This is a shoutout to all the people who don't enjoy harems but enjoy superpowered fanfics

What Harem Feels Like for Those Who Don't Like It

Hermione walked down the halls of Hogwarts, holding her head high up and mighty. Her long brown curls were ringlets down her back, chocolate eyes gazing over the great hall as she burst open. People stared at her, curious about her confidence. What could possibly make the great Hermione Granger so commanding?

She sat down in her usual spot, next to Harry whose brilliant green eyes pierced her own. "Hey Hermione," he said, his pearly white teeth shown off. No longer was Harry the scrawny boy who was abused and underfed. He had bulked muscle, and was now lean and had a six pack. Hermione had seen that herself.

She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek. Across the table, Ron glared hatefully at them. Hermione payed no mind to the redhead, she had a couple she liked much better. Fred and George sat to the other side of her, identical faces, but since she was the main character, she could tell them apart- otherwise they were exactly the same person.

"Where's our kisses Hermione?" Fred and George asked sadly, giving their best puppy-eyes to coo her. She harrumphed and kissed both Fred and George on their cheeks. Neville sighed, wishing he was close to Hermione.

"Oh Neville, did you want a kiss too?" asked Hermione.

Neville sighed again, blushing, "Of course I would."

Hermione leaned across the table to kiss his cheek.

Albus Dumbledore was not having a good day. First his plans fell through- the boy-who-lived had some weird relationship with Hermione Granger whom he had promised to Ron Weasley. Ron Weasley was a spy and a traitor who consistently reported back to the manipulative headmaster. Here was Hermione Granger, flaunting her beauty and grace all over the place, taking advantage of so many men at once.

"But I'm not taking advantage of these men, Headmaster," Hermione said suddenly, appearing in front of the Headmaster. She had learned apparition from the House Elves after all, SPEW wasn't for nothing. Elves gave her apparition techniques in payment for giving up SPEW.

Dumbledore wheeled back from his chair in his hilarious shock and said, "You seduced all these men with love potions!" he demanded.

"Draco still hates me and I want him to love me though," Hermione turned around to bat eyelashes at the blonde sitting at the Slytherin table. Said blonde blushed madly, and looked away.

"I don't love no mudblood," he muttered angrily. But her absolutely curvy body and beautiful bosom was too much for one pureblood to handle.

Harry sighed as he realized what a strong woman he had fallen in love with- she was just so commanding and dominating that Harry felt himself sighing again. Man, Hermione was just beautiful. He didn't even mind sharing her with all these other men. In fact, Harry would willingly become gay for her.

"Then an attraction potion," Dumbledore wrinkled his nose.

"Same argument Albus, you just aren't going to win. These men are under my protection. I have them all in a marriage contract to me," Hermione said smugly, enjoying berating the Headmaster.

McGonagall nodded approvingly, "Absolutely Hermione. And if you need quarters to stay in with all your fiancées, Hogwarts has a rule we can provide it for you."

Dumbledore looked at McGonagall outrageously and angrily, he stood up and stomped off like a four year old child instead of a one hundred eighty year old man.


That night, Hermione stayed in a room with her now four fiancées, Neville somehow got a contract drafted by the end of the day- and Hermione was busy taking a shower.

Wanting to surprise their lover, the four boys took their time to take off their clothes and engage in a sweaty makeout session with each other. They wiggled their tongues and stuff. Hermione came out of her shower, unfortunately dressed (at least they all thought so) and walked right passed them.

Neville's mouth dropped open in shock, Harry looked hurt, Fred and George continued making out.

"Come on boys, you know the writer can only concentrate on one or two characters at a time, so we can't have an orgy. Besides, I'm way too mature and high class to notice your guys's six pack abs, sinewy muscle, and broad shoulders."

Harry agreed, "You're right, well since I'm the boy-who-lived, I get to be first right?"

"Absolutely," Hermione agreed. Harry approached her confidently and leaned in for a kiss. Hermione pushed his chest back, "wait though. We can't do anything before marriage because we aren't only hormonal teenagers, we're responsible adults who can handle real relationships and get married at fifteen."

Fred and George nodded in agreement. Neville nodded in agreement.

"That doesn't mean we can't have a little kiss," Harry insisted, tugging on Hermione's shirt.

Hermione rolled her eyes and engaged in a deep French kiss with the black-haired boy, and their tongues fought for dominance. Obviously, since Hermione is the main character, she won.