Keel Over

Author: Hakanaki

Author's Notes: This is an extremely personal story to me. It is heavily influenced by true events in my life, but I'm parsing them up among different characters. Writing it down like this is a bit of therapy, I think, so I'm nervous, but I hope you enjoy.

Warnings: Suggested physical abuse

Disclaimer: I toyed around with the idea of making an original character here a character from another season, perhaps, but I didn't like the idea of making anyone such a bad guy. So the original character is mine, but nothing else is.


Chapter 1

In a small, bustling izakaya in Kichijoji, four mugs of beer clinked together in a toast. As only one of the occupants of the small table actually enjoyed beer, the celebratory gulp of liquid that followed was mostly followed by faces of displeasure.

"Daisuke-kun," a pale, dark haired boy announced. "I don't understand how you like this stuff."

"Come on, Ken!" Motomiya Daisuke waved off the comment. "Just finish this one and you and Hikari-chan can start ordering your fruity little cocktails."

"Daisuke-kun, I never follow the rule that you have to drink beer first unless I'm with you!" came a delicate giggle from across the table. Yagami Hikari took another sip of the drink, paused, and then swallowed. "It's really awful. Oniichan really likes it, though… He drinks it with Yamato-san all the time. Right, Takeru-kun?"

The final occupant of the table hadn't touched his drink after the toast. Instead, he sat immersed in his cellphone, a small frown on his face. Feeling the gaze of his three friends, Takaishi Takeru looked up. "Hm? Yeah, Oniisan really likes it, too… It's okay. I guess I don't mind it." He shrugged and went back to his phone.

Hikari laughed again. "That's what you say about everything! You know, sometimes I don't think we've really changed much at all… it's been months since we could meet up, and I feel like we're still the same kids," she noted.

Next to her, Ken frowned a little. "I don't know, I think we've changed…"

Daisuke grinned. "In some ways. I definitely got more handsome!" He rolled up the sleeve of his sweater to show off his newly formed ramen making muscles to the laughter of the table.

Takeru snapped his phone shut with an audible click and joined in the conversation. "How is working, Daisuke-kun? We're all still students here, and you're the only real adult…"

"Does that mean he gets to pay for us?" Ken joked.

"Tch, it certainly doesn't! It's grueling work, apprenticing at such an old-school ramen place… For two months, the only thing they let me do was boil water, so I had to carry these massive pots to the stove every day," he complained, taking another swig of beer. "But now I do some other things, so it's not as bad. Still tough, though."

Takeru looked thoughtful. "Still," he pushed. "You're like… out in society, you know? Do you ever think that we can't really be adults while we're still students?"

His comment was met with baffled looks. Daisuke had no idea how to respond. After a moment of consideration, Hikari spoke. "I don't know. It depends on how you feel, I guess. Sitting here with people I've known most of my life and being able to order alcohol makes me feel like an adult," she teased.

Ken gave his friend a calculated look. "Your boyfriend is into some cynical philosophy sometimes," he noted simply, then went back to his drink.

Ah yes, Daisuke thought. The Boyfriend. "How's that going, anyways?" he asked, trying to keep his voice level.

Takeru shrugged. To anyone but his three closest friends, it would've looked casual, but they saw him clam up. "It's fine," he said. "He's a little stressed lately, since he has to write his senior thesis and he hasn't been doing so well job hunting."

Daisuke wanted to push the matter, but Hikari was quick to sense the plummeting mood and changed the subject. "What about you? Have you started researching for job hunting yet?"

The blonde shrugged, and the smile on his face looked happier again. "I don't know. I'm thinking about graduate school instead," he remarked.

The conversation continued in a similar manner, and Daisuke felt a little out of the loop again. Until last March, they had all been students together. He had studied at culinary school while Ken, Hikari, and Takeru had gone off to university. Then he had graduated and began his apprenticeship, and it felt a little like his life was drifting away from his friends'.

He took another gulp of beer to ward off any brooding thoughts and listened to the conversation around him. Hikari was going to become a kindergarten teacher, so she had to begin studying for the licence examination. Ken had originally intended to go to Law School, but had decided that he wanted to do something more interactive and was now pursuing a detective's license.

"Wow," Takeru noted, reaching up to push his hair out of his eyes. "Even though you two are doing completely different things, it's practically the same process."

Daisuke's eye caught something as his friend moved. Before he could think about it too hard, he reached out and grabbed the hand that Takeru had used to fix his hair.

"Daisuke-"

"What's on your wrist?" he asked. He pushed up the sleeve a little to expose a mottled, purple bruise.

The temperature in the bar felt like it dropped ten degrees. Takeru stiffened in his seat, his other hand forming a fist in his jeans. "It's nothing," he muttered, not meeting anyone's eye.

Hikari and Ken frowned at him. Daisuke didn't let go of his arm. "It looks pretty bad," he commented.

"Yeah, Takeru-kun, you should get it checked out… Maybe you really hurt something…"

"What happened, anyways?" Ken's question cut through the tentative ceasefire, and Takeru yanked his hand back from Daisuke.

"Nothing," he said again, with a little more force than Daisuke thought necessary. "It probably happened at basketball practice or something." Resolutely, he brought his drink to his lips and took a long pull. Then he kept going until the mug was empty.

Wiping his mouth on his sleeve, the blonde grimaced and then grinned. "So, who's up for round two?" he said, changing the subject entirely.


Even though Takeru had been the one to call for another round of drinks, he barely touched his. His friends went back to catching up, and he checked his phone. When he saw that he had three new messages, his heart jumped up into his throat.

I'm at the library. You said you're here, right?

Where are you?

Look, don't make me waste my time like this.

Knowing with a sinking feeling that he had already messed up, Takeru quickly composed a message back.

I left the library. A friend from basketball wanted to go to dinner. I'll be home later.

He closed his phone nervously and put it on the table, a little away from him. He eyed his second drink and contemplated downing that one as well, to take an edge off of his nerves. But going home drunk would be even worse, so he restrained himself and took a measured sip instead.

Daisuke, who was mostly listening to Ken and Hikari swap stories about the classes they were taking in an awkward silence, watched his friend closely. "Trouble in paradise?" he asked innocently.

Takeru froze and gave his friend a dark look. As if to avoid answering, he brought his drink-a ramune sour this time, Daisuke noted-to his lips, took a gulp, and put it back down with a nervous bang.

"It's nothing," he said finally. "We're fine." His voice was too stubborn to be believed. Daisuke, now a little annoyed with his friend, opened his mouth to call him out on his insincerity, when Hikari interrupted them.

"We should do karaoke tonight!" she exclaimed. "It's a Friday, the first Friday of vacation, and we're all here together for the first time in months! What's not to celebrate?"

Distracted by the idea, Daisuke almost forgot entirely about Takeru. "Yeah!" He grinned. "I even have a day off tomorrow!" He felt happy to be included in their lives again. Even if he would've had to work the next day, he wouldn't have wanted this reunion to end.

"I can't."

Ken and Hikari exchanged a look and then frowned. They didn't say anything, so Daisuke took up the mantle.

"What do you mean? It's break! No more papers or studying... We never get to see you anymore!" he complained.

Takeru looked up, the guilt in his eyes real but the smile on his lips false. "I have to work in the morning," he said simply.

Ken sighed across the table. "Even I'm willing to go," he tried. "I never stay out late."

"Please, Takeru-kun?" Hikari tried.

"I'm sorry," the blonde said simply, fidgeting with his drink.

Something wasn't right here. Daisuke was missing something. Before he could open his mouth to figure it out, the more tactful Ken stepped in.

"Well," he said reluctantly. "Next time then, okay? We're on break until the end of the month, so it shouldn't be hard to catch Daisuke on a free day."

They finished their drinks while talking about lighter topics-meaningless topics-and settled the bill.

"Well," Takeru said at the underground entrance to the izakaya. "It's good to see everyone again. Until next time!"

He was smiling but it was fake, so fake, and Daisuke couldn't stand it. "I'll go with you to the station," he blurted. The rest of the group looked at him in surprise. The station was literally within sight. "I want to have a smoke anyways," he corrected.

Hikari nodded. "Okay. We'll meet you there." They told him which karaoke vender to go to, and turned to leave when Hikari turned back around and hugged Takeru tightly. The blonde stiffened in her hold. "It was good to see you, Takeru. Get home safe!"

They parted ways. Takeru was silent, so Daisuke clasped a hand on his shoulder. "Come with me?" he invited.

The blonde opened his mouth, a refusal on his lips, but then paused. "Okay."

"I won't be long," the brunette promised. The two made their way to the designated smoking section on the other side of the station. Daisuke wasn't aware how bad the craving for tobacco was until he smelled it in the air. He lit one hastily and offered his friend the pack and the lighter as an afterthought.

To his surprise, the normally squeaky clean blonde took one. Daisuke choked on his inhale. "Since when do you smoke?" he accused.

Takeru shrugged. "I don't, not really," he said cryptically. However, his posture was too relaxed and his inhale too practiced. "Well, I don't buy my own," he amended. Daisuke couldn't help the nasty thought that it was the most honest his friend had been all evening.

"Does Yamato-san know?"

The slightly shorter boy made a face. "Don't tell him," he begged. "He would never let it go. He can never let anything go."

Daisuke was a little surprised. Takeru never fought with his brother. Ever. Then, it had been months since Daisuke had seen his friend. A lot of things had apparently changed.

They smoked in relative silence for a while. Daisuke finished his cigarette much quicker than his friend and put it out, slipping it into the provided ashtray. "I'm glad you got to come tonight. Haven't seen you in forever," he remarked.

The blonde grinned. "Missed me?" he teased. The two had long since overcame their childish differences. By high school, they had been inseparable. College changed that, but Takeru was the friend Daisuke always wanted to see. The friend that he had wanted to… No, best not to go there. Not tonight.

"Tch, maybe. Come hang out more often!"

Takeru frowned. He stared at his waning cigarette. "I wish I could," he murmured. His voice had a raw quality to it that confused Daisuke.

"Try not to work so hard! Enjoy life! Soon you'll be old and have to be serious," Daisuke advised. The blonde nodded, disposed of his own cigarette, and began walking back.

"Yeah, I'll try. Thanks, by the way, for the cigarette. I was kind of craving one," he said sheepishly.

"Just buy your own..."

When they got to the ticket gate, Takeru turned and faced Daisuke again. "Have fun with Hikari-chan and Ken-kun. And, if you get the chance, say hi to Oniisan for me?"

Before Daisuke could respond, he melted into the crowd and left.


He met up with Hikari and Ken in the lobby of the karaoke place. Being that it was a Friday night and the universities nearby were all beginning their breaks, the place was packed and they would have to wait. It wouldn't have made sense to go anywhere else, because anywhere else would've been just as crowded.

He snaked his way through the couples and groups in the lobby and found his friends sitting at the booth at the back wall. Ken had his arm around Hikari's shoulder, and Hikari was frowning. This made Daisuke's brow wrinkle in annoyance. They were supposed to be having a good time.

"Hikari-chan?" he asked by way of greeting. The pair looked up. Ken's expression was unreadable, but Hikari did nothing to hide her sorrow. She tried to smile for him.

"I'm glad we all get to hang out," she said softly. "I really am. It's just…" She sighed.

Ken looked at the wall, apparently lost in thought.

Daisuke was seriously missing something here. "What the hell has been going on? I know it's been months since we've seen each other, and even longer since I got to see Takeru, so what the hell happened?"

Hikari sniffled, wiping away another tear. "I really don't know," she confessed. "Not all of the details. Over spring break, he decided to move in with his boyfriend," she started.

"Wait a minute. They're living together?" Daisuke cut her off. "They started dating in January!" he exclaimed. He knew exactly when it was. He could still hear the sound his constricting chest had made at the news.

Hikari looked surprised that Daisuke remembered such a detail. Ken's look was much less shocked and far more patronizing.

"Uh, yeah, I just remember it. Anyways, so?" he changed the subject.

"Well, you reacted basically the same way Yamato-san did," Hikari continued. "I was hanging out with them and Oniichan that day, and we overheard them arguing."

Ken looked surprised, but said nothing. Daisuke was still confused, but now felt that his earlier conversation with Takeru made more sense.

"Are they still fighting? Takeru made a comment out there..."

Hikari shook her head. "I don't know. That day, Yamato-san stormed off and Oniichan went to go calm him down. When I talked to Takeru about it, all he would tell me was that he had found "the one" and he just wished everyone else could see it."

Daisuke frowned. The Takeru at the bar had done a pretty poor impression of a love drunk fool, and the Takeru who smoked his cigarette had looked downright miserable.

"Then," Ken picked up the slack. "Things got even more bizarre. I used to see Takeru frequently, even though our universities are pretty far apart. We would meet up and get coffee around once a week and just talk about philosophy or literature. But he started finding excuses not to come as soon as school started. We met during Golden Week, once, and that's the last time I've seen him before tonight," he remarked.

"I saw him a little over the summer vacation," Hikari admitted. "But he didn't come back to Odaiba almost at all. Whenever I see Yamato-san, he asks me how he's been. I don't think they're talking much right now," she admitted. "I think we've all suspected that he isn't happy, but tonight..." She trailed off, looking away.

Daisuke thought of the bruise he had uncovered. The basketball story had seemed liable enough at the time. The only thing that had been weird was how defensive he had gotten. Thinking about it too hard made his gut turn into ice.

"I don't know what's going on," Hikari continued. "But something is wrong, and I'm worried."

Their names were called, and so the group stood in order to go to their designated room for the evening. Ken took the lead, as the reservation was under his name. While he ironed out the details with the worker, Hikari gripped Daisuke's arm hard enough to make him wince.

"Hikari-chan!" he protested.

"You still like him, don't you," she whispered. It wasn't a question. "I know you do. I know you've liked him for a long time."

Daisuke sighed. He wished he could play dumb. Not with Hikari, though. "I never stopped," he mumbled, embarrassed. It was the main reason he hadn't been bothered by Takeru's absences for the last eight months. He had been avoiding him anyways.

"Please save him, Daisuke. You're the only one who can."

He looked into her eyes, saw the pain and worry floating there, and looked away. Takeru's business was his own, he thought. We're adults now. We make our own decisions.

But Hikari was right. He did still like the blonde boy. His affection made him weak. Ken turned around with their karaoke basket, and before the moment was lost, he nodded.

"First one to the room gets first pick!" he cried abruptly, racing into the stairwell. Hikari laughed, but followed while Ken grumbled about elevators.

It was good to be with friends again.


Some notes!

1) The izakaya (Japanese pub) they go to is Hanbewe in Kichijoji.

2) There is a Japanese phrase "とりあえずビール (toriaezu biiru). This refers to the custom that no matter what you'd prefer to drink on a night out with friends, you start with a beer. It translates to something like "beer for now." As Hikari pointed out, a lot of young people don't adhere to this custom.

3) On senior theses, job hunting, and licensure examinations... These are three things that are deeply relevant to Japanese college students. You have to write a senior research paper to graduate most universities (all universities?). It's usually no less than 20 pages long. Job hunting in Japan is terrifying. Students face a huge amount of pressure to find a job before graduation, so the process starts usually during their third year of college. Finally, a lot of careers in Japan that might require graduate school in the west mostly just require a license. But that license requires sometimes a small bit of extra schooling and a hefty examination.

4) All night karaoke is the best thing ever. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Japanese style karaoke but all night karaoke is basically the national pastime of college kids.

5) The smoking spot I mentioned doesn't actually exist anymore. But it was a pretty cool place so I just pretended they didn't tear it out.

6) I don't know if it will come up, so I'll just say it. Takeru goes to Aoyama University in Shibuya, Ken goes to Hitotsubashi University in Kunitachi, and Hikari goes to International Christian University in Mitaka. Kichijoji is a fairly easy place for all of them to meet.