By Muirnin Cocan

The issues with my hands has gotten worse … which given the fact I will have the first of my surgeries for correcting the numbness on October 30, 2014, but I saw this and couldn't help myself ... my other stories are taking time but it's difficult to type with all the pain. Having met my beloved husband in a Star Trek chat on mIRC nearly 2 decades ago … I do know it is possible to find the love of your life with electronic chit-chat.

I received this in my email on 10/08/2014 ...

prompt on tumblr by myhummelberryheart

After reading the latest spoilers, I'd really like to see Rachel playing off the idea of "You make me want to be your boyfriend" and starts talking to Kurt online under a pseudonym. #if anyone wants to use it #feel free #I'd love to read it #might be a bit dramatic but it could be fun

Chapter 01 - The chit in for a chat

If anyone had ever told her that she would fail at being a star … she would have argued with that person … She was born to be a star.

But she failed … she remembered how after they had watched the performance at the hotel the pair had sat in her car wiping their tears as she had said that they were deluded and arrogant …

Kurt had reminded her and told her that she was fierce that her ambition did push-ups while she slept ... that nobody had wanted it more than she did ...

He had been reminding her how much she wanted to go to NYADA ... His pep talk had been great ... she then smiled at the conclusion of that memory … one of the first smiles she had given way to in weeks ... when she had told him then that he made her want to be his boyfriend and he really showed how much love they shared …

They had celebrated each other's successes … living together and being closer than either could imagine.

After getting into NYADA … then getting the role of her life in Funny Girl she became what she had thought of herself … She was deluded and arrogant, she had dropped out of NYADA mainly because she couldn't be bothered to deal with school while trying to achieve the stardom she had been raised to believe would be handed to her on a silver platter ...

Then to top it all off just a few weeks after she had barely saved her career for the secret audition in Los Angeles … she quit her Broadway dreams to head for Los Angeles all because a network was willing to design a TV show just for her … Then arrogance had reared its evil head and she again thought she was too special to just enjoy the fame that 'Funny Girl' was giving her.

But said network had set up the show in the worst time slot … she had given up Broadway for not even a full season ... she got 6 episodes on the books before the network cancelled the show without a thought … Her agent in LA had lazily put her up for a few roles that we not much to crow about … but then her agent had stopped calling or returning her phone calls.

So given all that she had proven she was a failure ... she burnt all her bridges and disappeared from everyone not even keeping in touch with any of her friends ... those friends who had supported her with love over the years.

Most of all … she missed the love and support of Kurt and as she sat alone in the middle of her living room ... her empty living room in the San Fernando Valley ... she felt the tears of regret fall from her dark brown eyes.

It had been over 5 years since she had left her Bushwick loft that she shared with her best friend Kurt Elisabeth Hummel ... she was proud of herself that she had tried to follow Kurt on Facebook as well as twitter, tumblr and instagram ... celebrating all his successes … but since congratulating him when he graduated with honors from NYADA then had been cast in the west coast production of 'The Boy From Oz' in San Francisco she made herself invisible to him ... ashamed at what she had become.

.oO0Oo.

Kurt was in his own impossible situation and in the depths of his own loneliness ... his fiancé of three years had cheated on him again with the same guy who had stolen a kiss from him despite being abusive and shoving him into lockers.

Of all the people he knew other than his mother who had died almost 2 decades before the person he missed the most was who he still considered his best friend Rachel Berry ...

Since graduating from NYADA, Kurt had finally gotten lucky when he got cast as the lead in 'The Boy from Oz' in San Francisco. He had moved to the west coast while Blaine had stayed at NYADA to finish his last year. It was during the first 3 months of separation that Blaine had cheated on him with Dave Karofsky and Kurt later broke off their engagement and became terribly depressed.

After the run of his show completed after 3 years, Kurt thought seriously about heading the 400 miles south to touch base with Rachel but try as he might he was unable to find her location and that brought back the depression that had nearly done him in years before and it was only with the help of his father that directed him in the right direction.

No matter how much he loved to perform … he felt himself cut off from those around him and on a visit to see his dad he decided to step out of the lime light and do what he actually enjoyed to do … He was going to go back to school at the University of Lima and get his teaching credentials because he had seen what joy his brother Finn had with teaching before his untimely death.

.oO0Oo.

All of her furniture and belongings were already on their way back to Lima to her Dads' home where she was retreating in her despair and depression.

Her dads' had offered to have her live at home and go to school but she wanted to stay hidden away … so they had decided to buy the house she was currently living in when her show had failed and although she had tried to find other work she now understood what Kurt had meant about getting her degree … without her college credentials she couldn't find a decent paying job.

So with the help of her Dads' she worked hard at getting her college degree online … feeling the need to do something familiar, she had gone through University of Lima online schooling and after an accelerated course load she finally had a college degree that she had worked hard for and felt like she had accomplished something … finally!

During the time she was studying for her degree she had decided since going to school online was somewhat anonymous she would create a persona that would be sort of her mask … she wanted to touch base with Kurt again but knowing that he wouldn't talk to just any girl being who he was she decided to create her male persona …

Thus Rolf Charles was born … she had chosen Charles after Chuck Berry but knowing that Berry was a giveaway or a reminder to Rachel, she decided to create someone male but still wanted something similar to her birth name … at first she thought of Ross since her dads had been fans of Friends but nixed that … for similar reasons as Berry …

Rolf Charles had created a Facebook account … detailed as it could get … Rolf had even gone through and added ANYONE that wanted to be friends with 'him' 'he' had put 'himself' as a music student at college. Rachel had even started taking piano, guitar and violin lessons as well as language lessons.

Then to make the creation complete started writing as Rolf Charles … with a manuscript about a young ingénue who destroyed her own dreams by not enjoying each accomplishment … basically writing the Rachel Berry story (under a different character name of course) and when it got published there was quite a bit of chatter on Facebook as well as twitter regarding the success.

What had surprised Rachel the most was when Kurt had reached out in chat and introduced himself and they began to chat with Rolf … even becoming real friends … well at least real friends without faces. The online relationship lasted for over a year and a half … the deeper into the relationship Rachel went the more depressed she got as she realized she had fallen in love with Kurt … but he still thought she was a man.

The sound of a car horn sounded out front as Rachel picked up her satchel that had her laptop and a few changes of clothes since she was heading back home … the train would give her plenty of time to chat with Kurt …

a/n: Sorry this is all I could type without being in so much pain … I will continue this but it will take some time …