Hi All!
Here I am with a brandnew fic, starting in the summer of 2013, after Will and Emma got married... and... well... basically it's the road to parenthood, the obstacles they might face, especially when it comes to Emma's OCD, etc. etc. I hope you'll enjoy it! The next few chapters might take a while, though, seeing as I am moving out at the moment, and chapter three is currently at my beta for checking.
Happy reading, please R&R and many thanks to my beta WritteninCrayon!
It was the summer of 2013 and a soft breeze came through the open bedroom window, playing with the drawn curtains in front of it. It was late in the evening, yet several people were outside, playing with water, desperately trying to cool themselves off, or were hosting a party which would continue until the small hours of the morning, just until the sun began to rise again, leaving the streets of Lima to warm up at a fast rate, and people to stay indoors yet again for the rest of the day. It was one of the longest heatwaves to occur in the history of Lima, Ohio, and it didn't seem to be ending anytime soon, something which I did not like at all.
It was supposed to be a nice summer, and in my opinion, not so hot like it was now. It was almost unbearable and the amount of sweat covering my and Will's body was almost more than I could handle. Sure, we had been in positions when layers of sweat on our bodies had been avoidable, but in those cases, I had chosen it for myself and I had to admit that I could not really deny Will making love to me. It was simply amazing, and to think about missing out on him; missing him touching me and making me feel so good, was something I did not like doing. And besides, it was different, somehow. That sweat could be washed off. Now that would only be counterproductive, seeing as it would return almost immediately after leaving the shower. I sighed. Maybe this was good for me. If I wasn't going to have panic attacks about how filthy I was every single minute of the day, then surely, I could handle children, couldn't I?
I sighed. I had spoken to Dr. Shane a lot of times about how children could affect me and talked at lengths about every single risk; what I needed to do and just talking in general to get myself to get ready for pregnancy and motherhood. I had always known that I wanted to have children, and now that Will and I had finally been married for a couple of months, I had decided to at least try to go and live without medicine as they, (as I had read and Dr. Shane had confirmed), were not allowed to be used while being pregnant.
They would gradually lower my already low dose, until I didn't have to take them anymore, before I could get pregnant. It was something I hadn't discussed with my husband yet, at least not in these details, but as I stood in their bedroom doorway, watching him read a book, I figured that I should tell him now. I needed Will to be there for me; to have him know that I could relapse every now and then, because of me lowering my medication, that I needed his support so that it would not take that long for us to go and try to get pregnant. The sooner I got through this, without too many relapses, the sooner we could start. I had recently turned 34 and I did not have time to wait that much longer. I had to get in action now, I needed this to work out properly. I wanted children so badly and knew Will wanted them as well and that waiting would not be good. At least, not for me, because I knew Will would be willing to wait until I was ready.
'Will?' His name left my lips as I walked towards our bed and climbed onto it, before settling myself next to him.
'Yeah?' He lowered his book and watched me, smiling, not knowing that what I was about to tell him, could change our lives.
'Can we talk for a moment?' I bit my lip anxiously, while he put down the book on the nightstand next to him and looked at me curiously.
'Of course. You don't want to watch the news then?' He frowned, while I smiled, still biting my lip, and shaking my head.
'Not today.' It was a rare occurrence to say the least, but I knew that I had to get this over with. I was having an appointment with Dr. Shane in a few days again and it would have been nice if I had the time to think about it all again, just for a few days, after I had spoken to Will.
'Okay.' He moved slightly, so that he was able to look at me better; was able to sense my emotions better, while I shyly looked up at him.
'Well… You know that we've spoken about having children a few times, right?' I started. I looked at him, eyes slightly wider than normal due to my nervousness, while he nodded in confusion. It did not help that didn't have any idea where I was going.
'We have,' he said slowly. I nodded again, fumbling with my nightie unknowingly, before I continued.
'Well… I have been talking to Dr. Shane about that… a lot of times now. Because… well… I know you want children and I know and you know that I want that as well… and I wasn't quite ready for that before… and well… it's not like I am ready now and I doubt that I will ever be fully ready… but I do think that I'm almost as ready as I can ever be for something so… life-changing.' I was still toying with my nightie, while I was watching him. Confusion was still written all over his face, but I knew he was trying his best to follow where I was going.
'So you're like… almost ready to… well… try?' Will asked. I nodded, and I could see a smile forming at his lips.
'Almost, yes… because… well… that's another thing I was talking to Dr. Shane about. I mean… I… want to try… but I can't right now and that's why… well… I'm almost ready. You see… I don't know if I ever told you this but… I can't take my medicine while being pregnant. Well… I could, but I don't want to bring any child of mine into the world drugged, cause they're so used to my medication that they have to kick off and… well… I couldn't do that to them… ever. And… well… we've been talking about lowering the dose gradually until I'm able to stop and when that happens… we can start trying but… well… you needed to know that and…' I wasn't quite sure about how to continue, so I looked down. Will, however, was not pleased with this turn of events, and placed his finger underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him.
'It's okay, Em. I know you couldn't do such thing. And if you've talked at lengths to Dr. Shane about this, and you've both come to the decision to quit medicine, I'm positive that you'll be able to do such thing, despite how hard it might get at times. You know I'll be here to support you, right? I won't leave your side and I'll do everything I can to make this easier on you, okay?' I smiled and nodded, before snuggling against him.
'Thank you. I'm going to need that.' I felt him smile as he placed a kiss on my head, and felt the need to smile myself.
'When are you going to start lowering the dose?' he asked. I sighed. 'Soon, I guess. I have a meeting with Dr. Shane in a few days and then we're going to talk about when to start. I'm almost through my stash, so I guess we're going to try and lower the dose now. I don't want to wait that long, actually… because… you know… I'm not getting younger and the risks are getting higher the longer we wait… and well… I really would like to have a child with you.' I blushed, as he smiled.
'I would love to have a child with you as well, but no pressure, okay? Your wellbeing comes first.' I nodded again, slowly.
'I know that, but we'll see what Dr. Shane thinks, okay?' Will nodded as well, and placed a kiss on my head again, before smiling.
'Okay.' I smiled at him, while he lowered them down and wrapped his arms around my body.
'Goodnight Will,' I whispered, pleased with how things had turned out.
'Goodnight, Em.'
