So I woke up this morning, not in the conventional way you might think, there was no alarm, well not a clock radio anyhow, there was no hug from the man I love, no sleepy transition from the dream world to real life, I awoke to the sound of gunshots.
Explosion, followed by shouting, the shot of a pistol, some more shouting, these were all echoing throughout a facility I had no knowledge of. Now most people would think this kind of wake up call a little unusual, a little scary perhaps, even frightening, but to me, Commander Anya Shepard, it was just another normal day at the office.
The ironic thing is I knew that I really shouldn't be alive, the last thing I remembered clearly was an alarm of a different sort, one I would recognise conscious or not, one that even thinking about now, caused a sinking feeling in the very pit of my stomach. The alarm I was remembering was the Normandy's alarm, signalling danger, my ship in danger and with it my crew, I remember the Normandy exploding, I remembered.... yes, I remembered dying.
For a split second there was a lull in the noise, maybe there wasn't a lull, maybe I just stopped listening, I don't know, but in the quiet, forgotten sounds fading to memory like my thoughts of my ship, my crew, something else occurred to me, maybe this was heaven. There was even a bright light, but I wasn't moving towards it, I felt cold, I was pretty sure heaven shouldn't be cold, and the light, I figured it shouldn't have been stabbing at my eyes through my eyelids..... Another explosion made the room shake
Ok, definitely not heaven then and definitely not dead, surely death shouldn't hurt this much.
A strangely familiar voice I couldn't put a name to interrupted over an intercom,
"Wake up commander."
"Shepard do you hear me? Get out of that bed, this facility is under attack."
Slowly I opened my eyes. Trying to focus on something in the stark white room was difficult, I could make out that there was lots of medical equipment but the brightness was still overwhelming. Instinct took over, the cacophony of sounds became more distinct, my eyes started to clear, I reacted, this was what I had been trained for.
Pushing against the cold surface of the medical gurney I tried to sit in an upright position, searing pain shot across my ribcage and my face ached. Opening my mouth, I moved my jaw paying attention to the aches and pains it caused. I felt round the sore patches both on my face and my body, I was accustomed to pain, fighting through it was what I did, but this was different. I ached worse than the first session in basic training when I had taken a biotic kick to the chest. I had new wounds, yet I had absolutely no Idea where they came from, they were stinging as my movements pulled on the fresh scars.
Another second passed and the voice sounded again.
"Shepard your scars aren't healed, but I need you to get moving, this facility is under attack."
What the hell was going on here, who was this woman? Grimacing in pain, I rolled from the gurney and automatically fell into a protective crouch. My mind was awash with images past and present, the sudden movement disorientated me, leaving me feeling dizzy and sick.
The instructions continued.
"There's a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Hurry!"
"Grab the pistol and the armour from the locker.
"You don't have time to wait around Shepard! Grab your weapon and armour."
Shaking my head I tried to clear the fog that numbed my senses, I found myself grasping my torso as I made for the locker, it felt like my insides were going to spill out from wounds that seemed barely healed. What had happened to me?
As I threw on my armour, a quick startled look revealed that it was in fact my armour, or at least very close to it. I put it on as quickly as I could manage, the snug fit of the chest plate was comforting, it felt like an old friend, wrapping around me in a secure embrace. With the thought of things familiar, my mind drifted over the events leading to this moment.
I saw Space, it was my home, had been since I was a child, I'd grown up on space craft, it was a place of beauty, so many regarded it as a place of great emptiness, but to me it was teaming with life, planets waiting to be explored, stars twinkling endlessly against their dark backdrop, but it was also the place where I had died. I remembered floating or maybe drifting would be a better word, my breath caught in my chest as I relived my death, it was all clear, the pain, the worry for my crew, the feeling of failure as I watched the Normandy, the final explosion, I remembered suffocating, my suit venting air, struggling but being helpless to stop it. I had gone back for Joker, I had ordered Kaidan to leave without me, the sick feeling returned to the pit of my stomach.
What had happened to Joker? What had happened to Kaidan?
"Those canisters by the door are going to blow! Get behind cover now!"
Again more a reaction than a considered response, sent me diving for the nearest cover, a sturdy looking medical cupboard, the dive turned to a stumble but it did the job, I managed to cover my head before the canisters by the door blew. My mind couldn't process what was happening, lucky for me I seemed to be running on autopilot. One thought kept repeating in my head, what happened to Kaidan? Why wasn't he here?
I examined the pistol, no clips. Funny how even empty, I felt more secure with a weapon in my hand.
More gunshots, getting closer.
Right, I didn't have time for this, I shook the memories from my confused mind, I needed ammo. I ran from my makeshift cover, with my muscles starting to loosen it was becoming easier to move, I found myself ducking in and out of cover, second nature to my military trained body. As I approached a fallen mech I could see a clip lying on the floor, without thinking I felt the familiar tingling as my biotics engaged and I pulled the clip towards me using my mind. The familiar blue glow on my skin caught my eye and I twisted my hand in front of me for a moment giving a little mental push, I watched the clip levitate above my hand.
This brought two distinct memories to the forefront of my mind, they were recent yet distant all at the same time, it was confusing, like watching them play out on two different screens, both playing simultaneously but unable to focus on either. My fight against Saren played on one screen, flickering through events so fast that I could only see occasional still images, then the events leading up to the attack on the citadel, a blur of all I had done and the people that had helped me in my quest to save the universe, culminating in the broken form of Saren levitating, with the same faint blue glow, in the Citadel garden where I had delivered the biotic push that had ended his artificially prolonged life. The other, a man covered in the same blue glow during a night of pure bliss, the night before Ilos, then just his face, his expressions changed, the locations varied the words he said indistinct and hard to make out, but his smile was there, his frown, the nervous face he pulled when he thought he'd stepped out of line, the man I loved.
A whisper slipped from my mouth "Kaidan."
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, my job was to destroy the Reapers, my reason to keep fighting clear. Centring myself, I released my breath at the same time as I released the charge that had been building inside the core of my being. This time the blue glow surrounded my entire body as the biotic barrier formed around me.
This was it, regardless of where I was, or what had happened, I knew what I had to do. Reloading my pistol and charging my biotics I opened the door and stepped out into the facility.
