Letters from Paris
Dear Holly J,
Hi, it's me, Mia. Honestly I have no idea why I'm writing this letter or why I didn't just pick up the phone and call you. I do know why, actually. I pussied out at the last second. The phone is on my nightstand and I keep side-glancing over to it while I write this. I know it's selfish of me but I can't hear your voice right now. I'm afraid the cruel, mocking edge will be overshadowed by a tired lilt. Holly J, I could never stand to hear you like that, I could never make little pleasantries with you while I knew you were in a hospital bed. Besides, "pleasant" never really clicked with us. Anyway, and wow am I getting off track, I've enclosed a dvd of "Mamma Mia" with this weird, awkward letter. I know you like the movie, and I know you like to make fun of me… so, it seemed perfect. Due to the quality of the French mailmen, you may be out of that dreaded hospital before this arrives. But if you're not then, this gift is perfect. Anyway, feel better!
Mia Jones
Dear Mamma Mia,
You really should stop doing generous things; you're making me look bad. Thanks for the DVD, now I have two copies of it, which is never a bad thing. I would have enjoyed your phone call, and hopefully you will eventually call, because the phrase "pussied out" is pretty horrible and crass. Anyway, the hospital is very nice but boring, so I hope to continue our correspondence, there's nothing to do here. I showed Sav your letter, and he says hello to you and Izzie. Sav and I are dating now so, I win. Funny, right? Even Anya thought so, so don't' pull the bad friend card on me. Speaking of Anya, she's doing alright. Very clumsy though, she sometimes falls nose first into cocaine. You have some experience with that, don't you? Thanks again for writing, Juno.
Holly J Sinclair
Dear Ginger Virus,
Fast little writer, aren't we? With sloppy penmanship at that. I had already heard the Sav/Holly J saga from Anya, but the coke part is new. Bringing up Peter and the meth, though? Low-blow, which means a lot coming from you. Who's next? J.T, Danny? Well, Danny can be next, I don't really care. Shall I bring up Blue or Spinner or Declan? The point being, I'm glad you still have enough venom in you to verbally berate me at any and all given opportunities. Fingers crossed about the transplant and remember you have a friend (kind of) in Europe worrying (kind of) about you.
By the way, "thanks again for writing" implies that you thanked me more than once. You didn't.
Mia Jones
Dear Cankles,
So the French are teaching you how to be rude, I see. You actually got in some adequate digs. Vast improvement from the old days, I seem to recall you giving up and walking away more often than not. Speaking of good ol' Spin, guess who he married? No, not Paige, not Manny, not Darcy, not Jane, but Emma Nelson. Yeah, you read that right. Jane was heartbroken. Did I mention that we became best friends after you left? It's almost like I was living the exact life you always wanted, right down to the kidney disease. Wait, no, that's the part I wanted you to have. Sorry, got confused there for a second. Glad to see you're still the poster child for a Pollyanna, despite the cellulite. Write back! Or don't, I could care less.
Holly J Sinclair
Dear Dragon Lady,
Do you ever take day off? Of course you don't, you're Holly J Sinclair. Somehow you've changed from the Power Squad dictator bitch who plagiarizes to the straight A Yale bound... patient. Yet, my face is still on billboards. It's nice to see you still have your sense of humor. Seriously, though, who did Spinner marry? As for the Pollyanna comment, you can get away with a lot of crap too. How's Heather anyway, still a plastic bimbo who's still better than you no matter what you do? I thought so. Izzie says hi to the ginger skank, by the way.
Mia Jones
Dear Pollyanna,
"Skank?" You taught your daughter the word "skank?" Great parenting. Say, how's Lucas doing anyway? Remember that time I told you that you could do better? I guess that's kind of true if having nobody is better than Lucas. Oh, what about Tom Blake? Yeah, I'm not all bark and no bite. But you remember that, right? The first time you kissed a girl wasn't at that party you and Leia went to. Salutations, slut.
Holly J Sinclair
Dear Bitch,
So the claws come out. I was waiting for you mention that night. It meant nothing though. Really. That's why we forgot about it, it's also why I can't look at chocolate syrup without giggling. I was looking at my calendar today, and noticed that your surgery is today. Don't die in there, brat.
Mia Jones
Dear Holly J,
It's been three weeks, hoping to hear from you soon. (Kind of).
Mia Jones
Dear Holly J,
I'm starting to think that I offended you with all that talk of that one night sophomore year meaning nothing. It meant something to me.
Mia Jones
Dear Holly J,
So it's been a month, and no word from you. I've been busy and unable to contact anyone else from Degrassi. Update me soon, loser.
Mia Jones
Holly Holly Holly Holly.
I'm calling you Holly until you call me back.
Mia Jones (Who else?)
Dear Princess Jones,
I really enjoyed my short stay in Paris with you. Your apartment is lovely and Izzie is so huge now! You might want to monitor that, by the way. I'm sorry I dropped off the face of the Earth for a while but I didn't want to be tired when I saw you. Also, I wanted it to be a surprise. I don't know how I can ever repay you for last weekend, or for the rest of my life. Yeah, I figured out you donated your kidney for me. That meant something to me, regardless of where we stand.
Love, Holly J Sinclair
PS- Your spray tan is running.
