A/N: The characters of supernatural aren't mine
~Prologue~
Gabriel was dead.
Sam tried to tell himself that it wasn't true and that any minute Gabriel was going to be his annoying self again but as much as he had started to look for the cretin, he hadn't shown up at all. Depression hit fast and he knew that Lucifer wouldn't give up. How could he? Sam only became angered when thinking about the devil. Didn't he feel bad about killing his own brother? Never mind that angels were either a brother or a sister, Gabriel was a fellow archangel that knew him almost as much as he had known himself and Lucifer never hesitated. It hurt to think that before they started to work as a team, Gabriel was the furthest from his mind but now-Gabriel had been his life.
How was Sam ever going to live without him?
Ignoring Dean's loud snores, he attempted to think of the positive side of things. Crowley had helped them find the demon that would bring them to pestilence but the younger Winchester wondered if he even deserved all this in the end. The apocalypse happened because of him and because of him, Gabriel had been forced to do what he never wanted to do in the first place. The archangel had to fight against his brothers, his family. Family that meant as much or more to him than Sam could ever imagine. The same family that Sam hadn't wanted to be a part of when he went out and sought a normal life.
Sadly he still wanted that but not for just him anymore.
No, it was for the life growing inside of him now. Gabriel didn't want to have a relationship with him, Sam knew it although it was the same thing for him in the beginning. Why have a relationship with an ass that didn't care. But he had and Sam didn't even realize how much it was that he had until it was too late. Did the archangel ever learn, Sam thought depressingly. Glancing down and bringing a hand to his slightly distended abdomen, he knew what he was going to do, even if it hurt him. He couldn't do this.
Dean would understand in the end.
He really would. Hunting was no place for a child, especially a child that shouldn't have come about. What would the angels do if they found out that Gabriel procreated? It would do nothing to help, that was for sure. Sam knew one thing though and if it took his last breath, he was going to do something to keep the baby safe. Cas couldn't find Sam, that was why he had to use a cellphone to contact them and Dean would lose his location if Sam didn't have the GPS. He was sure that Crowley would lose interest if he thought that Sam wasn't important anymore. Most of all, he knew that if he somehow bounded the powers his baby would have, he would be able to keep the baby safe. He didn't know for how long but it had to be better than what he had looking for him here.
"I'm sorry Dean," Sam whispered, pausing to place the note on the side table. He knew that Dean would be angry when he woke up and didn't see Sam within sight. He would probably think that Sam went back to being a blood junkie, feeding off the blood of demons like he had done what seemed so long ago. If not that, maybe he would think that Sam had abandoned him. In a way he was, but it would keep him safe too. "You said pick a hemisphere Dean and I never asked why it was you felt you had to watch over me yet again. For that I'm sorry. I know I'm your baby brother but I'm not little anymore and you should have a life too. Maybe Cas could watch out for you where I couldn't. I do love you."
He did even though it didn't look like it. By staying away the angels and most of all Lucifer would leave Dean alone. What could they do if they didn't have Sam Winchester to fight in the prized fight like every stupid thing imaginable seemed to predict? It only took Gabriel being around and showing him what he was missing to change that and he died doing it too. He died knowing there was no other option and he was probably too tired of hiding as well.
Sam frowned.
He would never meet his kid but that wasn't something he wanted to think of. It hurt knowing that his child wouldn't know him. It was worth it to know Gabriel the way he had but it didn't stop the hurt.
Laying one last glance to Dean who was snoring contentedly with an arm over his face and probably one of his hands covering the weapon he hid under his pillow, Sam allowed himself a small grin. In years to come he wanted to remember Dean's face. If not how peaceful he was then how he looked so he wouldn't have to forget. He didn't forget himself what he was going to be putting Dean through but it had to be worth it. He told himself this because it had to be true.
Dean would be safe and that was all that mattered in the end.
