She still wasn't used to it, his not being there. Every time Team 7 was together, she could feel the hole where he should be. Today, like any other day, was no different. She was the first to arrive at the bridge, the place that held more memories than she cared to remember. She was always the first one here, now; Naruto next and finally their perverted sensai. Before, she was never alone on that bridge. He, at least, had always been there, waiting for them.
Sasuke probably didn't know how badly he'd ruined their nice little routine. Scratch that, he probably knew and just didn't care. When had he cared for them? For her?
Sakura shifted uncomfortably. These thoughts were dangerous, taboo. Those lovely green eyes narrowed, her face contorted into a scowl. Sakura could feel the desperation well up inside her head– cry, she really need to—
"SAKURA-CHAN!"
Sakura felt herself gasp with relief. Naruto was here. Her eyes would remain dry, if only out of necessity, if only for a moment.
Turning her head, Sakura saw an orange blob speeding toward her, and finally skid to a stop just a foot to her left. Her blonde-haired teammate bounced up and down on his heels, grinning like a maniac. The kunoichi repressed a sigh, knowing it was wisest to just ignore him.
"Sakura-chan, did you–"
Whatever he wanted to find out would remain a mystery. "I need some time to think, Naruto," the pink-haired ninja interrupted, turning her body away from him restlessly. Then, as a barely civil afterthought, "Please."
She couldn't see his face, which was just as well. That expression in his eyes (lost, like nothing was alright or would ever be alright again) could only hurt her. And she didn't want to give him that chance. The only way to stay safe was to push him away, push them all away until she couldn't see them anymore and it was just her and the barely breathing sky.
Naruto didn't know this, of course; he would probably never figure it out. Naruto didn't know that every time she forced herself to turn away was just another wound on her damaged heart. Each time silence reigned over their lips, each time she walked away, Sakura was just saving herself.
For the moment, she figured she was safe. Not a word had passed between them since the boy's first attempt at conversation, and she figured there at least wouldn't be any until Kakashi showed up. And who knew when that would happen.
Naruto sighed noisily somewhere behind her and settled onto the ground, leaving Sakura to struggle with hiding a smirk at his Naruto-ness. Smiling, after all, wasn't a thing she did since he left. Anything, really, that the old Sakura had done was shunned by this newer version of herself, washed away like a sand castle by the tide. And if only she was watching it, rather than doing it, she could feel some remorse. But here she was, caught in the middle of her own falling apart, and stopping it was no longer an option.
The was an awkwardness in the air, like the silence of two strangers in an elevator. It would be polite to say something, you know you really should, but you fumble to grasp a subject that would interest both parties. Besides, the silence will only last a little longer. . . just a little–
Naruto's chakra swirled angrily as he jumped to his feet, startling a few birds out of a tree but not surprising Sakura at all. She waited patiently for something to come out of that angrily gaping mouth, keeping her eyes steadily on her sandaled feet.
The moment of silence escalated into a drawn-out pause, and Sakura could feel the fox boy composing himself. There would be no outburst once he had himself under control, once he schooled his features to not betray his hurt. The pink-haired ninja supposed she should be grateful for this, but these days (alone in a crowd, always alone), it was hard to feel anything.
Since he had left (she never said his name anymore if she could help it; he was dead to her and to this village; therefore undeserving of a name, and certainly an endearing suffix) she was getting worse and worse about confrontation. She just couldn't cope with the fact that if she confronted someone they might desert her for something less broken.
Oh, she knew that it wasn't her fault he left. Their last conversation, that brief exchange of love and hate, hadn't changed a thing in terms of importance. But wasn't it just easier, to blame everything on a single conversation and not her own idiocy? Wasn't it easier hide?
It was tearing Naruto apart. Their friendship (what little of it there was before he left, and what little of it there was even now) was deteriorating. He thrived on confrontation. She avoided it at all costs. They didn't fit, and spending time together was like trying to combine two puzzle pieces that didn't even come out of the same box. It couldn't work, and both of them knew it.
At least, she assumed he knew it. But maybe. . . maybe he still clung to her and dreamed of a time when she was his Sakura-chan, pure and kind and not broken.
Sakura scoffed. There was no maybe about it. The hurt in his eyes (the kind of secret pain that concerns no one because everybody has it) was rather telling. The two of them (wasn't it odd to think of both of them, together?) weren't healing like they should. They were rotting, rotting, and it was only a matter of time before—
"Sakura-chan, we need to talk."
So it was coming down to this. She'd always known it would. Last words and forgotten promises. It was coming down to this.
Naruto paused, waiting for her to say something, anything at all. Waiting for her to look at him, smile and say that everything was fine and they would get over his departure, together. She didn't, of course, but he'd learned not to expect anything from this strangely broken-hearted creature next to him. He wondered if she knew how easy it would be to just reach out and touch him, to feel whole again. Wasn't it obvious?
The fox boy took a deep breath and began. "I want you to know that–"
"Wait, Naruto."
He froze, surprise written all over the face Sakura was avoiding. "I– I need to ask you something."
Naruto felt his muscles relax. This was familiar territory. He didn't know how to act around a mute, brooding Sakura; but talking he could handle. Talking was good.
"How can you stand to be around me?"
Naruto flinched. Maybe talking wasn't so good. A thought ran through his head, seemingly disconnected from the other, tumultuous undercurrents in his head.
I know what she needs to hear.
It was true, he did know what she needed to hear. It just wasn't what he needed to say. Naruto couldn't decide between the two, because it was one or the other, and either way someone would get hurt.
In the end it was her eyes, those magnificent eyes, that decided for him. So he whispered, feeling like the words were being torn from of his throat, "Because I'm your friend, Sakura-chan."
It was the right decision. Her eyes, her beautiful eyes, lost the anguished expression, lifted out of depression so easily it was almost amusing. The only problem was, Naruto could feel his own eyes dimming, drowning in tears so that her back looked blurry as she stood and walked away.
And it was only then, when she was so completely gone from him that he had no chance of ever getting her back, that he whispered the words he needed to say. "Because I love you."
So, drop me a line and tell me what you think. I think it's pretty self-explanatory, but if you have questions, ask! Oh, and this is my first story, so be gentle. : )
-Mere Anarchy
