(A/N):
Hey, this is Chelsie with my second published story. This is another oneshot, on Naruto's thoughts after Sasuke leaves. This one is more angst than crack, though, I love writing Naruto as emo.
Okay, this is yaoi. That means boy on boy. It isn't graphic or anything, but its still there. Mostly, its just feelings. If, however, the though completely grosses you out, I guess it could be friendship. Whatever floats your boat.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Naruto. If I did, Hidan wouldn't be stuck at the bottom of a pit.
If he were to die, would anyone care?
That was the only thought running through Naruto's head as he sat on his bed, alone. It was the rain's fault he was depressed, the normally cheery shinobi decided. The rain and that bastard of an Uchiha. Ever since the Valley of the End, he had connected the two. Thus, when it rained, he locked himself in his apartment for the day, ignoring anyone who decided to drop by.
So, here was. Uzumaki Naruto, sitting at home moping about some kid he never even liked, That's what he told the rest of the world, anyway. But, ever since Haku had 'killed' Sasuke, Naruto had known the truth. Even if he denied it, it was still there. The simple fact that he cared. This was his 'big secret', rival to the Kyuubi in nature.
But, during their last fight, the last time Naruto had seen the Uchiha, the truth had come out. Well…a version of it anyway.
- Flashback -
They were on the rivet, facing each other, To the casual passerby, they appeared to be complete opposites. Light and dark.Night and day.Yin and yang.The catch to that theory, of course, was that neither could exist without the other. Where there is night, there must also be day. Dark cannot exist without light. Yang is not complete without yin.
Naruto is not complete without Sasuke
- End Flashback –
The blonde put his head in his hands and groaned in frustration. Why couldn't he just forget? He didn't want to remember, didn't want to relive every moment they had spent together. This pain was a thousand times worse than any punch or kick he had received. It was worse, even, than the pain of being hated by the village.
Because it was Sasuke.
It was always Sasuke. Naruto pushed himself to the limit to keep up with or surpass the dark-haired teen. Every day, he trained to exhaustion, just to get some acknowledgement. It was infuriating! Every single fucking thing he ever did was for Sasuke! To prove he was better, to prove he was strong, to prove he was brave.
To prove he was worth something.
Naruto heard a knocking on his door and looked up, startled. By now, most people had learned not to bother coming to his house when it rained. They either thought he wasn't home, or understood his need to be alone. This person obviously did not.
The knocking persisted for nearly a half hour, before it stopped as suddenly as it had started. Naruto, who had been getting a headache, groggily got to his feet and walked to the kitchen. He took a handful of aspirin before heading back to the solitude of his room. As he walked through the living room, he caught sight of the team photo that all the genin teams had been required to take.
- Flashback -
Sasuke and he had been sparring when Kakashi came an announced that they were late for a photograph, and it was rude to keep the photographer waiting. Naruto, who had just pinned Sasuke with multiple shadow clones, had leapt to his feet at once, pointing an accusing finger at the jounin
"Don't go blaming us! It's you who didn't tell us when the stupid thing was, dattebayo!!"
Sasuke had gotten up from the ground, dusting himself off. He agreed with an annoyed, "Hn." Of course, he would have been able to break free from Naruto's grasp within seconds. However, Kakashi had arrived and interrupted, meaning that, technically, Naruto had won.
A few minutes later, at the photo shoot, Naruto looked at his brooding team mate. "Aw, come on Sasuke-teme, it was just training! Just because I bea you, doesn't mean you need to sulk!" The Uchiha turned his gaze onto the blonde, with no trace of kindness in the icy black eyes. "You will never beat me, dobe. You never have, and you never will."
Crestfallen, Naruto let the happy mask he always wore in public slip for a split second, before quickly recovering and slapping on his trademark grin. He laughed a little too loud and scratched the back of his head, "Ha! You wish! I had you, and you know it!"
Kakashi, who had been watching this exchange from behind the safety of IchaIcha Paradise, intervened before the two got into a fight and ruined the photography equipment. "Now, now, you two. Behave or I'll be forced to chain you together…again.
Sasuke, miffed, stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked away. Naruto widened his grn and stared straight at the camera, determined not to let the Uchiha ruin this moment. Sakura smiled, as always, glad to be near her sweetheart. Kakashi put away his book and placed a hand on each Sasuke and Naruto's heads, grinning behind his mask.
- Click -
- End Flashback -
Naruto grabbed the photo and threw it across the room. The glass shattered into a million pieces, ruining the frame. He didn't care. The blonde shoved his hands into his pockets and slunk into his room in a very Sasuke-like manner. In fact, if the lighting had been different, and the hair a different colour, one might have thought that he was the orphaned Uchiha.
He sat on his bed again, this time curled up into a ball on the corner of the mattress. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped in around his tan body. It was cold. He was never cold when Sasuke was around. When they were sparring, their bodies emitted a fierce heat that mixed together. But it was more than that. Whenever Naruto was near the raven, he felt a warmth in his stomach unlike anything that he had ever felt before.
At first, this warmth had confused him. He had even gone to Tsunade, to see if there was something physically wrong with his. The elderly woman gave him and odd look, then smiled strangely. She ushered him out of her office, saying she had a lot of paperwork to do. A lot of sleep to catch up on, is more like it.
Now, however, Naruto thought he knew what the feeling was…
- Flashback -
They were on the river, again. Facing each other.Naruto realized now, that, no matter what he said, Sasuke wasn't going to come back. He'd have to physically drag him back to Konoha. However, there was one chance…One thing he could say that might make Sasuke change his mind…
Standing on the log, Naruto gazed sadly at the boy he had admired for so long. How had it come to this? Sure, Sasuke needed power to get his revenge on Itachi, but couldn't he do that in Konoha? Couldn't he stay? Why couldn't he just forget about his brother, his stupid need for vengeance, his quest for power, and stay with his friends? Stay with Naruto…
The blonde shinobi opened his mouth to speak, " This is one of my first bonds…" At the last possible moment, Naruto changed his mind. He couldn't say it. He really was a coward. "To me, you're like a brother…"
After this was said, the battle finally, really, and truly began.
- End Flashback -
Looking back, Naruto winced at his choice of words. It was stupid, he decided as he burrowed deeper into the blanket, searching for that special warmth. Why had he said Sasuke was like a brother to him? Wasn't the whole point of his friend's mad quest for power to kill his brother? Maybe he would have been better off saying the truth, after all…
It didn't matter now. He had chickened out, and let himself down. He'd let Sakura down, who'd been so willing to rely on him. He'd let Shikamaru down, when he'd placed the fate of the mission in his hands. He'd let Neji down, saying he'd complete the mission and bring Sasuke back. He'd let Kakashi down. He'd let Tsunade down. He'd let the team down. He'd let the whole village, so admiring of the Uchiha, down. Really, it was no wonder they hated him. Most of all, though, he felt as though he'd let Sasuke down.
Naruto had this nagging suspicion that, if only he had said what he truly felt, Sasuke would have stayed. He would have been happy. They would have been happy. If Sasuke still wanted t kill Itachi, they could get strong together, and defeat him together. They would live life to its fullest. But it didn't matter.
He'd been so afraid of rejection, so afraid that Sasuke would laugh in his face, call him stupid, that he didn't say it. And he had lost. Sasuke was gone. Who knew if he'd ever return to the village? Most likely, he'd die, either from someone in Sound or the Akatsuki. Even if he did make it back to Konoha, what were the chances that he'd be welcomed back with open arms? After what he'd done, sorry didn't make everything better. Naruto knew what happened to missing-nin. You could never return and live.
Suddenly, Naruto raised his head. It was silent in his house. The only noise he could hear was his own gentle breathing. The rain was no longer splattering against the window. The rain had stopped. Slowly, he lowered his head back to the pillow, and closed his eyes. Yes, the rain had stopped. But that didn't stop him from crying silently as he realized the truth, tears falling down his whiskered cheeks.
Sasuke was gone, and he wasn't coming back alive.
Naruto's last thought before he drifted into a deep, restless sleep that would be punctured the next morning by Sakura's loud knocks on the door, which he would answer with a sleepy smile, was this.
If he were to die, would Sasuke care?
Reviewers are loved forever.
fin
