Rating: PG-13 (T)
Genre: Horror/General
Summary: You envied her. You wished you were her. Emmy Sawyer would have done anything to become Christine Daae, but some things are best left unsaid. AU Modern Day tale. Slight EOC. Dark Erik
Disclaimer: I do not own Erik or any of the characters of the Phantom of the Opera, but I do own Emmy and the rest of the made-up characters.
A/N: This story had begun with some inside jokes, which my friends and I kidded about until a plot blossomed in my disturbed mind. Cheers for the Phanatics! You know who you are and this is for any girl who ever dreamt about being Christine and finding it to be a nightmare. This story does poke fun of the Phangirls but in good nature. Heck I'm part of the wild group so I found this amusing. A big shout out to my beta Halley! Thanks so much girl! To those reading The Promise, fear not! I'm not giving up on it. I'll be working on both stories. Enjoy and please don't forget to review!
A Deadly Obsession
By: Erik'sTrueAngel
Confessions I
Emptiness and darkness. All that's ever been part of my life for the past thirteen years. In the lonely nights I hear the screams of that unfaithful night when I not only lost my innocence, but my sanity as well.
It wasn't fair for a young girl of seventeen, her life held out in front of her, but then again has life ever been fair? At least not until I had met him.
Sometimes I wondered if there even was a he. Perhaps I made him up? It would put my mind at ease if that were true, but then again looking back it seems possible. Though anything concerning him wasn't possible. It just was. No explanation, no strings attached. That was how he lived. That was how he ruled.
In my frustrated moods I blame him for this mess. I wouldn't feel so isolated or cold had I never met him. I could have probably enjoyed life right now with a husband and kids. No… instead I'm a prisoner trapped within my mind and fears. Imprisoned by my soul. Never will be there escape for me, he made it evident to me under his tutelage.
I had no choice but to accept my Fate. I'm safe. Safe away from the world and him. Though I don't even know if he's around…
But as much as I would like to pin the fault on him I had a role in it as well. Too many 'if only' scenarios came to mind that could have helped keep me from the loneliness in my shattered heart. If only I had said "no" in the beginning. If only I had listened to my gut instinct. But worse of all—if only I didn't have that fantasy.
Ever since birth I've been a devoted fan of The Phantom of the Opera. There are nicknames for my loyalty—Phangirl, Phanatics, and Fop-Hater. There was no doubt in my mind I was destined for the titles since I was in the womb.
I blame this love on my mother. She always had a fondness for the music and storyline. I swear while I rested inside her I could hear the Phantom and Christine's love and passion for each other. Their tragic tale beckoned me and I needed to heed its sweet call.
My growing up was consistent of their relationship. The first novel I learned how to read had been Gaston Leroux's wonderful tale. By the time I was six, I could recite the lyrics of the musical by heart. I bet any amount of money I could have sang them backwards. And when I was eight, I saw the musical for the first time in Toronto starring Kiss's Paul Stanley as the Phantom. It truly had been a night of magic and wonder that awakened me to the real meaning behind the Opera Ghost and his ingénue's bond.
You could imagine that this built-up admiration led me to be bullied a great deal. No one could understand why it would bring me to tears every time the Phantom sang, "I love you" to Christine as she leaves with Raoul. They didn't understand the depths of his love for her. They didn't understand the lengths he would go to have her in his arms, to love him like he loved her. They didn't understand they were bonded together for eternity.
Eventually, I became envious of the two. I wished I were taught to sing by a man who would fall in love and do anything for me. I wouldn't care if he were to have a colorful past or if he was deformed, Hell; I wouldn't care if he stalked me! I wanted… no craved to experience a soul-binding love like that. I wanted to know what it would be like to have such desired stirrings within me for the first time by simply hearing his voice! I was only eleven.
That was when an idea came to mind. I knew if I wanted to have a man like the Phantom I would have to become Christine Daae. It would be tedious and hard, but I knew I could make it a reality. Anything could happen if you put your heart and soul into it.
I was fortunate to inherit the dark brown color, though I didn't possess Christine's curls. In fact I possessed no waves or curls, but straight dull hair. Nonetheless, I owned a curling iron and rolls that could produce a close take on the singer's tresses. If I were lucky…
Then came the matter of a childhood friend, a boy to be precise. None of the boys in my neighborhood were Vicomte material and frankly thought me weird. No way would I ever develop an innocent crush on them if I wished. Well, I never liked Raoul so I could do without him.
Now I needed a Meg confidante. The friends I already had hardly come close to the description of the friendship between Meg and Christine. One reason was that they never kept my secrets, even if I had sworn them into the highest secrecy of sisterhood. Why? Mine were found to be enjoyable to gossip about. Plus we didn't have anything much in common except favorite TV shows and teachers. I wouldn't meet my Meg until freshman year.
The next part was tricky and I approached it as best as I could. Christine was a dancer and singer, two types of talents I did not owe up to, and there was only one way I knew how to become one. I begged my parents for ballet and voice lessons. We weren't what you call rich so the answers had been a firm no. But my mother was able to convince my father that ballet wouldn't be bad for me. I lasted the class for a half of the year before officially quitting. I didn't have the correct limber or balance like I should have. And having two left feet didn't help. Christine wasn't seeking a career in dancing so I shouldn't either.
The last issue remaining, of course, was my parenting. Bad news—both were alive. And my father wasn't even close to keeling over. Sadly, he was musically declined so no violin playing here folks. And his stories, well, were lacking in everything.
I was frustrated that my plan wasn't going the way it was suppose to. There were so many obstacles in my path that all prayers fell flat through. All I wanted was to be Christine Daae and I couldn't even come close to accomplishing the feat. I feared that I was never going to find my Phantom.
After discovering this, most people would call me obsessed. I called it passion. I was passionate towards the characters and story. Besides it wasn't like I seen the musical a million times. I had the pleasure of seeing it twice, thank you very much. If I were so "obsessed" wouldn't I stretch the limit by renaming myself as Christine? Or go as far as telling others I was visited in my dreams by a man singing to me?
Yet it was this passion that led me to my downfall. I'm stuck with the consequences that had followed.
Whenever night comes I fear the darkness that will soon take over my soul, the empty void that nothing can penetrate to save me. It's his unspoken realm, the place where the unpredictable could occur. He controls me, now, even if he isn't here. The night is his alone and I pray for the day when the light comes to rescue me. I hold onto that precious hope that one day I can emerge from this hideout to face the world…
I wished I were Christine Daae.
Be careful what you wish for… it could come true.
TBC…
How's that for a beginning? Well, you know the drill so let me hear it!
