Forbidden to remember, afraid to forget. It was a very thin line to walk, I admit, but it was the very line I had walked for 7 years 3 months 15 days 20 hours 5 minutes and 31, 32, 33 seconds. I was now Isabella, successful business-woman, and founder of Chic, the hottest fashion magazine in America. I know how very Alice of me. The mention of the name was enough to send me into an anxiety attack. I quickly retrieved my medications and pop two in mouth with unstable, shaky hands. The thing was after…he left everything reminded me of him. Looking in the mirror into the big, brown eyes staring back, the very same ones he had complimented on, sent me into a frenzy. I walked out the front door to face the empty space in the driveway where his shiny Volvo used to sit. The hole through my chest was permanent and only one person could close it, until then I just kept bleeding. Love.

They diagnosed me with the anxiety disorder eight months later. As soon as I had completed high school and college, I packed up and left, not looking back once. I settled for the polar opposite of Washington, New York. Here I dyed my hair blonde, cropped to a chic a-line, and wore color contacts, blue. My appearance wasn't the only thing I had changed; my personality also went out the window. I was now eccentric, carefree Isabella. I wore the most up-to-date fashions and had men hot on my heels.

"Miss Swan, sorry to bother, but you have a call waiting on line one." Lucy my over-helpful secretary said.

"Oh…thank you, Lucy."

"My pleasure," she bowed, retreating from my room.

I picked up the black phone from the hook and greeted, "Hello, Isabella Swan speaking."

"Hello, Miss Swan, this is Ethan representing Jay Leno."

"Oh…" was this seriously happening.

"We would like to schedule an interview date for you, if you would like."

I answered still shocked, "Oh…why, of course, I mean, are you sure you have the right person?"

Ethan laughed generically, "Yes, Jay specifically asked for you, now let's see, would the tenth at nine work for you?" That was in four days.

I scrambled to check my calendar, there was a lunch scheduled with Ross that day. Hello! This is Jay Leno.

"That would be absolutely magnificent!"

"Alright, we will fax you the details and a layout of the interview. Have a lovely day," Ethan mechanically chanted. The line went dead and there was silence. I sat in my chair staring blankly at the phone while I tried to persuade my mind into actually accepting it.

"Helloooooooo…" my over bearing best friend, Katie, tried, waving a hand in front of my face. I suddenly looked up at her incredulous face, smiling ear to ear. Katie was my partner and best friend; she had been with me ever since I had moved here 4 years ago. She was a statuesque 5'11" with long legs and an un-godly bust. Her red hair fell in ringlets down to mid-back with scorching aqua eyes, and red plump lips. She also had the fairest skin that had ever graced mankind. Katie also took pride in the fact that everything about her was real. Everything. She was intellectual, sophisticated and a man-izer. She was everything a man could wish for.

"Oh my God, guess who wants an interview," I jested. She shrugged oblivious to my excitement.

"Jay Leno!"

She looked into my eyes searching for any trace of falseness, finding none she threw her arms around me and screamed. We jumped up and down holding each other like teenagers, until she stopped suddenly.

"What will you wear?"

4 Days Later

"Katie! The limo is outside. Right this very minute! Hurry!" I exclaimed.

"Sorry, sorry, coming," she apologized, walking out of her massive bedroom looking stunning, of course, putting two diamonds studs in her ears. She was wearing a black pantsuit, the pants high rise, the jacket fitting, with a white ruffly button down underneath. Her button down, was well…buttoned down and hinted at a black lacy bra. Finished off with shiny black point toe shoes. It was amazing. Why she had to look good for my interview was beyond me. I sighed, Katie will be Katie. I looked down critiquing my outfit. I had on a black pencil skirt with a fitted red, sweetheart top and red pumps. My makeup was smoky with a red lip stain. I compared myself to Katie and figured it was a tie. With that we were ready to leave.

"Time Passes" XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hello and welcome to the show. Tonight we have a lovely guest appearing telling all about the high life and how her magazine became #1 overnight. Please welcome Isabella Swan!"

With a nervous rustling of my feet, I entered the stage heading towards the desk Jay occupied, and cue the falling. The crowd gasped as they watched me descending towards the ground, me waiting for two cold hands to appear and save me in the knick of time, but of course it was in vain. I met the ground solidly knocking the wind out of me. Katie scurried over and hurriedly helped me up whispering, "Get a grip!" while simultaneously pulling me to the chair waiting.

"Well, dear, are you quite alright," I weakly nodded. Get ahold of yourself Bella. You can do this! Jay went straight away to the cross-examination asking how I had become such a hit and all those business questions, then after awhile he got bored and started into the real personal details.

He addressed me, "Now, Isabella is there anyone special in your life these days."

"Not particularly," I replied, that would most definitely hit the overly friendly Ross where it hurt, "I'm trying to focus more on my career right now."

"How about in the past…" he persisted. I looked up and met his prodding gaze, it was as if he was trying to lift the truth right out of me.

"Well…" it hurt wobbling closer to the other side of the line then I normally did, I reflexively wrapped an arm around my chest.

"Well?" he urged.

"In high school, there was someone very, very," very, very, very I could have gone on and on, "special and dear to me."

"High school love, how did it end," he continued.

"How do they all end?" I questioned, getting upset, "I'll tell you how it ends…that certain man moving away without a notice, saying he wasn't good for me, telling me it would be as if he never existed." He was silent.

I continued, "But you wanna know what? He did exist, and he was perfect for me. I see him every time I close my eyes, I think about him every time I see a silver Volvo! Every…single…little…thing reminds me of him and the worst part is…is he's never coming back!" I had completely collapsed now and Barbara held a look of fascination and pity in her incredulous eyes. Katie hurriedly entered the stage holding my bottle of pills, I had thought I forgot those and wrapped her arms around me, whispering comforting and soothing things into my ear. The recording light went off and Jay came over to sit next to me.

He grabbed my hand, "Pain like this takes time to heal…trust me it will get better." He encouraged having no idea how long exactly it had been.

"Time Passes"XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I sullenly exited the cab paying the driver double, telling him to keep the change. He smiled up thankfully at me. At least I had brightened someone's day. I held my shoes in my hand, having taken them off in the cab, they were killing me, even though the rained poured down on me. I dejectedly entered my loft, setting the keys down with a loud resonating jingle off the coffee table. Without turning on any lights, I escaped to my bedroom to find solace in my comforting big bed waiting for me to return. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I drifted off to a wonderful, fantastical world full of vampires and werewolves. For most people this would not be considered a dream, more of a nightmare, but for me it was a dream. In my dream I had awakened to my beautiful meadow. The grass billowing with the slight breeze, the creek bubbling excitedly somewhere not too far off. I stared absentmindedly up into the clouds. I could feel his presence next to me, his sweet cool breath against my neck, his hands mindlessly tracing my veins.

"Edward, I can feel you with me." I would whisper.

"That's because I am with you, love." He would whisper back assuringly.

But of course just like in any other sweet dream I would expectantly turn my head to meet the gaze of his golden orbs, only to be disappointed and see nothing but the grass happily billowing in the breeze. Of course, this is when I wake up, but it's always at unreasonable times in the morning.

I sat up with a cold sweat on my face and twisted smothering clothes. I quietly got up and half-asleep went to my armoire. I grabbed a blue baby doll nightgown and pulled it over my head, immediately comfortable. I stumbled my way back to the bed feeling around for the covers and lay down once more, but sleep would not come. I angrily got up from my bed and went to the window. It was raining quietly, and I rested my forehead against the cool glass, listening to the quiet pitter-patter of the rain. I realized I didn't want to just listen to it, I wanted, I needed to feel it.

Every since I had moved here the rain had become somewhat of a specialty. Back home, in Forks, it had at first kept me lying awake at night, sleep deprived. I guess I really never realized how accustomed I had actually come to it. Now, I had like some kind of weird fetish with it, whenever it rained I automatically wanted to be outside. It was cleansing and refreshing. Invigorating. I stumbled my way down the stairs and out the lobby getting a lot of quizzical stares on the way. When I had reached my destination, it had become a full on down pour. I stood there in the rain, hands stretched out, being drenched to the bone, but I loved every minute of it. I remembered my whole day of events, thinking it would be innocent and non-intrusive. But the gaping hole in my chest had just enlarged that much more and it hurt. A lot. The pain overcame whatever restraint I had left, and engulfed me. I stood in the middle of a clearing hands held up to the rain, crying. Alone.

"Bella," a velvety smooth voice called.

I looked up to find the source of sound. No one here called me Bella. My eyes strained to see the snow white form standing ten feet ahead of me. My arms fell to my sides going limp and I knew exactly who had called me at once. My heart beat increased tenfold, and my mouth went dry. I couldn't form a coherent thought. Before I realized my feet were running forward I had leapt onto him forming a cage around his body never letting him go. I stayed there for a moment before his hands finally ensnared my waist making movement impossible.

"Edward, is it really you?" I asked breathlessly incredulous, tucking my head into his neck.

Wow! Didn't see that coming…ha ha you probably did, it's so predictable. Tell me what you think and please review!