Author's notes: I wrote this story a couple of years ago, as a secret santa exchange gift for Epiphany sola Gratia. As I was posting this year's gift, I took a look at my account and found out that, for whatever reason, I never posted it! I don't know what happened back then, but here you go! May it make you smile!
"Lies! All of it, lies! Stop mocking me, dwarf!"
"Now, now, Seeker. If you don't want to hear a story, you shouldn't ask questions to a storyteller, especially one as prolific and talented as I."
"I did not ask for a story. I asked for the truth!"
"I'm telling you the truth. Only a slightly… embellished version of the truth."
"You mean like lies."
"Fine, fine, lies. But to be fair, Seeker, these are not my lies. Yours is not the only organisation with frightening threatening powers. You're not even the scariest one."
"We already know who you met in the Deep Roads, dwarf, and it was not some random Wardens. We know you met the Hero of Ferelden and her Wardens from Amaranthine. They were the ones down there when Anders went in search of a way to save Hawke's sister."
"You knew? Then why didn't you say so in the first place? We could have avoided all this nasty name calling. I've been waiting to tell this story for more than ten years!"
"Then proceed. Truthfully, this time."
"As you wish."
"She's getting worse, Anders."
The words were spoken so softly that Varric would have missed them, had he not been standing so close to the mage. Hawke's voice, pitched low and laced with worry, sounded nothing like its usual sarcastic, laughing counterpart.
"I know," Anders whispered back, sounding just as worried. "I told you it could be quick. We shouldn't be too far, now, I think I can… I think they're near."
"Garrett…"
Bethany's voice was barely above a whisper, but all heads turned towards her when she uttered that one word. She had stopped walking a couple of steps ago and was now leaning with her back against the wall, slowly sliding down. Varric watched as Hawke forced a cheerful smile on his face before turning to her.
"What's up, sis? Dragging your feet again? Maker, you're such a slowpoke! Always have been." He crouched by her as she finally fell to the ground, her head nodding gently, as if she couldn't hold it straight. "Do you remember that time when Father sent us into town to get some stuff from Barlin and it took us three days?"
Bethany's smile was weak, but clearly there when she answered.
"It took us three days because you had to… pay a lengthy visit to that guy from the… the tavern… nothing to do with me."
"Ah, yes, that's right," Hawke said, sighing dramatically. "And what a waste of time it was, too. The guy had absolutely zero interest in me. Kept asking about my beautiful, bosomy sister…"
That got a chuckle from her.
"If he could see me now… maybe you'd have a shot, brother."
"Nonsense. You're stunning as ever. Where did you find time for that hairdo? No wonder you're dragging behind."
"You sweet, little liar," Bethany whispered, as her hands came up instinctively to fluff her hair. "I'm hideous, surely."
"I would never… Varric, am I lying? Isn't my sister beautiful?"
As Hawke turned away from his sister to look at him, Varric saw the smile vanish from his face and the look of desperation that replaced it hit him in the gut like a blow. He forced a smile on his own lips as he looked past Hawke at Bethany.
The taint was now clearly visible. Bethany's face was ghostly pale, marred here and there by dark marks, like black blood under the skin. Her lips were blue, dry and cracked, her eyes hollow and circled with black, the white almost completely injected with blood. She looked like… like it was already too late for her. Just when he thought he couldn't hate Bartrand any more…
That was not what she needed from him, though, and he smiled at her, letting the wave of hate wash over him. His brother would pay for that too. He swore it.
"You know I can hardly resist you, Sunshine. You're like a rose in bloom, a shining star in this wretched, dark place. If I wasn't a taken man, I'd kiss you right now."
"Lies," Bethany breathed, but she was still smiling.
"Someone's coming," Anders whispered urgently. "I think it's the Grey W… oh, bullocks."
"What?" Hawke asked, on his feet in a second.
They could hear people talking, the sound of voices soon loud enough that they could make out the words.
"I'm just saying, ya know, maybe we don't need to worry so much about a guy who's capable of blowing up an ogre to pieces, that's all!" an apologetic female voice was saying. A low, masculine grunt answered her.
"I'm not worried for the dwarf, Sig. I'm worried about the blowing up part. Having tons of rock over my head is troubling enough without thinking that they could drop down on me any moment, if the guy decides to do some testing. I prefer to have him here, with us, so I can watch him closely."
"His brother's probably with him, he's the responsible one. I'm sure everything will be fine, Nate. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right? Being stuck in the Deep Roads, dead and forgotten? Been there, you know… done that. No big deal."
"To you, maybe. At least I'll be dead in cheerful company."
"Always glad to help!"
"Silence."
The third voice, louder and distinctly female, had the unmistakable authoritative tone reserved to those used to command. Aside from being immediately obeyed by the two other voices, it also had the interesting side effect of making Anders' face turn white as a sheet.
"Just our luck…" he whispered, closing his eyes.
"What? What's wrong?" Hawke pressed urgently.
"Nothing. Just… I know them, is all. They think I'm dead."
"Not anymore."
The Wardens had turned the corner of the tunnel and were now facing them. Two of them, a dwarven woman with her face covered in black tattoos and a man with dark hair holding a bow, were staring at Anders, gaping in shock. Their leader, the one who had spoken last, another dwarven woman clad in an impressive black heavy armor, was also staring, her expression impassive. She was the first one to move, crossing her arms casually, her head tilting back.
"Well. Anders. Imagine that. Fancy meeting you here."
Her flat, emotionless voice did not betray her thoughts any more than her composed expression. Anders bowed his head slowly, as if defeated.
"Sereda."
"That's still Commander to you. Or are you the filthy traitorous deserter they say you are."
Anders straightened a little at that, meeting the woman's challenging stare.
"Commander," he said more clearly.
She nodded in approval, her expression still inscrutable.
"Can't say I'm overly surprised, though. Apparently the Deep Roads are full of not-really-dead people. Isn't that right, Sigrun."
The two Wardens behind her seemed to shake themselves from whatever stupor the sight of Anders had plunged them in.
"That's right, Commander!"
"Hum… Sorry to interrupt, I can see that something hugely important is happening and all but… hum… Anders?"
All eyes turned to Hawke, who was struggling to support Bethany as she seemed on the verge of passing out.
"Right," Anders said, turning back to the Commander. "Huh… I guess, I mean, I need… she needs… help. Could you…?"
The Commander looked at Bethany, her eyes reduced to two slits.
"I see." Her eyes never leaving Hawke's sister, she turned her head towards the man behind her. "Nathaniel."
"Yes, Commander. I will make the necessary preparations."
"Well, that was easy," Varric said, surprised. The Commander turned her gaze on him, seemingly studying him for a while, before looking back at Bethany. The two other Wardens were trying to pry her from Hawke's clutching hands.
"Anders. A word."
The Commander turned heels and walked away, not looking behind. With a heavy sigh, Anders followed diligently.
Hawke slumped down next to Varric, watching as the two Wardens took Bethany further into the cave, until they were out of sight.
"I'd say that went rather well, Hawke, considering… well, everything."
"Right. I'll try to keep that in mind then."
"Hey."
Varric and Hawke looked up as the man sat next to them, leaning against the cave wall, his forearms resting on his raised knees.
"Sigrun is almost done with the Joining now. We'll know more in a few minutes. I'm Nathaniel Howe," he said, extending a hand.
"Garett Hawke."
"Varric Tethras."
They shook hands, then Nathaniel motioned to the other end of the tunnel.
"They're still going at it?" he asked. Varric turned to look at the two figures in the distance.
"They've been talking for a while now. I guess they must have a lot of catching up to do. You know, I have to ask: should I be worried for Blondie here? Is your boss the vindictive, murderous type?"
"She can be," Nathaniel answered with a little half-smile. "And it's not like Anders wouldn't deserve it," he added in a more bitter tone. "But… she is also known to give second chances to people who don't really deserve it."
"She sounds like a lot of fun."
"She does have her moments." Then, after a beat, he added: "Blondie?"
Varric shrugged. "It suits him, wouldn't you agree?"
"Hmph," Nathaniel mumbled noncommittally.
"Varric," Hawke said, suddenly getting to his feet. The other dwarven woman was coming back.
"Well, it's done!" she said. "Now, you must understand that I absolutely can't under any circumstances tell you anything about…"
"She's not here, Sig," Nathaniel said softly.
"Oh. Then…" She looked to the far end of the cave where Anders and his Commander were still talking, then lowered her voice significantly. "Your sister will be fine. She's… hum… resting right now, but she'll live for sure. You didn't hear this from me, though. We're not supposed to say anything to the family, but... She's lucky enough to have people that care for her. I think you deserve to know."
"Thank you. Can I see her?" Hawke asked, already walking in Bethany's direction.
"Well, huh… she's not so much resting as she's… unconscious right now. And also, that might be pushing it a little bit…"
"Just tell her you couldn't stop me," Hawke called over his shoulder before turning the corner and disappearing.
"Right. That's going to be a fun conversation!" Sigrun said, dropping next to them. "I'm Sigrun, by the way."
"Varric. So, tell me: this Commander of yours, she's the Hero of Ferelden, right? How is she?"
"She's great! In a really stern, serious, unsettling sort of way. She' an Aeducan, you know."
"So I heard. She doesn't look like any of the dwarven nobles I know, though. Less fluffy plumage and empty words."
"Oghren – oh, he's a Warden, he was with her during the Blight – well Oghren told me that she was framed for her brother's murder – framed by her other brother, see – and that's why she was sent to the Deep Roads to die when the Wardens found her. He said she went back to Orzammar, gained enough power to put another guy on the throne and slit her treacherous brother's throat herself, in front of all the Assembly."
"Maybe gossiping about the Commander with strangers is not the wisest course of action, here, Sig," Nathaniel warned with a hint of repressed laughter in his voice.
"Oh, Nate, a little trust goes a long way. Plus, he seems okay. You're okay, right, Varric? You have a trustworthy face."
"And it has served me well, young lady. But fear not: I am known to appreciate a good story, especially one that ends with murder and mayhem. Hm... 'Slaugther in Orzammar'… or 'Butchery at the Assembly'? I can almost hear the gasps!"
"She does get the job done, though. Never killed so many Darkspawn, even with the Legion, and we were all but running after the blasted things back then! Maybe she attracts them or something…"
"Hm. And what do you think she's telling Blondie over there? I'm guessing she doesn't take to desertion too well either."
"Oh, that's easy to imagine! Let's see…" Sigrun got to her feet, finger brandished sternly in front of her, mimicking her Commander's posture at the other end of the tunnel. "It probably goes something like this: 'Shame on you, Anders. Our duty to dismember Darkspawn and eradicate evil and rescue stray cats and search wooden boxes and stuff is a sacred duty. You are not dutifully fulfilling your duty. Duty-duty-duty, shame-shame-shame.' Interspersed with some stern silent glaring. Like this."
Nathaniel shook his head, "Sigrun…"
Sigrun turned her 'stern silent glare' on him and he raised his hands in surrender.
"Fine. But if she hears you, I'm not getting you out of it."
"Pff. Do you ever?" Sigrun looked over at the two figures still talking in the distance. "I wonder how Anders is handling it. What's he saying?"
"Oh, I can venture a guess or two," Varric said, getting to his feet. "Let's spin a story, you and me, Perky."
His head dropped and he raised a hand to his forehead, adopting Anders' posture.
"But Commander," he said, in a high-pitched, whiny voice, "I couldn't stay with the Grey Wardens anymore. I have become so boring, what with the not drinking and the not playing and the ranting about Templars all the time." "
"I find that very hard to believe," Nathaniel said, his eyebrows raised in surprise. "I think it very unlikely that Anders would say these words."
"You haven't seen him in a while, have you? I can assure you, I am very in character."
"Can he have changed that much?" Sigrun pondered. "I rather think he'd be saying something like: 'What can I say, Commander? There was this brunette, I bought her a drink and next thing I know I woke up in an alley behind the Grand Cathedral in Orlais with a migraine, some torn trousers, a cracked pot and a monocle. No idea how I got there. True story!'"
"Well, he told us he was a bit wild back in the day," Varric said, "but this isn't the Blondie I know."
"And Sig, look closely. This… posture… he doesn't look like he's trying to lie and charm his way out of anything," Nathaniel added, gesturing at Varric who promptly resumed Anders' defeated pose.
"I'm telling you, he's saying something like… hold on let me get back into character here…" Varric threw his head back, a hand pressed to his forehead like a tragic figure. "Being very dull takes up so much of my time, I couldn't fit Darkspawn slaying into my daily routine anymore. I'm all about the absence of fun now."
Sigrun's face lit up before taking on a falsely stern expression again.
"Now Anders," she said, shaking a finger at Varric, "that is no excuse to run away and not do your duty. You know how much I love not having any fun at all."
"My live-in spirit made me do it, Commander. You two would get along great. He's a surging, glowing blue fountain of no fun."
Sigrun stared at him for a while.
"Okay, wow, sorry, but you're gonna have to give me a little bit more to work with, here. What's a live-in spirit?"
"You mean… you mean you guys don't know?" Varric voice slowed as he spoke, as he realised that maybe he shouldn't be talking about this but knew it was too late to keep silent. "Anders wasn't possessed by a spirit of Justice when he was with you?"
Sigrun's arms fell to her side, her mouth hanging open in shock. Nathaniel slowly got to his feet, staring at Varric.
"What?"
"Wow. Well that's… that's something," Sigrun said in awed stupor after Varric was done explaining the circumstances of his first meeting Anders.
"I guess, in a way, I'm glad Justice was able to find a way to keep going," Nathaniel said, frowning. "But what you are telling us is indeed troubling, my friend."
"Troubling?" Varric repeated, eyebrows raised. "Yeah, I guess that's a word for it, although I could come up with a few less polite ones. I thought you guys knew this already, though. How is your Commander going to react to this piece of news, now, I wonder?"
"It's possible we may have finally found a way to render her speechless," Nathaniel ventured. "Maybe that's why this is taking so long."
"Ha!" Sigrun laughed. "You think she's actually just standing there, frozen in shock, and they're not saying anything? Come on! Stoic, dutiful, boring Justice in Anders' hot body? I know exactly what's going on over there." She spun Varric around until he was facing her. "Okay, you be Justice now."
"All right." Varric changed posture, swelling out his chest, shoulders thrown back, and scowling angrily. "How's that?"
"Oh, Justice," Sigrun cooed, batting her eyelashes. "When we met I thought you were so righteous and sexily severe, like me, but the fact that you were possessing a putrefying corpse at the time was kind of a turn off. But now, look at you! All solemn and unforgiving and sexy! I'd swoon if I wasn't always so impassive."
"It is not just to waste time on frivolities such as feelings and sexiness when we could be righteously slaying the unjust," Varric said, voice deep and booming. Sigrun brought an open hand over her heart.
"Oh, Justice, you always knew how to sweet talk a girl! Come on, say something else. Something hot."
"It is the duty of the righteous to bring justice to the world by hitting people very hard with big and heavy weapons."
"Oh, yes, that is so sweet! Please, continue!"
"Doing anything that can cause any kind of fun is highly unjust, and the people doing such things should be punished, or at least judged very harshly and stared at with severity and contempt."
"Oh, it's like you see right through to my very soul! I've never heard anything so beautiful!"
"This is horrible to watch on so many levels," Nathaniel breathed, his eyes wide. "And yet… I can't look away."
"Oh, yes, Justice, I am yours! Smite me, smite me with your mighty scepter! Oh… huh… what's with the faces, you guys? Damn. She's right behind me, is she?"
"Indeed, she is."
The Commander's voice was unfazed as ever, her carefully raised eyebrows the only change in her stoic face. Behind her, Anders was smiling hesitantly.
"Maker, I missed you, Sig," he sighed.
"Ha! Commander! Let me explain…"
Sereda raised a hand to silence her.
"How did the Joining go?"
"Oh! Very… huh… normal. Yup, normal Joining, nothing secret to tell about the Joining at all!"
"Uh-huh. And where is the brother."
"He's here," Hawke answered, appearing around the corner, supporting a wobbly, but awake, Bethany.
"I see." The Commander's eyes turned to Sigrun again, and the rogue seemed to shrivel under her stare.
"I couldn't stop him?"
"Yes. I can see he overpowered you with great difficulty. Well, say your goodbyes, people. It is time for us to lea…"
A sudden, powerful explosion kept her from finishing her sentence. The whole cave shook violently as tons of rocks fell from the ceilings, sending everyone running for some semblance of cover. A deep, jubilant laughter could soon be heard over the thundering sounds of falling debris.
"Haha! Marvellous, simply marvellous! Would you look at that, brother? And I didn't even bring the whole cave down on us this time!"
Two dwarves emerged from a dense cloud of dust, one of them exultant, the other one shaking his head slowly.
"Ah, Commander, just the person I wanted to see!" the happy one exclaimed. "Admire my handiwork! Did you see that?"
"Yes, I did." Sereda got back to her feet, dusting herself off. "I was right here."
"Told you he would," Nathaniel muttered, helping Sigrun up as the rest of them all got back to their feet.
"There was some Darkspawn pursuing us, Commander. Might be I pissed them off by trying to blow them all up earlier. Anyway, they're not coming through here now, that's for sure! The whole passage is sealed tight!"
"Dworkin. That was our way out."
"Oh." The dwarf turned around to contemplate his work thoughtfully. "Might be I can blow it open again for you, Commander?"
"No! Commander, please, don't encourage him!" the other dwarf pleaded. "You know him! He won't be happy until he blows us all up!"
"We'll try to find another way," the Commander conceded. "Looks like we're stuck working with each other for a while longer. Dworkin, Voldrik, this is Garrett, Bethany, Varric. And Ander's alive. Now let's all try to get out of here in one piece."
"Pleasure to meet you, friend," Dworkin said as they all started to walk, slapping Varric on the shoulder. "Life is never boring with this lot. I hope I didn't shake you up too badly back there."
"Not to worry," Varric assured him. "As a matter of fact, I find that the best stories often end with an explosion."
"Ha! Couldn't agree more."
