DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ITS CHARACTERS! THAT'S ALL FOR RYAN MURPHY!
A/N: Here's my new fic! I will be updating every Monday and Friday (excluding this chapter, obviously), for I've already written this whole story. Please read and review when you're done! It's actually quite long, so bare with me. Future updates won't be nearly as long. Finchel kisses (goodbye )
Thanks For The Memories
Rachel Berry takes a deep breath as she walks up the stony path to the Hudmel house. It really is a beautiful day out. The sun is bright and shining down onto the perfectly trimmed grass, courtesy of Finn. The sky is crystal clear, the light blue showing endlessly.
She hates that she's about to ruin this perfect day.
But she has to.
So she rings the doorbell, which is totally unusual; normally she'd just go right in because according to Burt, Carole, Kurt, and Finn, this was her house too. It's different this time though. If she just went in she'd feel like she was barging in on their territory, disrespecting him even more than she already is.
"Oh, Rachel!" Burt opens up the door. "How's my favorite young gal?"
Rachel smiles brightly, putting on a show for the chipper middle aged man.
"Just as great as my favorite old guy," She smiles, giving him a friendly hug.
For some reason she feels really sick to her stomach when they pull away. Like that was the last hug.
"Rachel!" Carole exclaims. "Just the girl I was looking for! I was wondering if you wanted to look over some paint swatches with me for the apartment."
Rachel gulps and wonders what to say.
Thankfully, or maybe it really isn't a blessing, Finn pops in and speaks up.
"Mom, come on, give us a break. We've got a couple more months before we have to start thinking of the colors we'll paint our apartment."
Finn smiles radiantly at his beautiful girlfriend, leaning down to kiss her chastely on the lips. Rachel can't help but tense up, and Finn realizes the tight feeling that had coursed through her petite frame.
"Alright," Carole frowns. "Now you make me mad at the thought of my babies all leaving to go to New York. I mean, what are the odds that you, Kurt, Rachel, and Blaine will all be leaving me?"
Burt wraps his arms around his wife.
"Come on, Carole, let's go to the grocery store. I really want to have burgers tonight. Rachel, we'll make sure to pick you up some vegan alternative," Burt winks, escorting his wife out of the house and leaving Finn and Rachel all alone.
"Hey babe, what brings you over so soon today?" Finn smiles, pulling her into a hug and relishing in the feel of her smooth skin. "I thought we were going out after dinner to the fair? It'll be our last time at the Lima fair before we leave for New York."
She looks up with wide eyes that are sullen. Is she really going to do this when his mother wants to pick out paint colors and he wants to honestly go with her? And why do they have to keep using the term, 'we'? We are going to New York. It'll be our last time. Why is it about them two together? What happened to them as individuals?
"I-I have to talk to you about something," She says so quietly he has to strain to hear.
Sitting down on the couch in the living room, she looks down at her hands that are wringing each other.
"So, what is it?" Finn asks. "You're upset. Why?"
Tears start to form in her eyes. Why the hell does he have to know her so well?
"I don't want you to come with me," She says.
"What?" His face falls.
"I said that I don't-."
"I-I heard you. I just… I don't understand. What do you mean?"
"I can't make you walk away from a full ride scholarship to Ohio State. I can't make you leave your dreams for mine," She looks up at him finally. "I won't let it happen."
"That's not true; being in football isn't my dream, Rachel. You are. And I won't be happy unless I follow you. I'll go to NYU with you and I'll go for advertising or something…"
"But you don't want to do that. I know how much you want to be in the NFL, Finn. You have your chance."
He nods, "I know, but I'm willing to walk away from it all because I want to be with you."
"No!" She screams. "I don't want you to come with me, Finn!"
He looks taken aback by this and he squints his eyes slightly, feeling like she just slapped him.
"W-What?" He asks her hesitantly.
"I can't have my hick boyfriend dragging me down when I try to make it big, Finn," She explains.
"Oh, so I'm just some hick boyfriend," He stands up angrily. "Wow, thanks Rach, I really thought you believed in me more."
"I-I didn't mean to call you that," She sighs.
"Funny, because we grew up in the same town. So that kind of makes you a hick too, doesn't it Rach? You're not any better than me," He spits out.
She has tears streaming down her cheeks, "You don't mean that."
"And you don't mean that you don't want me to go to New York with you. I already applied for NYU, Rachel," He walks to her, placing his hands gently on her forearms.
She tears herself away from him before she can give in to his sweetness.
"I'm breaking up with you, Finn. You're going to go to Ohio State, and I'm leaving for New York."
"You can't stop me from going to New York. It's a free country."
"Sure you can go to New York. You're not going with me though."
He sits down on the couch, his head spinning.
"You're really doing this," He says slowly. "You're really breaking up with me just so you have a better chance of being a star."
She lets out a sob and nods the slightest bit.
"Screw you, Rachel," He shakes his head in disgust. "I-I don't even know you anymore."
"Finn-," She starts, trying to get him to understand her better.
She can't have any distractions when she goes to be a star. She can't have her hick town boyfriend, she can't have any remnants of Lima, Ohio at all because it could tarnish her chances. She can't let that happen. He should understand.
"Fucking leave!" He stands up, pointing to the door.
"Please, just try and understand-," She cries.
"Understand that I'm not good enough for you? Or for New York? I don't give a shit! I'm not going! You're right! Just get out of my damn house already!" He yells at her with eyes of fury and tears welling up in his eyes.
She quickly turns around and opens the door, running out of the house.
Funny; the sky has turned dark and as she drives home it starts to pour. Thunder booms and makes her heart hurt even more than it already does by the steamy pressure.
How'd she know that she'd ruin this perfect day?
"No!" Rachel screams, rolling around in the bed sheets. "No, don't go, don't go!"
"Rachel!" A firm voice yells and a strong hand is placed on her shoulder to stop her from going even crazier.
She wakes up, her hair sticking to her sweaty skin, her breathing completely ragged. She was having the dream again. The terrible one that's caused her nothing but trouble since it happened five whole years ago.
"Rachel, you've got to stop this! Neither of us will get any sleep if you keep this up," Adam sighs.
"But I was having a nightmare," She defends herself in a weak, scared voice.
Adam, Rachel's boyfriend of three years, rolls his eyes.
"And we both have a matinée show tomorrow after our daily morning spinning class. Yeah, we need our nine proper hours of rest," He growls. "Go back to bed, okay? It's just a stupid dream."
She nods her head slowly and snuggles up against him. He turns around, grumbling something about her being too sweaty to be sleeping up against him before going back into his own slumber.
Rachel tries to go back to sleep but fails miserably. She regrets not taking her Ambien for the past month. Everything had been going fine, but then the memories started up again. She's probably a psychopath or something, though she'd never have the guts to go to a therapist again and be evaluated. They told her she didn't have any serious medical conditions the last time they checked her out.
If only they knew that she was still hung over about her high school boyfriend, Finn Hudson, who she had been so deeply in love with. Had been.
Taking a shower and making herself a cup of tea, she settles in the living room and reads her favorite book that Mercedes had wrote. Rachel can't get over the different paths all her old high school friends had went.
If only she had been there with them to experience it. They all knew where she was going. She left them all behind, with the exception of Kurt and Blaine. To be honest, every day she misses her family and friends from Ohio more and more deeply to the point where she has to just break down and cry in her dressing room between shows.
She knows that her life is unhealthy.
But she has great things going for her too! She has her career, her wonderful, amazing career that she wouldn't give up for anything. She'd worked her ass off for two years at NYU before being noticed. She deserved that little part as a choir girl in Rent.
Then she met Adam Zimmer. He was playing Rodger in the play and he was, and is, so talented. They were exactly alike and she was sure that he was the straight version of Kurt. She's sure that Adam is her twin. In fact the only difference between he and Kurt is that she can have sex with him and both enjoy it.
Adam helped her get to the top, and now Rachel had been playing Maureen for the next year until the show had gone off Broadway. She was sad at first until she realized she was nominated for a Tony, People's Choice, and an Oscar (all of which she had gladly been rewarded with later that year). Oh, and who can forget the many offers she was getting from other Broadway producers, all wanting the new starlet in their new musicals?
She had gone with her two year contract with Wicked, casted as Elphaba. She loved her job and she loved being in the spotlight and getting all the attention from the people.
Weird how all the people loved her, but all she really wanted was that one boy to love her too.
She hadn't seen her dads' since she dropped out of college. She hadn't seen her friends and Finn since she left for New York. She had made that decision and she regretted it every single day.
So why hadn't she left and gone back to her home?
Because she couldn't just walk away from what she had built up all herself. She was too proud to do so.
There's a price to pay for stardom.
-glee-
"Hudson, you're doing great, kid. I swear the scouters will be begging you to take up their offers. You'll be drafted by this time next year," Coach Jenson pats the tall boy on his back. "Proud of you, kid. But now, you get your ass to the gym! Just because you graduated college doesn't mean you get to slack off!"
Finn smiles, "Oh, please old man. You're glad that I came to be an assistant coach for you Ohio State. You know I haven't been slacking."
Coach smiles, "I know, kid, I know. And hey, I'm not that old… yet! My wife still gets a hell a lotta fun out of me."
Finn shakes his head, "Gross, Coach, just gross. I'll see you tomorrow."
Finn gets into his old truck and drives off to his apartment in a fairly good mood. Really, life was pretty good for him right now. He'd graduated college last spring with a teaching degree (he kind of needed an actual major to be able to use his full-ride scholarship at OSU, and teaching just sort of stuck out to him since he always wanted to be like Mr. Schue), he got a job as an assistant coach for the Buckeyes, and he gets laid by a hot college chick all the time.
How could life not be good.
As he brags in his mind about how much a stud he is, he feels this dull ache in his heart. He coughs, trying to just get it to stop, but he knows that he's never going to be able to. It's been a permanent ache ever since he was eighteen years old and Rachel Berry left him behind.
Funny because she still took his heart with her after she had beaten it up, leaving it bruised and tattered; broken.
He gets into his okay apartment in Columbus. It's actual pretty nice and spacy for one guy to live in. Two bedrooms, big kitchen and living room. Kurt and his mother designed the theme because they had practically begged him to let them do so. Apparently the beige walls and plaid everything else it was sporting before nearly caused Kurt to have a stroke.
So he let them do what they wanted as long as it was still manly. And it was. It was Kurt's favorite shades of Chanel, although Finn kept repeatedly telling him that they were just autumn colors; brown, orange, and burgundy.
He cracks open a beer and tosses himself down onto the suede couch in his sweaty practice clothes like usual, turning the TV on and chugging the whole brew when he sees her on the entertainment channel.
"As usual," He growls.
'So Rachel, how's Adam doing?' The reporter asks, shoving a microphone in Rachel's flawless, beautiful face.
He still can't believe how much she's changed since he last saw her. Just this past year he'd been seeing photographs and interviews of her in the media because she must have finally made it big. Good for her. Looks like she finally got what she wanted. He lets the bitterness settle into his bones once again.
He wants to just change the channel, but he can't because his interest was piqued at the name 'Adam'. Kurt had sent him an email years ago telling him that Rachel finally got herself a new boyfriend. He was happy because she was finally moving on. She needs to. He needs to. Finn had sent an email to Kurt once a week asking how she was doing. He knew she had hit a pretty low time a couple of years back when she had some sort of break down because her life had become a big mess.
By indirectly communicating with her, he was able to make sure that if he really needed to help her, he could.
'Oh, things with Adam are going fantastic! I love him. He's the greatest boyfriend I've ever had and I feel really great about this one,' She replies with a chipper attitude.
Is it strange that he's probably the only one in the world who can detect the lies dripping with each word?
Then again, he hadn't been in contact with Rachel Berry for five years.
Five whole years of not knowing exactly how much she has changed.
After her interview (yeah, so he couldn't stop looking at her with amazement because let's face it, the girl is stunning) he turns the TV off and strips his articles of clothing off. He's about to step in the shower when the doorbell rings.
Wrapping a towel around his waist, he goes to the front door and opens up, next door neighbor and casual fuck mate Mindy coming to view. Her brown hair with tons of blonde high lights are in these perfect single curls and she stares at him with her dark blue, lust filled eyes.
"Heey," She grins. "I just stopped by to see if you had any body wash. It appears as if I ran out."
He smiles at how quickly she had started flirting with the situation he was in, half naked and steam from the bathroom very visible to anyone in the doorway.
"Well, lucky you I have tons of soap. And I was just getting ready to take a shower. You want to join me?"
She steps in, closes the door, and peels her shirt off to reveal her C-cup sized breasts.
"Of course."
As they screw in the shower, he squeezes his eyes shut and drops his head to the crook of her shoulder. Is it wrong that he's imagining being in someone else right now? A particular petite brunette?
Everything is wrong as he slams into her; Mindy is loose. She's tall and curvy and pretty much blonde and has this small nose and blue eyes. It's not right because every time he's fucking with someone, may he be sober or not, he's always imagining it's her.
Is he really that dude.
She leaves right after she dries off and he just goes to bed, exhausted from his physical-related day. Football and sex. When will there be a change up?
Stretching his body on the full mattress, he drifts off into an uneasy slumber.
That nightmare plays in his head for what seems like the millionth time.
They've broken up and he can't believe it. He's been holed up in his room for the past four days with no contact to the real world. Just living in this little space, the cowboy paper taunting him.
God, he's so screwed. Like, why would he just let her do this to him? How could she do this to him?
Out of rage, the night they had broken up he cancelled his registration to NYU and quickly sent an email to OSU to tell them that he's so sorry for the short notice. Thank the Lord that the recruiter wanted his talents really badly and two days later they told him he could still get in if he paid for his dorm fees. Everything else would be covered.
He had checked his savings account with all the money he had earned and saved up from working at Sheets and Things so he could go to New York before taking out almost all of it and paying his dorm in full.
That was that.
He was officially not going to New York with Rachel.
The door burst open and Kurt comes in.
"The fuck, Kurt?" Finn snarls. "Shut the damn door."
Finn shoves the bottle of Jack Daniels he had gotten from Puck under the bed and looks up at his pissed off brother.
"You're just going to let her leave?" Kurt asks. "You're not going to put up a fight or at least say goodbye?"
"No, I'm not putting up a fucking fight. She doesn't want me!" Finn yells. "I don't know if I'm saying goodbye or not yet. I have time to think it over."
Kurt shakes his head, "No you don't, Finn. She's leaving for New York tomorrow afternoon."
Finn sits up, "Why so early?"
"Because she can't be in this town any longer," Kurt softly speaks, knowing how torn up his brother is but agreeing with his best friend on her reasons for leaving so soon and leaving everything behind.
"So this is it then, huh?" Finn asks sullenly.
Kurt nods, "Just thought I'd let you know."
With that he leaves the room.
Finn runs a hand over his face in frustration, taking a swig of the poison liquid to further impair his judgment. Should he say goodbye?
Yes, he needs to. He loves her. No matter what she says or does, he still is irrevocably in love with Rachel Berry. What if she changes her mind when he shows up and is all romantic? Then he can have the best of both worlds! Of course he'd have to get some money from Burt and his mom to pay for college, but who cares!
He can win her back.
He goes to sleep to get a good night's rest for his adventurous day ahead of him.
-glee-
He gets to the Berry residence and knocks on the door eagerly. His hands are sweaty and he's afraid he's going to crush the stems of the gerber daisies he had purchased for her because they're her favorite. He feels the locket he had gotten her as a house warming gift but decided it was proper to give now heavy in his pocket. He was going to see her and convince her that she wanted him to go with her.
Leroy opens the door and smiles uncomfortably.
"Oh, hi Finn," He says. "It's… nice seeing you. Please, come in."
Finn smiles politely, "It's nice seeing you too, Leroy."
He goes through the door and is in the foyer when Hiram comes up.
"Finn! What brings you here?" Hiram asks.
"I actually came to see Rachel," Finn said, looking down at the daisies.
Hiram's face falls and he looks at Finn with wide eyes. Leroy clears his throat.
"Um, Finn, Rachel left for New York just an hour ago. I'm afraid you missed her," He breaks it to the boy.
Finn looks at them with a confused face.
"But I thought she wasn't leaving… I thought she wasn't leaving until the afternoon? It's only nine AM," Finn points out in a monotone voice.
"I'm sorry," Hiram sighs. "We know that Rachel abruptly left us all."
Finn nods, "Uh… Thanks for telling me."
He turns to the door and runs out, dropping the daisies into the garbage can out on the street.
Screw this, screw her.
He missed his chance and now he was never going to get her back.
He was going to OSU. She was going to New York. They were no longer finchel and would never have that again.
End of story.
