A/N: Oh... my God... an Eclipse parody!


Location: Jacob's House

Jacob: (Crying)

AC: S'up my young werewolf buddy?

Jacob: (Holds up half a pen, still crying)

AC: And your point?

Jacob: The pen wouldn't work... and then I got angry and broke the pen.

AC: So?

Jacob: I can't write my heart-filled note!

AC: (Hands Jacob a pen)

Jacob: I can't write with Ball-Points, I can only use Biros.

AC: My God, werewolves are so fussy!


Location: Bella's House.

Bella: (Gets out 10 mile long note from Jacob) Wait... why does it switch from black ink the blue ink?

AC: His pen ran out. Actually that's an understatement, the pen ran out so he snapped it in half.

Bella: Typical Jacob.

AC: I smell burning...

Bella: (Runs downstairs) WHAT THE CRAP CHARLIE?

Charlie: What?

Bella: POUR THE SAUCE OUT OF THE JAR! AND MIX NOODLES, MIX!

Charlie: Sorry... arn't you going to ask me why I'm cooking?

Bella: Do I want to ask why you're cooking?

Charlie: It involves your grounding.

Bella: Tell me more! (Suddenly falls over onto her ass)

AC: Haha!

Bella: The note... it feels like it weighs 10 tonnes... sorry.

AC: Hehe... I actually love this book.

Charlie and Bella: Book?

AC: ... Um... I... this book (Holds up My Sister's Keeper and opens in, immediately bursting into tears)

Bella: Why are you crying?

AC: It's... so... SAD!

Bella: Oh... CHARLIE! THE FUCKING NOODLES!


Location: Bella's Kitchen (10 Minutes Later)

Charlie: Now Bella... now you have a boyfriend, I want to know if you're being safe.

AC: (Appears) I've gotta see this!

Bella: Pfft, of course, I always fasten my seat belt in his car.

AC: (Tries not to laugh) Is that a euphemism?

Charlie: No, no Bella! I mean safe.

Bella: Yes, I am. I always keep his hand in mine when we're out.

AC: (Bites lip to hold in laughter)

Charlie: NO BELLA, I MEAN CONDOMS! SAFE SEX!

Bella: ...

AC: ... There's no such thing as safe sex, just safer sex.

Bella: ...

Charlie: Bella?

AC: It's an awkward moment, Charlie.


Location: Cullen House.

AC: (Appears, half dead from laughter)

Edward: What do you want?

AC: You should of been there! (Laughs)

Edward: What?

AC: Charlle talking to Bella about... about... (Falls to the floor laughing)

Edward: WHAT?!

AC: Hey Edward, does Bella always fasten her seat belt in your car. (Winks)

Emmett: Is that a euphemism for something I am very fond of?

AC: I think it is, Emmett.

Edward: What?

AC: S-E-X

Edward: ?

AC: Sexy Time?

Edward: ??

AC: (Sighs) SEX YOU IDIOT!

Edward: Oh... me and Bella haven't done it yet... we're both virgins.

Emmett and Jasper: (Grin manically)

Edward: Shouldn't of said that.


So, chapter one up! Like it? Review? x