Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is the author of the Harry Potter series. All characters and canon situations belong to her. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: This story takes place in the Trio's 6th year, right after Slughorn's Christmas party. AU, so please excuse the ooc-ness.
The story was betaed by KaylaKay HPbookworm – thank you!
Hermione's Faux Pas, Harry's Type, Ron's Qualities
It was already after midnight when Harry returned to the Gryffindor Common Room. What he witnessed tonight still had him in deep thought. Something big was going on and Harry's gut feeling told him that it wasn't something good. He also no longer had any doubts about Malfoy being a Death Eater. What really worried him, though, was that Snape apparently knew this and was trying to help Malfoy with whatever he was planning. Harry only hoped that Professor Dumbledore returned from his trip soon, so that he could tell the Headmaster about Malfoy and about Snape's betrayal.
Harry was just about to climb the stairs to the boys' dormitory when he finally noticed Hermione sitting on the sofa near the fireplace, staring absent-mindedly into space. She too, seemed to be thinking hard about something, not noticing his presence until he sat down next to her on the sofa. She gave a startled squeak when the cushions dipped lightly.
"Harry, you scared me!" Hermione scolded as her right hand flew up to cover her heart.
"Sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to scare you. Just saw you sitting here, looking spaced out and thought I'd come over and ask you what the matter was," Harry told her apologetically.
A short "Oh!" was all he received as answer. Instead of elaborating, Hermione just started to play with the hem of her dress nervously and looked anywhere but at him. Like Harry, she was still wearing her clothes from the party.
Realising that his friend wasn't going to give him a real answer, Harry decided to pry no further. However, if she felt like talking, he would be there to listen.
Minutes ticked by in comfortable silence - that is until Hermione abruptly turned to him.
"I had sex with Cormac McLaggen!" she suddenly announced and quickly grapped a pillow to cover her face in shame. Talk about unexpected!
"You what?" Harry gasped.
"I-did-the-dirty-with-McLaggen," his friend muttered unhappily into her pillow.
"But... why? I thought you didn't like the git," Harry asked in confusion whilst trying to pull the pillow off Hermione's face in order to stop her from cutting off her own air supply.
"I don't!" she moaned, finally reappearing from behind the pillow.
"Oh no! Hermione, McLaggen, did he…?" Harry asked carefully, horror slowly spreading across his face. Hermione looked at him blankly before her eyes suddenly grew wide as she finally understood what her friend was asking.
"God no! He didn't do anything like that! Cormac didn't force me! It was consensual."
Harry let out a sigh of relief, but was still very confused about the whole situation. "But then why did you-"
"I don't know! I don't know why, Harry!" Hermione snapped at him, trying to get the pillow that was now in Harry's hands, into her clutches again. Her friend, however, wasn't having any of that which only served to irritate her more.
"Harry, let go! Give me the pillow!"
"NO!" Harry snapped right back before throwing the pillow out of their reach. Hermione glared hard at him.
"Why did you do that for?" she barked, however, before Harry could reply with a snappy retort of his own, a sleepy voice interrupted them.
"Why are you two making such a racket? What are you yelling about?" Ron.
Harry, who was too upset to think straight, wasted no time in filling his other best friend in on the situation. "Hermione did the dirty with McLaggen."
"HARRY!" Hermione immediately screeched, shocked that he would just go and reveal something so personal to other people. She had told him about Cormac in confidence, so how could he just go and announce it to Ron, of all people?
Oh Ron! This was all his fault in the first place! If it hadn't been for him being such a prat, then she wouldn't have needed to go on this date with Cormac to begin with!
"You did what?" Ron demanded, his face turning over into a very unappealing shade of red. "How could you?"
It didn't take a genius to see how upsetting this revelation was to Ron. Harry always had his suspicions that Ron held romantic feelings for Hermione, even though the former currently dated Lavender Brown. Harry knew that Ron still considered Hermione his. (Or, he hoped to call her that, one day.)
"This is so embarrassing. I can't believe I told you! Oh, where is my wand? I need to obliviate you two," Hermione muttered to herself and started to search for her wand. "Aha! There it is! Oblivi-"
"You will not do such thing," Harry cut her off and knocked the wand out of her hands. Ron quickly dashed forward to pick the wand up and pocket it. He was still visibly upset about the whole affair.
"Aaargh! I really need to sort this out with Cormac! I need to tell him first thing in the morning that I'm not interested in pursuing this relationship with him any further. Yes, that's what I'll do!"
Hermione's announcement was met with a scoff. "Relationship? I would hardly call a one-night-stand a relationship," Ron told her nastily. Hermione's eyes immediately narrowed to slits.
"Oh, shut it, you virgin!"
Hearing that comeback, Harry could help with laugh out loud. That was an insult he never heard anyone use before.
Hermione, on the other hand, thought that Harry was uncalled for and went to scold him for it. "Harry, you're very much a virgin like Ron, so don't laugh at him!"
"Yeah, Harry," Ron agreed, glaring hard at Harry.
The Boy Who Lived stared at them in disbelief. Were they serious? A moment ago they were still insulting each other and now they're suddenly siding with each other to gang up against him? The fuck?
Now it was time for him to be pissed off. "Yeah, whatever. I'm going to sleep now and I'm not wishing either of you a good night. As a matter of fact, I hope you two have a terrible night." And with that Harry left them and retreated upstairs.
- The next day at lunch -
"So have you talked to McLaggen, Hermione?" Harry asked whilst piling potatoes on his plate. Ron, who had been ignoring Hermione the whole morning, looked up curiously from his plate. Had she broken things off?
"Yes, I did," Hermione answered stiffly, but suspiciously avoiding all eye contact with him.
"Good," Harry replied slowly, even though he had the feeling that her conversation with McLaggen hadn't gone as planned. Hermione squirmed in seat, looking nervously left and right to make sure no one else was listening.
"I had sex with him again!" Hermione confessed in a squeaky voice when she was sure no one was eavesdropping. Harry face-palmed. Oh boy.
"WHAT? Hermione, why? I thought you wanted to tell him that what happened was a mistake!" Harry whisper-yelled whilst Ron scowled, but chose to say nothing. He was determined to give Hermione the silent treatment as punishment.
"Harry, I'm well aware of that! And I was going to tell him. In fact I was in the middle of it when he suddenly kissed me and… and my damn hormones took over again! God, being a hormone-driven teenager is awful!" Hermione ranted before burying her head in her hands, feeling ashamed.
Since Harry didn't know what to say to her, he decided to leave her alone. This was a thing she needed to sort out on her own. He was going to stay out of it.
"I think we're a couple now," Hermione added darkly. Yes, she definitely needed to sort out her issues fast.
"Mate, you're holding your glass like a poof," Ron commented, nodding at Harry's little finger that was sticking out as he drank from his cup. Harry choked on his water at Ron's words whereas Hermione just looked plain scandalized.
"Ron, there's nothing wrong with being gay!" Hermione scolded the readhead before worriedly turning to her other best friend who was coughing hard.
"Don't mind him, Harry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or any reason to be ashamed of it," she said gently and laid a hand on his arm as reassuring gesture.
Ron watched their interaction quietly and let Hermione's words run through his head again. He eventually came to the conclusion that Hermione had been right and that his comment had been incredibly insensitive.
"Yeah Harry, Hermione's right. There's nothing wrong with being gay. I'm sorry about that," Ron apologised, however, still slipping a little sideways and away from Harry.
Harry, on the other hand, couldn't believe his ears. "I'm not gay, you lot! So there's no need to move away from me, Ron! Because even if I were gay, you would hardly be my type," Harry barked angrily.
His last comment didn't sit well with Ron. "What do you mean with 'hardly your type'? What's wrong with my type? Do you have anything against redheads or something? Lavender thinks I'm plenty attractive and told me that I have the most wonderful blue eyes she's ever seen! She also says that I'm a really good kisser," he replied hotly.
"Ron, I'm not gay! Therefore we're not going to have this conversation about why I don't feel attracted to you," Harry snapped back. Man, his best friends really had some issues!
"So touchy," Ron mumbled to Hermione, but not quietly enough for Harry not to hear him. The Boy Who Lived almost threw his half-eaten chicken leg at Hermione when he saw her 'discreetly' nodding in agreement.
"Hermione, could you please pass me the plate with the chicken?" Harry asked politely, deciding to bury the hatchet and forgive her and Ron for earlier. Hermione, however, didn't react to his request as she was too busy glaring at something.
Harry followed her gaze only to find Cormac McLaggen talking to a pretty girl who clearly flirted with him. McLaggen obviously didn't seem to mind and gave her his most charming smile. Judging by Hermione's expression, their interaction didn't sit well with his friend at all.
"Ron, Harry? Would you excuse me for a moment? I have to go somewhere real quick, but I'll be right back," Hermione informed them in a low voice, her eyes never leaving the Cormac and the girl.
She got up from the table and headed determinately to McLaggen. There, Hermione planted herself in front of the girl and said something to her (to Harry it looked suspiciously like "Shove off!") before she dragged a surprised McLaggen back to their table.
"Make some room," Hermione ordered whilst making a shooing hand gesture at Harry and Ron, so they'd make space for her... boyfriend? Hermione then sat down and resumed her lunch happily as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.
Harry felt someone nudging him in the side. "Hey Harry? You know how I told you that I might like Hermione a little bit more than a friend and that the Lavender thing might have been a mistake?" Ron whispered carefully. "I think I might have to retract that statement. I think I'm better off with Lavender after all. Hermione gets quite scary when she's all possessive and territorial."
The raven-haired boy nodded in agreement as he watched his other best friend pile food on a plate for McLaggen (who still looked very intimidated by her), in fascination.
Harry gritted his teeth and stabbed his potatoes violently. Some fucking friends he had! And here he had thought about forgiving them only minutes ago! How laughable!
Why was he so angry, you ask? Well, it all started again when he had accidentally brushed McLaggen's hand during lunch. Hermione, being the annoying person that she was today, had taken this as opportunity to tell him - quote: "Harry, I'm sorry, but Cormac doesn't swing that way. Not to mention that he's already taken."
Ron was laughing so hard, he was close to wetting himself. Harry, however, didn't find this a laughing matter. The Boy Who Lived gay? How dare they?! He would show them exactly how not gay he was! And he would do so by snogging the living daylights out of the next female walking by their table!
Harry certainly didn't have to wait long for his 'lucky lady' to arrive. When the girl with the flowery perfume walked passed him, Harry immediately shot up from his seat, pulled her back, dipped and kissed her. His chosen one struggled against his advances at first, but gave up fighting quickly. If he wasn't entirely mistaken, she even started kissing him back shyly.
Overall Harry was pleased with this result. The many catcalls that he and his mysterious lady earned, gave their display an even nicer touch, and most importantly: No one would ever dare accusing him of being gay now! Not even Ron and Hermione! He had certainly shown them good!
Feeling extremely smug and content after his successfully accomplished mission, Harry decided that it was time to find out his mysterious partner's identity. Because of all the rush earlier, he unfortunately hadn't had the chance to take a real look at her.
Harry put on his most charming smile and gazed down curiously – and to almost dropped his lady out of shock: In his arms he was holding the one and only Pansy Parkinson, who was looking absolutely murderous when she realized by whom she had been kissed. Guess she didn't have a thing for the Boy Who Lived.
With that thought Harry quickly released the enraged girl and ran - with her hot on his tail.
To be continued...
