heavily.
XXX
The next time, Dumbledore saw him being jeered at by the Death Eaters, who thought he was a scrawny, useless addition before being proved horribly wrong.
Severus's temper rose at this too as he pushed Dumbledore out so forcefully that he had to try not to stumble.
"This is not working, Severus. Your defenses are very vulnerable because of your emotions."
"Maybe if you just stopped looking at-" Snape's voice was thick with rage.
"Have a glass of water," Dumbledore said, disdainfully, "and calm down. It isn't right for you to behave like this."
Severus glared at him once more, hands clenching as he fought to cool down. "You're an awful teacher," he spat finally, looking as if he couldn't keep that in any longer.
XXX
And so the days went by and Severus did not improve. Whenever he left the office after another frustrating lesson, it seemed as if the room had gotten rather hot and uncomfortable, as if Severus's moods had affected the temperature. Dumbledore was growing more and more exasperated and Severus was getting depressed. He didn't understand how he could be bad at something like Occlumency. He was bad at flying, sure, but not anything else. Every night he drank deeply, threw the glass away, and scowled as he did his teaching duties, marking essays and tests. He was hardly calm anymore, always worrying about something or the other, whether it was Lily, Potter, or the Occlumency lessons.
XXX
The eleventh lesson was an appalling experience too.
Dumbledore had tried his best to be careful but after sifting away from Severus's Death Eater and school life, the only other thing he could look at was his home life. This time there was a full-out shouting match going on between a black-haired man and a pale woman as little Severus watched, looking terrified, his cheeks red and wet with tears.
"Get out of my head!" Severus shouted, sounding strained.
Dumbledore sighed and drew out, weary by now.
Severus's teeth were gritted. "You're doing this on purpose!" he cried. "I wasn't ever this bad before!"
There was a small silence as Dumbledore processed that a little. Finally it hit him as to what to do.
He had finally understood what was wrong!
He smiled suddenly understandingly at Severus and said, "Do you know why you are not succeeding in blocking me?"
Snape stared at him, not knowing what to say.
"Because of your temper. Because you can't reign in your rage. You are seething, full of hate and resentment. Occlumency requires one to be calm and passive. No matter what memory someone is looking at, you don't lose focus but deflect him. If you had not gotten so worked up at all the previous memories, we would have been making progress. I'm worried for you, Severus. I know it's a hard time, but we're all coping. You have the potential to be an excellent Occlumens but you are letting your emotions take over," Dumbledore said, using the same tone he used when addressing an audience with a speech.
Severus just stood and listened, still at a loss of what to say.
"Let it go, Severus. Never dwell on the past. Live for the present. Let all the bad things that happened to you, go. There are hundreds and hundreds of emotions, but the most powerful of them are rage, grief, love and happiness. And the most powerful from them, is love. You have the ability to love, besides also having the ability to hate. That's what makes you strong, Severus. You're strong, and shouldn't have to worry what a few people say or do to you. Do you get what's hindering you?"
Severus let out his breath sharply. "I-I understand. Should we try again?"
"Come tomorrow, and we will."
XXX
Severus was looking terrified and worried, his cheeks flushed. Dumbledore tried his best to calm him down but eventually realised that he couldn't.
The fire and stuffiness in the room had depleted fairly, and now the current emotion running high was trepidation.
Dumbledore gave a small count and then said, "Legilimens!"
He felt himself blocked almost at once, but he was also slowly chipping away at the shield. Dumbledore could see flashes of Severus arguing with a red-haired girl in a corner, but the shield started to regrow once more and soon Dumbledore was pushed out, not so forcefully but efficiently.
He looked at Severus, who was breathing heavily, looking tense and fighting to keep a blank face.
"I tried it; not feeling anything. It made it much easier. You were correct."
Dumbledore couldn't help but smile. "You'll be an accomplished Occlumenssoon, probably by the end of the week. I'm proud of you."
Severus scoffed at the last sentence but he looked different. There wasn't irritation or crossness on his face this time. He looked pleased with himself.
From then onwards, Severus Snape mastered the art of calmness (whether it was deadly calmness or genuine calmness) with everyone: the teachers, the students, even Harry Potter, a stuck-up little boy who was the copy of his father. He lost his temper sometimes but he had decided that he could make much more impressions on people in a steady voice.
Severus Snape's weakness was still his temper, but we all work on our weaknesses and eventually they fade away.
