A/N…I started this story in the beginning of the year but after many stops and starts and frustration I lost interest. Chellero encouraged me to keep at it-a big thank you and hug to her for getting me excited about it again. To this day it still bothers me how Joss figuring out the machine exists was just thrown out there nonchalantly. While trying to come up with scenarios of her surviving The Crossing this idea came to me. It takes place around the time of the episode Provenance which is when I stopped watching POI. Thank you for all the reviews of my other fics. I truly appreciate each and every one of them. Writing is not my forte but I really enjoy writing Careese-it keeps them alive for me.

Chapter 1

February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day. February fourteenth. The day, known around the world for romance, when lovers profess their innermost passions and feelings to the ones they adore. It had been so long since that day on the calendar had any true meaning to John. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had someone to actually celebrate it with. Someone special to indulge in all the sickeningly sweet cherubs, stuffed bears and chocolate hearts that the Hallmark holiday was known for.

He struggled to recall the last time he'd even had a valentine. He had met Jessica in March of 2001 and had returned to the service that fall so that meant it had to be Jennifer Griffin. The love of his life, or so he thought, his junior year of college. He remembered picking her up at her dorm that evening, armed with a bouquet of red roses from the local quickie-mart and an inexpensive silver bracelet he had saved up for. They had then headed over to one of the campus fraternity parties for a while and had rushed back drunk to her dorm room to fumble in the dark before her roommate returned. It wasn't exactly what you'd call a romantic evening and he laughed thinking of how young and clueless they had been.

This year, however, was different. This year John had Joss to celebrate the day with and he was going all out for the woman he adored. He was a hopeless romantic and he wanted the day to be a magical and memorable one for her. She deserved nothing less. They had not that long ago agreed to explore "whatever this is" and he wanted to remind her once again just what she meant to him. Joss had turned his life around and helped to mend his battered and bruised heart. He wanted to make up for all the Valentine's Days he'd missed out on. The ones he knew she had missed out on too. He'd been obsessing over the day for weeks and had it all organized down to the smallest details. He jumped out of bed, excited like a child on Christmas morning, and headed to the bathroom to get showered and dressed.

Joss was working an eight to four shift so stage one was to surprise her with her favorite breakfast. He knew it was a surefire way to start her day off with a smile. He had arranged for a basket to be delivered to her desk at the 8th precinct, from her favorite bakery Martine's, filled with all the pastries and gourmet coffee she loved. He even managed to have them include pancakes from Lyric's. John's phone buzzed at 8:20.

"Good morning detective."

"It is a good morning, John. Thank you for all the treats. I'm not going to be able to move after all of this."

"Well, I hope you can because you have a lot more surprises coming your way today."

"I can't wait to see what else you have in store. Talk to you later." she giggled into the phone.

The rest of the morning and afternoon involved a few more deliveries to the precinct. Next up, was a large stuffed dog, Bear's doppelganger, holding a big red box of Godiva chocolates. After that, Joss was treated to her favorite Sesame Chicken and dumplings from Kam Sen Kitchen. Lastly, a crystal vase with three dozen red roses was sent. Attached to them was a handwritten card saying "You are my heart. You are my everything. I'll love you always ~John."

At four o'clock, John crossed the street in front of Joss's building, his hands full of brown grocery bags and a bottle of Cabernet tucked under one arm. He could easily have made reservations at any top restaurant in the city but cooking her an intimate meal in her kitchen seemed so much more romantic. He pictured the candles, wine and tantalizing scents as he stole kisses from her while he cooked. Taylor was spending the weekend at his dad's place so everything had fallen into place just nicely. He also carried in his pocket the last surprise of the day- a platinum necklace with two delicate hearts entwined. As soon as he had seen it he knew Joss would love it. It was beautiful and elegant but not flashy. It was perfect just like her.

John was just about to head up her front stairs when he heard a car door slam shut and turned to see her walking over. So much for surprising her, he thought.

"Hey you. Fusco was in a good mood and told me to take off early and he'd cover. What's with all the bags, John?"

Joss smiled and leaned up to plant a warm kiss on his lips. It took some willpower on his part not to drop the bags and pull her lips back for more.

"Is this another one of your surprises" she laughed, trying to peek into one.

He opened his mouth to answer her when they were both startled by a voice about twenty feet away down the sidewalk. Turning, John looked on in horror as he watched the tall figure step out from the shadows, gun raised. He felt his blood run cold knowing what was to come next.

"Time's up! I told you I'd end you!"

John tried in vain to reach for the gun at the back of his waistband but, with his arms' full, he wasn't quick enough. Patrick Simmons, his face contorted into a gruesome smile, fired two bullets at point-blank range. They ripped into John's side and he staggered backwards, the searing pain disorienting him momentarily. It was the sudden impact of hitting the hard cold concrete sidewalk that brought him back to his senses. As he looked up desperately for Joss, time suddenly slowed down and everything continued in slow motion. He watched her reach into her jacket for her service weapon. He heard her long drawn out angry screams. He saw her small body slowly flung in the air as the bullets plunged into her torso. John managed to crawl to her and pull her up into his arms. There was so much blood. On her shirt. On his hands. On the sidewalk pooling with the broken Cabernet. As he gently cradled Joss to his chest, he softly whispered into her ear that everything would be okay. He willed her to hold on longer but she choked out one final breath and her eyes fluttered closed. John began to shake and sob uncontrollably as he rocked her in his arms.

"No. Joss. Noooo."


"Noooo."

John sat upwards in his bed, panting and gasping for breath. He felt like he was drowning, desperate to fill his lungs with air. His heart was racing, pounding in his chest, and his stomach was a sickening tangled knot. His gray sheets, twisted around his legs from thrashing about, were damp from his sweat despite the February chill in his loft. His eyes flew open and he frantically tried to adjust to the darkness to get his bearings. Squinting through hot tears, the familiar shapes of furniture and walls came into sight. Gone was the sidewalk. The blood. Joss. The sobs from his nightmare continued to rack his body and he trembled violently, the taste of vomit forming on his tongue. He managed to wrench himself from the covers and reach the bathroom just in time to empty his stomach. Maybe it had been the nightmare that made him sick. Maybe it was the bottle of whiskey he had hoped would numb his feelings and chase away the dull empty ache he now carried with him. As the dry heaves eventually subsided, John turned on the sink and splashed some cold water on his face. Reaching for his toothbrush, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His hair was neatly trimmed and he had shaved yesterday morning, having weeks ago returned to working with Finch and the team. He knew however, looking in that mirror, that someone different now lived behind those blue eyes. He had returned. The man who had no hope. The man who had lost all faith and trust. The man whose heart had been ripped out and stomped on. The man who had been brought to her that fateful day two and a half years ago. He had returned to take up residency.


November 20, 2013

"I need the status of our asset, Dr. Chen."

"Her chances of survival appeared slim initially, with the huge amount of blood loss, but her injuries weren't as bad as we first believed. Luckily the bullets were small caliber and missed her heart. One nicked her right lung slightly and the other lodged in her sternum. We've managed to repair the damage and stabilize her but her body went through quite a shock. She's still unconscious but that's to be expected. It will be some time before she's back on her feet again but the outlook is promising. With no setbacks we expect her to recover 100%."