Little birds can remember.
Someday, people will be alone and only live on within memories
Even so, that's okay; I call my peaceful feelings 'friends'
Someday, I'll forget the days I spent with everyone and be living elsewhere
By then, I won't be strong anymore
—Brave Song, Tada Aoi (trans.)
One
April 2001
"Hey," she called me with a crooked grin. "Look."
"At what?" I grumbled.
"At that tiny bird flying over there." She pointed it out, her finger making a little arc in the air as she followed it. "It's so lonely, isn't it?"
That was the last time I ever talked face-to-face with her.
"Morning, Chitanda-san!" Fukube Satoshi greeted Chitanda Eru with his usual easy grin, a hand raised in a sort of casual salutation. "Have you seen your class yet?"
"Good morning, Fukube-san," Eru greeted him back, and nodded enthusiastically. "I'm looking forward to working with you this year. Mayaka-san and Oreki-san as well."
"Same," Satoshi smiled at her extreme formality. "Let's work hard and make good memories in the Classics Club this year as well!"
It was the beginning of the new school year, two days after the Live Doll festival. Eru noted how every scene seemed more vivid today, a refreshing smile spreading on her face as she stared back at the class lists posted out in the school yard. Everything felt new. The scent of flowers was strong in the air, the wind carrying lightly-colored petals with them as it swept across the open ground. Even these familiar sights felt as though she were experiencing them for the first time.
Pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, she did a double take at the "Chitanda Eru" printed, among other names, under the list for Class 2-H.
After waiting for Satoshi to search for his name in the lists ("ah, 2-A, I see I'm classmates with Houtarou this year," he said with an almost cheerful smile as he went back), they went to the auditorium together for the assembly, some cheerful small talk springing up between them as they went. Topics of general interest switched back and forth, and it was with a general air of liveliness that they parted ways, Satoshi slipping into his line and leaving her to join her class.
When the whole congregation broke up after a short speech from the head teacher welcoming the freshmen into Kamiyama High School, Eru found herself walking, with countless other sophomores, past many halls to the corridor where most of the second-year homerooms were situated. 2-H marked the end of the long, long row of doors, and Eru had just passed the first room ("2-A", the sign above it read proudly) when—
"Chii-chan!"
She found herself staggering as Ibara Mayaka suddenly rocketed against her, ready arms flung around her shoulders.
"Mayaka-san!" she returned gaily, actually feeling the transfer of weight as Mayaka's feet momentarily left the ground, Eru being quite taller than she was. As she let go, though, Eru noticed that Mayaka looked disgruntled.
"What might the matter be, Mayaka-san?" Eru asked worriedly as Mayaka sniffed.
"It's not fair! Why'd Fuku-chan get stuck with him instead of—?" Realizing what she just said, Mayaka flushed red up to her ears.
"Him?"
"Him," and Mayaka dragged her to the door of classroom 2-A, her finger lifting as they looked inside, and Eru felt her face flush at the familiar sight of the tall boy slouching over his desk by the window, chin on hand, looking out of the window lazily and watching the clouds slip by in the sky.
"Oreki-san?" she said, disbelief and delight mixing in her tone, and he turned ever so slightly, his green eyes darkening as they turned away from the light. He stared at her out of the corner of his eye, his gaze ever so steady. It made her feel a bit at ease about the opening of the year.
He just continued staring at her, letting her approach with Mayaka by her side.
"Good morning, Oreki-san," she greeted him happily. "I look forward to working with you this year as well."
"Mm." Apparently tired already, Houtarou dropped his gaze and closed his eyes. Beside Eru, Mayaka made a sound of disgust.
"You're beginning the day with your trademark rudeness, Oreki."
Houtarou's right eye cracked open and gave Mayaka a mildly annoyed glance. "Behave yourself, Ibara."
Mayaka sent him a death glare without a heartbeat's hesitation. Amused, Eru watched at the sidelines as Houtarou merely closed his eye again and let Mayaka win this time.
"It's a pity we are not all in the same class," Eru thoughtfully remarked after seeing things cool down. Mayaka nodded lightly, her expression softening at the change of topic. "It would have been nice."
Houtarou, however, was as cynical as ever. "You do know that the odds are stacked against that situation…"
Eru smiled resignedly at the statement, while Mayaka muttered something about the both of them needing to go back to their own classes now. Having left him to his peace as well, Eru looked back to see Houtarou staring at her, and then, realizing that she was looking at him as well, look away suddenly.
She made it to the classroom just as the bell rang.
When the news reached me, I didn't react much at first. After all, it might just be one of her many jokes.
She loved to play pranks on me after all, and the tasteless ones were her favorite.
But then, the day of her return came and went without no sign of her, and then the truth swallowed me up and spat me back out breathless.
The Classics Club convened like usual in the Earth Science prep room, the silence of this side of Kamiyama High School soothing to everyone's ears as they gathered around like the usual, away from the noise of the milling students below, scrambling to their respective club rooms.
Eru watched with a smile as Satoshi jokingly complained about the fact that he was going to be busy this year as the head of the General Council, while Mayaka, who seemed to want to think that Satoshi was to blame about the class arrangements, began an argument with him about his math grades. And as always, Houtarou sat on the chair closest to the window and read a book, his eyebrows in a thoughtful frown at the activity.
She thought that she would not want anything more if it was always like this.
Taking a tin box out of her bag, she placed it on the middle of the makeshift discussion table made of desks set up together, saying gaily, "I brought some rice crackers with me. We make them ourselves."
As they ate, Satoshi brought up the subject of recruitment. "I wonder if someone'll apply for the Classics Club this week during the Freshman Recruiting."
"There are too many clubs in Kami High that are more prominent than us," Mayaka countered gloomily. "And there's the fact that we don't even know the true purpose of the Classics Club. Who'll join a club that didn't even have a clear purpose?"
"Well, there is that," Eru said slowly, looking down at the cracker that she was nibbling on.
Houtarou kept silent, and took his second cracker from the tin without as much as a sound. But when he had eaten it halfway, he paused and said bluntly, "The freshmen are more numerous this year. Perhaps some of them could have considered the Classics Club. However, there is Mayaka's argument—we are the Classics Club, but I don't see any one of us reading classic literature any time soon. And there's the Literature Club for that as well…"
Eru nibbled at her cracker once more. "Hmm…"
Satoshi smiled. "Oh well. We'll have a shot at the Shinkan Festival on Saturday. If there were still no hopefuls by the time of our graduation from this school…" Seeing Eru's and Mayaka's downcast eyes, he quickly waved away the gloom that his statement had suddenly caused by exclaiming, "Well, we do have two more years to continue the Classics Club… There's a huge chance that one out of hundreds of freshies will join us before we are out."
Mayaka frowned. "We shouldn't be thinking that far ahead, right?" She paused, turning the bit of cracker left in her hand. "I mean… Thinking about graduation is… scary."
Eru nodded earnestly and backed up her friend. "Mayaka-san is right… We're just second years. We should make the best of our remaining time to make sure that the Classics Club reaps a good harvest this year."
Satoshi's smile widened. "Right. Sorry, Mayaka, Chitanda-san." He espied Houtarou, whose attention was now completely diverted from the book and into the conversation. "What d'you think, Houtarou?"
Houtarou shrugged, and returned to his book. Satoshi grinned and shrugged, while Mayaka caught Eru's eyes with an odd glance.
After the funeral, I started seeing hallucinations in the mirror.
They started off very subtly at first, like a shadow crossing the mirror, or a movement in the corner of my eye. Ones that could be simply attributed to tricks of the light.
Then, as the day for my entrance exam to Kamiyama High slowly neared, he appeared to me.
He looked like me, wore the same clothes, and seemed as surprised as I was when I saw him in the mirror.
But then he said, "You're not me."
I screamed.
The afternoon had been uneventful, and one by one, they decided to call it a day and go home. Mayaka was the first to go, her bag clutched tightly as she went on her way to the library to see Itoigawa-sensei.
Satoshi was the next one, Eru and himself dumbfounded when Houtarou said that he would pass up on joining him on the way home, as they weren't accustomed to his breaking his routine all by himself. Eru looked unsure as she remained on her seat, watching Houtarou as he stared down at the book that he had been reading.
The door closed behind Satoshi with a clatter of wood against metal.
The afternoon had been uneventful, yes. Indeed.
Standing up, she went by the window, looking down on the martial arts dojo like she had been doing on the day that she and Houtarou first met. Behind her, the sound of rustling as Houtarou turned a page of his book.
"Chitanda."
"Eh? Ah?"
She turned her head to his direction, surprised that he would initiate a conversation so suddenly.
"Wh-What is it, Oreki-san?"
He had closed his book, and was staring at her with his deep green eyes. He seemed to be thinking hard about something, as his fingers were unconsciously tugging at his hair. As if realizing, he quit his actions and dropped his hand, letting it fall on the table with a soft sound.
"No, nothing." He seemed indecisive.
Somewhat disquieted and disappointed, Eru murmured out an "I see," and resumed her vantage point at the window, seeing the Kendo Club finally troop out of the dojo like small shadowy specks.
Feeling slightly awkward, she decided to make small talk with him in the growing silence, and her eyes fell on the book when she turned. "Um, Oreki-san, what are you reading?"
"This?" Houtarou frowned at the book. "Some novel my aneki left in the bookcase back at home. I don't think it's particularly famous or anything. I do think it got popular for a short time when my sister was still here in Kamiyama High, though."
"Ah, I see." They fell silent again, and Eru turned back to the window, her face going rather pink.
Time went on, as they fell still.
Then—"Chitanda…!"
She could hear the legs of the chair screech as he stood up suddenly, but it was the sound of the book falling on the floor that snapped her to her senses. The floor suddenly shook under her, and she grabbed hold of the window as she felt the wave of nausea. However, the feeling left as soon as it started, and she stood upright, wondering what just happened.
An earthquake?
"Oreki-san, are you alr—?"—as she turned.
It was like vertigo, as she swiveled, dazed, looking at the suddenly empty club room.
"Oreki… san?"
My father pressured me so that I won't push through with my exam at Kamiyama High. He seemed to think that her death has caused me to lose it.
But I know for a fact that I am not crazy. The other me exists. In fact, ever since the incident, I have seen him for three more times. He seemed to react better to my presence than I do to his, even when he insisted that we are two different people.
However, the moment I took my exam at Kamiyama Higashi High School…
The other me in the mirror ebbed, and disappeared, leaving me with my own reflection.
I think I made the right decision.
"O-Oreki-san?"
Silence.
"W-What—?" she whispered, confusedly, looking around.
She noticed that the framed copy of Hyouka was missing from the windowsill, as was the cactus that stood in the middle of the discussion table. She walked away from the window, and stared at the door, which was still shut. She didn't remember hearing Houtarou do anything else than get up suddenly and drop the book, but she couldn't dismiss the probability of…
She walked tentatively to it, and placed her hand to slide it open. To her utter worry, it refused to open.
She was locked, alone, in the Earth Science prep room. Precisely like one year ago.
Unlike one year ago, though, no Oreki Houtarou went in to open that locked door for her, even as she waited for him to come back. And why (and how) did he even leave her alone in the first place without any warning?
Suddenly remembering that the key was in her pocket (and getting annoyed with herself for having forgotten the fact), she placed her hand in, but felt that there was nothing inside but her handkerchief.
Now, she had virtually no means to get out of this place.
This is definitely something curious…
"Oreki-san?" she called out once more, and her voice was weak and timid in the silence of the room. The quiet was already unsettling her. It was different from the quiet that she normally experienced in this side of the Special Purposes Block building. It was as though even the very air was different. The change was subtle, but it was there.
"Fukube-san?" she tried next, and pulled at the door, hearing it rattle as the door refused to part from the wall.
"This isn't funny…" She stared in despair at the door, puzzling at why this was happening to her. Just thirty minutes ago she was talking with her friends in the Classics Club… and now…
She noticed, however, the book left on the floor near the wall. Taking it, she noticed that it was the same book that Houtarou was reading earlier (the book that I heard falling earlier, she thought, mystified). She stared at the nondescript cover, and opened it, rifling at the pages just to give her hands something to do. She noticed how her fingers shook slightly.
And then, the door rattled, and she could hear the key turning in the lock. A man looked in. "Hey! What are you doing here? It's past curfew!"
Feeling a great wave of déjà vu, Eru arranged her lips into a smile and managed a "Good afternoon, Morishita-sensei," bowing at a perfect angle. Morishita looked rather confused at this show of politeness, but soon reverted to his previous authoritative attitude.
"What were you doing in this classroom without permission? If I hadn't seen your shadow moving on the door… Even locking it behind you! What's your name?"
"Chitanda Eru. But, sensei," Eru frowned. "This is the club room of the Classics Club, why…?"
Again, haven't I seen this before?
"I thought that the Classics Club had been abolished," he retorted, exactly as what she had been expecting.
"I," Eru gulped, making neither head nor tail of what was happening. But vaguely, a theory was forming in her head. "You can confirm with Ooide-sensei, this club has been reinstated this morning since I have joined…" She hoped that what she was saying corresponded with her theory, and that it was correct.
Well, she hoped that it was right and wrong at the same time.
Because if it was right, then…
What am I to do?
"I see." Morishita rubbed his chin, his answer confirming everything. "Well, return the key after using it." He left, shaking his head in disbelief.
Eru decided not to tell him that the key was not in her possession. As the sound of his footsteps receded in the distance, she felt the questions coming.
This is the past, isn't it? For some reason, this is the past, isn't it?
But if this is the past, Oreki-san should have unlocked the door first, and then Morishita-sensei would have noticed that the door was unlocked as he was patrolling the campus and checked in. Instead, he noticed my shadow moving on the frosted glass pane of the door as I was opening it, and checked the room because of that. Why?
And… Where is Oreki-san?
She looked at the open doorway, the seconds ticking with nothing stirring in her field of vision, and decided to get her bag and go. She slid the door closed, and went down to the faculty office to get the key to lock the door. Seeing the key still on the hook, her mood fell a few more notches.
He's not coming.
Why?
But… She stared at the book that she had accidentally brought with her, the cover staring at her dully, as though trying to tell her something. But why is this with me?
Oreki-san was reading it earlier.
Is this some kind of clue?
She wondered if she can search for Houtarou, but decided that the effort would be useless. She did not know where his place was, and if he wasn't going to the Earth Science prep room, then he would have gone home already.
She locked the door and went back to return it, a plan half-forming in her mind as she slowly decided to come to grips with her strange situation.
Tomorrow, she vowed. Tomorrow, I shall find him.
One day, when I was walking to school, I got into an accident.
I don't think it was that serious, but when I woke up in the hospital, I found that my vision was blurry. The doctors advised me to take a rest for a few days. However, when my condition did not improve, they pronounced that the damage to my head had caused my eyesight to deteriorate. It wasn't severe enough to warrant drastic measures, but I had to wear prescription glasses, and unused to them as I was, it took me a while to get used to them.
I soon grew dependent on the reality that my glasses afforded me.
Because whenever I take them off, the world becomes gray and murky, and I couldn't bear that.
However, the next day proved as fruitless and as confusing as the first.
Peeking into class 1-B immediately after class, she saw that the seat by the window, which had been formerly occupied by Oreki Houtarou, was empty. Cold.
But I don't think Oreki-san absents himself from class that often… and certainly not in the first week of classes.
When she asked around as to where Oreki Houtarou-san might be, she received the oddest reply.
If it were any indication, the first girl from 1-B that she had asked replied like this.
"Oreki Houtarou? I don't think I know him."
"But he sits over there, right?" Eru pointed at the empty desk at the back.
"No. A girl named Nishina-san sits there. Definitely not a guy named Oreki Houtarou." And the girl smiled, confused, as Eru backed away and out of the room, turned tail, and ran.
Fukube-san. Fukube-san might know…
However, she was losing her faith, fast.
I never intended to join any of the clubs in Higashi, instead spending an hour after school reading up in the library, in a comfortable seat next to the window, where it was neither warm nor cold.
Using my brain continuously like this distracted me from any wandering thoughts about her death and about my other self.
However, one day, as I was reading in my corner, an unforeseen incident happened, which I would remember for the rest of my life as the day that changed everything about my world.
Sad to say, I am not exaggerating.
Fukube Satoshi entered Kamiyama High School because he wanted more new experiences like a typical high school student, but it was with great apprehension when he turned and saw a breathless young lady rush in his classroom excitedly and clasp his hand in a paroxysm of joy.
"Fukube-san!" she kept exclaiming over and over, "Fukube-san!"
"Whoa, Fukube," one of his classmates said with a tinge of envy. "It's only the end of the first week of school and you already get some girl rushing at you…"
"Come on." Satoshi grinned and waved the snickering guys away. "Shove off, you guys…" And when the boys went off, he turned to Eru with a kindly smile and said, "Um, you called me by name… Do I know you?"
Eru stopped short, her smile and hands freezing at the simple statement.
Ah, yes. I forgot. He still doesn't know me personally.
Somehow, it's… sad.
"Miss?" Satoshi looked confused at Eru's reaction.
"Fukube-san…" Eru hesitated, and said slowly, "I—I'm… Chitanda Eru…"
As she had expected, Satoshi's eyes rounded out at the mention of her name. "Chitanda… as in, that Chitanda? Whoa…" Composing himself, he laughed nervously and said, "So, what can I help you with, Chitanda-san?"
"Fukube-san," Eru said desperately, her grip of the situation diminishing with every moment, "Where is Oreki-san? Why is he not in his classroom? Why did his classmates tell me that they do not know him? Why are we first-years again? Why? I really cannot stop thinking about it, but Oreki-san… Oreki-san is…" And much to her surprise, Chitanda Eru broke down and began to cry, bewildering Satoshi.
"Ch-Chitanda-san?" Satoshi supported her to a chair when she sank to her knees, tears escaping from her eyes as she finally realized the gravity of her situation without the person who can answer her questions. "This… Calm down, okay? I can't really…" He straightened up and placed a hand on Eru's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. "I don't know how you knew Houtarou, but…" He scratched his head. "He really won't be here, you know."
"But…" Drying her eyes, Eru looked up with a watery gaze, and noticed how disturbed Satoshi looked. "But… why—?"
"Because he is not a student here, Chitanda-san," Satoshi said, with an odd, heavy tone. "We were originally planning to go here together. But then, something happened, so—he chose to enroll at another school. Kamiyama Higashi High School. You know… the one next to the community college? The one with an impressive academic record?" His grave brown eyes raked Eru's face. "And he's there right now."
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Just so you know, I've altered some stuff from the original pilot chapter that I had posted back in 2013, under the somewhat enigmatic title of 1999.
I decided to borrow some material from my one shot …So the Summer Passed, like the concept that Houtarou has weak eyes, which prompted him to wear glasses, and some more facts that will show in the next few chapters. I think a lot of people here liked Summer, although some were also understandably confused (haha). Anyway, think of this as a garden growing from that little flower that I had planted.
I didn't expect the fic that I had originally entitled 1999 to be quite popular… (Those reviews really piled up in my absence…)
Anyway, enjoy as you would have enjoyed the original story.
