A/N:One part of this was from 'Moment of Truth', my first ipod shuffle challenge thing. It had been my favorite one in that grouping and someone else suggested I actually write more to it. So I did. And this is it. That's where the title came from too. It's the song title that inspired this fic, but isn't exactly what it's based on.
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters you recognize from Camp Rock! Does that surprise you?
I sigh for the fourth time this evening as I stare out the window.
My life has somehow turned out of my control. I don't do things for myself anymore. I just do things to appease everyone else, make sure they're happy. The only thing I do for myself anymore is write my music. And even then, I can't play them for who I want, the way I want. I write them, play them for my boyfriend and friends and then they become a distant memory in everyone's minds.
I wish I could be free. I wish I could just take risks, take chances. I wish I could do what I want, what I feel like I should do. That's not me though. That's not how I roll.
I'm the type to sit idly by, watching things crash and burn, watching them go the wrong way. I've just sat here and watched as my life got farther and farther out of my control. I've let it become hardly recognizable. That changes tonight.
Tonight, I'm going to be free; I'm throwing caution to the wind. I'm taking a risk, and I love it. I could very well mess up my whole life, but what does that matter if it's not even really my own?
"Shane?" I ask walking in to the living room of the guys' apartment.
"Yeah babe?"
"Can I talk to you?"
"Sure thing," he smiles.
I look over to Jason and Nate. Both were sitting, waiting patiently for me to speak.
"Alone, Shane?"
"Oh, yeah. Guys, do you mind?"
Both quickly gathered their things and headed to their rooms.
"What's up Mitchie?"
"I-"
Come on Mitchie! Don't loose your nerve now! You're so close!
"I don't think this is working out between us anymore," I rush out.
"What do you mean?"
His eyebrows are knitted together, showing his confusion. I used to think that was cute; now it bothers me.
"I mean I want to end things with you."
"What!"
I wince as he yells and jumps out of his chair. Somewhere in my courage building stage I forgot how quick he was to anger.
"I'm sorry Shane, but I just, I don't love you. And I can't keep going on pretending I do."
"What about everything we've been through to be together?"
"I know Shane. My feelings for you changed though. I can't control that. No one can control who they love."
"Who do you love then?" he demands.
"What are you talking about?"
I was surprised. I hadn't said I loved anyone right?
"You can't control who you love. Who exactly is it you can't control loving?"
"Shane-"
"Don't Shane me! You don't love me, but you love someone don't you?"
"Yes," I admit quietly. "I do. And that's why this has to end. I can't love someone else, and be with you."
I looked up to him. He looked… upset, but surprisingly okay with it. Kind of like he knew it was coming anyway.
"Is it one of my friends?"
I nod slowly.
"Mitchie," he whines, rubbing his face in his hands, "why do you do this?"
"I just said I can't control it."
He sighs.
"Go ahead then. Tell him."
"What?"
I was beyond shocked. I don't think there's even a word to describe how shocked I was.
"Just tell him," he says dejectedly. "I don't want to stop you from being with someone you love."
"Are you sure? Wouldn't that be… weird?"
"I'll get over it. I can't fight with you, for you, if you don't love me."
I nod, kiss his cheek quickly and take off to confess my feelings. That went better then I expected. I forgot how understanding Shane could be with me. Now's the really hard part of my night though, the big risk.
I knock softly on the door, waiting for an okay to enter.
"Hey Jason."
He smiles at me as I sit down next to him.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I broke up with Shane."
I hadn't meant for it to sound so happy, but it did.
"What? Why?"
He's confused. He's always confused.
"I don't love him anymore."
"Well, okay then," he says slowly.
The easy parts over. Now it's time for the hard part.
"And Jason?"
He looks back up. We lock eyes.
"Yeah?"
Deep breathe Mitchie. You can do this.
"I love you."
"I love you too," he smiles.
He doesn't mean it though. Not the way I did. He loves me, like his best friend. I need more then that.
"No Jason. I love you."
He blinks before speaking slowly.
"You mean like…?"
I nod, not sure what he's going to say next.
"You can't love me!"
"And why not?" I ask taking offense.
"You just broke up with Shane. You can't be telling me you love me."
"Yes I can," I say matter of factually. "I don't love him. I love you. And he knows I do. He knows I'm in here telling you."
"This is crazy Mitchie."
He doesn't sound upset, simply like he's stating a fact.
"I just needed to tell you. If you feel the same way, that's great. If not, I won't let it effect our friendship."
He doesn't say anything. He just stares. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. When the silence is too much I get up and slowly leave his room; he still hasn't spoken.
"Jason huh?" Shane asks as the door closes behind me.
I nod.
"Hmm, I thought it would have been Nate," he says quietly, almost like he was talking to himself. "This way makes me feel a little better at least."
I don't say anything.
"So? You told him?"
I nod again.
"And he said?"
"Nothing," I whisper. "He said nothing."
Shane shakes his head. I move over to Nate's door, knocking lightly.
"Come in."
"Mind if I sit and talk for a bit?"
He smiles.
"No problem Mitchie. You're always welcome."
"What are ya doing?"
"Messing around with some chords."
"Always work with you."
He shakes his head.
"Music isn't work for us."
"Either way, you're always working on it."
"What can I say," he grins, "I love it."
I smile tightly at the word love. I was hoping coming into Nate's room would clear all thoughts of love out of my head. He must have noticed.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing really."
"Everything okay with Shane and you?"
Before I could answer the door burst open. Jason stood there, eyes darting around before settling on me.
"I love you!"
"What?!" Nate yells. "You can't love her! She's dating your best friend!"
"No I'm not!" I said happily, grinning from ear to ear at the fact.
"What!?" Nate repeats.
We ignore him.
"You mean it Jason?"
"Yes," he breathes out. "I'm sorry I froze up before."
I stand and move to hug him.
"What is going on here!" Nate yells.
"You're ruining my moment Nate," I scold, turning back to Jason. "Do you think we could maybe go on a date?"
"Definitely," he grins. "A bunch of dates."
I reach up and kiss him lightly on the lips.
"Shane!" Nate yells in the background.
I sigh and pull away from Jason to face Nate again.
"Will you calm down?"
"I will not calm down!"
"Obviously," I roll my eyes, plopping back down in the chair I had recently vacated just as Shane enters the doorway, leaning against the frame.
Jason moved to stand by my side and I smiled to myself.
"What's up Nate?"
"What's up?" he nearly shrieks. I briefly think how funny it is to see Nate, of all people, reacting this way. "What's up is Jason's telling your girlfriend he loves her!"
Shane looks to us, his eyes shining briefly with sadness.
"She's not my girlfriend."
"What do you mean she's not your girlfriend?"
"We broke up Nate. She loves Jason, not me."
"How are you okay with this?" he asks incredulously. Shane shrugs.
"I have to be. She loves him, not me. I can't make her love me. I can't make her not love him. And I wouldn't dare tell Jason he can't love her. That leaves me the option of accepting this or not talking to either of them ever. And it's kind of hard to be in a band with some one when you aren't talking to him or his girlfriend."
"Girlfriend?" Jason spoke up. Again, he's confused. "I don't have a girlfriend."
"You are going to date her aren't you?" Shane asked, raising an eyebrow
"Well, yeah, but I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend."
Shane lets out a frustrated sigh.
"You're going to though right?"
"Yeah, but I haven't yet."
Shane shakes his head, knowing he isn't getting anywhere with this.
"Alright, it's close enough." He turned to me. "Good luck with that one."
"That's it?" Nate asked, still not having calmed down.
"What else were you looking for?"
"Screaming, fighting, crying, anything but that!"
"It's a little late now. I already told Jason that it was okay to tell her he loved her if he meant it. I said I was okay with this. That would make me a bit of a liar to start fighting about it now."
"Well I'm not okay with this!"
"Really Nate, you need to stop with the hysterics. Shane's okay with this. Jason's okay with this. I'm okay with this. Now it's your turn."
"Not the time for your supposed humor Mitchie!" he glared at me.
"Well that's rude."
"Nate, Shane said it's okay. Why are you freaking out so much?" Jason asked finally speaking up.
"How would you be reacting if she were coming in here telling me she loved me after she JUST broke up with your best friend?"
"What? She doesn't love you! She loves me!" He rounded on me next. "You said you love me! You don't love Nate do you?"
I shook my head no.
"Jason! Just once can you pay close attention? I'm not saying she loves me. I'm saying what if you were me?"
"Then I'd want her to love me."
I laughed at his answer. He said it so seriously, so matter of factly.
Nate groaned.
"Forget it Jason." He turned back to Shane. "I don't get it man. You love her. Why?"
Shane looked at me for a long, tense minute.
"You can't help who you love Nate. If she doesn't love me I can't make her. We must not be meant to be. I'm not going to make her stay with me and be miserable. Besides," he said quietly, "after she told Jason and he didn't say anything she looked so… heartbroken. That must be how she's been feeling on the inside stuck with me. So," he says picking up his volume again, "I went in Jason's room, promised him I was okay with this and now she doesn't look so heartbroken. She looks happy, happier then she's been in a while."
Nate was quiet as he processed Shane's words.
"You, you went in to talk to him?" I asked.
Shane nodded.
"He really told you it was okay?" I asked Jason.
"Of course. I wouldn't have come with out his okay."
I look back to Shane. Just a short half hour ago I had broken up with him. And here he was now. He wasn't bitter. He wasn't hateful. He wasn't desperate. He wasn't depressed. He was just resigned. He was Shane. He was being helpful and he was looking to make his friends happy, to make me happy.
"Thank you Shane," I said hugging him tightly. "You'll find another girl, I promise. And she'll be ten times better for you then me. Thank you so much."
"Whatever makes you happy Mitch," he replied.
I pulled away and moved back to Jason's side, resting my head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around me.
"You're sure Shane?" Nate spoke up again, finally having calmed down. "You're sure this is something you can handle? Something you're okay with?"
"I'm sure Nate. Look at them. She's happy. He's happy. I'm happy for them."
"As long as you're positive…"
"I am man. Thanks for looking out for me though."
"Anytime man."
An awkward silence fell over us next. No one was really sure where to go from here.
"Well," Shane said slowly, "Nate, how'd you like to go do some shopping or something?"
"Yeah," Nate answered looking from Jason and me to Shane. "That sounds good. Let's get out of here."
They were gone in record time, leaving Jason and me alone.
"You have really great friends Jason."
"Yeah, they're awesome," he smiled. I leaned up to kiss him, loving the tingle it sent through me. When I pulled back I smiled up at him.
"So about that date…"
"Dinner?"
"Let's," I grinned, kissing him again quickly before leading him out the door.
A/N:When I started this I was determined to write a nice Shane. And I was pretty pleased with how this fic came out and the Shane in it. It might be a bit unrealistic, but I imagine he just wants the best for her. And what makes her happy is the best she can have.
