Disclaimer: I do no own Gintama. Sorachi Sensei does.
Imagine how a single person with the ability to change can very easily change the world itself..
"Toshi, don't you notice something odd about Sougo?" Kondo pointed at the emotionless boy laying on the ground with his eyes closed.
"What are you talking about? That bastard is always like that." Hijikata scoffed and placed another cigarette in his mouth. He crossed his arm and leaned against the wall.
"I can hear you nicotine addict, go die will you?" Sougo replied with a monotonous voice and suddenly got up. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, already annoyed of having to wake up with smoke surrounding him.
"What was that sadist? Let me beat you to a pulp."
"That's enough, you guys never change do you? I'm busy enough with the Shinsegumi." Kondo pointed at the bickering boys and pulled them apart.
"Stalking Otae doesn't necessarily group up with 'Shinsegumi work' Gorilla-San." Sougo replied and shrugged off the Chief's hand off his shoulder.
"Sougo, you're so mean." Kondo sulked and held on to Hijikata, who was also trying to shake off the Chief's grasp.
Sougo stretched and stared outside to where the sun was blaring intensively. He felt a slight breeze shuffling his hair and sighed in disappointment. There was nothing to do at the base nor was there anyone he wanted to converse with. The boredom was certainly straining him, making him suffocate especially with Hijikata in his presence.
"Don't you guys ever get lonely? As a father, I worry about how you go through life not chasing after any women... " Kondo said in a stern voice, suddenly acting like a father figure in front of the two boys.
"Since when did my father become a perverted/stalker ape?" They both replied in unison.
Kondo hid his face in the corner in defeat and laughed at their response. "I knew you guys would say that... Since it's too late for Toshi, aren't you at that age to be involved with women Sougo?"
"What did you say bastard?"
"Kondo if you mean making women call me master and giving them spiked chains as their present, then yeah I am involved with those 'type' of women." He replied with an emotionless gaze and continued to converse with Kondo while leaving Hijikata out of the conversation.
They both stared at him and thought the same thing, 'pure sadist...'
"That's not what I mean Sougo... And that's wrong, you shouldn't even do that in the first place. I mean like go on dates, find yourself a nice girl that burns omelets, works as a hostess, who thinks about you every day.." Kondo suddenly trailed off and imagined Otae in his head with a false image of them together.
"Go- I mean Kondo-San, why should I waste my time on pathetic things like that, also quit imagining false things about Otae you nasty old man."
"You were about to call me gorilla right? You were just about to say it right?"
"Kondo, quit wasting your time on him. Convincing him is like trying to convince me not to eat my mayonnaise. It's impossible." Hijikata replied, annoyed of being left out of the conversation.
"Hijikata, speaking of mayonnaise, I put laxatives in your bottle this time." Sougo grinned evilly and began to walk away from them.
"Tch, like I'm dumb enough to fall for that, I switched the bottle I usually have with another one." Hijikata smiled and threw out his cigarette. He grabbed his bottle and gulped down a large amount of mayonnaise. He suddenly heard a static come from his walkie talkie.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you that I put laxatives in all of your bottles. Go die in the pit of hell Hijikata... Roger."
"T-Toshi.." Kondo reached out for him as his face began turning blue and his body began to shake.
"I-I'm gonna KILL THAT BASTARD!" He yelled as he hurriedly raced out of the room towards the restrooms.
Sougo wandered off in the city of Edo, trying to find something to kill his boredom but realized that anything within close range was just as boring as being at the base. He sighed heavily and ended up in front of Odd Jobs Gin without realizing how he got there in the first place. He scratched the back of his head and began walking again towards different direction.
"Sougo it's Kondo, there's this girl from another planet that's come to the Shinsegumi who wants to be engaged to you. As your father, it's my job to set you off in the best possible way... You need to take notice to your carrot." Kondo's voice echoed through the walkie talkie.
"Kondo-San, you already know my answer to that also, don't use the word carrot, just say **** instead. I'm already in my 20's. Roger."
"Sougo! Don't say that so casually. Also, this is a command from your chief. You can't go against my order because it will become an international problem for us. So please do it."
Sougo furrowed his brow in annoyance. "Like hell I'm getting married, ask the mayonnaise addict to do it instead. He has too much time on his hands anyways. Roger"
"I heard you bastard!" Hijikata's voice echoed in the background of the walkie talkie,
"... No can do Sougo, she preferred you and besides, it's not like you'll find love any time soon. Might as well jump at this offer." Kondo's voice cut off as Sougo turned off his walkie talkie, even more annoyed at the situation he was placed in. He stopped in his stead and suddenly turned back. Somehow he ended up back at Odd Jobs Gin again. He climbed the stairs and barged into the room that was still standing even after 5 years that had gone by. When he reached the living room, he found Shinpachi sitting on the couch drinking tea by himself.
"We'll this is a surprise." He looked up and placed his cup back down on the table.
Sougo walked towards the opposite couch and plopped down, already making himself comfortable. "Where's China girl?" He asked looking around cautiously.
Shinpachi raised an eyebrow in suspicion and replied, "she's gone out with Sadaharu to pick up groceries. Why?"
Sougo layed his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands. He smiled with a hint of sadistic intentions showing clearly on his face.
"I have a proposition for her... You see, I'm in a hunch and I need her assistance though I would rather kill myself before stooping this low but it's the only way."
"What... do you mean?" Shinpachi asked in confusion and took another sip from his tea.
"I want her to go on a date with me just for today."
Shinpachi spat out his tea in response to his sudden statement.
"... Huh?"
To be continued... What will happen next?
