A/N: I always wondered why Mordred didn't seem to hold a grudge when he returned in season 5, so here's my theory.

I don't own Merlin


I shall never forgive this, Emrys, and I shall never forget.

Mordred's own words rang through his mind as he fled the fighting. He was reeling in shock, unable to process what had just happened. Emrys—the great, mighty, and supposedly benevolent Emrys—had just tried to kill him. Why?

What did I ever do to you, Emrys?

Throughout his life, Mordred had heard tales of the legendary Emrys. Emrys was supposed to lead the druids and all the other magical peoples to freedom, working side-by-side with the Once and Future King. Every time that Mordred and his father had gone to Camelot, he had secretly hoped to meet Emrys. And then, in a cruel twist of fate, he had—he and his father had been betrayed, and Emrys had led him to Morgana and safety.

You saved me once. What changed?

What changed…that must be the problem. When his father was alive, Mordred had only ever visited Camelot to collect supplies. They had never intended harm to anyone. But Alvarr…Alvarr wanted to destroy Uther and all who served him. Though neither Alvarr nor Mordred had brought it up, that would include Arthur. And Emrys was fated to protect Arthur.

Arthur saved me too. I wouldn't have hurt him, Emrys.

But Mordred had hurt other people. He'd killed those two soldiers who had nearly caught him. He had attacked in self-defense before, but he'd never aimed to kill. And then when the soldiers were dead, he'd been glad. They couldn't hurt him any more. But couldn't he have simply tripped them too?

Mordred collapsed to his knees and retched. I promise I don't go around killing people, Emrys. I was just scared.

Attacking those soldiers had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, but joining Alvarr's plot against Uther had not. And Alvarr planned to kill Uther. Father would never have approved. What had his final words been?

"You have let your fear of magic turn to hate. I pity you."

Father had always taught Mordred not to let his own fear turn into hate. And Mordred had let it turn him into a killer. He had joined Alvarr with the intention of avenging his father, and in the process he had plotted against the whole of Camelot. In doing so, he had betrayed his father's memory. And, he realized, he had betrayed Emrys too. Emrys was meant to protect all of Camelot, not just Arthur.

I never meant to become your enemy, Emrys.

Mordred and his father had been betrayed by one shopkeeper, but the surrounding people had not tried to hinder their escape from the guards. Lady Morgana had not hesitated to shelter him, and at the time she had not yet possessed magic. Likewise, Morgana's maid had been kind and caring. Even Arthur had taken a huge risk to help him escape. Clearly, there were many in Camelot who did not agree with their sovereign's harsh outlook. Whereas Alvarr and his followers believed that those without magic were uniformly guilty.

I made a mistake, Emrys. I'm sorry.

Alvarr's group was not alone. Mordred knew that many sorcerers blamed all of Camelot for Uther's actions. Maybe he had been wrong to seek out others with magic. Emrys lived harmoniously among non-magical people and hid his gifts. Perhaps Mordred ought to do the same.

Mordred rose to his feet, his mind made up. I shall forgive this, Emrys, but I shall never, ever, forget.