A/N Thank you so much to all those who reviewed my other story "Please don't leave me" I received so much encouragement and feedback on it that it convinced me to write the second part. It was my first fanfic and seeing the responses, favorites and story alerts always made me smile. Well anyway this next part is the sequel for those of you who wanted one. Enjoy and let me know what you think. God Bless.
Two days after the funeral, Anakin had yet to come back to the apartment he and Padme shared. It had taken him the full two days to bring himself to empty his residence in the Temple of Ahsoka's things. It had been a hard thing to do, not that Ahsoka had so many belongings, but letting them go was just on more act in the confirmation that she was lost to him as if seeing her tiny orange body burn on a funeral pyre hadn't been enough. She had several tunics that he had folded neatly as he placed them in bins, some awards and medals she had been given, two hologames and a few holophotos that he hadn't gone through for fear that they would make him upset all over again, and a few model star fighters. Anakin had a collection, mostly crafted by hand, and he had shown his collection to his newly appointed apprentice at the time. Ahsoka really took a liking to it and thought to add to it. While he had been trying to sift through her things; he was eager to get out of the Temple so he didn't have to stay in a place that constantly reminded him of his recently cremated padawan, Bant stopped by.
Bant was middle aged, short, freckled skinned and a favorite healer in the temple. She had warm honey colored skin, but stark white hair, and white colored freckles; it was just a trait that humans from her planet had developed. Bant was Obi-wan's friend and had always been a friend to Anakin since he came to stay at the temple. She was rational, strong and sympathetic.
"Anakin," he heard her voice call as she knocked on the door. He hesitated before answering, but the healer used the Force and let herself in. He had just finished emptying Ahsoka's room and had moved the boxes to the near the door. "Oh good morning?" she said brightly, too brightly.
"Good morning," Anakin said in a tone so low it could have passed for a growl.
"It's good to see you are up and about this morning." The petite healer replied she looked the room once over, it was cleaner than she had expected.
Anakin sighed agitatedly, he hated when people tried to have meaningless small talk "I've just been getting some of Ahsoka's things together," he said gesturing with his head to the boxes by the door. He hoped that she would take the hint that he was busy and leave.
"I see," she glanced over at the items, "You didn't do this prior to the funeral?"
"Apparently not' Anakin answered back smartly. She wasn't taking the hint. He should have known she wouldn't. She never did when he was in the Healers Wing.
"You should have," she corrected him quickly, "You should have at least done this the day of the funeral," Bant admonished and gestured her hands pointing at the spread of boxes.
"I was a little bit preoccupied," Anakin tried to keep his voice down as he spoke. He dropped down on one knee beside the box where the starship replicas were place. He picked a couple up in his hand and debated on whether or not to keep them. They were nice models and he knew that Ahsoka would have wanted him to own them, but he couldn't bring himself to accept them as a gift from one who was no longer living. After all he hadn't given her a gift. He hadn't saved her. He bit his lip and took a deep breath as he gave the mini starships and fighters glances over.
" I say that for you Anakin. It would have been easier for you to do so then."
Anakin weighed the figurines in his hands. The models were in good shape and some were even pretty rare. They would have been worth a few good credits if he took them to a trader shop, if he would chose to sell them.. He smiled thinking of the interest they had shared, but soon a frown tugged his features down as his ears and brain finally managed to catch the meaning and gravity in Bants words. "To just get rid of all traces of Ahsoka in one blow!" he spat at her as he whipped his head around and looked at her venomously. Anger welled up in him and he practically crushed the delicate miniature cruiser with his mechanical hand, but then he thought better if it and gently let it fall bac into the metal bin with the other ones. He slammed the lid shut and rose from his knees and when he turned he was standing inches from Bant, but he was towering over her. He looked own at her with intense angry eyes, but she did not flinch under his icy stare.
" You are not getting rid of all traces of the girl, Skywalker," She said with a sigh. " You built a white saber for her, did you not?" Anakin managed to nod back without screaming at her. "The her memory lives on in the halls. Her name is recorded in the archives. She is one with the Force. She had faded from this realm, but she is not gone," Bant explained with the characteristic tenderness that healers seemed to possess. "Still, you must get ride of traces that keep you attached. You must let go," she instructed mildly and touched his arm with her hand. She used the Force to nudge the box of replicas closer to the door and gave a smirk as she did so.
"I was only checking to see if any of the things were mine," he lied. He sounded like a youngling lying about something so simple and petty. He remembered being in Bants class for a biology lesson many years ago. He had the datareader in his had but when Bant asked him to read the paragraph he gawked at the page. 'Aren't you on the right page, Anakin?' she had asked with a calm smile as she crossed her arms and waited for a reply. He told her he had read ahead, but that had not been the case he had been reading about a queen from Naboo.
Her reaction of rolling her eyes and tunring her back toward him was a sure sign that she was not convinced of his flimsy fibs, just as she had not been in his padawan years. "I see," she barked her voice coming out curt and sharp, "Well apparently noting belongs to you, yes?" Anakin grunted an affirmative response. "Then it is time to put these material things aside." Bant explain.
Anakin sighed and it hurt him to respond, "I know." He understood why Bant and Obi-wan got along so well. They were very similar, too similar. They always gave perfect answers effortlessly, Anakin found that the only answers that came naturally to him were the ones that everyone claimed would lead him down a path that no Jedi was meant to follow.
Bant didn't dwell on the anger and guilt that she felt coming off of Anakin, honestly she was surprised that he was as calm as he was and so she didn't wish to wake a sleeping giant. "I came by to see if you would like to get some breakfast this morning?" she offered with a slight hint of a smile.
"Not really hungry," Anakin managed to say calmly despite the fact that her presence was becoming irritating.
"You really should eat something Anakin. It's good to eat before a physical," the healer mentioned quickly.
"Physical?" Anakin was surprised by this he had no scheduled physical his time. Bant gave a slight inclination of the head and that faint pleasant smile that she always sported remained etched on her brown face lined by white freckles as she began, "Luminara informed me of how diligently you searched for your padawan," she paused and Anakin could tell that she was thoughtful with her word choice. "She mentioned how you weren't taking the best care of yourself at that time,"
"Luminara," Anakin managed to grind her name out through gritted teeth. She thought that she could just go around and inform everyone of everything. She thought it was her place to inform the council of his reckless antics. She thought it was her place to inform the healing ward of lack of physical upkeep. Sometimes he loathed her. He was convinced that she set out to make him look incompetent and weak. He wanted to march over to her as she was probably in deep meditation in one of the mediation rooms and snatch her up from peaceful state and demand where she got the nerve thinking it was her place to request that he get seen by the healers.
It was truth he hadn't gotten much sleep in those past months. He never willfully slept his body would just collapse every now and then desperate for rest, but even that rest had been sabotaged. He had been plagued by terrible dreams of Ahsoka crying out for him. How could he sleep knowing that Ahsoka was not safe. He couldn't eat. He didn't feel hungry much of the time during their search. He was frantic to find Snips and he didn't have time to have a meal if it was going to distract him from his quest. It troubled him how everyday Luminara seemed to find time for tea and bonbons. Luminara treated their mission to rescue their poor padawans as any other mission. She was focused and driven, but was almost aloof. It wasn't fair that in her coldness she managed to leave with a living padawan. Oh yes Barriss had been scarred emotionally and physically, but she was still very much alive. While he was forced to carry the lifeless shell of what had once been his vibrant padawan back to Coruscant. Oh yes sometimes he loathed Luminara.
Just as his leg muscles flexed and he felt himself about to sprint through the temple to find her he heard Bant continue. "You are still showing some signs of fatigue," The Jedi healer mentioned while regarding the young knight scrupulously, "Obi-wan suggested I see you so you can have best convalescence regime put in place," she then offered a more sincere smile.
The words convalescence and regime were oxymoronic, Anakin thought bitterly. He thought about shoving Bant into the wall with the Force and telling her that he was prescribing his own convalescence regime which involved him getting as far away from the Temple as possible. He looked into her eyes they were violet colored but they were kind gentle eyes and he quelled his feelings releasing his anger and frustration into the Force. She was just doing as she had been requested. She merely wanted to help.
"I think with a few days rest and being away from Coruscant I'll do just find, Misstress healer," his tone was formal, but such formality was the only thing keeping him from pulling his lightsaber on her and demanding that she get out
Maybe Bant sensed the tension in Anakin's voice as he struggled to stay calm. Surely she could feel the hurt waves and the guilt that rolled off of him in floods. He wasn't doing a very good ob of shielding right now. Too many feelings and thoughts were tumbling through his weary mind. His anger at Luminara, his pain at Ahsoka's lost, annoyance with Bant, worry about his master who was worried about him, longing to get to his wife and anxious expectation to accompany the Chancellor on his goodwill cruise. Still Bant didn't bring up any of these things she merely looked over at a box Anakin had placed next to the meta bin that held the replicas. "Clothes?" Bant guessed. Anakin merely nodded and with that Bant went over and sorted through the outfits."What are you thinking of doing with these, Skywalker?" she asked hands still fingering the fine silk materials. "Some of these tunics seem as if they've been hardly warn," she continued pulling garments out and giving them the once over.
What was he thinking of doing with them? Anakin turned the question over in his mind twice. He knew what he wanted to do with them. He knew he wanted to hang them back up in the closet for Ahsoka. He wanted to pack them in a bag for her to take on their next mission. He would have loved to see her in the back of a cruiser stitching the hem of he Jedi cloak that had gotten torn in a blast, but none of those things were possibilities now,j so Anakin guessed he didn't care what became of the tunics. He expressed this as he shrugged his shoulders.
"I think there are some female padawans who might be able to make good use of these. Especially, some of the lesser worn ones," Bant suggested cheerfully holding up a long skirt. Ahsoka didn't much like long skirts. Anakin thought maybe she had worn it once when they attended some negotiation banquet.
Her eagerness to take Ahsoka's clothes and put them on another was inconceivable. The clothes were just standard utility, necessary items that shouldn't be wasted in the eyes of the healer. He realized then that he did care what happened with the garments. No, he wouldn't stand to see some docile padawan walk around in clothes that were not meant for them. What if another young Torgrta got them? What if he saw the youngling in the hall and for a split second forgot that Ahsoka was dead? Then he'd call out "Hey Snips!" and the child would keep walking. He'd run to catch up with the youngling and grab here eagerly by the shoulders. The girl would turn to face him and then he'd find the eyes of some strange padanwa staring back at him. One no doubt who would lack the fighter spirit and attitude that had endeared Snips to his heart. No. He couldn't go through that. With that realized an overwhelming desire to throw something at thr healer he had intruded into his room manifested. She was still looking at Ahsoka's clothes and he knew that she hadn't said those things to be cruel, she just thought that it was best. Maybe in the economy of things it was best, but that didn't make it right.
"I'll keep that in mind," Anakin replied his voice a whisper to keep from shouting. Bant nodded seemingly satisfied.
"Well how about breakfast?" she replied back eagerly and rubbed her palms together.
" I really have some things I need to be doing… like distributing these things to the appropriate places," Anakin explained tiredly.
" You have already taken you time in doing that, I doubt one more hour will matter now," she shrugged and sort of giggled.
" Bant if it's all the same to you," Anakin began his voice elevating slightly.
"Well that's just the point Skywalker it isn't all the same to me," she retorted sharply and placed her hands on her hips. "Now I really must insist," she pointed a finger at him.
"On what grounds," he thundered while clenching his fist.
"On the grounds of being a healer," Bant offered, that didn't do much. Anakin blew breath out the side of his mouth and proceeded to walk past her, boxes in hand.
"on the grounds of being you friend," bant spoke softly, maybe too softly.. At first she thought that maybe anakin hadn't even heard her say it, but then he stopped and rested his hand on the post of the door, but didn't turn around.
" Listen Bant," his voice was intense and yet there was an air of fragility to it.
"Come Anakin, " the pretty healer spoke as she crept behind him reaching her hand up to touch his shoulder. " Come on the grounds of my being hungry, alright," she turned around to face her and let out an exasperated sigh. This was a scenario he knew very well. When he was a padawan and Obi-wan wouldn't be able to take him on all the missions he would go on and so he'd ask one of his friends Garen, Bant one time Mace Windu to look after him.
Anakin turned around to her and snorted a laugh, he was greeted with a radiant smile. "Now you mustn't be that stubborn Skywalker that you can refuse a persons simple need for food,"
"Master Healer a Jedi should be above giving into such based desires," he joked back brgrudgingly.
" Well you can lecture me about the error of my ways over the meal," she laughed and tugged on his sleeve leading him out the door.
After breakfast Bant was fairly insistent that Anakin come with her to the Healers Ward to have a physical. Despite his protest that he felt fine, he ended up there. "You've dropped a few pounds," Bant responded as she typed his new measurements into the computer system.
"Is that a problem?" Anakin asked on edge holding on to the ledge of the examination table.
"Well we can't have one of our finest young knights out there on the battlefield all skin and bones can we?" she chuckled. Anakin was hardly skin and bones. "Well I'm sure a week on that goodwill cruise will put you back at your normal weight in no time. I hear they dine very well," she went on pleasantly. "Still," she interrupted Anakin Just as he was about to get off the table and get dressed, by holding out her hand, "I think you should take a few Force grain bars,"
Anakin rolled his eyes, "Bant I think I'm allergic to Force-grain bars,' Anakin said with a smirk.
"Not according to these records, Anakin and unless you want me to test all your allergies I suggest you take the bars," she said sternly. She grabbed a few out of a compartment in the examination room and passed them to him. "Also your reflexes are a little slow," she continued.
"My reflexes aren't slow!" he snapped.
"Calm yourself, Skywalker," the healer breathed as she placed a hand on his shoulder. " Your mouth reflex is in mint condition I see." The healer scolded him. "In comparison to the last time your health records were updated they are slow, but that is probably because of the great amount of stress you've been under. I think mostly what you need is rest. A few nights of uninterrupted sleep will do you good. I can give you sedative," she proposed. "Something mild to help you relax at night," she offered.
" No thanks" Anakin retorted gruffly.
"Well perhaps when you return back from the cruise we can discuss it further" Bant sighed.
"Perhaps," Anakin said under his breath while grabbing his robes and cloak and putting them back on his body. "Is their anything else Mistress Healer?" Anakin turned to her and asked.
"No Anakin I suppose not," She seemed hesitant to give that answer, but gave it none the less.
As if Bants intrusion into Anakin's solemn morning events hadn't been enough he was then bombarded by Master Windu. Who merely expressed his displeasure about the fact that Anakin was not remaining in the Temple. He insisted that before Anakin depart he look over some of the more battered cruisers. Anakin worked on them begrudgingly. One of them happened to be the cruiser he and Luminara had taken when looking for their imprisoned padawans. That worthless slow piece of junk didn't deserved to be salvaged. If only its hyperspace drive hadn't been jammed maybe they could have gotten to Ahsoka a little soon…maybe. Anakin quieted himself exhaled and left the cruiser in the condition it was. He didn't care if it was blown up. He Parted with Ahsoka's things slowly and painfully after that. He desperately wanted to get away from the temple. Get away from this work that was his duty and caused him so much pain. Of course, when his escape attempt to find solace in his wife's arm was almost complete Master Yoda found him. Yoda offered to meditate with Anakin. Anakin had no interest in meditiation and meditating with Yoda was not something that took an hour or even two, but sometimes five. It took all that was within the young night not to fall asleep as he and the Grand Master of the Jedi Order set ina very small private meditation chamber for five hours.
