This story was taken directly from my Start Anew story, though it could also work as a one-shot, which is why I posting it again. I hope you like it.


Asgard, 965 A.D.

The people of Asgard were celebrating. On every street, there was cheering and songs, mead was drunk in every house, people hugged, laughed, clapped. There were smiles and cheer as far as the eyes could see.

However, if one were to look closely at the cheering Aesir, they would see the eyes filled with worry, grief, and despair. Fathers, and mothers clutching their sons' belongings to their chests, tears of rage and sorrow as they cursed fate and the Jotnar for taking their children away.

No matter how proud they were of their fallen sons, they grieved their deaths nonetheless.

Frigga stared at the realm of the tower she used as her chamber. Since the beginning of the war against Jotunheim, she and Thor had been placed in a secret building away from the city with only one of her handmaiden, Vela, to help her.

Slowly, Frigga pulled one of the blue curtains open and watched the people. She saw a middle-aged woman fall on her knees in front of a soldier, her mouth opened in a wail of anguish. She had just gotten the news that her son had fallen in battle.

Frigga stared at the woman with a blank expression and hollow eyes. Under other circumstances, she would have felt sympathy towards that poor woman's plight, but her heart was cold now and unfeeling. All she felt was resentment.

That woman might have lost her son, but at least she had the chance to have him.

Frigga pressed her forehead against the cold glass and closed her eyes, her right hand closed around the letter she carried in secret.

She could still feel him, moving inside her pregnant belly, growing inside her. Her baby, her precious child.

Balder.

She placed one hand on her empty belly. She remembered the pains of labor, the first cries of her child, her tears of joy as she held him for the first time and kissed his forehead.

But then, her baby stopped breathing. In a haze, she remembered Odin's screams, the healers, the sorcerers coming into the room.

The word curse being muttered over and over.

And then, her Balder was gone from her arms. By the time she came to, she was told by a crying Odin that their son had been cursed. As long as he stayed in Asgard, his life would be drained away. He was taken to her homeland, Vanaheim, and placed in her brother's care until they found how to break the curse.

But they never found a way, just as they never found out who had done it. There were thousands, even millions of people with a grudge against Asgard and Odin was unsuccessful to find who had done this to their son.

Her son.

And so, Balder grew in secret with Frey and Gerd, safe from further harm but under the guise of their son. At first, Frigga tried to spend every moment she could with him on Vanaheim, but her duties as Queen of Asgard were chains that always pulled her back and away from her son, ripping her heart in pieces.

The last time she had visited Balder, she could not take it anymore. While Odin talked with her brother and sister-in-law, she took the little boy into her arms and ran out the door. She was not thinking, she merely acted what her heart told her was right. She had her son, he was meant to be with her. Nothing else mattered except taking him away from Frey, from Odin and her duties as the cursed Queen of Asgard. As long as they were together, everything would be alright.

But then, Balder began to cry and struggle from her embrace. He wailed and screamed for someone behind him, his tiny hands reaching out towards the house they were escaping from.

It took Frigga a moment to realize that he was calling for "mama", but it was not her.

"Frigga! Don't!"

At the sound of her husband's strained voice, she finally stopped and looked back.

Odin was standing a few meters from Frey's house, his eyes filled with sorrow. Frey and Gerd were close behind him. Her brother stared at her with worry and sympathy, while his wife's eyes were filled with tears.

Balder finally broke free from her and ran back towards the house, passing Odin and throwing himself into Gerd's arms, crying for his mama. Slowly, Gerd pulled him against her chest, crying silently as she held him.

To Frigga, it felt like her heart had been ripped open from her chest. She had lost Balder in all the ways that mattered. He did not see her as his mother at all. In his heart, his mother was Gerd.

Falling to her knees, Frigga barely noticed as Odin took her back to Asgard, her shiny, golden prison, leaving her broken heart on Vanaheim.

After that day, she closed herself to everyone. She moved away from the chamber she shared with Odin and refused to talk or touch him. She spent her days lying in bed, refusing to eat, ignoring Odin's pleas and Thor's cries.

She did not want to see children, especially Thor, who laughed and played like nothing was wrong. Apparently, he had been told that his baby brother was not coming after all and, in his innocence, he merely placed his attention on another game and toys.

It was not fair. Frigga knew that she could not fault Thor for being there while Balder was not, but she could not help but feeling a wave of resentment every time, he came knocking on her door, only to feel crushed with guilt as he was taken away by a maid, crying for her.

When the war against Jotunheim began, Frigga's heart felt as frozen as the ice their enemies wielded. She saw her husband leave for battle with a blank stare and silence. Only in the privacy of her new chamber did she allow herself to cry, realizing that there was a chance he would never return.

Now the war was over. Asgard had prevailed once more and Odin lived to tell the tale.

Frigga pulled the letter from her pocket and opened it. Though she had read it enough times to know its content by heart, she could not help but want to make sure it really existed.

My dear sister,

Words cannot express the grief you must be feeling. As a mother myself, I cannot imagine what I would do if my daughter was taken from me so viciously.

I know you, sister. I know your heart's desire and I want to make it come true.

Asgard is your prison. As long as you are Queen, you will be kept away from Balder, chained by your title. No mother should face that kind of sacrifice. So, come home, sister. Come to Vanaheim and be with your son. There are pathways unknown even to Odin, we are ready to take you and Balder and hide you both away from him.

If it's Thor that bothers you, please do not. Thor is Asgard's and Odin's treasured first born. He will live surrounded by love, many women would gladly take your place as caretakers for the future king.

So, come home, my beloved sister. Come back and be the mother of your son. I will wait for as long as it takes.

Your sister,

Freyja

Frigga put down the letter and hid it away in her pocket. There was a small bag hidden under her bed. If she wanted, she could put on a cloak and leave in the dark of the night.

Staring at the mourning mothers in the streets of Asgard, Frigga made her decision. Tonight, everyone would be distracted by the celebrations, she could easily slip away into the mountains and leave forever.

She would be with Balder. She would take him and raise him. In time, he would forget Gerd and Frey and they would be together as mother and son like it should have been.

She would leave Odin and Thor.

Again, her chest ached. If she left, she would never see Thor again. Her son would grow up knowing his mother had abandoned him to be with his brother.

How could she do this? How could she leave her little Thor behind?

She wanted nothing more than to grab him and take him with her to Vanaheim, be with her two sons forever. But she knew this was not possible. Thor was the Crown Prince of Asgard, she could not take him from here.

Maybe Freyja was right. Thor would cry for a while, but he would forget her in time as other women took her place in his life. He would grow with his father's love and the love of his people. Maybe Odin would remarry and give him a loving stepmother. He would never feel alone.

Then, why did the thought of leaving him feel like it was tearing her apart? Why did the thought of another woman raising him give her pain?

Frigga closed the curtains and covered her face with her hands. Her heart was ripped in half and, no matter what she decided, it would never stop hurting.

"Frigga?"

She looked up. Frigga had been so wrapped up in her dark thoughts that she did not notice that someone had opened the door.

She stared in shock as Odin entered the chamber, still in his armor, his face covered with blood and his right eye missing from its socket.

"Odin!" she cried, instinctively running to him and placing her hands on his bloody face. "Your eye!"

Her husband smiled, grabbing her right hand pressing it gently against his rough one.

"A small price to pay for Asgard's victory," he told her, kissing her hand. "It's over now. You're all safe."

Despite the darkness in her heart, Frigga still felt relieved that her husband had survived and worried over the loss of his eye. She still loved him, he was still the same Odin she had fallen in love with when they were young.

Though his position as King chained her to Asgard.

She moved away from him, the light vanishing from her eyes. She noticed his wounded expression but did not allow herself to feel.

"Congratulations on your victory," she said. "I'm sure they will sing songs about this battle for the centuries to come."

"I have no interest in songs at the moment. This war was brutal, many good men perished. It will take weeks to retrieve all the bodies," he told her, revealing the sadness and exhaustion he had been keeping away from his warriors. "Knowing that you were here... that you and Thor were here, safe, was what kept me going in that ice Hel."

He tried to touch her arm, but Frigga moved away. She hated this distance between them, but she could not bring herself to love him again. Not when she was ready to leave him.

"There's something else I wish to tell you, my love," Odin said. "No one knows this yet and I wanted you to be the first to know."

Frigga crossed her arms over her chest. Odin's secrets no longer mattered. "What is it?"

The king stared at her for a few seconds, trying to find the right words. His hesitation made Frigga feel anxious about the nature of this secret.

"Odin?"

The king looked up with his remaining blue eye. He seemed worried.

"I've brought a child with me. From Jotunheim."

Frigga felt as if all the air in her lungs had been taken away. She stood in front of her husband, her mouth open and eyes wide before her expression changed from shock to absolute disgust.

"I should have known... A man at war with a frigid wife at home."

"Frigga! It's not...!"

"Who was she? One of your Midgardian worshipers? Did she gladly let you take her child to Asgard to be a god?"

"No! Frigga, that was not what happened!"

"Or was it a Jotun warrior woman instead?! They are formidable in battle from what I heard!"

"Frigga! I did not break our vows! I did not lay with another woman!" Odin yelled back. "This child is not mine! It's Laufey's!"

Frigga closed her mouth. She was not sure she had heard Odin correctly. Surely, she had misunderstood.

"Laufey's? You brought... Laufey's child here?"

Odin nodded. "I did."

"Are you mad?!" she yelled. "You kidnapped his heir? You brought a Jotun to Asgard?"

Odin shook his head, staring back at his wife with a pleading eye.

"I did not kidnap him. Farbauti gave birth to a runt. I found him inside Ymir's temple, suffering, dying..." the King of Asgard stared at his hands. "When I saw him lying there, abandoned... I could not leave him to that fate, Frigga. No infant deserves to be left to die all alone."

Frigga looked away from her husband's intense stare. Her heart might be cold, but she understood Odin's actions. How could a parent abandon their child to die? How could anyone ignore a dying baby in need? Odin had done the right thing. He had saved an innocent child, even though it was the child of his most hated enemy.

She moved further away, towards the windows and pulled the curtain open. The bright sun hurt her eyes.

"It's a boy?" she asked.

"Aye."

"The Crown Prince of Jotunheim here... in Asgard," she muttered. "What do you plan to do? I'm sure you have a plan for this boy."

"You think of me that calculating?"

"No. I know you have thought everything through before bringing this boy to your Realm. So, what is it that you are planning?"

Odin tentatively moved closer to his Queen, as if he was afraid she would run from him if he got too close.

"This child might be the key to peace. Permanent peace between Asgard and Jotunheim," he answered, not touching her but close enough to if he wished. "The rightful king of Jotunheim, raised among the Aesir, alongside Asgard's future King..."

Frigga turned quickly to face her husband, her eyes wide open.

"You mean to raise him alongside Thor?" she asked, her voice rising. "Here? With us?"

Odin's one eye filled with sadness. "Frigga... my love..."

"You mean to replace Balder with this Jotun child?!" Frigga yelled. "No! I will not allow it! No one can take my son's place! How dare you? How could you even think such a thing? Balder cannot be replaced! Not by Laufey's rejected runt!"

"Frigga!" Odin cried out, both saddened and shocked by her harsh words.

Frigga closed her mouth and rubbed her hand over her tired eyes. "I'm sorry... that was a cruel thing to say, but that is my answer, Odin. Balder cannot be replaced."

Odin let out a long sigh. "That is not what I want either. Of course, no one can replace our son, I would never ask that of you."

Frigga rubbed her arms, taking long deep breaths. Her head was pounding as painfully as her chest.

"I will find suitable guardians for the boy, but it might take a while. I'll be too busy dealing with the peace treaty and recovering our dead in the coming weeks," Odin told her. "Asgard is the most dangerous place for a young Jotun right now. Our people's hatred and grief can blind them, especially since the baby is Laufey's son. I'll need to keep his existence a secret for now and this tower is the safest building in the Realm. I humbly ask you to hide the baby here, until I find a proper guardian. I left him at the top of this tower, in the highest room. You will not need to see him, I only ask if you could send Vela to care for him. You said she is trustworthy."

Frigga faced her husband. She refused to think about the Jotun baby on the top of the tower, the mere thought of another baby that close to her made her ill, but she understood Odin's predicament. This child was innocent and she would never live with herself if she was somehow responsible for placing him in danger due to her bitterness and anger. Enough children had suffered already.

"Very well. I'll allow it. You may talk to Vela and explain the situation, she will not break our trust."

Odin smiled at her, his whole body relaxing with relief. "Thank you, my love."

Frigga nodded and turned around, her silent plea for her husband to leave.

"Before I go, I went to see Thor in his chamber below us," Odin said. "He... asked me to bring you this."

At the mention of Thor, Frigga turned to face Odin again. Her chest tightened when she saw what her husband had brought her from their son.

A yellow tulip, just like the ones from the garden where she and Thor used to play, still with the roots and dirt.

"He said he tried to give it you earlier, but you were asleep," Odin told her, handing her the flower.

With her eyes brimming with tears, Frigga took the tulip.

Oh, Thor. My sweet, little boy.

"I will see you later, my love," Odin said, slowing turning around and leaving her chamber, closing the door behind him.

Frigga finally fell on her knees, tears rolling down her cheeks. She pressed the tulip to her chest.

She could not leave them. She could not leave her Thor or Odin. Not tonight.

Later that day, by nightfall, Frigga went down the stairs and stood by Thor's chamber. She could hear her son yelling and Vela's voice trying to convince him to take a bath, her handmaiden was not successful. Thor was on a full tantrum.

Carefully, she opened the door. Thor's chamber was messy, toys on every surface, a plate with untouched vegetables, and yet it was still clean.

The little blond toddler was hiding under the bed while Vela tried to convince him to come out. Her handmaiden's brown eyes widened when she saw Frigga by the threshold, it was the first time in many months that she had come to this chamber.

"My Queen," Vela stood up and pulled her strawberry, blond hair away from her face.

"Goodnight Vela," Frigga said.

At the sound of her voice, Thor's head appeared from under the bed. He stared at her for less than a second before rushing across the room and hugging her legs tight.

"Mama! Mama!" he cried, burying his little face on her dress.

With her lower lips quivering, Frigga picked up her oldest boy and hugged him tightly. She had missed his touch, his scent. She had missed him so much. How could she ever leave him?

"Hello, my love," she told him, kissing him on the forehead. "What are you doing?"

"Mama come play!" the toddler urged her.

"My apologies, My Queen," Vela bowed. "I was about to give the prince his bath before cleaning the chamber."

"It's alright, Vela," Frigga told her. "I know this little one can be a handful. You may rest for today. I'll give him his bath."

Vela's eyes grew even wider, but Frigga could not blame her astonishment. For years she had locked herself away in her chamber, crying and mourning for Balder. The few times she had been with Thor were short and tense. There had been no place for him in her grieving heart.

Her precious baby Thor, who smiled and laughed and only wanted his mama.

Frigga gave Thor his bath and stayed with him for most of the night. The toddler was so excited to have her with him that he would not fall asleep, so they played with his toys, sang songs and listened to Frigga's stories. Finally, Thor fell into an exhausted yet happy sleep in his mother's lap.

Kissing him goodnight, Frigga silently left his chamber and went back into her own, also falling asleep. She only slept a couple of hours, before waking up with a terrible headache.

She looked out her window, it was still dark, but the sun was about to come out. Silently, she grabbed her robes and went to the bathroom down the hall of her floor. The warm water from the large tub connected to several natural fountains relaxed her tired muscles and relieved her headache substantially. These waters were connected to the hall of healing and shared many of its properties.

As she got dressed, Frigga heard a strange sound. She looked around, failing to locate its source when she realized it was coming from the ventilation shaft. This tower was old, and the bathrooms carried the sounds from other floors, this one was high pitched and weak, and it seemed to be coming from the upper floors.

It surprised Frigga to recognize it as the sound of a crying infant.

The Jotun baby.

Frigga dried her hair and left the bathroom. She returned to her chamber and its silence, feeling uneasy though she had no reason to. Surely Vela would go to the infant and take care of his needs, but there was something in those whimpers that bothered her.

Before she had time to think it over, Frigga left her chamber and walked towards the elevator. When she reached the top floor of the tower and the elevators doors opened, she heard the baby's cries coming from his chambers.

With her heart pounding in her chest, Frigga slowly opened the door and entered the chamber.

The first thing she noticed was the cold. The room was freezing and dark as every window was covered up with dark, thick drapes. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she realized the room was bare. There was only a cabinet, a table with a few bottles, a small tub under a faucet and a cradle right in the middle of the large, empty room.

Frigga walked towards the cradle, where the crying was coming from, and peeked inside.

There was a tiny, blue newborn crying inside the cradle, his tiny hands, and feet waving in the air.

Frigga stared at the baby with wide eyes. She was not sure what she was expecting Laufey's son to look like, but she had imagined a big, strong child, even though he was a runt. This infant was very small, even smaller than Thor and Balder had been. He looked frail and malnourished.

Were it not for his blue skin and skin marks, she would never guess this was a Jotun, let alone the son of the King of Jotunheim.

The newborn continued to cry, the sound echoing across the unfurnished chamber. Looking at him, small and helpless in his cradle, all alone on the top of this tower, made Frigga's heart ache.

Slowly, the Queen reached out and placed her hands on the baby's head. She was surprised by how cold his skin felt, like ice, but not cold enough to give her frostbite.

"Shh... do not cry, little one. It's alright," she whispered, but the infant continued to cry.

This was wrong. This child should not be in this lonely, cold place. He needed care and he needed to be held.

Being as careful as possible, Frigga placed her hands under the child and took him in her arms, instinctively rooking him back and forth.

She was surprised at how different holding this baby felt in comparison to both Thor and Balder. She believed that holding another child would bring nothing but painful memories of Balder, but that was not the case. This child was not Balder, it felt nothing like him, and yet, holding him in her arms did not feel like she was betraying her son's memory either.

This baby was his own person, with a different appearance, different touch, and even a different scent.

Frigga felt something wet on her arm and noticed that the cloth around the baby's crotch was soaked.

"Oh, little one. No wonder you're this upset."

Frigga went to the cabinet and opened the drawers with one hand while holding the crying baby with the other until she found clean cloths and soap. Then, she moved towards the tub and filled with warm water before realizing that warmth might not be the best choice for a Jotun baby.

Still, as she placed the infant in the tub, he seemed to calm down a little bit, his crying easing into occasional whimpers. Carefully, she washed the baby's skin, noticing how soft it was despite the cold. Frigga had seen a few Jotnar in her life, but this baby did not resemble them very much. His features were softer and rounder, much like an Aesir, a Vanir or even a Midgardian baby.

Like all her people, she had expected to feel repulsed by a Jotun, but she was not. This child was beautiful in his own way.

"There. All clean," she said to the baby. "Now let's dry you up, shall we?"

The baby was not pleased to get out of the tub and the water, bursting into another angered wail.

"I'm sorry, my love. I know you were comfortable in there."

Gently, Frigga dried the baby with a soft towel and put another cloth around his legs, before picking him up again and rock him with experienced movements as he cried.

Growing tired of the darkness, Frigga pulled the drapes open letting in the light of Asgard's sunrise. She sat down by the window with the baby, watching as his cries slowly came to a stop and he stared back at her with big, red eyes filled with innocent wonder.

"Good morning, little prince," Frigga told him, her lips curling into a smile. "Are you feeling better now?"

The baby continued to stare back at her, cooing and gurgling softly.

"You're right. This place was too dark, it needed a little sun," she placed her hand on his bare chest. "You have to forgive Odin. He was probably in a hurry and believed you would feel more comfortable in a dark and cold room. I will let Vela know and make this room a bit more cheerful, alright?"

The baby cooed and grabbed her hand with his little fingers.

Something inside Frigga stirred, warm and painful at the same time. Something familiar and primal. She looked at the baby, her blue eyes fixed on his red ones, feeling like something powerful was connecting them through touch and eye contact alone.

Then, to her surprise, she watched as the baby began to change. It started in his head, blue skin and Jotun marks becoming pink and smooth skin with wispy dark hair, moving toward his eyes, changing them from bright red to a white sclera with a green iris and spreading to his whole body.

Frigga felt his cold skin become warm, just like an Aesir baby. She stood there, staring at him with wide eyes, while the baby stared back at her like nothing had happened. He did not seem aware of the change, merely cooing and yawing.

He was about to fall asleep when the door opened, and a very surprised Vela stood by the doorframe.

"My Queen?" Vela asked, glancing at Frigga and then at the baby, her eyes growing even wider when she saw his appearance.

"Good morning, Vela. I could not sleep and when I heard him crying... I could not ignore it."

Vela composed herself and smiled at her mistress. "Of course, your Majesty. I am deeply sorry that you went through all this trouble."

"Not at all! I'm glad I came to see him," Frigga answered, surprising herself with how truthful she really felt. "I've already changed him. He's about to fall asleep so maybe we should let him rest for a while before feeding him. What do you think?"

"Of course, my Queen. Thank you," Vela walked up to Frigga, her eyes fixed on the child.

"Oh! He changed his skin just now," Frigga explained, standing up and moving the baby so his sleepy head rested on her shoulder. "I have never seen something like this. I am guessing this little one has a little seidr in him."

Vela's expression was carefully neutral.

"Yes. He also changed yesterday, when the King left this chamber," the handmaiden reached out for the baby. "You may rest now, my Queen. I will handle him from here."

With more reluctance than she expected, Frigga carefully handed the baby to Vela. The moment the handmaiden picked up the baby, he immediately woke up and began to wail. Frigga tried to pick him up again, but Vela moved out of her grasp.

"Do not worry, your Majesty. I'll take care of him. Please, take some rest. Breakfast will be here shortly, and I am sure Prince Thor will be up soon."

Thinking of Thor and how happy he was when she finally spend some time with him, made the Queen long to be with him again. She should not have kept her son away for so long, and she had forgotten how much she missed him.

Nodding, Frigga turned around to leave the baby's chamber. She looked back when she heard Vela's surprised cry and saw that the baby had reverted back to his Jotun form.

"Do not worry, my Queen. The same thing happened yesterday," Vela told her, holding the now blue, crying baby.

"Right... Oh! Please keep the drapes open, this chamber is too dark for a baby."

"Yes, my Queen."

Opening the door, Frigga finally left the chamber and walked back to the elevator, the baby's cries tugging at her heartstrings, though she could not explain exactly why. Or maybe, she did not want to acknowledge it at the time.

Much later, she would look back at this moment and wonder what would have happened if she had stayed with the baby or even taken him back to her chamber.

One thing she was certain, she should have never left Vela alone with the child.