Have A Little Hope

I.

"What's wrong with Mommy?" Sophia's quiet voice asked her father.

"She's feeling a little sick today, that's all," Eli assured his daughter, though his throat felt tight as he choked out the words.

"When is she going to get better?"

"I…I don't know, sweetheart."

Sophia's eyes drifted to her mother's closed bedroom door, holding her spoon in midair.

"Soph, please eat. The bus will be coming soon," Eli begged her.

Sophia rolled her eyes, and shoved the spoon in her mouth, chewing on her Cheerios thoughtfully before swallowing. Eli watched her, and almost laughed at how much attitude she already possessed at seven years old.

Eli glanced at the clock on the kitchen stove after a minute, and then got up from the table quickly, grabbing Sophia's backpack. "Okay, honey, time to go. Hurry, now."

Sophia stumbled to get up from her seat, following her father down the stairs to the front door of their apartment building. Eli opened the door to reveal the sun shining, unblocked by clouds. It was a beautiful spring day, and Eli felt a pang that Clare couldn't be out here too.

The father and daughter pair walked quickly to the bus stop that was a block away, and managed to catch it on time.

"I'll be here waiting for you after school," Eli told her as Sophia ascended the steps.

"I know!" Sophia called over her shoulder, and the doors closed behind her, pulling slowly away a few seconds later.

Eli smirked to himself, remembering an argument he and Clare had had when Sophia started first grade as he walked back to the apartment.

"Eli, our little girl is not riding a bus to school!"

"She'll manage just fine!"

"She's only six years old! Buses are terrifying -"

"Oh, please."

"- to kids her age! It's not like only first graders take the bus."

"Clare, she'll be FINE."

"The bus driver can't always watch for trouble. What if she's bullied by older kids on the bus?"

"Now what kind of people would want to pick on a defenseless little girl? Honestly, Clare."

"Okay, fine! What if she's bullied by people her age?"

"Six year olds barely have a sense of how to be mean to each other. There's no way they know how to do it repeatedly and intentionally."

"I beg to differ."

"Mommy, I can take care of myself," a little voice piped up. Both parents turned to look at their daughter, who was dressed in her nightgown and clutching a teddy bear to her chest. "I won't let the big people hurt me. They don't scare me."

Eli smirked, and Clare sighed. "Honey, please go back to bed. This is something only your dad and I are discussing."

"I'm not scared of anything, Momma," Sophia continued. "I will be okay."

"You are so like your father. Do you know that?" Clare grumbled.

"Yep!" Sophia beamed.

Eli laughed out loud. "Case settled then! She takes the bus!"

Eli closed the front door quietly behind him, then walked to his and Clare's bedroom. He opened the door slowly, staring at the wide double bed.

Clare was lying stilly on the bed. Her curls, which had grown down to her shoulders, were splayed across the pillow, and the sheets were kicked down her legs.

Eli hesitantly sat next to her unmoving body, running a gentle hand through her soft, matted curls. The woman stirred a little, then rolled her head over to look at Eli.

"Hello," she mumbled.

Eli smiled faintly at her, moving his hand back to his side. "'Morning, sleepyhead."

"What time is it?" Clare groaned.

"About nine in the morning."

"I missed Sophia leaving for school again?"

"You know that we don't all have to walk with her, right? She's just fine having one of us do it."

"But I like to make sure that she's safe before she goes to school," Clare complained.

"It's not like I'm going to let her get kidnapped, Clare. Have some faith in me, please."

"I didn't say I didn't trust you with her," Clare muttered.

"You implied it," Eli pointed out, but then went silent when she didn't find him amusing.

"…What am I going to do?" Clare choked out after awhile of silence.

Eli brought his girlfriend closer to him and wrapped her in his arms. He kissed the top of her hair, then leaving his face in it. "I don't know."

"I shouldn't…I'm twenty five years old. I'm supposed to have my whole life ahead of me. I don't understand why it might all be taken away from me. There's one reason why I don't have faith in God anymore."

"Clare, you having…cancer" - Eli struggled to say the word - "doesn't have anything to do with religion, or God."

"He's been out to get me, and I don't know why," Clare continued, ignoring Eli. "I mean, he made my parents divorce. He got me pregnant at eighteen. He gave me a life-threatening disease. What did I do to deserve this?"

"Nothing, Blue Eyes," Eli assured her, stroking her hair again. "Absolutely nothing."

II.

"Clare Edwards?"

Clare's head shot up to look at the doorway to the doctor's office, and Eli squeezed her hand, Sophia contentedly reading a book on his lap.

Dr. Roberts smiled kindly. "We're ready for you now, dear. Why don't you bring your family into my office?"

Clare nodded weakly, adjusting the beret that hid her bald head. Her hair was slowly starting to grow back, but she couldn't help but be self-conscious of the way she currently looked.

Eli picked up Sophia and placed her feet on the ground, slowing pushing himself up from the chair. He looked expectantly at Clare, who watched him too until she finally got up from her seat and slowly made her way to the doctor's office.

The little family sat down in the two chairs in front of Dr. Roberts's desk, Sophia taking her place on Eli's lap again.

"I have good news and bad news," Dr. Roberts began, her tone sounding grave. "The bad news is that we'll have to schedule a lot more check-ups for you, Miss Edwards. We want to make absolute sure that this cancer stays away, though we may not use anymore chemotherapy."

"What's the good news?" Clare asked, face white as a sheet.

"The good news is…" Dr. Roberts hesitated, watching as Eli's face changed to one of agitation. "That the cancer has gone into to remission. Congratulations."

Clare brought her hands to her mouth, eyes widening. Eli's face broke into a grin, and Sophia looked back and forth between the two of them, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Sophia, honey, go give Mommy a hug," Eli whispered into his daughter's ear, and she nodded, getting up and throwing her tiny arms around Clare.

Clare was unable to move, to think. She thought her entire life had been on the line, but she had been given a second chance. Maybe God was giving her a break. A second chance, of sorts.

Eli leaned over to kiss Clare's cheek gently, then taking one of her hands in his and kissing it too.

"Oh my Gosh," Clare whispered. "Oh my Gosh. Oh my Gosh."

III.

Clare's hands traveled down to her stomach as she stared at her reflection in the bathroom minute.

It was swollen, obviously protruding now. She smiled to herself, no longer scared of this experience.

After Sophia, she hadn't expected to have another child. She thought she and Eli were done with children, that having another child would complicate everything.

And then when Clare got cancer, any hopes of even having another child, if wanted, disappeared. She didn't want to risk a baby's health, or hers for that matter.

When she was told the cancer had gone into remission, she and Eli were so thrilled. After they put Sophia to bed, they were so thrilled. They got swept away by passion, not thinking clearly. Too happy to care about risks.

Now, at twenty five years old, she was pregnant for the second time. She hadn't expected to be pregnant at this young of an age, much less already have a child that had started school. It was funny how things had turned out.

She and Eli weren't married. They couldn't see themselves as husband and wife, but they saw themselves with a family.

Clare had taken on a job before she had gotten pregnant, and was grateful for the money that would pour in when she was on maternity leave. Eli was working two jobs now.

They hoped to have a house to call their own by the time this baby was born.

IV.

"It's a boy!"

The wails of the newborn baby filled the hospital room, and Clare barely heard this exclamation. Eli squeezed her hand tightly, and Clare turned to see that his eyes were alight with excitement.

The nurse came over to the side of the hospital bed and carefully placed the crying baby into Clare's arms. Clare attempted to sit up more, rocking the baby gently until his cries turned to whimpers.

"He has your eyes," Eli whispered, staring at the boy's bright blue eyes.

"What should we name him?" Clare asked.

"You should choose. I named Sophia, remember?"

"I really want to say Chuck, just because of Chuck Palahniuk but…I like Ryan."

"How about Ryan Chuck Goldsworthy? We get something sentimental out of his name and have something to embarrass him with when he gets older," Eli muttered with a smirk.

Clare laughed weakly. "Of course all you think about is embarrassing your son."

"I never expected this," Eli murmured.

"Expected what?"

"To get such…good things out of you getting cancer."

Clare's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"

"I mean…you got pregnant because we were so overjoyed that you fought the cancer away. Now I have a family and a house, and I never thought I would get any of it."

Clare looked at her lover thoughtfully, then said softly, "I love you, my Romeo."

"I love you too, my Juliet."