The moment Weir let John take the jumper on a suicide mission during the end of Seige 2. Very Shweirish. Written from John's POV in a sort of streamline of consciousness poem. R&R please!

...Never Said Goodbye...

"You can't!"

The whine of darts circles

overhead and

my palm sticks to

the metal rail

feeling

it cut into my skin

as I

whisper, yell, scream

"I have to, and you know it!"

You look at me

wonder

if you love me enough

to let me go

Atlantis enough to

do what's right

send me off to the night

And I hate myself

for letting you see--me--

giving you this chance to

make this choice.

I feel myself pause

Metal digging into skin--

"I have to"

Have to go

Don't say no,

Because I don't want to

choose

Between you and the world.

Right now I wonder if you can live

with letting me go,

If I can die

Knowing the lie I have to tell

myself--

You don't love me and

I don't love you

back.

Ignore the trace of blood

on my palm,

As skin gives way to metal,

Relax--relax--

I've faced death a

million times,

but looking--staring--pleading--

through a sheen of tears, I know,

gazing into your eyes,

I've never had to say

goodbye.

"Go,"

you whisper with

hate--love--fear--hope--

"Go."

save the city

die

destroy me forever

with the knowledge that I

will always be

yours.

the Lie shatters

and I pause to give her

One look

I love you

I'm sorry

This is who I am

I can't change

But

If I could

I would

for you.

I turn

running up metal

Stairs

feeling blood drip from my

cut hand

broken heart.

Stand for one moment, Liz,

holding back

tears

Then step forward.

I deserve that moment

But Atlantis is as much your

mistress

as she is mine.

But as boots clang on metal steps

Remember that that

"Go"

spoken by pale lips and weary eyes

Shattered my Lie

And

gave me whole to you.

The Jumper door opens and I run

inside

Slipping into the seat

I've never said

goodbye

before.