Adventures in Candyland!
WARNING: THIS IS A CRACK FIC. THIS IS SO FULL OF CRACK, IT IS CRACKIFYED BEYOND ALL CRACK FIC IDENTIFICATION. And it's all in good, clean fun. Enjoy.
Jessica: Luis what are you doing? (looks at Luis on the floor, who is reading a book)
Luis: Oh, reading a book on magical portals and time magic. (looks up at Jessica)
Jessica: Really? I didn't know there was a book on that.
Luis: Yeah. Found it on the 'net. Look at the web site; I left it on the computer. (still reading the book, he points to his laptop)
Jessica: (looks at the site) Oh dear god. (turns to Luis, angry) That's a porn site, you sick fuck.
Luis: If you had read the site's name... (gets up, walks to the laptop, and reads out loud) Magic sex (then, the site title) When you need that magic touch in the bed.
Jessica: (blinking in surprise) So, what have you found then?
Luis: Well, order that book and get a wand of orgasm. (smiles at the last one)
Jessica: Should I ask what you're doing with that?
Luis: Well I, squeee, I've used it on Kevin. (all of a sudden you hear: 'Oh my god not again, the pain, the pain; this is like the 20th time!') It goes off every 10 minutes.
Jessica: (looks at Luis in shock then smiles at the thought of Kevin in pain) So, what else have you leaned from that book?
Luis: Well, I was going to try opening a portal to FF world. (smiling as energy starts to form around his body)
Jessica: Doesn't that take a lot of energy? And doesn't it hurt?
Luis: Like a mother fucker, it burns... But what the hell? (shrugs and starts to wave his hands, writing rune in the air) Now for the human sacrifice.
Jessica: Who do you have in mind? (looking at him like she is not going to like what she hears)
Luis: Oh don't worry. I'm not going to hurt anyone we care for... Oh look, here he comes. (both Jessica and Luis look at who walks up to Luis; Luis has stopped working the runes and is holding a sword behind his back)
Jessica: Um... who is that?
Luis: (whispering) That's Alfred, the asshole.
Alfred: So Luis, long time no see. So, what's up? (looking at Luis to Jessica then back to Luis) I thought you would have more people here. Like Terrell and the others.
Luis: No need for them; I've gone through some changes. (smiling the smile of death; Jessica blinks in shock)
Alfred: So, why after all this time, do you want to talk to-? (unable to finish his sentence because of the high pitched 'squeeeeeee!' that renders him stupefied as Luis runs the sword in his crotch and out of his mouth)
Luis: That felt so good, heheheh! (giggle fits)
Jessica: Oh my. (looks in surprise at the now-dead body of the asshole)
Luis: Well, that should do it. (as the magic swirls around their bodies and bursts into a portal of swirling suction)
Jessica: Is it supposed to do that! (holding on to the laptop and Luis at the same time)
Luis: Let me check the book— (as the book goes flying into the portal) ...well that's not good.
As Luis loses his footing and he and Jessica get sucked in the portal to land... well, no one knows.
Jessica: Oh my god it burns!
Luis: (same time) Squeeeeeeeeeeee!
