James lounged on the chair in his room, aimlessly reading a Quidditch magazine. He knew Sirius would be up for some fun, but James just couldn't seem to find the motivation.
When the other boy wandered in, James simply continued reading.
"Your mother's beginning to wonder if you've come down with something," Sirius said, flopping himself down on James' bed.
"I'm sure you had the sense to inform her she was worrying too much," James responded in a bored voice.
He could feel Sirius' disapproving look from across the room.
"Well, I did. But I think I'll have to go back down and confess, tell her she should be worried. Very worried," Sirius shook his head. "Instead of a son, she has a whiny little Mary who can't seem to function through the haze of pathetic, unrequited, puppy dog love."
James glowered at him. "Talking of dogs," he said.
But Sirius only grinned. "Indeed. Talking of dogs, and wonderful best friends – as they do make – I've a surprise for you."
"No," James said immediately, trying to head him off at the pass. "No, Sirius. We aren't doing any more surprises. The last one almost burned down my bloody house."
Sirius had the grace to look ashamed, if only a bit. "Not that sort. Trust me mate. This is like a very early Christmas present. Hell, it's enough to cover all presents ever for the rest of your days."
James raised his eyebrows. "Somehow, I don't find that build up comforting."
"Bloody hell, mate," Sirius said, chucking a pillow at James, "where's your sense of adventure?"
"Back at Hogwarts. Where you can't burn down my house," James said, returning to his magazine.
"What if I tell you my plan involves a pub, where a certain red-headed muggleborn that sucks all the fun out of people might be working," Sirius asked in a casual voice.
James continued to stare at the same spot on his magazine for a long moment, considering the implications. "You found out where she works?"
"Mmmhhhmm . . ." Sirius said, picking up a quaffle off James' floor and beginning to toss it in the air. "And, as it's a public establishment, she can't actually throw us out," he added, for good measure.
James tossed his magazine on the desk. "Excellent. What's the plan?"
James straightened the sleeve of his shirt. "Are you certain this is the sort of . . . garb we would wear?" he asked.
Both Sirius and Remus nodded.
"Moony here did his fair share of research," Sirius said, inclining his head. "Not that it was necessary. I've done my research for the past few summers," he grinned.
"I don't think shagging muggles counts as research," Remus laughed.
"Can you think of a better way to sort out how to pass as a muggle?" Sirius asked. "They aren't very well going to shag me if they think I'm a nutter, now are they?"
Remus conceded the point with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Right. So, we just walk in then, yeah?" James asked.
"Bloody hell. It's like being friends with a twelve year old girl," Sirius complained, staring at James in disgust. "Yes, Prongs. We just walk in. Give the man at the door the little card I gave you and you won't have any trouble."
"Right," James said, nodding sharply and pulling out the card to examine it.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to give them our real names?" he asked.
Sirius considered the point. "Well, that depends, mate. Are you planning on pulling off a heist?"
"No?" James responded, unsure.
"Then I think we're sorted, yeah? I made the mistake of using a fake name once," Sirius said. "And it all went to shite when I got pissed. They kept calling me Mark, and I kept calling them stupid for fucking up my name," he shook his head. "Not a good scene at all."
Remus laughed. "Mark? Really? If you could choose your name, that would be your choice?"
"I bloody well wasn't going to go with a family approved name, now was I?" Sirius responded.
"Fair enough," Remus decided. "Where's Peter at tonight?"
Sirius shrugged. "Said he couldn't make it. Family stuff and all that. I think he just couldn't get past his mum."
"That's a shame. I'm sure he'd love to be here," Remus said, rubbing at his neck.
"Yeah. Because, we all so love to watch James crash and burn with Evans," Sirius joked.
James glared at him. "If you didn't want to do this, why did you suggest it?"
Sirius wore an expression James couldn't interpret. "Oh, because I want to see your reaction. Wouldn't miss it for the world, mate."
Both James and Remus gave him a baffled look. "What are we walking into here, Sirius?" Remus asked.
"Heaven," Sirius said, without missing a bit.
Sirius led the way up to the door, handing the large man guarding it his ID card without the slightest sign of concern. He also handed over a stack of muggle money. James wanted to ask about it, but didn't think he should draw attention to his ignorance. He and Remus both handed over their cards as well.
The man made a mark on each of their wrists, and then told them to go inside.
"That's a strange way of doing things," James whispered to Remus, who merely shrugged.
"Welcome," Sirius said, as they walked into the bar, "to James' own personal version of paradise," he finished with a flourish.
James would have given him a baffled look, but he found himself distracted by the bar. More specifically, he found himself distracted by the women dancing on the bar. In very little clothing.
"Sirius, I don't understand-" James began to say, but the words died in his mouth when he made the connection. He blinked. "This is where she works?" he said. "This is what she does in the summer?" He could hear the panic in his own voice.
Sirius stared at him with a confused expression. "Mate, you can't tell me this," he indicated a brunette, who was dancing to the music and pouring something directly into a patron's mouth, "isn't something you've dreamed about seeing Lily do for years. I share a bloody dorm with you."
"She doesn't actually, you know, dance on the bar, does she?" James asked in small voice. "She's just a waitress or something, yeah?"
Sirius shrugged. "Dunno mate. I just saw her leaving one night and decided to investigate." He grinned. "And here we are."
"Yeah," James said, sounding far less excited than his best friend.
Remus shot him a sympathetic look. "Let's grab a table, yeah?"
Sirius seemed annoyed that they weren't going directly to the bar, but James jumped at the chance to take a seat and collect his thoughts.
A/N – Quick, name that movie. Extra points for anyone who can name a similar type of establishment.
