Doctor Who- Tales of the TARDIS

So the Doctor was up late one night right? With his suave hair and his teeth so white they were probably professionally bleached, he was sitting, leisurely drinking a mug of spiked hot chocolate. Because when you're a time lord, you can get as drunk as you want, write yourself a note, send it back in time, and warn yourself not to get drunk. Bam 100% chance of no hangover. Time lords have it easy. Sons of bitches.

So anyway he was drinkin and feelin you know sorta tipsy. When all of a sudden, Rose (or maybe her name was Tulip, or Sunflower, or maybe Zantedeschia Aethiopica. Yeah, probably that. Rose doesn't make much sense. Zantedeschia Aethiopica had such a nice ring to it) came in, dressed as a hot dog? The doctor was so shocked that he dropped his hot chocolate. A tiny elf butler that wore an exact replica of the light on top of the TARDIS on its head came in and mopped up the mess with a tiny broom. It tugged on the doctors pants leg and pulled a condom out of his pocket, offering it to him.

"Master take this offering! None of us in the TARDIS are sure if you can even reproduce sexually but you can sure still have fun! Especially with your barely-legal companion! Have fun sir!" The TARDIS elf disappeared. What a hella great guy. Santa should give him a raise.

"Wow, Zantedeschia Aethiopica. You're such a hot dog," the doctor said in disbelief. He could barely hide the hot dog in his trousers as it began to bark. (== METAPHOR FOR HIS NOODLE) he could barely take his eyes off of her buns too. She took off her hot dog suit, revealing a hot dog themed bra and NO UNDERWEAR! The Doctor's hot dog got even bigger and he ripped off his pants like a guy from a gay swimming anime.

"Let me show you my sonic screwdriver," he said and put his noodle into her Special Lady Hole. She loved his sonic screwdriver so much. But as it turns out the doctor masturbated to hot dog pornos too much and he didn't impregnate her with a whole wheat baby. Also he had a condom so maybe that was it idk even

HTE END


So I may or may not have been drunk when I wrote that. (jk I wasnt drunk. That came out of my mind.) It was a Christmas present for my friend Molly, as are my other two stories in this series, The Curious Case of 221B (a Sherlock story) and Lucifer's Vessel (a Supernatural story). Please feel free to review. I want to know how diseased you all think my mind is.