Cursed to Relive

Chapter 1

A Life's End...And Beginning

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.

"Look...at...me..." Pulling Harry Potter close to him, Severus stared into the green eyes that had always forced him to remember that this wasn't QUITE a clone of James Potter, before finally allowing himself to expire. Within a matter of moments, the blood gushing from his neck would put an end to his life, a life that he had regretted for years.

It had been a hard life, one which he had tried to believe that he didn't deserve, but even now he couldn't quite say it aloud and truly mean it.

Severus had been foolish in his youth, joining the side of demons even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do, although he had tried to ignore this in his folly. He had lost the woman he loved due to this, at first romantically, then soon physically as well. He had then turned over a new leaf and gambled for the life of his love with his very future as his stake, only to lose, causing him to spend the rest of his hellish life as nothing more than a pawn for that ultimate puppet-master Albus Dumbledore.

Finally, he was about to die, on what he suspected might be the brink of victory and end of his long, painful service. He supposed that he could have been furious at how he hadn't gotten what he deserved, hadn't gotten the chance to live as more than a slave to two powerful masters...

And yet...and yet Severus couldn't help but feel a sense of peace, even pride as his vision dimmed, his sight fading away until the aged wizard could only see two shards of emerald-green glimmering before him.

He hated Harry, hated him more than he had hated any man, woman or child in nearly twenty years, save for Lily's killer himself. He was a lazy, arrogant sort of boy, never trying at all and playing around with his life, the very life which Lily had died for. Frankly, it disgusted the ex-Headmaster how Harry had used his time to laze about, not even trying to prepare himself for the nightmarish battle ahead, while Severus was forced to buy time for him with his blood...his blood and screams...

Of course, the fact that he was James Potter's son certainly didn't help any.

Nonetheless, the fact that Harry was still living, maybe even with the possibility of surviving this bloody war if he played his cards right...it gave Severus a sense of pride. It meant that some sign that he had existed would still walk the Earth. Even if he had never had a wife, didn't have children nor any sort of living family, Lily's son's life would be his legacy. Even if no-one would ever remember or care that he had lived, save perhaps Harry and Draco, it no longer mattered much to him. He would remember...

Severus had avenged Lily, but more importantly, he felt that he had saved a small piece of her by saving Harry. As such, his last thought before he died were:

'You'd better win, Potter. Do the smart thing. Slay Voldemort, live a long and happy life, then die while knowing that your death will truly mean his end... I've spent far too long, too many years guarding you from your own arrogance and stupidity... You'd best not die now, not thanks to Dumbledore's foolishness.'

Somehow, in spite of what he knew of Harry's stupidity, Severus knew he wouldn't.


Severus didn't known what to expect from the afterlife, so not being a Gryffindor idiot, he expected nothing.

Apparently, he was quite mistaken.

Severus truly couldn't believe his eyes about the scene now before him, couldn't believe it save for the fact that it was right before him. For whatever reason, he was now seeing Lily again, but not as the young woman with fierce emerald eyes who he remembered in both his most cherished dreams and most hated nightmares.

He was once more staring through the bushes out into the playground at the bright, nine year-old girl, Lily Evans. She was smiling as she played with the irksome blond-haired girl that became the hateful woman, her sister, Petunia...Dursen? He had forgotten the last name of the man she had married long ago, not that it had particularly mattered to him at the time...or now for that matter.

Severus knew the scene that had long ago tattoed itself on his heart, knew what would happen even as Lily made the flower open up once more, knew it without even needing to think about it; he would jump out of the bushes, managing to insult both Lily and Petunia without intending to, and then he would go home for the day. The next day however, Lily would come up to speak to him, curious at what he had said about her being a witch...

But how was this happening? How was he here once more? WHY was he here? Was he here to watch his life on rewind or something, forced to relive his greatest failures once more? 'Was my life truly so terrible that I deserve this as punishment?'

"How are you doing it?" Petunia asked her sister longingly as he watched, exactly as Severus remembered it. It was now his cue, or perhaps his counterpart's cue, to interrupt. He prepared himself to watch his counterpart to get shot down in flames, just like he had before, wondering if he would feel the same pain by watching it as he had suffered while experiencing it...

However, for whatever reason, no-one interrupted the girls. Instead, Lily merely said with a small frown, "I-I don't know. I don't know how I'm doing it..."

Frowning, Petunia then spoke, muttering something about how it was unnatural and Lily shouldn't be doing it. At that moment though, Severus didn't care, far too interested in what hadn't happened.

Wondering why this might have been the case, Severus looked around for his counterpart, soon realizing that his field of vision was much lower than it should have been. Instead of the chest level the branches should have been, they were barely at eye level. He then noticed that he was standing in the exact same place he had been hiding when he had been... 'No...it can't be. Don't tell me that I'm...'

Trying not to panic, Severus slowly looked down, only to find himself in the ratty clothes he had worn when he was nine...fitting the same as when he had been a child-not at all in other words-.

His vision began to swim as he realized the awful, horrible truth: the reason that they fit the same as before was because...because he was the same as before. He was the boy... As Severus collapsed to the ground in a faint, only one thought was flying through his mind. 'I'm...I'm nine again.'


As Petunia and Lily continued playing, the elder of the two sisters mumbling to herself about what she thought the red-head should and shouldn't be doing, Lily could have sworn that she had heard a soft thud. For a moment, She considered going over to investigate...but it was getting awfully close to dinner-time and she was starving. Besides, there were other options for fun.

Hands on her hips, Lily grinned at Petunia mischievously, "Come on, Tuney! I'll race you home!"

"But I shouldn't be running around in these sandals..." Petunia groused, but Lily had already started sprinting, and her sister soon had no choice but to follow her as quickly as she could. "Come back here, Lily! You know that Mummy doesn't like it when you get away like that!"

"Too bad then, Tuney! Better catch up quick!" The young girl giggled as she kept running, Petunia sprinting after her, shouting for Lily to 'stop and get back here, you silly girl!'. Lily knew she would catch up sooner or later of course, as her sister was older than her, but it would be fun while it lasted.

Honestly, she just hoped that this would make her forget to tell mum about how she had done 'that' again. Marigold would always get this odd look when Lily did something like that, like she had been bad or something. Lily wasn't quite sure why this was the case, but that didn't mean that she wanted her mother to find out she had disobeyed her again...

Her sister less than ten feet behind her now, Lily kept running, hoping she would make it back before her sister caught her. She looked really mad...

Author's Note: It's a bit of a short chapter, but I needed time to set up what is going to happen in the future. Don't expect me to spend too much time with their childhoods, but trust me when I say that there will be differences, HUGE differences.

While this is a Severus relives his life fic, let's just say if you're expecting him to undo all of his mistakes, stop Voldemort thanks to his immense knowledge of the future and instantly rekindle his friendship with Lily and make her fall in love with him...read a different fic, because this is not going to be like that.

In fact, sometimes second chances create greater nightmares than the original try did...

This has been Betaed by Anachronistic Anglophile, and is partially based on one of her challenges.