STAR DREK: the Final Degeneration

Episode 1: In very deep shit and getting in deeper!

This begins in space, somewhere far from earth. In this part of the galaxy, the planets, stars and other things have not yet been "polluted" with the "crap" that comes from the Terrans and other species.

Everything is quiet, no wait... over there! With a flash of light a wormhole, er, excuse me a germhole opens and out of it there drops a ... miserable excuse for a space ship.

From the inside you can hear sounds of someone cursing the day he was born. Then this individual says: "I told you not to press that button until I said so!" "But captain," says his luitenant-commander,"It would have worked if a certain someone," glaring at a tall dark individual," hadn't passed gas at that exact moment!" The captain sighs and says: "Well it's no use arguing about it. Let's just try to find out how to get back to where we were, before this shit happened." "Um, captain, shouldn't we find out where we are first?" askes the chief engineer Georgie la Fart.

(Then the music begins: "Star-trekking across the universe, boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse..." "Cut it out! Where's the dude in charge of the sound and music effects?" "He went to the mens room, sir." "Oh,crap!" "Precisely, sir.")

"These are the misadventures of the crew of the U.S.S. Traumatized."

After the opening scene we continue...

Captain Richard du Merde: "Well, does anyone have a clue as to where we are?"

Lieutenant-commander Hades: "From the looks of it captain, we must be far from the known universe, indeed."

Captain du Merde: "How do you know that?"

Lieutenant-commander Hades: "It's all speculation of course, but, if you look outside, you will see that there's hardly any pollution at all."

Captain du Merde: "Hmm, yes that is odd, very odd. Well, what do the instruments tell you?"

Chief of Engineer Georgie la Fart: "Sorry to interrupt captain but, one of the dry-shitium crystals has blown! The others have been drained to half their capacity!"

Captain du Merde: "Do you think we can make it back to 'known' space?"

Georgie la Fart: "We could try, I suppose but, with one of the crystals shot, I'm not sure we could survive the jump!"

Captain du Merde: "Ah, crap! Do you suggest an alternative that we can take then?"

Georgie la Fart: "I'll have one for you if I know where exactly we are."

Captain du Merde: "Do you have any idea's luitenant-commander Hades?"

Hades: "The instruments can tell us nothing much captain but, there is an F-class planet nearby!"

Captain: "Are there any sentinent beings on the planet?"

Hades: "I am detecting life-forms, but if they are an intelligent life-form, is yet to be determined."

Captain"Do they have what we need to repair the U.S.S. Traumatized?"

Hades: "It looks like it, but captain, if they are an intelligent life-form we cannot simply go and get it; you know what the rules state. Particularly Rule Nr. 1!"

Captain: "Yes, I know; do not get involved in the other cultures shit, but this time we have no choice. La Fart, do we have enough power to get to that planet?"

Georgie: "Yes, captain, however if we hang in orbit around the planet, we can only stream two people down there!"

Hades: "And if these readings are correct, you will have to be very close to the atmospheric shielding to do it."

Georgie: "Because of this, I would advise the team to leave their weapons behind. They will be streamed down after the surface has been reached."

Captain: "No, we will have to take a shuttle down with about five crew members. This way we can take our weapons and some supplies along."

Hades: "Then you can get the material we need and stream it up!"

Captain: "That's exactly what I was planning to do. Now get us there!"

End of part 1

See you next time when the shit really hits the fan!