Warnings: Triggers, Character suicide

Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine (I would not be worthy) and belongs to Himaruya Hidekazu. This is a songfic for the song Bullet by Hollywood Undead. I listened to the nightcore version of the song, and this suddenly appeared on my laptop. I own nothing besides the plot, enjoy!

Even If


Looking out at the city Matthew sighed. His legs were hanging off the edge and he could feel the wind through his wool socks, his shiny new shoes, abandoned on the roof behind him. The pill bottle was empty and his wrists hurt from the fresh cuts. This was nothing new for him lately the wounds have all been eerily calming to him. The dull pain, reminding him that he's still alive.

"Always forgotten, never remembered... Maybe this is how it's supposed to be? Better if I weren't here to remind them? They would forget eventually... I'm just a waste of oxygen anyway."

Matthew smiled as he took another swig from the glass bottle him his hand. The honking of the cars below were distant from the height he was at, making them seem like they were echo from another place. Just echos of what they actually were.

"Just like me." He thought with a snicker.

"You two were always there for me, and... This is kinda emberassing, but... Thank you."

He looked down with a kind smile. The bottle of jin and the empty yellow pill bottle that didn't blow away in the wind, which slightly amazed Matthew, considering the pill bottle was only a light plastic. 20 story high building and this is how it's going to end, eh?

"At least the splatter will get people's attention for a while, then it will wash away eventually... I wonder why they call it ashfault? Is there even any ash in there?"

Matthew looked down knowing he may never be able to figure it out, it was to late anyway... "I wonder if anyone found my letter?... It would either be Alfred who just wants to whine about his problems, or the police if they figure out it's me."

Matthew watched a paramedic van drive by far beneath quickly. The red and blue lights flashing wildly, reflecting off the surrounding tall buildings window's while it's sireins blared. He waved down as it zoomed past, then away from his view of the street below and gave a lopsided smile at the irony of the gesture.

"All this time.. I guess not seeing the employee work card I was holding up to thier faces was the last straw..."

Matthew streatched out his arms, feeling his scars new, and old stretching with his skin, new one's burning and his back popping.

(Spine, you are going to be doing more than that in a while... and then not much) he snickered again.

Matthew thought back to the first time he had tried to kill himself. It was after the world meetings were over and Matthew (Canada) was staying for another day to go sightseeing in Berlin. His stuff was all in his backpack. (decades of packing taught him exactly what he had to bring, only the necessaties, and It all fit in one backpack) When he went back to his hotel room, he found to his, and the strangers in his room's suprise, them unpacking in his room. Closing the door and walking away, he remembered again how forgotten he could be. He ended up deciding to test his immortality that night. Tying a rope around his ankle, and a metal beam on the other end, he threw it off the Oberbaum bridge, himself being dragged after it into the freezing river Spree. He drown a few times, then gave up, knowing as a personification, he wont die unless it's something to do with his country. Flying back home, it was easy to act like nothing happened, nobody ever relly saw him, so nobody ever knew it even happened. (I wonder if splatting onto the ground will kill me?)

Suits were usually provided for the personifications by their leaders, but his old one was fraying and was getting old, so for the first time in a few decades, Matthew Williams bought himself a suit.

"If I don't die I wonder if anyone will visit me in the hospital... Maybe nobody will even notice.. . . . I would be fully healed by the next meeting."

Matthew swung his feet a little and closed his eyes while the wind hit his face. Autum had made it's appearance and the breeze was calming to him. Not as cold as the Canadian winters he's use to, though, cold enough to remind him of his own land. He took another sip from the bottle of Jin, noticing the blood from his wrist was seeping through his new suit. "hmmm, darn." He whispered. Closing his eyes again, as another breeze brushed across his face.

"I wonder why we are immune to death... Even medication overdoses.. don't kill us..."

Matthew pulled out his Winchester pistol and wondered if he should shoot himself before he jumps, to see if it would help heighten his percent of dying.

"No...maybe?"

He sighed.

...

"Papa will still be pestering Arthur, who will be attempting to calm down Alfred, before he starts a war with another country for some reason-or-another."

...

"Cuba will be angry at Alfred, and might get high with Mexico from time-to-time."

...

"Lovino will be angry and Antonio will smile at him, The fool is in love what can he do?"

"Germany will be trying to protect Italy, and keep him from getting into trouble. Italy will cook him pasta as a thank you."

...

"Russia will want everyone to "become one' with him." Matthew snickered at how the Russian has been bothering China a lot about it lately.

"Ukraine will be busy trying to pay off her debts and making more friends."

...

The last two made Matthew feel sad and a little guilty.

"Gilbert never mixed me up with Alfred... He will hang out with The Bad Touch Trio, annoy his brother, take care of Gilbird, and hit on anyone he wants... He'll be just fine." Matthew sighed looking up at the stars. "He will miss my pancakes though..."

He smiled sadley at how nothing seemed to work for him.

"He will all forget in time... Kuma will forget and return to the wild."

A tear fell from one of Matthew's apathetic violet eyes but he didn't feel it. The gun was cocked as he put it against the side of his head. He kept smiling, looking up at the stars as he pulled the trigger. The feeling of the bullet made him scream as he crumpled forward from the pain and fell off the ledge.

The wind whippping past his face was calming, but the bullet in his brain was a huge burden. The pain lulling him into a calm sleep as darkness consumed him.

Waking up in a hospital bed Matthew sighed.

Alone again and nobody will ever know.

"Even if."

Even if they did know, they would forget...

"They always do."