AN: This is a very short chapter but people who read my fanfictions regularly will know that I detest starter chapters though this one was quite fun to write. I know I haven't been writing for a while but a gigantic rhino stole my laptop and sent it cascading down the windy rapids of the north and it floated back to me only this morning when I was standing on Blackpool pier admiring two seagulls as the waltzed in pink and blue party frocks i.e. I have been too lazy to update any of my chapters. Enjoy this new ff and please review!

Chapter One

Bella and Edward lay snuggled up in Bella's tiny single bed one Friday night. Edward hands encircled Bella waist and his head was buried into her hair. Bella sighed, she was in heaven.

Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. The strange sound reverberated through the small room. Edward frowned. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. Bella bit her lip, trying to pretend that she hadn't heard it, Edward chuckled.

"Sounds like someone's hungry." He squeezed her and Bella let out a squeak.

"No I'm not." Edward squeezed her again and there was another gurgling chorus.

"I'll go get you something." Bella clutched at his shirt, trying to hold him back; she didn't want the perfect moment to be spoiled. Edward smiled again, removing her hands, and proceeded out of the door. Bella smiled to herself and snuggled into her pillow; she was actually quite hungry.

Meanwhile downstairs Edward popped a piece of white bread in the toaster (he had watched Bella do this a thousand times) and opened a cupboard above him. He stared in, hoping to find something familiar to flavour the toast with. Strawberry Jam? Marmalade? What the hell were these things? He sighed and pulled out a jar from the very back of the cupboard. If he had read the label he would have seen that it read "Charlie's chutney." though even if he had it probably would not have saved Bella from her fate. A minute later the toast sprung out and landed neatly on the plate Edward held out for it and he happily began to spread copious amounts of "Charlie's Chutney" on it without a care in the world. A minute later he present Bella with the plate and she took it happily while he sprung back into bed with her. She sniffed at the substance on the bread.

"Edward what is this?" she asked him, he looked up, casting his mind back to the labels on the hundreds of jars.

"Er. . .Marmeljam." he said hesitantly, Bella smiled and took a bite.

The moment Bella took a bite she screamed. Edward's hand flew to him mouth immediately, jolting Bella and causing the toast to fly through the air and hit the ceiling with a splat and stay there. Bella and Edward gazed up at and shrugged, snuggling back down together. Bella didn't know what made her scream, neither did Edward come to think of it but they both pretended quite happily that it hadn't happened. Bella swallowed he mouthful of the foul mixture which tasted of a mixture of off-milk and ginger, if you can imagine that sensation.

Edward closed his eyes, wondering about humans and food and screaming and such related topics. After about fifteen minutes when his thoughts had flowed into "Why does Carlisle hang one painting up-side-down in his study?" he opened his eyes to ask Bella the question and he nearly screamed. She was gone.

"Bella?" he half screamed half whispered into the silent house, there was no reply. Edward ran his fingers through his hair frantically, he stared under the bed, he opened the wardrobe, he ran at lightning speed through every room in the house upturning hem in turn but to now avail.

"You lost her?" Edward flinched, Alice looked even more scary than the time Edward had told her that Jasper had dyed his hair black and travelled halfway across the country to go to a concert on they're anniversary. I have to point out that it was to save a certain someone (I think you can guess who) from being forced to move to Manchester, but that's another story.

"I can't believe you lost her!" Alice rung her hands and tore at her already miniscule skirt.

"Calm down Alice." Jasper said.

"I WILL CERTAINly not calm down." She trailed off and Jasper winked at Edward. Edward did not return the wink but buried his head into the back of the sofa.

Bella meanwhile was not as Alice would put it "lost" ; she was sitting right where Edward left her, although her hair now would put Russell Brand to shame and she had a large bruise on her left cheek where Edward's finger had it her as he had been ravishing the bed. Oh and I should point out something else, she was now the height of a person's thumb.