The moment Weir let John take the jumper on a suicide mission during the end of Seige 2. Very Shweirish. Written from John's POV in a sort of streamline of consciousness poem. R&R please!
...Never Said Goodbye...
"You can't!"
The whine of darts circles
overhead and
my palm sticks to
the metal rail
feeling
it cut into my skin
as I
whisper, yell, scream
"I have to, and you know it!"
You look at me
wonder
if you love me enough
to let me go
Atlantis enough to
do what's right
send me off to the night
And I hate myself
for letting you see--me--
giving you this chance to
make this choice.
I feel myself pause
Metal digging into skin--
"I have to"
Have to go
Don't say no,
Because I don't want to
choose
Between you and the world.
Right now I wonder if you can live
with letting me go,
If I can die
Knowing the lie I have to tell
myself--
You don't love me and
I don't love you
back.
Ignore the trace of blood
on my palm,
As skin gives way to metal,
Relax--relax--
I've faced death a
million times,
but looking--staring--pleading--
through a sheen of tears, I know,
gazing into your eyes,
I've never had to say
goodbye.
"Go,"
you whisper with
hate--love--fear--hope--
"Go."
save the city
die
destroy me forever
with the knowledge that I
will always be
yours.
the Lie shatters
and I pause to give her
One look
I love you
I'm sorry
This is who I am
I can't change
But
If I could
I would
for you.
I turn
running up metal
Stairs
feeling blood drip from my
cut hand
broken heart.
Stand for one moment, Liz,
holding back
tears
Then step forward.
I deserve that moment
But Atlantis is as much your
mistress
as she is mine.
But as boots clang on metal steps
Remember that that
"Go"
spoken by pale lips and weary eyes
Shattered my Lie
And
gave me whole to you.
The Jumper door opens and I run
inside
Slipping into the seat
I've never said
goodbye
before.
