AN: Just to clear things up, this is a KARIVARRY (Kara/Barry/Oliver) story, and their relationship is already established. This is not Kara/Barry, Kara/Oliver, Oliver/Barry, but all three of them together. THANK YOU.
It was heavy, and all Kara really knew at that moment was the intense agony that mindlessly floated around in her chest as if it were a regular in a motel that thought the place home; the ghost of a previous grief of having lost people she loved that had ripped itself from the scar of her soul, stitch by stitch, meshed almost seamlessly with a new wound that kept threatening to widen at the mere thought of Bar—
She choked.
It was heavy and it burned. All these super powers — super strength included — and it still felt like she was going to crumble under the weight of him being gone; the wick on his candle was no longer lit, and it wrecked her every time she was pushed into a situation where memories slammed into her like a meteor.
It limbered quietly, the raw emotion, but it left such a ravaged path in its wake, like it wanted to make sure she recognized destruction.
It was heavy, sitting in her chest, growing. It spread to the rest of her body, seeping into limbs like a cancer that just couldn't wait to metastasize its way into her heart and ruin her, as if she hadn't already ruined it herself. She had Ollie, she had Ollie...
But they both lost him.
They both lost him, and it'd been her fault.
They both lost him, and now she lost both.
She had no idea where she was. She was somewhere in Central City, back in her own Earth. She had no idea what time it was. It was night, that much was obvious. The moon didn't greet her nor did the stars; they hid behind the clouds, as if they didn't want to see her at all.
She stopped walking.
She blinked once.
Twice.
Ollie was there, standing before her, hood down and mask gone.
Tears burned as they filled her eyes and threatened to spill.
Bar—
Her chest ached, and the wound widened.
Barry was right there.
Only he wasn't her Barry, their Barry...
This Barry had his arm around Ollie's neck and, from the slight wheezing she could hear from Ollie, it was tight. This Barry had one of Ollie's arrows in his fist, ready to have it shoved into Ollie's chest.
"Ba..." His name died on her lips. She hadn't been strong enough to say his name. Not since— She took in a deep breath. "Let him go, Barry."
This Barry breathed out, irritated, evident by the pure disgust in his eyes. "That's not my name, Supergirl."
She flinched at the use of her hero alias, as if it scorched his tongue when he said.
As if the mere use of her name didn't once belong hanging on his lips.
"Savitar." She forced herself to look into his eyes and not at the arrow threatening to bury itself into Ollie. "Let him go. Please."
This Barry laughed. She hated it.
"I always loved it when you begged, Girl of Steel."
Her hands balled into fists at her sides. Restraint, she had to have restraint. She was a hero for a reason.
"We loved you." She had no idea what to do, didn't know what else to say, and she'd never felt more helpless. So much for wearing her family's coat of arms; she was all out of hope.
This Barry's eyes narrowed at her, and it sent a cold awful shiver down her spine. He plunged the arrow into Ollie's shoulder. She gagged a little at the sight of this Barry seemingly relishing Ollie's pain. He twisted the arrow as he drove it deeper in the archer's flesh.
The tears — those useless and abhorrent tears — finally spilled onto her cheeks, some of them went down her trembling lips as a whimper escaped through them.
She did not deserve to bear the same superhero name as her cousin.
How could she give people hope when she had none left?
Some hero she was.
"Whatever it is you think we had, Supergirl, none of that was real." The arrow was pulled from Ollie, along with a pained grunt, before it was eventually thrust into his chest. She didn't need to use her x-ray vision to know he's gotten Ollie right in the heart. "You were nothing to me then, you're nothing to me now."
More tears, the wound kept getting bigger.
"You're worth nothing to Oliver."
Something deep within her cracked; it couldn't have been her heart, that was long broken.
"I'm going to break the Flash, everything Barry Allen ever loved. And I'm starting with you. You know why? Because you deserve it."
She couldn't take it anymore. Her legs gave out on her as she gave a roar that rumbled the ground beneath her, groaning and cracking, just like she was. Her chest had just blown up, she was stuck in his war against herself as absolute hopelessness and dread were fired at her rapidly from odd angles. Her lungs were a casualty, seeing as she couldn't seem to draw breath properly, if any at all.
Her hallucinations... they were always bad, but they never talked to her. Never like it did just now.
Oh but she deserved it. All of it.
She wasn't super.
She was weak.
She didn't understand the familiar arms that wound themselves around her, but she accepted them, leaned into the embrace that enveloped around her like a prayer she didn't know she needed to hear, like an answer she didn't know she'd been waiting for.
She didn't know she was sobbing until she heard a gentle yet gruff voice soothe her.
"Ollie?" Her voice cracked, and she hated it. She couldn't face him. Not now that this was the first time she'd seen him since—
"Yes, Kara, it's me. It's okay. You're okay."
Ollie was here and not a hallucination. He was here, with her in his arms, almost like everything was just right for a second.
Almost.
"Ollie, I killed him."
"No, Kara..."
She wanted to close her eyes, but she knew she shouldn't. She couldn't. Once the darkness took her in like an old friend, just waiting for her downfall, she'd see Savitar again, mocking her for her weakness, torturing Ollie for fun.
She shouldn't have agreed so easily to let him go into the Speed Force. She and Ollie should have done more than just the "Please, don't go," tactic. They should have tied him down and made him stay.
She shouldn't have let him go.
But Bar—
Her fingers dug into the asphalt.
Barry Allen was a hero — a superhero — and she knew a thing or two about sacrifice. So she let him be what he was, let him do what he thought was right. She had let go of his hand and he had run full speed into the Speed Force to apprehend Savitar, fully intending to come back a little after dinner to be back with her and Ollie.
He never did.
Instead it had been Savitar the Speed Force spat out, with the Flash's head gear crumpled in his hand. She still couldn't truly process the words, "He's dead," when he'd said it. Even though it wouldn't have had hurt her, Ollie had still caught her as she'd stumbled backwards.
"I killed him, Ollie. I killed him. It was me. He's dead, he's dead. Ollie, he's gone because of me. You shouldn't be here because I killed him."
"No, no," Ollie was trying to say, but he couldn't get a word in.
"If he were alive, we would know it. We would've gotten a message. He died in the Speed Force—
"Kara, he is not dead."
"—I let him go and he's dead—"
"He is not dead."
"—because I killed him—"
"He's not dead."
"—I killed him—"
"He's not dead."
"—I killed him... He's gone. You're gone. You shouldn't be here."
"You didn't kill him. Kara, look at me. You haven't lost me and he is alive. Okay? Barry Allen of Earth-1 is alive. We got a call from Cisco and we just learned that he's still alive in the Speed Force."
"He's... alive?" The words tasted foreign in her mouth, but it was beautiful and she savored it.
"Cisco vibed him."
"He's alive." She said like it was the truth, like she didn't kill him.
"Savitar—" Ollie stopped. She knew he was about to say something awful but elected at the last second not to mention it. She didn't know whether to be angry at him for hiding something from her or be relieved, because right now, she didn't want to know anything about Savitar, not right now. "He's alive, Kara."
"He's alive."
"That's right. And I'm taking you to Earth-1. Let's go. We're getting our Barry back. Together. Okay?"
Bar—
She smiled a little through the pain, through the wound in her chest that was gradually getting smaller; the weight was still heavy, but it was getting lighter, just a tiny bit.
Her Barry's alive and she had her Ollie back.
Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave comment.
