Ground Me to the Earth

By Schroederplayspiano

Chapter 1: Something You Said, It Sits in My Head

Despite the cold December night, sweat formed on my forehead. It was midnight and somehow we found ourselves on top of her bed covers. Jemma extended her neck forward to capture my lips again and I gave them to her willingly. Her arms folded across my back and closed whatever distance was left between us. As I sunk myself deeper into her embrace, she reached for the bottom of my shirt.

I froze. Our eyes met. For the first time, I saw something in them I'd never seen in her before:

Complete vulnerability mixed with fear.

That was three days ago.

At the moment, I watched Jemma's hair whip pass the corner of my eye for the fifth time. I tightened my crossed arms across my chest as she paced back and forth outside the base's medical center. Her growing nerves to hear an update on Will's condition since his return did nothing to ease the sickness in my own stomach.

She walked by me again.

I leaned back against the cold, brick wall and took a deep breath. On my exhale, Jemma stopped pacing and looked at me as if she just realized I was waiting with her.

Her brow furrowed. "You don't have to wait with me."

There it was again; the anger I had to suppress when Jemma shortchanged my intentions. I swallowed. "I want to wait with you."

Jemma squeezed her eyes shut as if my reply pained her. She took a step towards me. "Why are you torturing yourself? This is hard enough as it is without adding your torture to mine."

"I'm glad Will's back, Jemma. We did got him back. Together. It's over -"

"Fitz," Jemma tilted her head at me and added breathlessly. "Come on…"

The plea in her voice put an ache in my heart which now accompanied the sickness in my stomach. "He's back, Jemma. You have everything you wanted since you came back." Jemma started shaking her head back and forth. "You should be happy. I want you to be happy."

"Fitz." She took another step towards me. "That's not-" she struggled to form her conflicting feelings into words. "I need you to understand-"

"Agent Simmons?" A doctor's voice interrupted her fumbling. Jemma whipped her head around and we both saw the doctor smile before a man stepped out from behind him.

Will Daniels.

I heard a quiet cry from the back of Jemma's throat before she ran from pleading with me and into his arms. His arms wrapped around her in an instant and he leaned down to rest his chin on her shoulder like I have done so many times before him.

She whispered something in his ear and I could barely hear his words. "I'm okay. I'm okay, Jemma."

I nodded in comprehension before looking down at the cracked cement under my feet. Jemma was right. I was torturing myself. I don't know why I was. I told myself I needed to be here because I wanted - needed - to thank him. Which I did. I also told myself he should have a welcome party when he returned. I told myself I needed to be here for Jemma; to support her and to be there for her.

I told myself I lie. Multiple lies.

My feet started to move before I consciously knew what I was doing. I did not dare to look back at their private reunion - one I should have in no way been apart of - and started to walk away.

"Fitz."

The hairs on my neck stood up at a voice I had never heard before. I stood in my tracks. My feet would not move in one direction or the other.

I took a deep breath and remembered: I too, had been waiting for this moment for a long time. Now, I could finally say what I needed to say and find a way move passed it.

It's a moment, I told myself. Then it will be over.

My head turned passed my shoulder before the rest of my body followed. He and Jemma were standing apart, hands at their sides.

Will took a step towards me. "You must be Fitz." He said my name again. His voice was deep, croaky, but deep. He was taller than the pictured showed. He looked way too healthy and too together for someone who had just spent fourteen years alone - almost alone.

Our eyes met. I found myself standing taller. Will reached his hand out to mine with his next step. "It's really nice to finally meet you. I know how much you mean to Jemma." He clasped my hand. "Thank you for finding her. For finding us. I owe you."

I swallowed. He had taken my words, the words I had been planning to say to him, out of my mouth. The awkward pause lasted longer than I had hoped and I tried to pull myself together. "Welcome home," was all I managed to say before our hands fell to our sides.

"Thank you." He said. I felt the awkwardness hang in the air between us. I expected him to turn back to Jemma. He didn't.

His tired smile widened a little in the moment we stood together. He either was good at glossing over the awkwardness between us or didn't feel it. I could not tell which it was. "No, seriously. You saved my life. You guys rescued me after fourteen years. That's a debt I'll never be able to repay." He paused to make sure his words sunk in. "Thank you."

Really? Is there nothing this guy can do wrong? He seemed so genuine and humble after spending so much time away from humanity. If he had to be the perfect guy, couldn't he at least allow me to speak my peace?

"No, no." I managed to brush him off. "It is me who should be thanking you. For everything you did for Simmons…for keeping her safe."

And, I failed, once again at the speech I've been writing in my head for months.

"She was the one holding out hope for both of us…For all three of us, actually."

I felt my forehead crease and my gaze involuntarily move in Jemma's direction.

"Hey," she took a big step towards us and wedged herself between us. "Will, I think they need you back for more tests. I don't know if they want you walking around the halls just yet."

As Jemma spoke, I was sure she was bullshitting us; a lame attempt to break up the awkwardness. When we all turned back towards the medical center, however, a condemning doctor waited in the door frame.

"Mr. Daniels." Her voice boomed in the hall. "We don't think you should be out and about. You need to stay in the medical center for now."

He finally cleared a path in front of me and started to walk back. When he brushed past Jemma without looking at her, she reached for him. "Hey," he turned at her touch. "I brought you these." She placed a pair of sunglasses in his palm. "I know how the bright lights can be kind of alarming."

Sunglasses! I mentally kick myself. Of course! The memory of Jemma squinting in our lab upon her return rushed back like a tidal wave.

"Oh." Will paused as if not knowing how to receive her gift. "Thank you. That was thoughtful of you."

Jemma gave him a sweet smile and a nod, turning my stomach once again. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah..." was all he said before disappearing behind the closing door.

Just like that, we were alone again. I heard Jemma take a deep breath. Then, she turned back to me, her eyebrows already raised in question; waiting for my assessment.

I did not have one.

Jemma could tell from the look on my face that I didn't. Her eyebrows lowered and her shoulders dropped. "You're not going to say something." A statement; not a question, not a plea.

I shrugged. "He's nice. Humble."

Jemma searched my gaze for deeper meaning. I tried to hide the fractures in my heart and the sickness in my stomach. The intensity of her gaze brought me back to three nights ago; to the vulnerability and innocence she had laying beneath me, fully clothed, as I pulled back from a kiss.

I wondered if she was thinking about that night too, for her intensity and shyness - a shyness I had never seen in Jemma before until that night - never left her expression. She stepped closer, close enough for a kiss, but far enough that I could restrain myself. I felt my jaw tighten and my expression strain. I tried to look away.

"Fitz," her voice was soft. I couldn't help but find her eyes again. "You know this doesn't change anything between us. We're still-"

I step back from her. A small scoff releases in the back of my throat. "Let's not do this now."

Jemma's vulnerability disappeared. I watched her inner strength return as her arms raised in front of her. "He finishes his medical tests. He rehabs. Then he leaves. He returns to his life and we return to ours!"

I scoffed at the pure lunacy of her statement. Then I shake my head. "You know that's not how it's gonna work-"

"Of course it is-" she said over me.

"For starters," the words ran from my mouth before I could hold them in. "He has no life to return to! You're going to be what grounds him here!"

"And you're what grounds me everywhere!" Her words spurt out and her breath catches. We freeze in each other's eyes, breathing deeply.

Jemma has to stop saying things that make me what to kiss her.

It's not just her words. Her eyes begged me to peer into her soul. Her lips begged me to kiss her.

I managed to restrain myself. "I have to go."

"Fitz…Don't-"

"I have to go and you have to stay here." Jemma started to protest. "Yeah, you do. Because you want to; because he's a good person and you're a good person. And right now, you don't need me here."

We stood still for a moment more, trapped, before I tore myself away. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jemma reach for me again. I pretended I didn't see her reaching out, and wish that I hadn't.

I couldn't bear to peer into her soul. I couldn't bear to kiss her again. Not when she was literally standing in the hallway; torn between Will and me.


A/N: I wouldn't be so sure she's torn, Fitz. I wouldn't be so sure.