1. The Weird Begins
Drakken wasn't happy with the current situation.
Not one bit.
First Shego decides to start up villainy again without telling him. It was just SO wonderful to plan an entire holiday party and end up having it ruined by your former sidekick/best friend turning on the doomsday machines that were decorated with holly and proclaiming everyone under her rule. The entire display that he had set up with Snowman Hank taking over the world had taken precious time and now that carefully-made diorama had been smashed to pieces. Then Team Possible busted in, further destroying his home. And then, after Shego had abandoned him to his ruined party, Kimberly had driven away his henchpeople and left him to the 'careful eye' of the buffoon while she chased down Shego.
Bah! Like he was going to do ANYTHING during this time of the year. Especially after all the threatening, kidnapping, and letter writing he had done to get Snowman Hank back on the air. There wasn't a force on Earth or off it that would take him away from the television. It was just him, his cocoa moo, and his Cheesy Nip-Its.
Oh, and the sidekick…whatever his name was. Rob, maybe?
Ron, on the other hand, was pretty happy about how things had turned out. Sure, he was missing the eggnog making with the twins and his likely-to-be father-in-law, but now he was helping to bring joy to a grouchy Grinch type. Drakken hadn't really mellowed much since he'd finally proven his worth to the world and Ron felt that maybe he could try to spend some time with his former arch-rival, make him feel not so alone.
It wasn't really as fun as he'd hoped it would be. All the blue man was doing was sitting there, all grumpy-like and glaring at the television. He kept eating his delicious cheesy snacks (which Ron REALLY wanted some of) and grumbling under his breath about ungrateful former sidekicks. Ron would have just sat joking around with Rufus, trying to spread the happy mood, but he had left Rufus with the Possibles because they had thought that it was just Drakken getting too enthusiastic with his holiday display. Boy were THEY wrong!
Ron chuckled a little under his breath, drawing the former madman's attention. What was he so jolly about? His holiday had been ruined! Everything was in shambles and he was all alone with this annoying boy trying to gain what little enjoyment he could from his favorite holiday show. But it seems that even that was being kept from him.
His eye twitched in anger as he drained the last of his cup's contents. Who were they to ruin his holiday? He hadn't planned on doing anything evil at all! It was all Shego's fault! What had she been thinking?
Drakken snorted and decided to go and refill his drink. A few minutes away from the buffoon might lift his spirits. He stood up from the dark red couch and stretched, grunting a little as he did.
"Hmm?" Ron glanced from the insanely big screen where the entire Snowman Hank crew was singing another of their holiday jingles and looked at the blue man. "Where're you going?"
"To refill my drink if you don't mind," Drakken grumbled irritably. "After all, we are in MY home, watching things on MY television, and sitting on MY couch. Why you're even here doesn't even make sense to me. What, do you think that I'm suddenly going to go and join Shego in her assault on the principles of Snowman Hank? I can't—"
Ron waved his arms in front of him to make Drakken halt in his rant. "Okay okay okay! Geez, I was just curious." The blonde, now worked up himself by the scientist's sour mood, crossed his arms and proceeded to pout. "You don't have to read me the riot act." Drakken had a curious thought—kinda cute when pouting—before he remembered to glare in response and stomp toward the kitchen to refill his drink.
Even half a minute later, Ron was still fuming at the poor attitude of his fellow Snowman Hank follower. What in the world had gotten into his bonnet? So what if Shego had trashed the place? A true Snowman Hank fan would be able to get through this and make the best of it. What did it matter that the pretty decorations had been destroyed?
Ron's eyes traveled the room, getting a look at the design that had been present…or, at least, what was left of it. The scene looked to have been a gathering of yuletide fun that had been assaulted by a meteor shower. Plastic reindeer parts were laying everywhere as were the various chunks of torn and scorched stuffed animals. He recognized many members of the cast of Snowman Hank's party and felt a twinge of sadness. The scene must have been pretty impressive before Shego and Kim had gone and fought their way through it all, plasma and misplaced fists destroying what was probably a joyous sight.
His gaze eventually traveled to the seat next to him, still feeling a bit sorry for the blue man, when he noticed the bag of delicious cheesy treats just sitting next to him. The box was sitting open with the silvery bag hanging open to expose the contents. It was still half-full, the tasty snacks practically begging Ron to liberate them from their prison.
Ron's eyes slid to the doorway where Drakken had disappeared to. It wasn't like it was anything mean on Ron's part if he were to…partake of the snacks. And Ron was a guest in Drakken's home. He was entitled to a few snacks to make up for the treats he was missing at the Possible's home. Not to mention the complete lack of hosting that the blue man had done.
Yeah…Drakken owed him those snacks!
Drakken had made his drink as slowly as he could. He was very upset with how things had turned out and a bit of time to himself was just what he had been hoping for. It was almost insufferable how his private celebration had been rained upon by the teenagers that had tormented him when he had been a villain. Was this some sort of karmic punishment? Would this keep happening until he embarked on some sort of soul-searching quest to restore his balance by doing right by the people he had done wrong?
Bah! Like he was going to do that. It'd just be a waste of time. If he REALLY wanted to change his cosmic balance or whatever that voodoo nonsense called it, he could probably just invent something to do it for him.
He made his way back to the main room where he had set up the television. Doing his best to ignore the sidekick, he sat down and put the drink on the table, making sure to put it on a coaster.
Odd. The buffoon was being quiet. Suspiciously quiet.
'Probably did something stupid again. I'll just figure out what he broke later. Ignorance of his presence is bliss, after all.' He shrugged to himself and reached for another handful of his snacks—to come up empty-handed. He blinked. Surely the box had only been half-empty when he left? A quick glance into the box told him a different story. At the very bottom of the bag was one last perfect piece of his treats.
'How did it…?' he thought for a second before he realized: the buffoon! The idiot sidekick had helped himself to the snacks. Drakken looked at the blonde boy and glowered, his gaze almost leaking his sudden loathing of the sidekick down his face. Ron tried to play innocent but the truth was clearly written on his face. For while Ron had managed to swallow all of the snacks that he still had in his mouth when the blue man came back, he had forgotten to brush off the crumbs from around his mouth and on his black shirt.
"Who said that you could help yourself to my treats, boy?" Drakken snarled. Now not only had his privacy been invaded, but so had his pantry! What kind of gall did that boy have? And now he was even daring to look indignant about it! Drakken carefully removed the last piece and continued to glare at the young man.
Ron was completely offended by his host's attitude. He was a guest! And he'd been hungry! And there was cheese. Cheese! How could Ron possibly ignore something that tasty? Drakken was very much not a House Owner's Person of the Month with that attitude.
"I'm you're guest! And you're a lousy host, by the way," Ron said, not noticing the extra fury that added to Drakken's expression. "Next time, get more snacks. One box isn't enough for the Ron-man." The teenager snatched the single piece out of Drakken's hand, taking the blue man aback, and examined it. "Oh well. Live and learn."
Drakken's eye was practically doing the tapdance now. How DARE he?! This was HIS home! He had no right to disrespect him like that. That one piece of the Cheesy Nip-Its that was left now stood for more than just a curving of the appetite. Oh no, now it was the symbol of supremacy in Drakken's home!
Drakken snatched it back, a petulant sneer on his face. "I could say the same thing to YOU, monkey-boy! Where in the world did you learn your manners, if you even have any. Raised in a zoo?"
That remark had hit Ron hard. Partly because it questioned his mother's ability…and partly because he distinctly remembered being asked the same thing by Monkey Fist before he went and made himself into his own stone idol. "No! I was raised in Middleton. And you're one to talk!" Ron grabbed for the treat and managed to move faster than Drakken, successfully retrieving the snack.
"Oh yeah?" Drakken tried to get the piece back but found his movements too slow to manage to get a hold of it.
"Yeah!" Ron and Drakken glared at each other for a minute, one trying to make the other back down. When they realized that the other was unwilling to give in, there was only one thing that they each thought to do.
Ron jumped up and ran for it while Drakken tried to tackle the squirming blonde.
Ron was certain that he could outrun the blue man. He was more youthful, energetic, and quick. It should've been a guaranteed getaway. What Ron hadn't counted on was the older man, having failed to grab him, snagging his pants. And since he was wearing his halfiversary gift of the titanium belt, the pants stayed around his waist and tripped him up.
"Oomph!" Ron fell to the ground, Drakken scrabbling to snatch the prize from his grasp. The force of the fall had caused the golden treat to tumble out of his hand and bounce across the floor. The two of them looked at it for a second, looked at each other for another second, then started to wrestle to see who could make it to the prize first.
"That's MY snack!" Drakken yelled. He grabbed the arm of the younger man and tossed him to the side, getting to his feet and rushing forward. Ron landed hard, but wasn't done fighting yet. He whipped his legs around and caught Drakken's feet. The blue man toppled over while screaming and hit his face on the ground. That nasty little bit of kung-fu was not what the doctor had expected.
"Not if I get there first." Ron jumped over the inert form of the doctor keeping his eyes on the goal. Unfortunately for Ron, that gave Drakken the opportunity to return the trip that Ron had so kindly given Drakken before. Ron crashed to the ground while Drakken let a victorious whoop. Ron, not one to like losing, grabbed onto Drakken's pants and sent him to the ground as well.
They struggled with each other like that for several minutes, each taking a turn to trip the other. By the end of it they were both within arm's reach of the snack and guaranteed sore knees for at least a week. At this point, they had decided to just start slapping each other.
"Mineminemineminemine!" they chanted. They were both trying to get in a hit on the other that would distract them enough to provide time to snag the treat. Drakken eventually succeeded, feinting a slap to the cheek and got in a surprise smack to the chin. Ron recoiled in shock; that had actually hurt!
Drakken crawled forward while Ron tried to get his balance back, seizing the golden square with unbridled glee. He's won! He'd conquered that blasted sidekick and gotten the prize! The cheesy square was held up into the air by Drakken, a quick celebration of the fact that he'd won before he claimed total victory by eating the snack.
An opening which Ron took full advantage of.
Ron had spent the scant few seconds positioning himself in a way that he could knock the snack out of Drakken's outstretched hand. As the blue man took the predicted time to gloat his victory, Ron did a forward flip that both got him back on his feet and knocked the Cheesy Nip-It out of Drakken's grasp.
"GAH!" Drakken gripped his hand and winced. The buffoon wasn't supposed to fight back when he did the victory pose. It was against the rules! He glared at the sidekick and noticed that the idiot's sight was focused on something above him. Drakken looked up quickly and saw the piece flying straight up. Ron stood, his eyes never leaving the golden square.
They both had a plan of action to settle the issue once and for all, neither paying any attention to the other as the treat fell back toward the ground between them.
They both dove forward at the snack, mouths wide open and aimed for it. They were both determined to beat the other and win this game and they both threw themselves forward in its projected trajectory. Their aims were both true…
…which had them both catch it between their mouths, firmly shoving their lips together.
Liplocked, the both could only think one thing: 'that idiot is after my yummy!'.
They both desperately wanted the snack, but were unwilling to give even a little to get into a better position. So the fight degraded to trying to wrestle the piece between their mouths with their tongues. Drakken tried to flip it onto his tongue to drag it from the space between his teeth into his mouth, but found it blocked by his foe's tongue. They wrestled each other for control of the space and thus maneuvering room for the piece but they discovered they were equal matches.
Ron shifted his head over to create a bit less space in hopes of cutting off any hope for Drakken recovering it, but Drakken forced his tongue inside Ron's mouth to prevent him from closing the space completely. Ron beat at Drakken's tongue for a few seconds before realizing that he could try to slip the cheesy cracker into his mouth by moving his upper and lower jaws around. Drakken, realizing what Ron was doing, did the opposite motion.
Neither of them realized until it was too late that, due to their saliva, the solidity of the cracker had weakened to the point that the combined saw-like action of their teeth would completely compromise its structural integrity. The prize that they had both sought for the last 10 minutes snapped in half, one half falling into their respective mouths. The shock of the snack suddenly disintegrating in their mouths like that made them both step back in surprise.
"Blast!" Drakken howled, spitting out small chunks of the treat that he'd been coveting just a few minutes ago. "It broke!" His attention was captured by the air suddenly being filled with the sound of muffled crunching. He narrowed his eyes in anger and gave the sidekick and unforgiving glare. "This is all YOUR fault, buffoon!"
Ron, who was quite content with the outcome, just shrugged. He ignored Drakken's obvious fury and said, "Hey, when two people are arguing like this, it's usually best to just split the child in half! …or something like that." The sound of his swallowing echoed through the lair and he belched. "Mmmm…cheesy!"
"Nnnrgh…it was MY cheesy snack! Why did you have to take it from me?" Drakken pouted. He wasn't as angry now as he was put off; it was his home, his snacks, and he wasn't evil…so WHY was he still getting pushed around by this teenager?
"Because YOU were being a bad host! You didn't even offer me one piece. Not a single one! I felt that it was time to take matters into my…own…mouth?" Ron's face started to contort a little as a nasty little niggling thought hit his brain. Why oh WHY can't he ever think of these things beforehand?!
