This will be the first of several extracts taken from the Diary of Dean Winchester. I have several which I will publish over the next few days. Any gramatical, punctuation or spelling errors are entirely his.
This is the first one Dean is aged 17.
1997:
Monday:
I told them I wasn't going. It was asking for trouble, but how could I tell them, tell them what I know.
It was Billy's (Sheensten) stupid idea, he was tanked on beer rolling around and laughing. He nearly rolled into Mary Sue but I stopped him. I like Mary Sue she's not like the others, she doesn't think I'm weird. She kissed me round the corner from The Lucky Pancake, now that's gotta count for something.
Billy wanted us to go up to Harper's Grove Cemetery. He'd been trying to look good, trying to big himself up in front of Milly Redmond and her mates. "Lets go Spook hunting". Dip shit! Then he went all secretive, putting his finger to his mouth like a kindergarten kid and giggling. I would have walked away there and then if Mary Sue hadn't been holding my hand. That kind of dumb ass deserves all they get.
She had to ask him, Riah (Spielling) had to, couldn't keep her whiny voiced question to herself. "Why would we wanna go there?" Beats me why the other girls let her skinny ass hang round with them, she's so friggin annoying, always butting in, sucking her teeth and hangin on my arm. God help me I think she fancies me. She's got no hope.
Then Billy began telling all these stupid ghost stories, saying how the ghosts followed you round the cemetery touching you on the shoulder but if you wore a ribbon around your pinkie then they couldn't see you and wouldn't it be cool if we all went up there one night. Don't know what F*cking planet he's from.
Wednesday
Shit. Why do they do it? I hate being in the middle all the time. I swear next time Sam pushes it I am gonna punch him and Dad's just as bad, can't let him win, ONCE. I get so I just want to walk away and leave them to it. Let them fight it out once and for all and it's over nothing. Sam doesn't like f*cking peas. Sonofabitch, then Dad turns on me like it's my fault he won't eat his peas. He doesn't like f*cking peas.
Billy is still going on about a trip to the cemetery and the others are nodding and saying yes. I said "No" but then felt like an outsider. I've only been here a couple of months and I like most of the guys, except Billy, they're ok. I like hanging with them and this is the longest we have stayed anywhere for years. I think that Dad is kind of aware that Sam and I go to school but it's not big on his priority list. So it's quite a novelty staying in one school for a time.
I never had friends before, not ones I hung out with in a group, so in the end I said "Yes"
I think, no, I know it's a bad idea but I feel kinda responsible for them. If there is anything going on up there then I will have to cover their stupid ass's.
Thursday
I am so tired, I've been up all night and I hurt all over and it's my fault.
When I got back Wednesday night, Dad shoved a shotgun in my hands telling me to be ready in ten.
We drove for an hour in silence. I did ask but Dad was concentrating. He gets like that on a job.
We stopped at this big old house, columns at the door, steps up to the porch. I expected a big black Momma to open the door and Ret Bulter coming down the stairs, hahahah.
Dad left me at the front telling me to stand and shoot anything that moved. After he had gone, ducking around the back, I checked the gun, salt cartridges, he was expecting an apparition then, thanks for telling me, Dad.
Nothing. I stood for two hours, hairs on the back of my neck pricking, thumb on the safety. I began to get worried. I worry when nothing's happening, Stuff happening I am fine with, I can deal, but nothing is hard. If you go off the boil, your attention wanders and that's when it's dangerous. Dad says "Stay Alert, Stay Alive." And I believe him.
So it's entirely my fault that the thing got the drop on me. It's there suddenly, on my back and it sure didn't feel like an apparition. I'm screaming for Dad like a girl, trying to get it off me, its digging is claws in and I'm turning around trying to dislodge it. I can hear Dad shouting but it's got its teeth into my shoulder.
The next thing I know is Dad is leaning over me pressing his shirt onto my shoulder which hurts like hell and he is telling me I'm ok. I didn't feel ok. He told me that I did good and then I realised that he had left me there as bait to draw the thing out.
The ground is hard under me and all I can feel is my shoulder throbbing as Dad presses down. I start shouting and babbling, I am asking him what the friggin heck that thing was and he is telling me not to talk.
I hated him then, he'd left me out there, knowing that this thing would attack. If he had told me, I would have stood there anyway but at least it would have been my choice and I would have been more prepared. I friggin hate my life.
I still don't feel ok. I'm all stiff and sore. Dad stitched my shoulder when we got back it stung like crazy when he poured on the alcohol and he told me not to be such a baby when I cried.
So I didn't go into school today. Sammy didn't either, he set off but when Dad left, he snuck back to stay with me, we spent the day watching cartoons on TV and drinking Dad's whiskey and he said he would come with me to the library tomorrow to look up Harper's Grove in the local records.
Friday
We skipped school again today. Sam and me, but I figured a trip to the library was educational so it evened out. I phoned Sammy's school and pretended to be Dad. I've done it before and they always believe me.
I am glad Sam came with me he's good at that sort of stuff I wouldn't even have thought of there being a local history room, but he did.
We found a book, a whole book, about local ghosts and weird happenings. Sam photocopied the pages we wanted because they don't let you take those kind of books out of the library and we hightailed it back to the room. He sat on the bed all afternoon looking at those pages and writing notes in that spidery handwriting of his.
It was early when I heard the Impala drive up and park. I wasn't expecting Dad so soon. I rushed over and helped Sam hide the pages spreading his schoolbooks over the notes he'd made and then he sat looking all innocent. God, I would believe him if he told me that black was white.
I had to wait until almost bedtime before we could talk. Dad hung around the room for ages before he went out again. He was on a guilt trip kept asking me if I was alright and that he was sorry and then he turned on Sammy getting really nasty when Sam told him to mind his own business about the homework he was trying to do.
We sat on the bed after he had gone and Sammy showed me what he'd read. Turns out that Billy big mouth, wasn't so wide of the mark. There was plenty going on up at that cemetery.
Saturday
Dad was asleep when I got up, I woke Sammy and told him I was going, he said he wanted to come, I said no. He dragged me into the bathroom and shut the door so we wouldn't wake Dad. He didn't say much but told me that there was no way he wasn't coming and if I went without him he would wake Dad and tell him. Then he stood there with a grin on his face. He was enjoying himself.
I took the Impala keys and shook Dad, I knew he wouldn't wake up properly but I wanted to say that I had asked him if I could take the car. As it was I needn't have bothered he was pissed at me anyway.
I love that car, it's a classic, its good to drive, it fits like a glove and it moves like silk. Once we were out of town I opened her up, she drove like a dream. Sam navigated and it only took us fifteen minutes before we were driving onto turf outside some pretty good looking iron gates on the edge of a wood. It wasn't until we got inside that I realised the cemetery was abandoned, the grass was long and the stinging nettles grew right up to the tops of some of the gravestones. There was an atmosphere even in the daylight. I have been places like that with Dad and even before we'd read up about it, I could have told you the place was haunted.
Sam started spouting, I don't know where he keeps all that information. The first burial took place in 1844 but it didn't become known as Harper's Grove until 1864. Thanks for that Sammy. It was closed in the 1960's and that's when reports of strange phenomena began. Floating lights, strange sounds and a phantom car. That's when I started listening, properly listening. It's not everyday you come across reports of a phantom car. Ha! one couple even crashed into it only for it to disappear in front of them. I'd like to have seen that.
There was a bunch of other stuff but I wasn't really paying attention, after that I was thinking about the car but I definitely made one decision I was going to have to persuade Billy and the guys that this place wasn't worth a visit.
When we got back Dad was up and pissed at me for taking the car and for taking Sammy. He didn't listen to my explanation and I got the silent treatment for the rest of the day.
Monday
School sucks. I hate everything around it, about it and in it; the teachers, the pupils, the janitor, the lawn and the f*cking flowers.
I told them I didn't think it was such a good idea going up to the Grove and Billy friggin Sheensten announced that I was a coward to the whole f*cking refectory.
Well they can go to the cemetery and I hope they get their ass's haunted off.
Tuesday
Mary Sue followed me today, I didn't go into school I am never going back to that shithole but I had to leave the room till Dad went out. She saw me and followed me, and when I went back, she came tapping on the door. I had to let her in, I didn't want anyone to see.
She kissed me, she pushed me back against the wall and jumped me. I didn't know what to do, where to put my hands. Well I mean I do know but she surprised me being so full on straight away. She pushed herself right up against me, kissing me all the while on the lips and I was like "Woah" She was pulling at my T-shirt and everything. I had to stop her if she had gotten the shirt any higher she would have seen the bandage and I didn't want to have to try and explain. So I stuck my hand up her blouse and undid her bra. She went kind of nuts moaning, rubbing her hand in places nice girls ought not to and then she stuck her tongue in my mouth. She felt good, warm and soft and Oh God… I wish I had skipped school a long time ago.
If she thought if funny I kept my shirt on she didn't say.
It wasn't until I heard the key in the lock that I realised how late it was. Mary Sue gave a weird squeak and disappeared into the bathroom. Luckily I had my boxers on.
Sam came in dumped his bag and gave me one of his 'I am disgusted with you looks' and asked where she was. How he knows I don't know but he always does. I nodded towards the bathroom, he said I had five minutes and left with ten of my friggin dollars.
All evening he kept looking at me, I mean it's not as if it hasn't happened before, Jeez Sammy can be a pain sometimes.
Wednesday
I skipped school again but Mary Sue didn't turn up so I re-read the pages we got from the library. The more I read the more I was beginning to feel guilty about not going but I couldn't go now it would look like a backdown and I wouldn't give that shit Billy the satisfaction. In fact I wouldn't give him the time of day if I had the only watch in the world.
Friday
Sammy was so pleased last night it was pathetic he got an A in his paper. Even Dad noticed his cheesy grin and ruffled his hair. I wish he would be like that more often, more like a real Dad. Its there inside and sometimes he lets it slip but then the shutters come down and he's bawling us out for something.
I spent the day sorting out my stuff, packing a dufflebag. I'm gonna follow those dipshits up to the cemetery tomorrow. However hard I try, however stupid they are, I just can't leave it. If something happens then I will be there, if nothing happens, then they are a bunch of idiots messing around in a cemetery but so help me I can't leave them up there alone.
I've shoved the bag under my bed and I just hope Dad doesn't notice the knives, salt and stuff are missing.
Sunday
I am still shaking if not on the outside, on the inside. I wish I had never gone, never met Billy Sheensten, never come to this shithole of a town and the worst is Dad is going to kill me when he finds out Sam got hurt last night and there is no way Dad's not going to notice. I'm a bit beat up and I pulled my stitches, but he won't notice that against Sammy.
Dad wasn't back when I left on Saturday night so I had to take Sam with me, figured I would get into worse shit from Dad if I left him on his own. Sam kept grinning.
There was no way I was going to walk up to the cemetery so I hot wired a car two blocks away, told Sam we were just borrowing it and it would be back before the owner even knew it was gone. He goes on guilt trips like Dad.
Billy's car was already there and so was Gary's. I parked back down the lane, turned it around so it was pointing back to town, then if they came back to the cars they wouldn't see and I was ready for a quick get away if needed. Dad taught me that one very early on.
I heard them shouting and we were all the way by the gate, Billy's voice mocking of someone and Riah whining. If I had been a ghost I wouldn't have gone near them.
I'd given Sam the bag to carry and told him to keep close as we left the gravel path and cut through the headstones towards the noise. He tripped over some brambles crashing into some bushes. I hissed at him to quit making a noise. Sound carries further at night I don't know why. I'll get Sam to look it up one day.
I saw them. Someone had lit a fire, and I remember being angry and thinking "What did they think this was a f*cking beach party." They made me pissed so any ghost passing by wouldn't have stood a chance, in the I wanna be friendly stakes.
Billy was stood beer bottle in hand obviously giving the others the benefit of his wisdom, man, that guy is an asshole. Gary was there and Paul, and Riah, I couldn't see her but man I could hear her, and Milly and that jock Johnson and he had his arm round Mary Sue, slobberin all over her face. She didn't like it she was pushing at him with her hands but he is a big dumb ass and he didn't even feel it. I would have leapt out and decked him but Sam pulled me back, he was pointing to the far side of the cemetery.
I can remember the cold wind hit me as I looked to where Sam was pointing. It was icy and seemed to cut through my jacket and seep into my body. Sam was shivering, I could feel him shaking as he crouched next to me and even in the dark I could tell he had gone paler than usual. I asked him if he was okay, he nodded but all the same I shrugged off my jacket and stuck it on his shoulders.
I looked again. A white mist was rolling along the ground, snaking its way between the headstones, it was opaque, dense, low down, like it was heavy. It kept pouring into the space spreading over the grass. I remember thinking "Shit" and pulling Sam up with me as I climbed onto a table memorial, up out off the ground. There was no way I was going to sit there and let that stuff touch me. I looked behind us checking our path back to the car but the mist had slipped in, we were surrounded by a white carpet, it had crept round us filling up the clear ground. I nearly panicked.
I did panic when the voices started.
At first I thought it was Billy and the gang but it sounded different not so solid. "Marcie Wilson…..Ethan Pointer….Nelly Caldbeck….." The voices were eerie, unnatural and really, really sent the creeps down my spine. "Walter Broad…..Sarah Broad….Peter Broad….." the names just kept on coming, the sound floating in the air as if they were ghosts themselves.
Sam was tugging at my arm, tugging and tugging he was whispering to me trying to pull my head nearer so I could hear him. "They're the dead." And I remembering thinking, although I didn't say it out loud, that we were all dead if I didn't do something.
"Michael Winger….Ruth Winger….Colleen Mayor…" Sam was whispering again I could see he was trying to make me understand "They're the names of the dead people, off the tombstones, I remember them."
Pain stabbed up my leg. "John Brooker…Judith Spinner…..." the mist had gotten higher it was creeping up over the lip of the stone that we were crouching on, it was touching my foot. I pulled back but it was all round, Sam stood up, I knew he was expecting me to do something, but what. I pulled at the bag, wrenching it from him, I was shouting at him "Get the salt." I knew salt would stop Demons and ghosts but haunted mist?" but I had nothing else.
Sam must have realised what I was doing and was unscrewing the canister lid before I could grab it from him. I watched him as he sprinkled a thick line around the edge of the flat stone, enclosing us in a protective circle. "Fiona Donaldson…Charles Noble…..Billy Sheensten…"
The Scream was terrible. I have never heard anything so frighteningly awful. It went on and on until it died away slowly, dreadfully.
The list of the dead continued. I knew then that we had to get out of that godforsaken place, or our names, mine and Sammy's would be on that list. The salt was holding the mist back but mist was damp and I had no idea how that would affect the salt or the protection it gave us.
"Grace Forster….Paul Morrison…"
Another blood curdling scream was mingled with more earthly screams from the others and crashing sounds as they ran. I yelled at them to stop, there was nowhere to run to, the mist was everywhere.
A tall board figure loomed out of the darkness, out of the mist it was Johnson. "Terry Johnson…." It was terrifying, his eyes opened wide, mouth screaming and screaming the mist rose up his legs, he could see us and he held up his arms trying to reach us. Sam hung onto me as I leaned out trying to grab hold of him. Our fingers brushed but the mist had enveloped him and he gave a moan that shook me to my bones as he dissipated in front of my eyes. I will never forget his face and I will never forget that feeling of helplessness as I saw him disappear in front of me knowing I could do nothing.
I began to shout. "MARY SUE, Milly….RIAH….GARY…..OVER HERE." I had no idea if they could hear me and the list of the dead went on. "Elsa Forstien….Thomas Fallgate…Milly Redmond…." I held my breath waiting for the scream, it came, further off and I thankfully never heard the end because Gary and Mary Sue came hurtling at us from two different directions. We pulled them up inside the protection circle. Mary Sue hung onto me as I searched the darkness trying to remember who was left. She was crying. I remember that she was crying.
"Where's Riah?" I shouted again "RIAH." As I shouted I became aware that the litany of names had stopped.
Into the silence came a low humming noise.
Sam looked at me, he was scared, hell I was scared. Then he was searching in the pockets of my jacket, scrabbling around "Dean, phone Dad." He held out the cell phone but it slipped, bounced on the stone and fell into the mist. He looked at me stricken and before I could stop him he jumped down and disappeared. covered by the white fog.
"Sammy, NO." I couldn't believe he had just done that. I turned to Mary Sue shouting at her "Stay here, whatever happens stay here inside the salt ring."
I don't know what I thought I could do but I knew I couldn't leave Sammy and there was no way some sonofabitch mist was gonna get my brother. "Sammy. Sam?" I could hear myself shouting his name but somehow the sound was deadened, I remember feeling numb, the cold that had seeped in earlier seemed to be percolating down through my flesh to my bones. I was stumbling about shouting Sam's name, desperately listening for a sound any sound to show me that he had not dissipated like Johnson. It was then, I was really scared, not the scared you feel when you find yourself in a bad place but the terrifying, mind freezing scared when someone you love is in danger.
I tripped up and landed on something soft, which moved as I scrambled up onto my knees. There was a moan and I felt relief, heart thudding joy as I recognised Sam's voice. "Dean, I …" He sounded weak as he tried to sit up and my mind snapped back into function mode as I saw the damage on his head. Blood was pouring from a deep gash on his left temple. This I could deal with, I told him to sit still and I stripped off my shirt, like Dad had done for me, holding it to the cut pressing down. I feel sick thinking about it now. I put his hand up to the shirt and told him to hold it there while I helped him stand, he was shaky but I held him up, we had to get back to the circle, it was the only protection we had.
I looked around as I helped Sam up and I couldn't see a f*cking thing. The mist had gotten thicker. I couldn't see the tombstones or Mary Sue or a path or anything but a white wall of undulating fog. It was totally disorientating I had no idea which way to go. I pushed the panic away, took a deep breath and chose a path. I figured that if I kept going long enough I would reach a boundary wall somewhere. I had no idea if the mist stretched beyond that if it did we were in deeper shit than I already thought.
We hadn't gone more than a few yards when Sammy began to cough, I could hear him wheezing. He was asking me to stop, he couldn't breath. Then I felt it, my chest had something wrapped around it, squeezing, pulling tighter every minute. I tried to drag air into my lungs, I felt Sam go down, I grabbed him, lifted him half dragged him, kept on dragging. Breathing became an issue as my head began to buzz and my vision telescoped. Sam cried out and I fell, the restriction around my ribs was excruciating and something gave. The pain was incredible, stabbing and knifing through me, but I knew I couldn't stop I had to get Sam out of there I had to get me out of there. I pulled at Sam's dead weight and the pain expanded up my sides encompassing my whole ribcage. I dropped Sam and he moaned, I got to my knees and tried again but I had no strength, no oxygen. I couldn't move him. I noticed that Sam still had the bag with him held tight in his hand. I gritting my teeth and reached for the salt canister, with the last of my consciousness I spread the salt around and over us as best I could before I cuddled Sam to me and as far as I can remember I think I must have passed out.
Mary Sue and Gary found us two yards from the cemetery gate. They told us the mist had retreated as the sky began to grey into dawn. It had rolled back as it had rolled in. They had waited until full light, not daring to move, before venturing out of the salt circle. Searching the cemetery they had found only us.
We none of us discussed what had happened and I made them think of a story before we left, the truth they knew would only lead to more trouble.
So Dad is going to kill me, Sam has a huge gash on the side of his head and three cracked ribs and possible concussion. I have cleaned the cut but it still looks bad with the swelling and bruising.
I have several cracked ribs and some might be broken by the feel of it, my shoulder needs re-stitching and I have cuts and bruises all over.
Generally we both look and feel wrecked. I am so gonna die when he gets back.
Tuesday
Dad got back this morning and fortunately we both looked better than on Sunday. He was carrying a newspaper and he showed us the headline. "Missing Children Found DEAD." They had all been found, Billy, Terry, Milly and Riah at a lagoon next to the cemetery and the police had put it down to a party gone wrong, the water in their lungs confirmed that they had drowned.
They way Dad looked at us said spill the beans. I did, every single last one and I was glad to. He ripped into me. What was I thinking, I should know better, bad enough taking Sam but to let him get hurt, unforgivable. It didn't occur to Dad that I was beating myself up about it more than he ever could.
Sam had been quiet all Monday and he was quiet while Dad ranted on. When Dad had stopped he spoke. "We gotta finish it Dad. I've been re-reading the stuff me and Dean got from the library I think I know what happened."
He took out a picture from the 1930's. It showed a police van and several wrapped bodies, which had been found in the lagoon. It had been thought that like Saturday the drownings had been a tragic accident. Look at the date Dad. 7th July 1937 and there is another one. This time he pulled out a report. Its dated 7th July 1957. Saturday was 7th July 1997 I bet if we check we will find other drownings on the 7th of the 7th every ten years.
Dad wouldn't let us go back to the cemetery and what he did there I don't know but when he came back his face was grim and he packed our bags and we left Shithole Town behind us.
