A/N: So here is my long awaited chapter fic, Life and Lies. Please Review!
Disclaimer: The world of HP belongs to the lovely and talented JKR, not to me (sadly).
PROLOGUE: THE DIARY
PRIVATE PROPERTY OF LILY EVANS
Yes, that means you can't read this. No, not even you, Marlene.
June 9
Third Year
The Dormitory
Third Bed from the Left
Right. I'm really not the diary writing sort of person. Honestly. I'm only doing this because Marlene told me it would help me cope. What she doesn't realize is that I have nothing to cope with, as I've already got everything sorted out. I may be a witch. I may be a perfectionist. I may have a temper laming red hair. I may be terrified of flying but love charms. I may occasionally curse a git by the name of Potter, and I may occasionally fail to curse the freckles off my face- but that's all normal teenage stuff, right? I think so.
With this diary, she's bequeathing to me an application for Flourish and Blotts, with the following explanation:
"Look Lils, you live with your head in books. You, walk, talk, and breathe words written by old, dead guys. You idolize Jane Austen. I don't even know who Jane Austen is. Honestly, I can't bear the thought of one of my best mates knowing the pages of Emma better than she knows how to kiss a bloke! I'm going to offer you a chance to get out there and experience life, a chance to live! Lily, I'm offering you the chance to get a job!"
Which is when she handed me the application. I stared back at her blankly.
"Flourish and Blotts is your idea of living?"
"Come on," she said, pretending not to hear me. "We'll fill it out together."
"I thought the idea was to get me away from books…?" But she had already shoved the quill into my hand.
FLOURISH AND BLOTTS APPLICATION
We at Flourish and Blotts hold strength of character in the highest regard. The following questions are not meant to be intrusive, but are meant to ascertain the character of the applicant. Please answer honorably.
NAME: Lily Evans
AGE: 14
1. Why should Flourish and Blotts hire you?
I have had a passion for books ever since I could read. Before each term at school I always read every book, and during term I have devoured nearly the entire library. On top of my love of literature, I have a good work ethic and always achieve top marks in school. I take responsibility very seriously.
"Too seriously," mumbled Marlene.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing. Continue."
2. What are your goals?
I plan to be a prefect at Hogwarts and eventually Head Girl. Afterwards I hope to be a Healer and St. Mungo's.
3. What do you consider your personal strengths?
I have a fair amount of intelligence and am very loyal.
4. How do you spend your free time?
I read.
"That's it?"
"You're the one who said I needed to find another way to occupy my time."
"My dear Lily flower, you need help."
5. What is your blood status?
Muggleborn.
I had to stare at the last one for a while before answering. Why should they care? I was half of mind not to send it in, but Marlene had already run off the Owlery before I had the chance to say something. Bugger.
June 21
Summer Before Fourth Year
My Bedroom
My Desk
Well, that utterly failed. I walked into Flourish and Blotts the day after I got home to check on my application, and what did the old bloke behind the counter say? "I am sorry to inform you that we can't accept your application because…" and what was his explanation? A whole lot of dragon dung, that's what! I know what the real reason is- it's because I'm a Muggleborn! I remember Sev told me before I even went to Hogwarts that being a Muggleborn makes no difference, but he must be wrong.
I owled Marlene about it. She said it didn't matter- she was just trying to get rid of the application. Turns out her mom gave it to her. She gave it to me so she could have the excuse "but Lily just had to apply." Such wonderful mates I have.
October 6
Fourth Year
Transfiguration
Second Row
Third Seat from the Back
I utterly despise Potter. Look at him, showing off his rat. I swear it still has the floral pattern from his teacup. Oh, there he goes, glancing my way as per usual. How I'd like to curse that grin off his face… Now he's laughing at my teacup. Honestly, just because I can't do more than give it a tail… these things take practice! He wouldn't be laughing if I told McGonagall how he had been hexing Jack Stubbins before class. Maybe I will tell her…
November 7
Fourth Year
Charms
Third Row
Fifth Seat from the End
Professor Flitwick says to produce an effective cheering charm we must concentrate on things that make us happy. To facilitate this purpose, I have made a list:
● Daisies
● Licorice wands and chocolate frogs
● Anything chocolate
● Watching Quidditch games
● Healing
● Cooking
● Potions
● Rainy days
● Snowball fights
● Laughing until it hurts
● Sev and Marlene and Alice
● Beating Potter
To perform the counter-charm he says we must think of things that make us upset:
● James Potter
● Flying
● Wind
● Gossip
● Death Eaters
● Voldemort
● People with no common sense
● Arguments
● Books with sad endings
● Boggarts
● Heights
This is too easy.
November 7
Fourth Year
Dinner
Great Hall
Gryffindor Table
Seat from the Middle
Potter is insufferable! Look at the note he just sent me:
Lily-my-love,
Today during Charms
I looked at your arms
And saw what a charm they had
I fell out of my seat
Right at your feet
Please don't think I'm a cad
Go out with me?
Hmph! As if I would ever date him, the toerag! The arrogant bloke that goes around causing mayhem and hexing innocents in the good name of fun! The guy who thinks he's above the law! He may own the hearts of the populace, but he doesn't have mine!
Nitwit,
Today during Charms
You looked at my arms
And I saw what a cad you are
You fell at my feet
And I jumped out of my seat
Before my shoes you could mar
No.
December 25
Fourth Year
My Room
Bed
Under My Covers
Petunia hasn't said a word to me since I've been home aside from, "Oh. You're back." I could say something witty and try to cheer myself up, but I'd rather just mope.
What did I ever do to push her away? I remember when we were little kids we used to play together all the time… we were inseparable. Of course, she never did like me doing magic. When I was three, Mum made a big chocolate mousse. I asked if I could have some, and she said no, that it had to wait until after dinner. She left the room, and when Dad walked in he saw me sitting on the floor, covered in chocolate from the mousse that had been on top of the refrigerator only minutes before. Petty walked in behind him. I offered her some, but she just stared at me… Dad tells me that he thinks that was my first magic.
Then there was the time I discovered I could make flowers bloom… Petty ran straight to Mum and told on me. Mum didn't understand what was happening and just told me to "let the flowers be, there's a dear." Dear, dear, Mum. How I love you. But could you be any more passive?
Shortly after that, of course, I met Sev. He told me I was a witch, right on the playground one day. Petty didn't like him at all. She wished I wouldn't talk to that "dirty boy from Spinner's End." Why should his home matter to me? Money has little to do with anything- just like blood status. But as soon as I started being friends with Sev, Petunia began to hate me, I think. But why? How could I (can I) not be a witch if I am? I embraced it then, and I embrace it now, but I fear that the more I accept magic the more I lose my normal life. Oh, I wish Petunia was a witch, too!
January 20
Fourth Year
Library
Fiction Section
Sev's been going on about Remus again. I never paid much attention to him before, and I hate to be unfair toward Remus, but now that I think about it… can he really be sick every month?
March 12
Fourth Year
Library
Table Under the Window
The Potter club is up to something. They've been spending an inordinate amount of time in here, I've noticed. What could it be? Remus is the only one literate enough to actually understand books…
April 10
Fourth Year
Dormitory
Eating Mousse
I can't believe James Potter! First he attacked Sev again- with completely no reason other than for a laugh- then when I told him to stop, he called me a self-righteous prude! He let Sev go while he was trying to explain to me just why he was justified in his actions, and if I had any foresight I would've left too! I was hoping to get the better of the argument for once, and the row really was drawing a crowd, when Potter decided to ask me out! Again! After insulting me! Oh, the arrogant, self-loving, proud….! If I had any sense, I would have just left, but instead I hexed him. I was lucky enough to do it right when McGonagall walked out of the classroom, so now I have detention on top of everything. I hate James Potter!
May 31
Fourth Year
Breakfast
Great Hall
Gryffindor Table
Last Seat
Only a couple more weeks and I'll be Potter-free! I'll be able to happily go work at my summer job in the used bookstore without a single toerag to interfere with my happiness. Just two weeks…
October 5
Fifth Year
Common Room
Armchair by the Fire
I absolutely abhor divination! She's given us these charts to fill out on our friends on how the location of the planets at our birth has influenced our personalities. This is what Marlene came up with for me:
Personality Chart
Intersection of Mars with Venus: Indicates a lean toward prudish behavior. Perfectionism unavoidable.
Eclipse of the Earth with Neptune: Natural loving, sweet temper, with a disinclination to show it. Fear of falling in love.
Uranus at right angles with Saturn: Strong temper that flares up easily. Defiant.
Alignment of Saturn's moons: Brave to the point of recklessness. Puts other's needs first.
Quincunx of Mercury with Pluto: Deep, unwavering loyalty. Regard worth having.
Square of Moon with Mars: Afraid of uncertainty. Needs control.
I ask you! Is that really the way to treat your mate?
December 25
Fifth Year
Common Room
Armchair by the Fire
It's good to be at Hogwarts for Christmas. Mum and Dad went with Petunia to have Christmas at her fiancé's house, and I wasn't invited. Not that I regret it- Vernon Dursley is the most boring man I've ever met. Marlene is staying here with me, but Alice had to go home. Even Potter graced the castle with his absence. Marlene just ran down the stairs to inform me that I have to go get ready for a snowball fight. I'll write later.
February 3
Fifth Year
Charms
First Row
Last Seat
Ode to My Wand
Magic wood of willow make
Ten inches long, give or take
Core of feather, not a fake
Failed me, you have not
Although your swish may be at stake
Although you charm just for my sake
And your inner powers must awake
Please, fail me ever not!
April 16
Fifth Year
Empty Classroom
The Floor
Never before have I come across a spell I couldn't do- until today. I was flipping through a book in the library, and it was describing a Patronus, so I thought I'd give it a try. Supposedly a corporeal Patronus takes the form of an animal and tends to gallop around a room while shining rather brightly. For this reason and others, I thought the library wasn't the best place to practice. I then came here, worked up a good memory and firmly said, "Expecto Patronum!" Nothing happened. I tried a different memory. Still nothing. Now, an hour later, my memories are exhausted, and I have nothing to show for all my effort. Magic wood of willow, you have failed me.
June 7
Fifth Year
Dormitory
Third Bed from the Left
Marlene just pulled this somewhat forgotten diary out of my trunk and gave it to me a with a grin befitting a gnome plastered to her face. She wishes to remind me that she once said it would help me cope. "Now," she says, "is the perfect time to use it!" Cope with what, you ask? A bit nosy, aren't you?
Now Marlene says I have to tell you my every thought and feeling, and that I should hold nothing in reserve because no one will ever read it but me. She says this while reading over my shoulder. Pshhh.
Hah! She leaned so far over my shoulder that she fell into my chocolate mousse. You should see her- sprawled out on the floor with a chocolate mask. I just told her she needs to get me a new mousse. Oh dear, she looks rather frightening when she's angry.
Right, she's gone to sort herself out in the bathroom. You're probably wondering why she's so interested in me coping. But that's really not the point right now. The point is… is… is mousse. Yes, chocolate mousse. This is the story of how the chocolate mousse currently decorating Marlene's face came to be in my possession.
A few hours ago I was sitting on my bed, minding my own business, when Alice and Marlene, my former two best mates, commenced staring at me. Why? Because they thought something was wrong, I suppose. I mean, just because a witch is called a nasty name by her previous best mate while trying to help said mate and then skips dinner and later attacks the git who caused the mate to need helping to begin with and then barricades herself in her dorm and refuses to say a word doesn't mean… but no matter. We're discussing mousse.
Disturbing the peaceful (some would say tense) silence, Alice began, "Lily-" before being rudely interrupted by Marlene.
"Look, Lils, you need to talk about this. You've been sitting on your bed, staring at nothing for three hours and you didn't even go to dinner. I know you're not me or anything, but this isn't normal! I brought this chocolate mousse for you, and you haven't touched it. Snap out of it, woman!"
Such was the mood I was in that I didn't even stir at the sound of 'chocolate.'
Alice, kind witch, glared at the tactless Marlene and told her to shut up, to which Marlene responded with a gesture never to be used in polite company. Alice added, "And actually, I brought that up for her."
"Tomato, tomoto," was the response formed by the ever-burgeoning wit of Marlene McKinnon.
Alice merely shook her head at this and fixed me with her stare again. "As annoying as she is, Marlene is right. You should talk about this."
When Alice speaks, I can't help but listen.
"I just feel like…" I twirled my wand between my fingers, watching red sparks issue from it. "You know when your best friend comes up behind you with a shiny knife and you turn to hug him and he stabs you with it, spilling your dirty blood all over the ground?" I glanced up to see Alice's wide eyes, Marlene's gaping mouth. "Sorry. I guess you don't." The sparks fell on a sheet of paper, burning little holes in it. Alice shared a conspiratorial glance with Marlene before reaching over and pointing the wand away from herself.
"Lily, I think you should calm down."
"I don't want to calm down! I want- I want the mousse!" Alice stared at me like I had gone mad. Perhaps I had.
"Pardon?"
"I WANT THE DAMN MOUSSE!"
"I can do that!" Marlene jumped up to give me the bowl, which replaced my wand for a place in my hands.
Thus I came to possess the mousse.
Marlene handed me this diary shortly after, in an uncharacteristic attempt to do something good for someone else. Also in a very uncharacteristic manner, her attempt actually seems to have worked. I really do feel better- sort of.
At least my thoughts are more in order. For a few minutes there I was in danger of thinking that Potter had been right all along about Sev Snape. After all, if I had just listened to him… but generally speaking, Potter is simply prejudiced. He's all Mr. Darcy without the fancy Pemberley and character progression.
He's incapable of sound, reasonable judgment. Undoubtedly he is the reason why Snape was driven to become what he is! I see now that this is obviously all Potter's fault.
Hold on, Mary MacDonald's at the door. She seems to want me. Oh bugger. She says Snape's at the door- waiting to talk to me.
June 8
Fifth Year
Breakfast
Great Hall
Gryffindor Table
Far End
Sev Snape tried to apologize. He tried to make excuses. I turned him away. I know I was right to do so… but I feel so awful about it! It didn't help that when I came back to the dorm and greeted Alice and Marlene's expectant faces with my woeful tale, they gave me huge supportive smiles. Marlene even thumped me on the back and said, "There's a true Gryffindor! Who needs that greasy haired git, anyway?"
I'll never be able to trust him again; I'll never be able to look at him without his words floating in the air. He had my regard, and he lost it. Teaches me to throw my friendship around thoughtlessly! To think I was good friends for years with a Muggleborn hater. I should hate him, but I don't.
I hate the dark arts. I hate Voldemort and the Death Eaters and all they stand for, I do. But I can't hate Severus Snape.
September 2
Sixth Year
History of Magic
Fifth Row
Last Seat
Marlene: Lily!
Me: What?
Marlene: I have a plan for you.
Me: Oh bugger. I'm afraid to hear it.
Marlene: You're going to Get A Life this year.
Me: Excuse me?
Alice: Don't you think you two should pay attention?
…
Marlene: There's five steps to it. One, skip class.
Alice: Marlene, is this really worth our time?
Me: What Alice said.
Marlene: Two, drink a firewhiskey.
Me: Good luck with that one.
Marlene: Three, miss curfew.
Alice: Marls, I don't see the point…
Marlene: Four, snag a date.
Me: With who?
Marlene: Five, get in a good snog.
Me: I'm not a slag.
Marlene: Embrace the slagginess. It's a perfect plan!
October 5
Sixth Year
Trophy Room
Detention
Curse Marlene and her slaggy life! Professor McGonagall gave me detention for skipping class and for missing curfew. Marlene insists it's just because I'm going out of order with the steps. I insist that she's mad.
December 20
Sixth Year
Morning
Dormitory
Bed
Under the Covers
Ohbuggerohbuggerohbugger. Why did I have that firewhiskey? Thank Merlin Potter was completely sloshed! Maybe I just dreamed it. Maybe… No. It's too real.
I think I kissed James Potter.
It's not my fault! Last night was the last before everyone goes home for the holidays today, so naturally there was a party, food courtesy of the Potter club. I guess I was sick of watching everyone else get drunk and Marlene had been bugging me lately about never having fun so I thought if I just tried one firewhiskey it wouldn't hurt…. What was I thinking? I'm such an idiot! And then… and then… Oh! I don't know how it happened, but it did. Ugh, I need to go wash out my mouth.
…
…
…
Kissed James toerag Potter! Never, never, am I drinking firewhiskey again!
Never.
January 10
Sixth Year
First Day After Holiday
Charms
Second Row
Third Seat
Its interesting how when you simply sit calmly still, doing and thinking nothing in particular, your friends decide to accuse you of things. Take this note from just a few minutes ago for example:
Alice: What are you staring at?
Me: Nothing.
Marlene: Not what, who!
Alice: Who, then?
Marlene: Him!
Me: No, I'm not!
Alice: Wait, why? I thought you don't like him?
Me: I don't!
Alice: Then why can't you take your eyes off him?
Marlene: Because he doesn't notice her anymore. She misses the attention.
Me: LIES!
Marlene: Lily, you're going through withdrawal. What you need is a nice, long, snog.
…
Alice: I think the entire castle heard that, Lily.
Marlene: Black wants a word with you, Lils.
Me: Tell him I'm busy.
Marlene: Busy blushing? He can see you, you know.
Me: I don't c-
Sirius: What was with the squeal, Lilykins? Having fantasies about me?
Me: In your dreams.
Sirius: No, in your dreams. Unless it's my mate you were thinking about?
Me: Shut up, git.
Sirius: Do I detect a blush?
Me: Would you like me to hex you now or later?
Sirius: Later. I have a date tonight.
Me: Figures.
Sirius: Jealous? Well, I'm afraid the Marauders are a bit beyond your reach. Except maybe Peter.
Me: What?
Sirius: Isn't it obvious? He's not interested anymore.
Me: Oh… Good!
Sirius: McKinnon's right. Withdrawal.
Marlene: Of course I'm right.
Me: WHAT?
And, as you can clearly see, the moment they stop accusing, they refuse to acknowledge your most basic questions. Mates- who needs them?
February 1
Sixth Year
Dinner
Great Hall
Gryffindor Table
Fifth Seat from the End
You know… Amos Diggory is kind of cute. In that golden haired pretty-boy kind of way. And he seems really nice, too. So, maybe…. Huh. Maybe.
February 3
Sixth Year
Charms
Second Row
First Seat
Amos is really good at Charms. Almost as good as me, I'd say. Brilliant execution with his wand work- I bet it helps that his arm is all muscular from Quidditch. And his hair looks absolutely gorgeous in this lighting. Much better than Potter's. Maybe I'll talk to him after class, ask him if he wants to study with me…
February 10
Sixth Year
Lunch
Great Hall
Gryffindor Table
Top End
Amos just asked me out! At least, I think he did. He walked up to me and said, "Hey, Lily, come to Hogsmeade with me." I gave a feeble dignified nod, he flashed me his most beautiful smile, and then he walked away. Oh, bliss!
February 15
Sixth Year
Morning
Dormitory
Bed
Under the Covers
Yesterday was brilliant! We walked through all the best shops, and he put his arm around my shoulder when I was cold. He bought me a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, and he introduced me to all his friends. AND he kissed my cheek goodbye when we got back to the castle! Hah, I bet Potter was never this happy!
March 15
Sixth Year
Middle of the Night
Dormitory
Bed
Under the Covers
it's not working!
I was in the middle of the most wonderful dream- I was sitting in the stands in the Quidditch pitch, watching Amos fly. The sun was making his hair extra gold, and he was smiling at me. All was well in the world...when suddenly he turned into Potter! Since when do I dream about Potter? I mean, I have before- but only with him being the victim of my spell work, not him looking… looking…. Well, looking attractive. JAMES POTTER IS NOT ATTRACTIVE! Okay, he has his good looks, but they fail to charm. I must be going mad. I need a list.
10 Reasons Why James Potter Isn't Worth the Breathe to Hex Him
1. He is completely obsessed with himself
2. He thinks he's above all the rules
3. He tricked a perfectly good bloke like Remus into being his mate
4. He's corrupting the student body with his disrespectful, self-centered ways
5. He's better than me at Transfiguration unable to take anything seriously
6. He jinxes innocents
7. He drove Snape to call me what he called me
8. He has everyone fooled into worshipping him
9. He hasn't a single kind bone in his frail, skinny body
10. He flies really well
There. That was healthy. Obviously there is no reason to think I'm losing my wits.
March 25
Sixth Year
Library
Table by the Window
Confession time.
I'm feeling a bit of a cad right now, so sorry if it's a bit jumbled, but… I broke it off with Amos.
There! I said it. Marlene is going to kill me.
But I don't think it was right for me to be going out with him. He really is a nice guy- a little proud and puffed up, but that's healthy to a degree… I just don't think I ever really liked him. I think I kind of forced myself to like because Marlene was bugging me about getting a life and I couldn't forget that kiss with Potter and I just wanted to see what it would be like- just like with the firewhiskey. Merlin! When will I learn?
Poor Amos, I left him all confused outside of the Charms room. I barely even gave him a reason. He'll mend quickly, though, right?
Right.
March 31
Sixth Year
Lunch
Great Hall
Gryffindor Table
Third from the Middle
Amos isn't mending.
April 3
Sixth Year
North Tower stairwell
There was a Boggart in the broom cupboard.
Usually when you open a broom cupboard, you expect to see an array of mops or- at worst- a couple making out.
I saw my exam results: all T's. After a few moments I realized I hadn't taken exams yet. I pulled my wand out of my pocket and pointed it at what my mind knew was a Boggart, but my heart felt was the end of everything. CRACK! In place of the results was Petunia, telling me our relationship was hopeless and the she hated the sight of me. CRACK! There were my parents' bodies, mangled and bloody on the floor. This time my hand was shaking. CRACK! James Potter was kneeling before me, his hand stretched out with something glittery in it… This time I didn't try to fight. I ran for it.
By the time I got to the North Tower, the stitch in my side was murder, and my breath was coming in gasps. I'm still shaky. I feel as though any moment I'll break down. I can't… I can't handle that. I just can't. Any of it.
April 3
Sixth Year
Dormitory
Bed
Under My Covers
Why was I so afraid of my exam results, when…? It's ridiculous! What am I thinking? How can I be so worried? And Potter! How can I be afraid of him? He doesn't even like me anymore, and I certainly don't like him and I definitely am not about to be in love...!
I went into that broom cupboard to escape Diggory. Maybe I should be running from someone else.
April 20
Sixth Year
Dormitory
Eating Mousse
Diggory has finally given up on me. I'm sure he hates me now. All his Hufflepuff mates have been giving me dark looks whenever I pass their table, so I've been making Alice and Marlene bring me meals here. They really are kind people.
June 14
End of Sixth Year
Car
Passenger Seat
Potter gave me this… look when I left the platform. I can't tell what it meant. It was so intense. I'm sure I blushed, although I really had no right to. I suppose it didn't mean anything. I shouldn't waste my time thinking about it.
…
…
…
So intense!
August 28
Summer Before Seventh Year
My Bedroom
Prancing Gleefully
IdiditIdiditIdiditIdidit! But best not to let me spoil the excitement with my clumsy words. Read for yourself!
HOGWARTS SCHOOL
of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
Dear Ms. Evans,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen for the esteemed position of Head Girl. If you choose to accept this honor, you will kindly meet with the Headmaster after the Welcoming Feast. Enclosed are the Head Girl badge and a list of duties that will be yours should you accept it.
Yours Sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
I think I can even handle flying right now.
A/N: Hey, everyone! So what'd you think of the prologue. The first chapter will be coming to you shortly! I'd like to make a shout out to my friend, Anna, who helped me a ton with this and with the story line as a whole. And a thank you to my awesome beta, Molly! Reviewers get cookies!
-Ella
