Okay, so I've never been in this situation before, but I've done research on it, talked to my mother about it (who is a therapist who has worked with people in this situation) and read books about it so I figured I might try to raise awareness with a fic. This probably won't be 100% accurate, and I'm not going to claim that it will be. Hope you like it anyway :)
Kurt laughs at a joke his new business partner at his work made. He likes the new guy. His name is Josh, and they've been spending a lot of time together lately. Mostly because Kurt needs to get away from home… away from Blaine, who had become increasingly more angry and a bit violent lately.
"Do you want to come to the bar with me?" Josh inquires. Kurt bites his lip. He knows Blaine will be mad if he doesn't come home from work right away.
Screw it, he decides, let Blaine be mad.
"Sure. Let me just text my partner." He picks up his phone and sends a fleeting text to Blaine,
'Going out with a friend. I may not be home for a few hours. Love you. xx K'
"Okay, let's go." He says to Josh. Josh smiles and they walk to the bar, sitting down at a table.
"Do you want me to get you something?" Josh asks.
"Sure, just a beer, please. Doesn't matter what kind."
Kurt walks Josh walk up to the counter. He sighs. The last few weeks have been stressful, even though he got a new partner. There has been a lot more work than usual, lots of long nights, him and Blaine are fighting a lot… for some reason Blaine's temper is becoming shorter and shorter with every passing day and Kurt doesn't like it. It reminds him of Blaine's father.
Shocked at the thought, he shakes his head to rid it of the mere idea of Blaine being anything like the man's father. Josh comes back with their drinks. Kurt looks at Josh for a second, analyzing him. He has light brown hair, with bright blue eyes that are almost piercing, but his gaze always seems to be kind and serene, his small ski jump nose right smack in the middle. He has a smile that never seems to fade, but always seems real, like he's always happy, with perfectly straight teeth. It almost makes Kurt jealous- why the hell is he so happy all the time.
Kurt smiles at Josh. "Thanks."
They begin to talk, and before they know it, hours have past. They left the office at six o'clock approximately; Kurt glances down at his watch to see it's almost eleven!
"Shit!" He swore. He had told Blaine a few hours, and with Blaine's short temper, he was bound to be furious.
"I have to go, I'm so sorry!" He blurts out quickly. Josh, with his ever-present smile, replies,
"Of course. I didn't realize the time either. See you tomorrow at the office, Kurt." Kurt returns his grin, albeit a little forcibly, and waves goodbye, running off to the office and into his car.
He makes it to the apartment he and Blaine share at half-past eleven. Hoping Blaine is asleep, really not wanting another fight, he opens the door and closes it as quietly as possible.
"Well, look who's back!" He hears a cruel laugh that doesn't belong to the owner. At least not the one Kurt knew.
"Hey, Blaine." He sighs, looking up. Blaine is sitting at the table in the kitchen, with a small glass in his hand, flicking his wrist, making the contents of the glass swirl around and around in a circle. It's a dark yellow substance, and looking at it makes Kurt's stomach drop. It's whiskey, and he knows Blaine doesn't handle alcohol well… and if he was drinking it something bad had to have happened. They don't keep it in the house.
"Where did you get that?" Kurt whispers. He sees a large bottle of the substance on the table, and it makes him feel sick.
"Does it matter?" Blaine slurs. "I just got fired from my job, the one I've been working at for four years, and then I come home, check my phone, and find out my partner is fucking his friend!"
"What are you talking about?" Kurt asks. Fifteen seconds of courage, he thinks. Because bad things happen when Blaine's drunk. Bad things.
"Oh, I don't know, just the fact that you were out with him for five hours, instead of coming home seems a little suspicious, not to mention, lately, you've been avoiding me. Don't think I couldn't tell. So you go and cheat on me. Well that's fan-fucking-tastic, Kurt, because guess what? I. Don't. Care." He laughs, that cruel laugh again, that makes Kurt shudder. Blaine stands up from the table. "You're a little slut." He says. "You're a little slut, and that's all you'll ever be." He's in Kurt's face now, and Kurt can smell the alcohol in his breath, making him gag. Rage burns inside him. Horrified that Blaine would ever say that to him, he lashes out.
"What are you talking about? I'm not the one who couldn't handle a long distance relationship for a few months, so I went and go fucked some guy on Facebook! That was you, if I remember correctly!" Kurt winces at the crude word he had just used, but it had to be done. He didn't like the look in Blaine's eyes, and he starts to back away. This has happened before. Once. When Blaine was really, really drunk. Kurt doesn't even remember why they were fighting, Blaine just… hit him. Right after he had that same gleam in his eye.
Kurt is jolted out of his memory by the loud sound of glass breaking. Blaine had thrown his glass against the wall behind Kurt.
"Don't even go there." Blaine says warningly, "Don't even go there." His hands are clenched into fists, his eyes narrowed.
"Do you remember what I told you, Blaine?" Kurt replies in the same tone. "One more time, and I'll leave you."
"You wouldn't." Blaine takes a step closer.
"I will, Blaine." Blaine looks him in the eye.
"I only hit you when you deserve it."
"When I deserve it?" Kurt shrieks incredulously. "Blaine, you sound exactly like your father!"
"That's it!" Blaine yells. Before Kurt knows what's happening, Blaine's fist collides with his face. His gasps at the contact. He feels another blow to his stomach, and he stumbles backwards, falling onto the floor. Gasping for air, he stands back up and runs. He runs out the door. He jumps into his car and just drives. He doesn't even know where he's going. The thing is, he'd never, ever hit Blaine. No matter what Blaine ever did. His eyes blur with tears. He pulls the car to the side. Taking a shuddering breath, he hits his head again the steering wheel, sobbing.
What the hell just happened?
Blaine wakes up with a throbbing headache. He has no idea what happened… then it all comes rushing back to him.
I hit Kurt. I accused him of cheating and hit him!
His eyes widen in horror. How could I? He's horrified at himself.
"Fuck!" He yells. His head screams in protest and he lays back down.
Never again.
Kurt slips into the house the next day. He'd spent the night at Mercedes', not telling her what happened, just showing up at the door. He'd sobbed in to her shoulder, and she'd lead him to the couch. She'd comforted him, told him he could stay as long as he needed to, and went to bed. He'd cried himself to sleep.
He prays to a god he doesn't believe in that Blaine's not home. He doesn't know why he's coming back. He broke his promise. He can't leave Blaine, he can't.
He cautiously walks into their room, relieved to find that Blaine's at work. Work. Shit.
Kurt calls his boss, telling her he's sick, and shuts off his cell phone, crashing onto their bed. He reaches into the drawer of the nightstand net to his side of the bed, pulling out headphones. He'd never liked rap before, but for some reason this song was different. He'd always loved it- now he could relate to it, somewhat. Thinking no one's home, he selects the song, sets it on his speaker, and begins singing along.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
He doesn't notice Blaine come in, until he hears a voice from the doorway.
I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
Kurt looks up in shock. He had no idea Blaine could rap, and he doesn't know what Blaine knows all the words to this song. He doesn't question it though, just listens to Blaine's explanation of some sort.
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love it, the more I suffer
I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown, he resuscitates me
He fuckin' hates me, and I love it
Kurt's eyes narrow at that; he loves it? But he looks into Blaine's eyes and the tears gleaming in his eyes show he didn't mean that. Please, don't hate me. I love you.
Wait, where you going? I'm leaving you, no, you ain't
Come back, we're running right back, here we go again
It's so insane, 'cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back
He's Lois Lane but when it's bad, it's awful, I feel so ashamed
I snap, "Who's that dude?", I don't even know his name
He looks Kurt right in the eyes for that last line, and he knows Blaine's sorry. He almost forgives the other man.
I laid hands on him, I never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Blaine opens his mouth to speak, but Kurt cuts him off by beginning the chorus.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
He whispers the last line, his voice cracking. He looks down, a bit embarrassed.
You ever love somebody so much, you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em
Now you're gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
Blaine's voice is shaking, almost pleading, trying to get Kurt to understand.
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each others face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each others hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're in 'em
Except it was only me, Blaine thinks
It's the race that took over, it controls you both
So they say you'd best to go your separate ways, guess that they don't know ya
'Cause today, that was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised him, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again, now you get to watch him leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"
That's when Blaine succumbs to his tears. They drip down his face and he takes gasping breaths, trying hard not to cry, failing miserably.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Kurt's words are becoming bitter and angry. Blaine starts rapping again.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
But when it comes to love, you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Blaine's pleading, please, please, I can't live without you.
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
That's like a stab to Kurt's heart. I can't leave. He covers his mouth to hide a sob.
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
There will be no next time, please Kurt.
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want him back, I know I'm a liar
If he ever tries to fuckin' leave again, I'ma tie him to the bed
And set this house on fire
Blaine looks sick, singing those lines, and Kurt knows- well hopes he knows- Blaine would never do so. His voice shakes as he tries to sing the chorus.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie…
"Hi." Blaine whispers. Kurt doesn't reply. He just runs over to Blaine and puts his head in the dark haired man's shoulder, weeping, soaking Blaine's shirt.
"I'm so, so, sorry, please, don't leave me." Blaine whispers. Either Kurt doesn't want to respond or he can't. Blaine walks over to the bed and sits down. Kurt curls up in his arms, and Blaine watches in horror as Kurt breaks right in front of him. Kurt was supposed to be the strong one. He'd gotten through everything without ever breaking down like this. They'd been together for ten years, not counting their brief break-up, and Blaine had never seen Kurt like this. It made him sick to think he'd done this.
Never again, He vows again. He knows he's lying. To himself, and Kurt.
Again, I do not claim that this is accurate! I don't really know about this... is it crap? R&R please!
