The Syntax Error That Launched A Thousand Ships
Warnings/Notes: Dubious consent, possibly closer to non-con, mind control, bad computer jokes (sometimes all at the same time!). Technically a sequel to Deck the Grid, although most likely, one could read this separately without missing much other than a few references to the plot of that story that are not really integral to this one.
Disclaimer: Me? A multibillion dollar corporation? That's kinda hilarious. And flattering. But no, I'm not Disney.
Chapter One
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Jarvis had seen plenty of disturbing things in his time- he'd once accidentally walked in on Gem and Zuse interfacing (and he could have gone the rest of his life without knowing what Zuse looked like sans suit), he'd interrupted Rinzler in the shower on another occasion, and there were too many incidents involving Perl, the quite possibly certifiable Blackguard. That program was like a walking package of disturbing, and Jarvis highly doubted that anyone on the Grid would forget her attempt to introduce the User holiday of Christmas to the programs.
Actually, now that he thought about it, the vast majority of the disturbing things he'd come across in recent memory were connected in some way to that particular program. So you'd have to forgive him for being overly cautious when it came to Perl. And in his experience, a happy Perl was worse by an exponential amount than a pissed-off Perl. And lately, said program had been walking around like she owned the Grid, with a big goofy grin on her face. Not only was Perl in an alarmingly good mood, but Gem had been spending a lot of time around her, and the mood was rubbing off on her, it seemed. Normally a happy Siren was a good thing, but now, Jarvis wasn't so sure, especially now that he'd seen the two female programs together several times, always with their heads together, as though they were plotting something. And to make things even more suspicious, Perl always seemed to have what looked suspiciously like a code editor with her. Now that was a terrifying thought- Perl programming things.
Speak of the devil... Jarvis noticed that the two programs that had been plaguing his thoughts recently sitting together at a table outside of an energy cafe. They were both absorbed in whatever it was they were doing. A plan started to form in Jarvis' head. If only he could find out what they were up to...
"He's watching us again," Gem stated flatly. She didn't even have to elaborate for the other woman to know who she meant. Perl snorted.
"What's he going to do, try to derezz me?Please, he doesn't even know what we're doing anyway- for all he knows we could be discussing e-books. Besides, I'd like to see him try. There's a reason he's not a Blackguard and I am," she answered arrogantly. Gem just shook her head, suppressing a laugh at her friend's overconfidence.
"Are you ever going to tell me exactly what this 'upgrade' of yours is going to do?" she asked. "I got the specifications of the User's identity disc like you asked me to, but I still don't know what your intentions are. You're not trying... to derezz him, are you?" A look of horror passed over the Siren's face. She might not be as superstitious as some programs, but she was certain that purposefully harming a User would have some very bad consequences.
Perl, to her credit, looked affronted. "Of course it's not going to hurt him! Besides, CLU would derezz me if that was the case. No, I'm just trying to help him out! Sam Flynn and the Programmer haven't gotten anywhere in their relationship since Christmas! No, all I'm going to do is tweak his code a little bit and make it so he becomes desperate to interface with CLU, and the only way to alleviate that pain is for them to bring each other to overload!"
"Are you sure that CLU will be alright with this?" Gem, unsurprisingly, was skeptical. Perl, however, had been expecting that response, and already had a refutation ready.
"A few millicycles ago he complained to me that Sam Flynn was being so reticent. I'm sure he won't mind me giving him a little help! If the User won't respond, then I'll just make the User respond. And besides, I'm the one with the hours of vid-files from the Internet watched- I know what I'm doing!"
Privately, Gem thought the other program's plan had "BAD IDEA" written all over it. Wasn't it generally frowned upon to mess with someone's code so that they would interface whether they wanted to or not? Although Perl had always marched to the beat of a different syntax, and truthfully, Gem kind of doubted that the Programmer cared all that much about the social mores of the Grid, at least where he himself was concerned. But the Siren knew her friend well enough to know that trying to reason with her on this issue would be like trying to discuss User politics with a bit. Instead, she tried what she thought was a sneakier tactic to make the other woman think about her motivations.
"What do you expect to gain from this? Because even if your plan does work, what good would it possibly do for you?"
"Oh, Gem, you've been around Zuse too long! Who says I need to get anything out of doing something nice for someone? Unlike some programs I could mention, I am perfectly capable of being friendly and helpful!" came the affronted reply, and not-too-subtle jab at Zuse. Then, slowly, a familiar smirk crept over Perl's face. "And besides, maybe If get to watch them bring each other to overload, I can finally unravel the mysteries of User systems! Mark my words, Gem, I willfind his circuits if it's the last thing I do! I don't want to regret anything when I derezz, and right now, that's the only thing I want to know! I'd never forgive myself if I die and don't know how they work!"
Gem resisted the urge to facepalm. So thatwas Perl's motivation. Figured.
The two sat in silence for a while, Perl tapping away at her coding device, making odd faces while she worked. It was really quite amusing, the Siren thought, watching her friend work. Somehow, she felt that she should stop the other woman, but Gem wasn't stupid. Friend or not, Perl tended to regard anyone and anything that got in her way as a threat. And threats were to be annihilated. It was easy to forget that behind the nutty behavior and amiable personality, Perl was a highly-trained Enforcer, and that it wouldn't be hard for her to completely obliterate this entire sector of the Grid if she felt like it.
Subconsciously, Gem shuddered. She knew Perl was really quite deranged, but it was so much easier to think of her as affably evil rather than a killing machine like Rinzler. It probably helped that Perl seemed a lot more autonomous than Rinzler did. But it would be foolish to underestimate her.
"Are you alright?" Perl asked, jolting the other program out of her thoughts. "You just shivered- did you have enough energy today? You know it's not good if you don't consume enough."
"O-oh yes. Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking too much, I suppose." Gem replied. Perl nodded sagely.
"It's OK. Sometimes when I sit still for too long I'll remember the time I saw Yotta trying to seduce Rinzer. Eurgh, I get the shudders just thinking about it!" Perl actually did look quite revolted, circuits flashing a sickly green color. But almost immediately, she bounced back. "That's right! I finished it! As soon as I activate it , Sam Flynn will be overwhelmingly attracted to the Programmer! It's perfect!"
"Don't you think you should double-check your coding first?" Ge masked. "Maybe you should have someone else look over it before you deploy it, just to make sure everything works the way it's supposed to?"
"NO!" Perl exclaimed. "My code! Mine!"
"OK, OK, calm down, it was just a suggestion!" Gem said, holding her hands up in the universal gesture of "please don't attack me." "I just thought it might help!"
"So you don't think my coding skills are good enough, is that it?" Perl asked dangerously, hand drifting perilously close to her disc. Gem started. She wouldn't actually... would she? Over something as stupid as this?
"Of course I don't doubt your coding skills," Gem replied. "It's just that even the best programmers can make mistakes sometimes, even our leader. Remember the time CLU accidentally reprogrammed all those bits to swarm anyone who got too close to them?" Immediately, the tension was broken, and Perl busted out laughing.
"Oh, damn, I'd forgotten about that! Remember when they chased Jarvis all the way to the Sea of Simulation? That was hilarious!" she snickered, remembering the horde of angry bits wreaking havoc on CLU's personal assistant. She wished she'd been able to get some vid-files of that that- it was classic! But she shrugged it off- it wasn't like she was messing with a bunch of already volatile bits! "Don't worry, I know I did it right," she said. "How would I screw up something this important?"
Very easily, Gem thought silently, but didn't trust herself to say aloud. Perl took her friend's silence as acquiescence and grinned.
"LET'S DO THIS THING!" she shouted, pressing a button on her device.
For a moment, nothing happened, with Perl waiting expectantly for the message on her screen that would let her know the operation had been successful, while Gem waited silently for the inevitable error message, that the operation had failed. She wasn't going to say "I told you so," but it was a very tempting thought.
And then, there was as loud cracking sound, the screen of Perl's code editor going dark, with smoke coming out of the openings. Then, both programs watched in horror as all around the Grid, male program's circuits flashed pink and purple, before they shut off completely, programs crumpling to the ground it heaps.
"Holy shit!" Gem swore. "Perl, what did you-" she cut herself off abruptly when she realized that the other program had taken off running in the opposite direction. "GET BACK HERE- THIS IS YOUR FAULT! You can't just leave them like this!"
TBC
