The sheets were cold against Beth's bare skin. Light spilled in from the window, bleaching the room in an all-too-bright yellow hue. Memories of the night before came in waves, matching with the pulsating nausea of Beth's hangover. The wave pulled her forward and shoved her back. The light stung needles into Beth's temples. She closed her eyes, breathing shallow breaths to drown out the headache. Eyes-still-closed, she rolled over, wrapping an arm around the woman beside her. A soft moan exited Alison's mouth as she slid her body back into Beth's naked curvature. The two locked, each piece connecting, Beth wrapped around Alison. She kissed the back of Alison's head, and breathed again.
"I love you." Beth whispered, as to not wake her.
As she closed her eyes, Beth let the pulsing nausea subside, and beckoned the waves of memories to replace it.
"No, you don't get to say that." Beth snapped through slurred words.
"Beth," Alison interjected, "I don't mean it in a demeaning way."
"Then what way do you mean it?" Beth asked. "In what way am I expected to take that?"
"I just mean," Alison said, frustrated, "it's different when you're married, when you have kids."
"So what I feel is less because I'm forever single?" Beth demanded through red cheeks. She knew she was being irrational, even in her wine-induced haze. However Beth Childs hated being talked down to, and she hated it more when it came from someone she cared about.
"Beth!" Alison said. "What about Paul? You're not forever single, don't throw that at me."
"Paul is a dick."
Alison laughed.
Beth let herself crack a smile.
Alison slid closer to her on the couch. "Beth," She said, running fingers through Beth's straight hair, "I care about you deeply, I just don't know what to do. This arrangement we have, it's discreet and it's calm and it gives us both something we desperately need."
Beth looked away. Alison dropped her hand, and took a sip from her wine.
"I'm not good at this." Alison said. "I'm not as good with my words as you, Beth. I want you, I want to be with you fully, but when you have kids, you can't just think about yourself."
"I'm tired of being the 'other woman.' " Beth said.
"I know." Alison said. "I wish this were easy. I wish we weren't clones, I wish I wasn't married, I wish I didn't have children to think about, but I do. Sure, I could leave Donnie, but Gemma and Oscar? Beth, I can't."
Beth knew she could never compete with them. She knew she asked too much. The wine blurred her mind enough to not mind making the demands, but not enough that she didn't realize the battle was unwinnable.
"I'm sorry." Beth said.
"You were forgiven before you even said anything." Alison reassured.
Beth leaned into Alison on the couch. She drank another sip of wine, noting that they had almost finished their second bottle. Beth knew the hangover would be unbearable. She slid her head down so that it was lying in Alison's lap.
"What would it be like?" Beth asked, looking up.
"What?"
"Us. If we weren't clones, if you weren't married, if I wasn't living with an asshole, what would we be like?"
Alison contemplated a response. Beth looked up at her, watching her stare off into the distance. She remembered meeting her, she remembered the playful flirting, she remembered the first kiss. All Beth Childs wanted was to spend every night lying in her lap, looking up at her face, and knowing she didn't have to say goodbye in the morning.
"We'd bicker." Alison said. "You're so utilitarian and straightforward, and I'm completely dramatic. You'd want things simple, and I'd over-complicate them. You'd want to see the explosive action movie, and I'd want the three-hour romance. We'd be completely different, and yet we'd love every minute."
"Go on." Beth pleaded.
"We'd get in fights over how Gemma was doing in school. I'd say she wasn't applying herself and needed to try harder, and you'd tell me I was being too hard on her."
"I can't do kids." Beth laughed. "Not that I don't like them, I just would be a horrible parent."
"You would be amazing." Alison said.
"I'm too blunt." Beth said. "Kids hate blunt, they can't handle the truth. Oscar and Gemma would hate me."
"They wouldn't, Beth, they would love you, and when I'd open my arms for them to run into, they'd choose you instead."
Beth laughed. "I wish I had your optimism."
Alison began to say something, but then paused. When she began again it was a new thread. "I'd bring baked-goods to the police station, they'd all complain about how your wife was making them fat, but none would stay in their seat."
Beth laughed, "Art would be the worst. He'd be such an ass about it, and then nag me every day about when you were brining your next treat."
Alison smiled. "We'd live in a closer suburb than Scarborough. We'd have had a fight about it. You wanted to stay in the city, and I wanted to live out in the suburbs. You'd surprise me with a house right on the out-skirts. Just close enough to see the skyline from our porch, but far enough away for me to breathe."
"Art would give me shit every day." Beth imagined. "Get the girl and move out of the city, eh Childs? City not good enough for you now?"
"Art can bring his grievances to me." Alison said, chest puffed out.
Beth slid in, closer. "Only you could intimidate him."
Alison slid closer, brining her face within inches of Beth's. "It runs in the family. We're an intimidating line of women."
"Really?" Beth asked. "How intimidating?"
Alison kissed Beth. The bitter taste of wine on her lips was replaced with the warm sweet flavor of her tongue. Alison pressed into Beth, and Beth pressed back, their intimate moments matching their arguments. Neither backed down, both pressed forward. Each laid out their debate, articulated with a kiss, and a shallow intake of breath, and each slammed down a rebuttal as a wandering hand. The kisses were deep, the wine forgotten. Beth finally gave way, letting Alison push her back. Beth never liked to give away control, but she equally loved watching Alison win.
The couch opened to their bodies, and they sank into the embrace. Beth's hand pinned to the armrest, as Alison's wine-stained lips kissed down Beth's neck. The fog of inebriation blurred any sounds of the room, save each hot, humid breath, or the pounding of their hearts.
Alison slid up Beth's body, her lips pressing next to Beth's ear. "Bed." She said simply.
Beth smiled. "Bed."
The final memory was met with another pulsating wave of perspiration to Beth's forehead. She squeezed shut her eyes from the sunlight and tried to focus on Alison's calm breath. She didn't dare move. At any moment, Alison would wake and tell her she had to leave. At any moment the dream would be over.
Beth drifted back to sleep.
The bed felt suddenly cold. Beth awoke terrified, alone. She sat up. The room was brighter now, and the spot where Alison had been was empty, and cold. Beth ran her fingers through her hair. She was alone.
All dreams have to end.
Beth stood from the bed, slipping on the bare minimum of clothes she could find, she stumbled out of the bedroom to get a glass of water.
"How's your head?" Alison asked from the kitchen.
Beth looked up surprised. "You're still here?" She asked.
"Of course I'm still here, you're hung-over." Alison said, as if it explained anything at all.
Beth smiled. Perhaps she needed to get hung-over more often.
"Now, my mother isn't the best person, but one thing you can trust is her hangover cure." Alison said. "Pancakes, covered in syrup, and a smoothie packed with, well, its better I tell you later."
Beth walked over to the kitchen and leaned on the counter, watching Alison rushing around.
"I'm about to run the blender, so brace yourself."
"I'm fine." Beth assured with a smile.
She wasn't. The high-pitched scream of the blender brought back the waves and the needles. She clinched the counter tightly, as if the grip would stop her being washed away. When the blender stopped, she exhaled, not even realizing she had been holding her breath. Beth grabbed a stool and sat down. The waves subsided.
Alison set the plate of pancakes in front of her, placing the blended mystery concoction beside it. She stood between Beth's legs, and brushed an unkempt strand of hair behind Beth's ear. Beth looking into her eyes and the room stopped spinning.
"You are perfect." Alison said. "You'll always be perfect to me."
Beth began to look away but Alison guided her gaze back with a finger on Beth's chin. She leaned in and kissed Beth's forehead.
"I can't give you everything, and for that I'm sorry. However, I will give you everything I can, I will give you as much as I can. You're important to me, and I will always be here."
Beth was silent. Not because she didn't know what to say, but because the moment was perfect the way it was, and Beth didn't feel she needed to add anything. She just looked in Alison's eyes, and knew she was loved.
Alison was right. Beth didn't want to know what was in the smoothie, but it worked. She wasn't sure how it worked, but within the hour she could open her eyes all the way and no longer walked with her head tilted. She still felt clammy, and the waves came and went, albeit less intense, and more bearable.
To Beth's surprise, Alison stayed long after breakfast. She didn't mention how she pulled it off, what lies she used; she didn't even mention Donnie or the kids once. She just walked around the house, cleaning up from the night before, tidying. For a few hours, Beth forgot about Paul, forgot about Donnie, forgot about Art or the outside world. For a few hours, the completely uneventful life within the walls of that house was theirs.
Alas, Alison finally kissed Beth goodbye, went back to her real life. Beth closed the door behind her and locked the latch. She stood at the door, forehead pressed against the heavy oak. Waves came upon her. Not those of nausea but of loneliness. Beth found herself a beach, constantly hit with waves that eroded away the foundation of her life. She felt the sand slipping away, and tried to hold it in, but each wave pulled more out to sea, and left less for her to grasp.
As the hours of the day passed, the box of light from the window moved across the floor. Beth noted it as she lay alone on the couch. The hangover subsided, but she couldn't bring herself to move. She didn't sleep; she just sat down and thought. Alison was often at the forefront, but there were thoughts of Paul, of work, of Cosima and helping figure out the clone problem. She thought of the weight on her shoulders, and how to combat it. Everything seemed to tighten around her. She watched the ceiling and had no desire to move. The night would come and she'd have to either turn on a light or fall asleep right where she was. Beth couldn't figure which she would do.
Her phone rang.
Beth grabbed the phone to turn it off. It was Alison. Sitting up, Beth answered.
"Hello?"
"Beth, Oh boy, Beth, I need… Ok, I've never asked you for any big favors, well except for all the things you've done for us in the police station. Ok, well I'm grateful for those. What I mean is, I've never asked for a personal favor. I mean, I'm sure I have but this is important."
"Alison, Calm down." Beth said. "What's going on?"
Alison paused, taking a breath. "I'm in Oshawa. Gemma's ice skating team gets their uniforms out here. Anyway, I got a call from Oscar's school. He got in trouble or something and Donnie is being completely useless. I can't get out of here, I'm stuck and they want someone to come pick him up."
"I'm not sure how I can help, Ali," Beth said, "we're clones, it's not like I can just pretend to be a family friend."
"Yeah," Alison said, "that's actually what I was banking on."
"What do you… No. Alison, I can't."
"I wouldn't ask unless this were an emergency." Alison said. "I'm so sorry. I know you don't like kids, I just don't know what to do."
Beth sighed. "It's not a problem of me not liking kids, it's a problem of kids not liking me."
"I'll pay you back with a romantic dinner or something. I promise."
Beth looked down, thinking. The line was silent. Beth scratched through her hair. She didn't like dressing up as Alison. It didn't seem right. "It will take an hour to get there." Beth said finally.
"That's better than the three it would take me."
"You owe me big time, 'Burbs."
"Thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much that means to me."
"Yeah, yeah. It better be a damn good dinner."
Beth hung up the phone. She would need to change, and cover her hair somehow. She knew at some point they would have to impersonate one another, but she didn't think it would be for a parent-teacher conference.
Beth pulled into the elementary school parking lot a little over an hour later. Traffic hadn't been near as bad as she had expected for early afternoon. Beth parked and got out of her car. She adjusted her headband and brushed off her blouse. She wasn't sure if she looked the part. Hopefully Alison hadn't had a lot of contact with the teachers.
Who am I kidding? Beth thought. She is probably president of the PTA.
Beth walked in the door, her stomach tightening. She wasn't sure if it was lingering effects of the hangover, or pure nervousness. She walked into the office.
"Alison!" A lady at the desk said.
Hello to you too, whoever the hell you are, Beth thought.
"Hey!" Beth said in her highest octave. She noticed a nametag on the receptionist. It looked like her name was Gina.
"It's so good to see you," Gina continued, "the kids just loved your little soirée last week."
Soiree? Beth thought, what kind of hoity-toity parties are these kids having?
"What did you make that pumpkin bread with?" Gina asked.
My guess is she made it with pumpkin, Beth thought.
"Let me write it all out for you and give it to you next week." Beth said with a smile.
"That would be fantastic!" Gina squealed. "How can I help you?"
By not asking any more questions.
"They said Oscar was in some trouble?" Beth asked, mocking a look of concern.
"Oh dearie-me." Gina said. "He did get in a bit of a tussle. I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding. Boys will be boys."
Until they're men, Beth thought, and then they'll most likely still act like boys.
Gina led Beth back to a small room off of the main office. Oscar was sitting there. Beth had never seen Oscar up close. Because of her appearance she has always had to see him from afar or from pictures. He was looking down, sad, his head a mop of curls. Oscar looked up, shy and eyes swollen.
"Come on in, Mrs. Hendrix." A voice from an office said.
Beth motioned for Oscar to follow.
"What's his name?" Beth whispered to Oscar as they walked in.
Confused look on his face, Oscar answered in a whisper, "Mr. Greene."
Beth tussled his curls as a thank-you. Walking into the office, Beth noticed the light-stained wood seemed very out-of-date. The room smelled musky, and the man behind the desk, whom Beth ascertained was the principal, used one-squirt-too-much of his cologne.
"Sorry for the time, I was running errands and had to fight traffic getting here." Beth apologized.
"No problem, have a seat."
Beth sat down, Oscar taking the seat next to her. The large, ornate chair eclipsed him. Beth stifled a laugh.
"It seems Oscar has a discipline problem." Mr. Greene began. "He was caught pushing another boy outside of his class."
"He pushed me fir-" Oscar began. Mr. Green cut him off with a dismissive hand.
"Do not speak unless spoken to, young man." Mr. Greene demanded.
Oh, so you're like an asshole? Beth thought.
"Frankly, we can't have distractions like this. We're going to have to give Oscar a few days suspension." Mr. Greene said.
Beth contemplated. "What about this other kid?"
"Well, we talked to him," Mr. Greene said, "and he says he didn't do anything, it seems Oscar couldn't take a joke, and lashed out."
"Except for he just told you that the other kid pushed him first." Beth said.
"Well, we didn't see it, so we can't really discipline him."
"So, you're going to punish Oscar, who seems to have been bullied, meanwhile letting the obvious bully go free."
"Now, we don't know this is bullying, Mrs. Hendrix."
"Bullshit."
Oscar's eyes opened wide as he stared at Beth in disbelief.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Hendrix."
"No, excuse me. It seems to me you know exactly what's going on here. It happens all the time. You can't prove something, beyond a shadow of a doubt, so you only punish what you can prove. You can't get blowback, because you have actual evidence, but you know damn well the real perp gets off without a scratch. Meanwhile, the victim is strung up as a problem-child and his teachers start to watch him like a hawk for future mistakes. No. You're taking an easy way out because frankly you're a coward."
"I will not be tal-"
"Yes you will, because you're not going to change your mind anyway. You're so concerned with holding your power as whatever the hell your position is, that you'll perpetrate bullying for the sake of keeping the status quo. So, he'll take his suspension, you'll look fine, meanwhile I'm taking him for ice cream and you can go to hell."
"Mrs. Hendrix this is very unprofessional."
Beth stood up, extending a hand for Oscar to grab. "Yes it is, I only wish you realized how unprofessional you're being."
Oscar was silent. He grabbed Beth's hand and followed her out.
They walked out the front door of the school. The air was brisk. The anger began to subside in Beth. She shouldn't have gone-off on the principal like that. It wasn't right, but the look on his face was priceless. Beth smiled.
"Are we really going for ice cream?" Oscar asked, incredulous.
Beth, having forgot that there was a little boy with her, turned. She lowered herself to his level.
"Did he really start it?" Beth asked. "You can tell me, I won't be mad."
"He said I was a rent-a-kid." Oscar said.
"Then yes," Beth said, "we are getting all the ice cream."
Oscar scarfed down his ice cream. They sat inside Dairy Cream, the sight of the building seemed to illicit a hyper-active energy in Oscar. Beth smiled as he had bolted out of the car and ran full speed to the door. He got to the door and pulled it open, waiting patiently for her to walk through at her own pace.
"Do you get bullied a lot?" Beth asked.
"Sometimes."
"How often?" Beth asked.
"I don't know." Oscar answered.
Beth took a breath. She could interrogate a perpetrator, but getting information out of a ten-year-old was a completely different story. Beth changed her tactic.
"There was this girl when I was in school," Beth began, "Sandra Mcguin. She used to push me around, call me names. I tried to just ignore it, but she was so mean."
"Yeah." Oscar said, taking another over-sized bite of his ice cream.
"My parents told me that she was just immature, that she was just being a kid, and things would get better."
Oscar nodded.
"But the thing is, even as adults there are bullies."
Oscar looked up. "Do you get bullied?"
Beth reached out a hand, placing it on his. "All the time. People say mean stuff, and it hurts."
"What do you do?" Oscar asked.
"Well," Beth thought. "I try and not let it hurt me. A lot of times bullies have a lot of stuff going on with them. I try not to let it hurt me, and I try and remind myself the stuff they go through. Its hard, but sometimes we have to try and be the better person."
Oscar nodded again.
"If they don't listen, I usually then slam their face into the hood of a squad car."
"What?" Oscar asked suddenly.
"I mean, metaphorically." Beth back-peddled. "You have to try to do everything you can to not be physical, but sometimes bullies only stop if forced to. It seems like that's what happened today."
"I'm sorry I got in trouble, Mom." Oscar said.
"No." Beth cut in. "You should never be sorry for standing up for yourself. You should never be sorry for who you are. He was saying something cruel, he was saying you were worth less than him. Don't be sorry, you stood up for yourself; you proved you were worth the same as him. You are. You are worth so much, Oscar."
A little smile spread across Oscar's face as he puffed his chest out. Beth smiled and tussled his hair.
"Now eat your ice cream you little shit."
Oscar's eyes widened.
Beth searched for a save. "Yeah, your mom said shit, and she'll probably never say it again. So don't bring up that I ever said it to anyone, including me."
"I won't, I promise." Oscar said, a little scared.
Beth smiled and watched him finish his ice cream.
When they walked out the door to the car, Beth felt a little hand slide in her hand, unprovoked. She held it tightly and walked him to the car. Oscar talked the whole ride back. A short drive later, Beth dropped Oscar off at Aynsley's house and after some horribly awkward small-talk drove back into the city. The drive was quiet and lonely; there were no stories of cartoons or playground games. There was just an empty seat. The silence ate away at her.
"Can I come out yet?" Beth asked from the bedroom.
"No," Alison yelled back, "I promised you a romantic evening, I'm not letting you out till it's perfect."
Beth slammed her head back into the pillow. Beth had returned home after dropping Oscar off, and within a few hours, Alison had knocked on her door with a series of bags. Before Beth knew what was happening she was locked in her room while Alison prepared an entire meal. Beth wasn't sure what excuses Alison had been giving to Donnie, she didn't care, she loved the surprises. Alison was using her kitchen, and knowing her, she had practically moved in, and rearranged the entire kitchen to her liking in the process. The smell of cooking meats slipped through the cracks in the door and haunted Beth's apatite. She hadn't been able to eat much all day, and now wasn't sure if she could wait.
Beth was glad she had a book on her nightstand. She found herself reading through multiple chapters while she waited. She thought about how assertive and cute Alison had been as she shoved Beth in the back room. She thought about opening the front door to her smile. She thought about the hug, the kiss. Beth was in love with Alison Hendrix. She imagined coming home from the station to elaborate meals, she imagined falling asleep each night with an arm around her. Beth wanted to be able to control when the dream ended, and she didn't want it to end.
Finally Alison cracked open the door.
"Are you ready?" She asked.
Beth laughed. "No, I can probably wait another hour or two."
"Oh, ok." Alison said. "I'll come back."
"Shut up." Beth smiled, pushing through the door.
Beth stopped. Candles lit the house, not in the unrealistic amount on movies, but enough to set a romantic, flickering light. The fireplace was also lit, the wood crackling. The kitchen table had brand new linen, and not a cheap. There were two places set, not at the heads of the table, but right next to one another. There was a beautiful rack of lamb on the table, and a popped bottle of wine.
"Alison." Beth said.
"Happy anniversary." Alison said with a kiss on Beth's cheek.
"Wait, what?" Beth asked, confused.
"Six months ago, in October, you bumped into me downtown. I guess that would make this a half-anniversary or something, but I wanted to celebrate anyway."
Beth smiled and wrapped her arms around Alison. She hugged her, tighter and longer than she normally would. Tears welled in her eyes for reasons Beth couldn't explain. "Thank you," she said, "you always remember things like this, and you make me feel valuable."
Alison smiled and kissed Beth. Ushering her to a seat they sat together and ate. Alison's cooking was fantastic. The food tasted as if prepared by a five-star restaurant. After many nights eating Chinese take-out with Art at the station, a well-cooked meal tasted amazing.
The night continued with jokes and laughter. All the stress or bickering of the previous day had subsided. It was just them. There were no interruptions, no problems, just two people wrapped up in one another.
"Thank you so much for today." Alison said. "I'm so sorry to ask you to do that."
"Don't worry, Alison." Beth said.
"No," Alison said, "You aren't a fan of kids, and I just asked you to step in, and it was wrong of me."
"Alison," Beth said, "I like kids."
"But you said…"
"I said I wasn't good with them, I said they don't like me. Oscar is a good kid. He's going through some shit-"
Alison shot a disapproving glare.
"He's going through some stuff." Beth corrected. "He just needs some guidance. That school of his is horrible, and they don't work with him, and they don't encourage him. You know, when we were out for ice cream, he-"
"You went out for ice cream?" Alison asked.
"Yeah," Beth said, "sorry if that was an issue, he just had this hard day, he was bullied and then that Mr. Greene was acting like it was all his fault. He didn't deserve to be treated that way, so I took him out for ice cream."
Alison smiled. "Go on."
"I told him about being bullied growing up, which I guess was you telling him. Anyway, he just opened up and out of nowhere and was talkative about what's going on. He just needs to be believed in."
"He does." Alison smiled. "It's good you encouraged him."
"Something in me just sparked, and I felt for him. I just wanted to be there and protect him from the rude kid, and that asshole of a principal."
Alison smiled.
"You didn't call me out for language." Beth said.
"Because Mr. Greene is a butt." Alison censored.
Beth laughed. "Well it sounds a lot less insulting the way you say it."
"Sorry I can't be as streets as you." Alison said.
"As streets?" Beth laughed. "Have you been watching cop television again?'
"What?" Alison asked. "I have to know what it is you do all day."
"Well, never in my day do I refer to myself or anyone else as 'streets' that's for sure."
"Oh, hush," Alison said, "I just meant, I'm not as crass."
Beth smiled and leaned in, kissing Alison's forehead. "I know, it's just cute."
"Glad I can be cute for you." Alison said, with a little bite.
"Oh, come on," Beth said, "you know I love you."
Alison stopped.
Beth froze.
"Well," Beth said awkwardly, "you know now, I guess."
Alison sat silently. The room was quiet save the crackle of the fire. Beth's heart beat in her ears. She felt dumb. Alison would have wanted some grand show, some big reveal, Beth instead just slipped it out like the words meant nothing.
"I thought this was just an arrangement." Alison said.
Beth's heart sank. She felt a chill ripple down her back. She felt her stomach knot up for the third time that day.
"Yeah," Beth said, "well, I guess I'm not really up for the arrangement anymore. I want something real." Beth was a little harsher with the last word than she intended. She couldn't help herself, she felt raw, and angry.
Alison thought for a while before continuing. "So, it's not just words, you're telling me you're really in love with me?"
"Yeah." Beth said, "Sure it started as a way to be there for one another, to just provide for one another what we weren't getting out of our relationships, but you don't go save your fling's kid, you don't slave over a meal for three hours for a fling, and you don't make breakfast for a fling that's hung-over, when you yourself aren't at your best."
Alison nodded.
"So, yeah Alison," Beth said, "I love you. I love you and I'm not afraid to say that. I understand you have a family, and kids, and I'm not asking you to leave them, but what I want, and what I feel are different. I'm not expecting you to leave them, but I also wasn't expecting to fall in love."
Alison smiled sympathetically.
"Today something clicked for me," Beth continued, "I was sitting there with the principal and Oscar looked completely helpless and hurt, and I realized I needed to protect him, I needed to stand up for him. I may never be more to him than just the day his mother acted weird, and I'm ok with that, but I was there for him, and for the briefest of moments I got to be his mother."
Alison's eyes watered.
Beth continued. "The late nights drinking, the sex, the lavish anniversary dinners are great, but for the first time I felt like I was a part of your life today. I want more of that. I know you may want to end it, that I may be crossing a line, but I want to be more than just an arrangement."
"You are." Alison said.
"I just want to know your kids more than pictures, I want to know you more than secret get-aways."
"Are you saying you want to go-as-me again?"
"Yes." Beth said. "I know it's weird, but today I just clicked with Oscar and I don't know, I want to seem him through this bullying thing. I want to help."
Alison let a tear drop from her eye. "Then…" Alison choked.
Beth knew it was coming, she knew they were over before Alison spoke a word. You can't ask for too much, you can't break the family up and you can't ask to be a parent to a child that isn't yours. Beth should never have said anything, but the damned arrangement was bullshit, and she was tired pretending that, that was all Alison was for her. Beth didn't mind going down, she just hoped Alison would let her go softly.
"Then, I love you too." Alison said.
Beth's heart simultaneously sank and rose. She wasn't sure how it could do both, but it was the only way to explain the sensation she felt. She was shocked, she had prepared herself for heartache and her heart had expected to break, but yet the words lifted her.
"What?" Beth stumbled over the word.
"If you love my children, if you love and respect them, if you see them not as issues but as part of me, then I love you, because you have to love them, to love me."
"I do." Beth said.
"Then you have no idea how long I've wanted to tell you I love you!" Alison declared as she kissed Beth's lips. Beth was pushed back by the sudden attack but held Alison. They kissed, not sexually, or even flirtatiously, but for the first time their kiss transcended the action and signified a feeling. They kissed, and kissed again, the taste of salty tears on their lips. For the first time in a long time, Beth felt happy to love, and for the first time in her life, Beth felt the love she gave, reciprocated.
For the first time, Beth, did the impossible. She stopped herself from waking up from the dream.
