I looked over at my second youngest brother while he changed in our hotel room after our concert. I know that I shouldn't have been doing that, he was supposed to have privacy, but something was wrong. He was just getting thinner and thinner…it wasn't right. "Jesus, Kevin I'm changing!" I saw Nick pull the shirt in hands in front of his boxer-briefs.

"Don't freak out Nick, I wasn't looking there…" I sighed as he relaxed slightly. "Nick, you're too thin." I shook my head as he pulled his pants on, ignoring my comment. "Look at me kiddo – no, look at yourself, I can see your ribs, that's not a good thing…"

"Look, why don't you go next door and bother Joe? Or better yet, Garbo, he's as thin as I am!" Nick snapped and glared at me.

"He also just over a major sickness, you didn't." I pulled my t-shirt on and folded my arms across my chest, walking towards Nick. "Also, he's not my brother, you are." I closed my thumb and index finger around a bit of Nick's skin and pinched.

"What the fuck?" Nick pulled away from me.

"Nicholas, you're about .5 body fat, that's just not healthy…around 11 is good." I looked at him sadly. "Nick, kiddo, you're wasting away."

"No, I'm not!" Nick rushed to pull his sweatshirt on over his head. "Kevin, it's one in the morning, go to bed, dream of hot girls and we can get to work in the morning, leave me and my body mass index alone." Nick turned away from me and crawled in to his bed. I groaned and went in to my own. This was not fair. He was overexerting himself, killing himself, as it were, and there wasn't anything that I could do because he wouldn't let me help him.

"Nick, look, what you're doing isn't healthy. You're working yourself to death." I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge, not facing him. "You pour all of your time and energy in to the band and it's killing you!"

"Kevin, fuck off, ok?" Nick thumped my in the back with the heel of his hand and I fell off of the bed.

"Nick, what the hell is wrong with you? You've never hit me before!" I massaged the back of my head as I stood up. "You've gone from sensitive and sweet to downright mean, and it's not like you. You overwork yourself and now you're just angrier and angrier and nothing I do seems to help, will you just tell me what's eating you so that I can help?"

"You want to know the truth?" Nick got out of bed angrily and walked right next to me. "You want to know why I work so hard? Why I don't stop to breathe? To eat?" Nick was yelling louder than I'd ever heard him yell and the look on his face terrified me.

"Nick, just calm down, breathe and tell me what's wrong!" I put my hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it away.
"Do you want to know what's wrong Kevin? Cause the truth, sometimes it's not so pretty." I gulped and nodded.

"Nick, I don't care how ugly it is, I just want to be able to help you." I looked at him with what I hoped were kind, comforting eyes.

"Alright, FINE!" he screamed. "Kevin, I work so hard so that YOU will notice me, I feel like I have to be better than everybody to get your attention, but it doesn't work anyways, because you spend all of your time staring at Jack!" As Nick screamed these words, a tear began to form in his eye. "So I work even harder, and it's still that blonde drummer that catches your eye! Kevin, I can't eat because I can't keep anything down because when I look at you, my stomach turns. I can't sleep because you haunt my dreams and I can't breathe because you take my breath away! I'm in love with you and I know it's wrong and I've been trying to kill it but it's so fucking hard! It's hard to care so much about someone who would rather not give you the time of day, someone who would rather fuck the drummer than kiss his brother." Nick completely broke down and after about a second I pulled him in to a rough, aggressive, passionate kiss. He tried to pull away to question what I was doing, but I wouldn't let him. Instead I deepened the kiss by pushing my tongue in to his mouth.

"Nick…" I kissed him again, pulling him back on the bed so that he lay on top of me. "I only stared at Jack to keep my eyes off of you." I kissed him again. "It was always you, I just didn't want anyone to know." I pulled back in to the kiss and my hands found their way underneath his sweatshirt, pushing it off of his body.

"Kevin, make love to me, please!" Nick looked at me pleadingly.

"Only if you promise to eat, to sleep, to try and gain some weight back." I ran my hands through his bouncy ringlets.

"I promise…just Kevin, kiss me, I've been waiting so long for this, please, don't ruin it."

"I won't." I pulled him back in to the kiss, making sure that I ran my tongue over his lips before officially kissing him. I ran my hands over his torso and sighed. All that I wanted was to rip the sweatpants from his too-skinny body and take him right then and there…and from the sounds of things, that's what he wanted too. I felt his hands creep up my sides as he pushed them beneath my t-shirt. He tugged at the inside of my shirt as though asking me to remove it. I nodded and he pulled the fabric off over my head. I wouldn't ever have expected Nick to be so…aggressive and fast paced, but no sooner than my shirt hit the floor, his hands had disappeared inside of my basketball shorts. "Nick…" I pushed him off of me slowly. "Are you sure that you want to do this? I mean, what about our vows?"

"Our vows made us promise to only have sex with one person for the rest of our lives, the person that we love…for me that person is you Kevin, but if you're not sure that I'm the right one for you than no, I don't want to do this, because I don't want you to think that I'm a slut."

"Nick, I would never think that you're a slut!" I sighed. "I just…It hurts Nick, when two guys…you know. There's nothing that can be done about it, that's just the way that it is and I don't want you to be in pain."

"I can take the pain for the pleasure." Nick pressed his lips against mine, solidifying his answer with a kiss. I nodded and within minutes, all of our clothing lay forgotten on the floor and I was inside of him. It felt so right, and even though those moans escaping his throat shouldn't have been caused by me, it elated me to know that they had been. "Kevin…Kevin, what's happening?" Nick sounded confused and a little scared. "I feel really weird…"

"Nick, don't worry," I panted. "It's normal; you're hitting the climax…" I kissed his shoulder so that he wouldn't be afraid. "It's happening to me too." I felt him relax slightly, and only a few seconds later, it was over. I fell back on to the bed, pulling him down with me. I cradled his sweaty form in my arms, holding him as close as possible.

"I love you Kevin…" he whispered, kissing my jaw.

"I love you too Nicky, I always have." I pushed some of his curls away and kissed the top of his forehead. "Now you promised, it's time for you to sleep." I tipped his head on to my shoulder and kissed his cheek.

"Mmkay." Nick snuggled in to me and I pulled the blankets around us. Within minutes the boy was asleep. I felt his breath on my neck and smiled. I loved him so much, watched him suffer for so long and all along the only remedy that he had needed was my kiss. At some point I guess I crashed too, though I had intended to stay up all night, solidifying his perfection forever in my mind. "Kevin, Kevin, wake up…" I awoke the next morning to Nick shaking me.

"Golly, kiddo, what is it?" I opened my eyes, groaning sleepily.

"Was it all a dream Kevin?" There was a tear rolling down his left cheek and I sat up immediately, afraid of his sorrow.

"Was what all a dream?" I pulled him in to my arms.

"Us…" he looked up at me and I was sure that he was afraid to give me too much detail. I smiled and answered him by kissing him passionately on the lips.

"No kiddo," I shook my head and pulled him closer. "It wasn't a dream."