The Fire and The Arm Disclaimer: I do not own anything Escaflowne (boo-hoo.I want Dilly!) Spoilers. You were warned. Mwhahahaha! Mamo-chan is my best friend's nickname. Even though she is a girl, I still call her that.

Sniperwolf walked to school, dragging her feet along the sidewalk.

"Sniperwolf!" cried a voice.

Sniperwolf turned around to see her best friend, Mamo-chan run up to her. "Hello, Mamo-chan. Can you believe it is the first day back already?" Sniperwolf sighed.

"Tell me about. I hardly got to make out with Ben Author's Note: Ben is Mamo-chan's boyfriend. Thank you over the summer." Mamo-chan said, full of sorrow.

Sniperwolf held up her hand, "Ok.shut up! That's enough of that.moving on!"

The two chat and walk up to the school steps. "You know what would be really cool?" said Sniperwolf.

"What?"

"If Dilandau was our teacher." Sniperwolf replied.

"Yeah, that would be so cool! It would be so."

"Evil? Hot? Burning? Fire like? Bloody? Strange?"

"I was going to say fun."

"Oh." Sniperwolf said quickly.

The two walked into school and walked to get their class list. Mamo-chan took a look at hers. "Um, Sniperwolf?"

"What? Who do you have for homeroom?" Sniperwolf asked, eying an Asian guy who walked by.

"Does one of your classes called Burn?"

Sniperwolf looked down at the list, "It's my homeroom. I think it's new."

"It's my homeroom too."

The two walked into homeroom to find the other people in their desks, applying makeup and yapping about stupid stuff, like the new lipstick shade. Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan sat down.

"Who does it say the teacher is?" Sniperwolf asked Mamo-chan, because she was looking at another Asian guy.

"I don't know.it says.Chiku. And how are all these Asian guys in school now?"

"So I will have something for the author to write while you talk! Moving on.Chiku?" Sniperwolf asked, looking at her list.

From in the distance, a girl cried, "How can you like the color red? Pink is so much better!"

"What did YOU JUST SAY?" a voice cried, sounding half crazed.

The Girl looked up and all of a sudden burst in flames. Everyone yelped and the lights turned off. A flickering flame came on somehow.

"Red is wonderful color. It is the color of death. It is the color of blood. It is the color of..fire." a voice muttered.

"Enough of that, Dilandau. You already killed one student today." Said a low voice, who flicked the lights back on.

"Folken?" muttered Mamo-chan.

Yes, it was Folken. He was sitting in a chair, his eyes closed. "Oh, Folken-sama, I was just having some fun." Our favorite pryo complained, blowing out the fire on his finger tips.

Dilandau turned to the class, "I am your teacher, Dilandau. You may call me Dilandau-sama. Not Mr. Dilandau or any of that other stuff."

Everyone nodded, deathly afraid of Dilandau. "This is my co-teacher, Folken-sama."

Folken nodded his head and closed his eyes once more. "We teach the class Burn, in which we go over fire, starting fires, watching fire.and the best of all, enjoying fires." Dilandau sighed.

"Mr. Dilandau?" cried a voice.

Everyone's head spun around to see who dare speak his name wrong. It was Ben. Author's Note: I don't really like Ben. "What did you call me?" Dilandau said, marching up to Ben's desk.

"Mr. Dilandau."

Dilandau slapped Ben, "What are you supposed to call me?"

"Dilandau-sama!" Ben cried, rubbing his cheek.

"I thought so," Dilandau spun around, "Any other.things I need to sort out?"

"Dilandau," Folken said, standing up, "I don't think you are supposed to hurt the students."

Dilandau made a whiny face, "But Folken-sama.why did I take this job anyway? How am I suppose to handle someone who calls me Mr?"

"You ask him to say he is sorry." Folken explained.

Dilandau sighed and turned to Ben, "Say you are sorry."

"Sorry!"

"What did he say, Folken-sama?" Dilandau asked.

"He said he was sorry."

"He'll have to say it in Japanese."

"Why?" asked Folken.

"Because the author likes to write it out!" Dilandau screamed.

Folken nodded and looked at Ben.

"Gomen nasi." Ben muttered.

(Whee! That is so much fun to type!) "I want everyone to say gomen nasi together, so everytime you disobey me, I slap you and you say gomen nasi."

Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan looked at each other and everyone said, "Gomen nasi. Gomen nasi."

"Good." Dilandau said, pleased with himself.

"Can you get to the teaching part now?" Folken asked.

"Ok. This year we will learn all about fires and burning and how great it is to watch a city burn. Then we will learn how to get back at those who have scared your face," to which Dilandau stroked his scar, "Chiku.chiku.chiku.ch-"

"Attention all students and staff, welcome to another year at-"

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK WHEN I AM! BURN! MOERO MOERO!" shrieked Dilandau, pulling out a flame thrower and pointing at the speakers.

He pressed the trigger and a tunnel of fire burned the speakers. "That is better." Dilandau sighed, wiping his face.

Folken sighed. Dilandau leaned back in a red chair. "I want everyone to take out a sheet of paper. On this I want you to write your hobbies and your favorite colors, plus what you hate. If I don't happen to like the hobbies or colors you do, it's slapping time. Understand?" Dilandau said. Everyone nodded and started to write. Since Mamo-chan and Sniperwolf were so smart, they even used red ink.

What Mamo-chan Wrote: Favorite Colors: Black and Red Hobbies: Starting fires, fire, burning someone, yelling MOERO MOERO. Slapping people, punching people, flying in a guymelef. Dislikes: When people scar your face.

As long as Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan put down what Dilandau liked, they should be in the clear. What Sniperwolf Wrote: Favorite Colors: Red and Black Hobbies: Slapping people, punching people, starting fires, fire, burning someone, yelling MOERO MOERO! And flying in a guymelef. Dislikes: When people scar your face and kill all your friends.

What AJ Wrote: Favorite Colors: Green and Blue Hobbies: Asking for food, begging for food, bothering people for food, nagging for food.etc. Dislikes: Fire and people not giving me food

Dilandau collected all the papers and stopped quickly, looking at one sheet. Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan glanced at each other, wondering who's paper it was. "Asking for food? Begging for food? Bothering- just who's paper is this?" demended Dilandau.

AJ raised his hand. Dilandau marched over there and slapped him. "Gomen nasi, Dilandau-sama!" cried AJ.

Dilandau did this too everyone when he stopped at the last two sheets of paper. "Fire.moero.scar.Which two wrote this paper in red ink?" he asked.

Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan shaking, raised their hands. "Genuis.pure genuis.Look at this Folken-sama." Dilandau breathed and Folken read over the papers, glancing at the two girls.

"Yes.well.it's nice to know that someone else loves fire as much as you." Folken said, sitting back down.

Dilandau walked up to the two girls, "Perfect. Everyone else but you two have a F in this class." Dilandau said.

"Arigato Dilandau-sama." Replied Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan, bowing their heads.

"We can't have an F! This was only the first grade!" cried Ben. Ben was slapped too.

"This is my class and I can-"

"May I have your-" The speaker boomed.

"What? How does the speaker work? Folken.train the soliders while I go handle the man." Dilandau muttered, cursing at the speaker.

Folken stood up in the front of the class as the man droned on. "When you leave school today, you may not ran into traffic. I myself knows how much fun it is to jump in front of cars," said the principal, "But we cannot do that. If you must, go to the front of a Wal-Mart or something, just-"

He was cut off and muffled sounds of "MOERO MOERO!" was heard in the background.

The sound of a flamethrower clicked on and soon there was silence. Folken shrugged and pulled out a book. "I supose we should get started. Dilandau has fooled around enough. Open your books to page 813, and let's start reading the short story, 'It Sucks to Lose Your Arm.'"

Everyone opened their books. "Before we begin, let me just tell you, NEVER to go dragon hunting."

Mamo-chan raised her hand, "Why Folken-sama?"

"Because this will happen!"

Folken brought his hand behind his cloak to reveal a robot arm. Everyone yelped and hid under their desks, but not Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan. "Cool!" they cried, looking at it.

"I need to keep it oiled once every-"

The door to the classroom opened up and there stood Dilandau. "I've taken care of that man," Dilandau rolled his eyes, "Folken-sama, what are you doing? Showing the soldiers the arm again?"

"Those two liked it." Pointed Folken to Styler and Kristina.

"Yes.well." Dilandau's face went blank.

The class looked on, wondering what is wrong. "Oh dear. Miguel, can you help Dilandau here?"

Miguel walked in and Dilandau started banging his head on a desk. Dilandau spoke, "I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena. I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena. I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena. I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena! I'm Dilandau." Miguel bitch slapped Dilandau who shook his head and fell to the floor. "JAKUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he cried and Ben got up and slapped him, giggled and sat down.

Dilandau rubbed his cheek, back to normal (what is normal to him, anyway?) "Who slapped me?" Dilandau cried.

Everyone (except Mamo-chan) pointed to Ben. Dilandau slapped him. "Gomen nasi, Dilandau-sama!" cried Ben.

The bell rang and everyone looked around. "BURN BELL!" cried Dilandau.

"No," Folken said, stopping Dilandau, "That means the students go to their next class."

Dilandau blinked twice, "Then what do I do?"

"You have a new group of students to, ahem, teach."

Dilandau's eyes grew round as he pondered this. "You mean new soliders to burn and slap?"

"Um."

"Great!" Dilandau cried.

AJ cried, "You know, if you switched letters around in Dilandau-sama's name, you can get dial!" everyone looked at him and he blushed, "You get dial! Like you dial a number or something..never mind."

Dilandau slapped AJ, "You can all go. I'll see you tomorrow for homeroom. Have a burning day."

Everyone stood up and walked out of the room. "My cheek is swollen." Ben complained.

Mamo-chan winked, "I'll make it feel better." And the two left. (We will not go into detail about what they did since the author does not need people throwing up everywhere.)

AJ walked next to Sniperwolf, who sighed, "Wasn't Dilandau and Folken yummy?"

AJ just looked at her weird, "Sniperwolf," he said strangly.

"Yes, AJ?"

"Can I have some food?"

The slap echoed across the hallway.

Did you like it? I have a sequel and if you asked me really nice, I can put it as chapter two. Do you? Well, R&R then! Flames welcome!